The Next Adventure
by IndigoWerewolf
Summary: South Park is in chaos. Cats are missing. And now a new game has begun, one that has already turned into reality. In order to save her friends and family from the clutches of evil, Dova must adopt a new identity and take on the mantle of the hero once again, and in doing so she will discover more about herself and South Park than she ever imagined. Rated M, don't like don't read.
1. The First Day

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with my newest story, The Next Adventure, based off of South Park: The Fractured But Whole. Before we start, I just want to say that I LOVED this game. That said, it's also pretty fucked up. Major spoilers ahead. I do not own South Park, let's read!

"What has become of this city? There used to be laws. Justice. Not anymore. Crime is out of control. Cats are missing. And townspeople are being victimized. We were supposed to protect those who couldn't protect themselves. Now superheroes are torn apart by political differences. We are two sides, at war. But war isn't going to save our city. Time travel is my only hope now. Myths tell of ancient times. When a New King united a kingdom, torn apart by a powerful stick. Shut up, Mom! There's no time to waste. I have to go back. Change the present if I can. And find this cat. And in doing so… Maybe I can change what has happened… to all of us."

It's been a month since the Stick of Truth was thrown into Stark's Pond, and things have changed a lot since then. I had finally managed to comb my unruly blue hair into a style my Mom called the Peacock, and my glasses had broken while we were playing baseball, so I got a new pair that are more square and that had the frames at more of an angle.

I was also currently on the toilet. The guys and I had tried to move on from the Stick of Truth game, but a bunch of other kids weren't happy about that and kept demanding that we play with them, so we eventually caved and agreed to, and I was taking a bathroom break while the others fought outside. I had traded in my old armor for a simple purple shirt and a teal cape and gloves with blue pants along with a gold-colored crown. Once I finished doing what I needed to do, I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and cleaned up, then hopped up off of the toilet and flushed it.

I opened a cabinet and took some scrap before exiting the bathroom to see my parents arguing. "We should be happy that she's made friends in this town so quickly!" Mom said to Dad sternly, who retorted with, "We came here to hide! More friends just means more trouble!"

"You're being paranoid! You need to lay off that stuff! It's changing you!" She told Dad, who rolled his eyes and told her with an exasperated tone, "Oh, LAY OFF! It's the one thing that helps me relax from your stupid shit! Oh, hey whippersnapper!"

The last sentence was directed at me, since he had just noticed me standing there. "Didn't see you there." He told me, and I sarcastically thought to myself, 'Yeah, apparently.' "Your friends are downstairs, kiddo! Get out there and play!" Mom told me before they both laughed awkwardly, Mom going downstairs and Dad walking into their room. I peeked through the keyhole to see that Dad was grumbling to himself on the bed.

Suddenly, he looked around fearfully before reaching into his nightstand and taking out a small wooden box. He opened it and pulled out something wrapped in wax paper, which he unwrapped and started eating, revealing it as a pot brownie. I sighed and turned away from the door with a disappointed look on my face. Dad really had been trying to connect with me before he started doing weed. Now he's just stoned 24/7, and I wouldn't mind it if he at least did it in moderation, but he doesn't even seem to know the meaning of the word.

I decided to deal with it later and looted the hallway and then my room, which I had decorated with some mementos of my Stick of Truth adventures. With that done, I went downstairs to hear Mom crying in the kitchen. I looted the living room but decided to give Mom some privacy and left, pausing for a moment and taking a deep breath before I opened the front door.

Kyle and Butters were waiting for me outside, and Kyle told me, "My lady! The filthy Moorish are attempting to overtake Kupa Keep!" He then ran off, and Butters told me, "You gotta come fight, my liege. You're our only hope!" He ran off after Kyle, and I followed them to see a huge brawl unfolding in the street with elves and humans attacking Moorish, which were really just kids in bicycle helmets that had fake horns taped onto them.

Just then, two Moorish ran up to us, and I hit one of them to gain Combat Advantage before we each took our places in our new grid-like combat field. Walking up to the closest one, I quickly hit him with a three-punch combo attack, defeating him and knocking him back into his ally, doing a moderate amount of damage. The remaining Moorish came up to me and hit me a few times with his sword, barely doing any damage as Kyle exclaimed, "Our Queen is undefeatable!"

I defeated the second enemy with the same combo from before, but as he ran off, he exclaimed, "We can't stop her! Ready the Guards of the Dark Court!" I looked in the direction he had just left with a combat ready stance and a determined look on my face as Kyle said, "Wow! Did you see that! The Queen's amazing!" "Her powers are unparalleled!" Butters said as they walked further down the street.

I followed the two of them to find that three more Moorish were waiting for us, these ones far more well-equipped than the last. I punched the one in the lead and the battle began with me going first. One of them was confused by this, saying, "Hey what? I'm supposed to go first." Kyle told him in response, "Nuh-uh, the Queen got Combat Advantage, she gets to go first!"

I started off the battle with a Fart attack, blowing the two in the rows on either side of mine backwards with the powerful flatulence and putting them in the same column as one of their allies. "Oh the humanity!" Butters muttered, and Kyle told him, "It's fine, they're the bad guys." "Oh yeah. Go Queen!" Butters exclaimed as one of the Moorish came up and hit me with an axe that he had made out of a stop sign.

The two I had hit before came up on either side of him, and I had to wonder whether they were having trouble remembering the combat grid we had set up or had just forgotten my last attack. Unfortunately however, that attack had a cooldown of one turn, so I simply used my Punch attack to knock the middle Moorish into the back of the grid as he exclaimed, "Their Queen's too powerful!"

He immediately advanced one space before the one in the top row came down to the middle and attacked me with another axe, this one made out of a crosswalk sign. "Our Queen shrugs off your puny blows!" Kyle told them before the last Moorish moved into my column. I used Punch to knock the one in front of me back into his ally, defeating both of them with one move as Butters told me, "Great smiting, Queen!"

The last Moorish moved into the column behind me, but I wasn't deterred that easily, and I moved into the bottom row and turned to face him before defeating him with the same Punch attack that I had used on the others. Not wasting any time, Kyle told me, "Good job." As he and Butters went down the street some more, Butters telling me, "Let's go. We've got to get to Cartman's house." The three of us went up to his front door to see that two more Moorish were waiting on his front step in front of a pile of red Lego bricks. As the three of us approached, Kyle told them, "Stand aside or die! We're going through that door!"

One of them told us, "You can't." And Kyle asked him, "Oh yeah? Why not?" The other one then told him as he pointed to the Legos, "Because everything in front of here is lava!" Surprised, Kyle asked him, "Oh, dude, no way. All of that is lava?!" Pointing from one side of the Lego pile to the other, the first Moorish told him, "Yup, everything from here to here is lava. You can't cross it!" The two then went inside to do who knows what.

"SHIT!" Kyle cursed as Craig came up to us and said, "Come on, let's get inside!" "We can't. They're saying everything in front of the door is lava." Kyle told him. "Oh, that's not fair!" The thief complained. Butters then turned to me and asked, "What do we do, my Queen?" I then took a quick look around before telling them in a soft and quiet voice, "If we can get over the fence, one of us can open the door into the yard and let the rest of us in that way."

My voice was not strong after not being able to use it for my entire life, unsurprisingly, so I couldn't talk too much or too loudly yet without my throat hurting. This combined with a habit of staying silent led me to communicate verbally as little as possible, talking quietly if I need to and texting or turning to Facebook when I don't. Not having heard me, one of the Moorish told us, "What do you do now? You die! Release the dragon!"

I sighed in exasperation. None of us wanted what happened with the Stick of Truth to happen again, so we tried not to put too much into this game, but occasionally we still went overboard. Like with the dragon. Two Moorish wheeled it out of Butters' garage and into the street as Kyle exclaimed, "A dragon?!" It was just a series of boxes colored and taped together on top of a wagon to look like a real dragon, but I could swear I had seen it breathe real fire once or twice. Two more Moorish stood inside to attack, towering over everyone else on the battlefield.

I didn't have Combat Advantage, so the Dragon went first. One of the Moorish on top shot an arrow at me, hitting me in the face and making me blink at the attack as I staggered in place. "Oh man." Butters muttered at the assault, and I moved into the middle row as I took my place in front of the column in front of me, using Fart to defeat both of the Moorish on the ground at once and knocking one of them into the Dragon, dealing it some damage. "Wow, did she just fart on a dragon?" Craig asked, and I thought to myself, 'Technically no.'

Butters however, exclaimed, "Heck yeah, she did." As the Dragon's head started to shake and smoke started to come from its mouth. I remembered that the flame attack hit two columns in front of the Dragon and moved back to the third before ending my turn. Suddenly, the Dragon spat flames from the box that was supposed to be its head, and Kyle told the Moorish on top, "Hah, our Queen dodged it!" "Ah, dammit." One of them cursed.

Kyle then told them, "Ok, if you get your Fire Breath attack, our Queen gets her Hammer of Heavenly Reign! You can't stop the Que-CAR!" Hearing Kyle's last word, I moved out of the street as two Moorish moved the Dragon onto the sidewalk. I checked my phone as the car went by, its driver yelling, "Stay outta the street! Damn kids."

The car passed us and turned down the street, and the battle resumed as we retook our places and Kyle yelled, "Clear!" Once the Dragon was back in place, Kyle yelled, "As I was saying: You can't stop the Queen! She is all powerful!" Walking up to the Dragon, I demonstrated this as a huge golden hammer appeared over my head surrounded by a blue and green aura, and I smashed it down onto the Dragon, destroying it and sending the Moorish sprawling to the ground. "DRAGON SLAYER!" Kyle exclaimed.

All around us, the Moorish were in shock, and one of them muttered, "Oh my god, she defeated the Dragon!" "No friggin way. That kid's amazing!" Another one of them said as they all scattered. I sighed with relief and started looking around for a way to get over Cartman's fence. Looking to Butters' garage, I saw that the hatch to its roof was open, and that the ladder was resting on some boxes covered with a black tarp. I quickly destroyed a box with a dragon egg drawn on it and dragged a step ladder over to the space where it had sat.

Kyle, Butters and Craig all clapped and commented on what a skillful warrior I was. Meanwhile, I went up the step ladder and climbed the actual ladder up to the roof of Butters' garage. I carefully made my way up to the other side of the roof, where I paused for a moment before sliding down and flipping over into Cartman's backyard. I then unlatched the fence door and let the others in before we went up to the castle in the back. I saw that the backyard was deserted except for Jimmy and three Moorish, two of which were holding him and one was pacing in front of the others and asking, "Speak, Bard! What happened to the Stick of Truth?!"

"The wizard had it thrown into the ocean!" Jimmy replied, and the Moorish not holding him said, "LIES! You shall feel the wrath of the Moorish!" "Unhand him, you heathens!" Kyle exclaimed as we walked up to the four. "Release the Bard or you'll have the Queen to deal with!" He told them as he pointed to me for emphasis. "The Queen!" One of the Moorish holding Jimmy said, and the other one told him, "They say she can slay a dragon with one blow!"

"That's right! And if you don't- Wait, wait, whoa… Where is the wizard?" Kyle asked. Looking around the yard, I didn't see Cartman anywhere, which is weird since he was supposed to be guarding Kupa Keep with Jimmy. Speaking of, the bardic boy remarked, "Uh, I thought he was with you guys." "No, we got a distress signal to come help him here." Clyde replied.

Just then Cartman, who was dressed in a weird-looking raccoon costume, leaped out from somewhere beside us. "THE WIZARD IS GONE!" He told us, and continued, "My name is the Coon! I'm from the future!" "Dude, we said we're not playing that anymore." Craig told him, and Clyde asked him, "Yeah, we're all split up. What's the point?"

"THIS IS THE POINT!" Cartman replied, and pulled a poster of a really fat and old cat named Scrambles that promised $100 to whoever found him. "In my time there is a massive crime wave and missing cats! I knew my only hope was to assemble the team." He told us.

"Hey, you can't just switch games like this- Where is the Stick of Truth?" The Moorish that wasn't holding Jimmy asked him. Cartman then replied without his dramatic voice, "Shut up, Kevin. This isn't about some dumb stick! There's a cat in trouble and it's the key to finding the crime syndicate new to our town! In the future."

'There has been a lot of missing cats lately. And there's a bunch of other shady stuff going on too. Maybe I should try and help them.' I thought to myself. "Crime syndicate? That… that sounds too heavy for Coon and Friends." Clyde commented. "Well what do you want, Clyde? You want the fucking Freedom Pals to find the missing cat, get the hundred dollar reward, and make their superhero franchise more popular?!" Cartman asked him.

'Franchise?' I thought to myself, raising my eyebrow. "Fuck the Freedom Pals, dude." Kyle said, to which Cartman replied, "That's right." Just then, Mrs. Cartman opened the sliding glass door and told us all, "Poopsykins. There's a loud ringing coming from your basement playroom." Cartman had a shocked look on his face as he muttered, "The Coon alert." He then went inside his house as he told Kyle, Clyde, Jimmy and Craig, "Come on, Coon Friends, go get your stuff and report back to the Coon Lair! In the future."

Craig, Clyde, Jimmy and Kyle all started to take off their fantasy costumes and walk towards their houses as Jimmy said, "COON AND FRIENDS ASSEMBLE!" And walked away from the Moorish. Cartman quickly told us, "Sorry guys, you can't play with us. We're playing superheroes now, aaand you guys are dorks."

And just like that, our game ended and I was left alone with the Moorish. Thoroughly confused at this point, I walked through the kitchen as Mrs. Cartman told me that the others were down in Cartman's basement. When I went up to the door however, it was locked and there was a keypad with various swear words taped onto the numbers. Mrs. Cartman then poked her head in from the kitchen and said, "Oh, did you get locked out? I'm afraid little Eric put a lock on the door to keep me out. I'm sure he has the passcode written down here somewhere…"

She then went back into the kitchen, and I went upstairs to Cartman's room as I wondered just what went on in his head. Walking around his room, I noticed a red notebook behind a cracked lamp, so I moved the broken light fixture out of the way and saw that it was hiding Cartman's journal, which he had spelled wrong on the cover. Opening it to the first page, I saw a badly drawn picture of Craig fucking Butters in the ass. Stifling laughter, I turned the page to see two more drawings on the third and fourth pages, one of Butters fucking Kyle's mom and one of Kyle fucking himself. Barely managing not to laugh now, I turned the page to see that he had one last drawing, this one of Butters jizzing in Kyle's mouth.

I burst out laughing at the last picture, completely failing to keep myself composed as I dropped the journal. Once I was done, I picked the journal up and opened the little flaps of paper on the last page to see that the passcode was "FukYouMom." I closed the flaps and took pictures of all of his drawings along with the front cover for future blackmail and replaced it before going back downstairs.

Seeing that Mrs. Cartman was talking with a police officer over the phone about the "lava" on her front step, I went over to the keypad on the basement and entered the code. The door opened and I walked halfway down the steps to see that all of the guys were sitting at a big table, and Clyde, who was dressed in a weird mosquito costume, was saying, "Maybe we should go down to Raisins and see if the waitresses know anything."

Cartman then replied, "That's not enough, Mosquito. We have to act fast before the Freedom Pals can!" He then pulled the same cat picture out of his pocket and asked Craig, Jimmy, Clyde, and someone I didn't recognize through their costume that had a kite on their back, "A hundred-dollar reward. Do you know what that could mean to our superhero franchise?" The one with the kite on his back, who I recognized from the voice as Kyle, pointed out, "That cat looks pretty old. Maybe it just died in the gutter somewhere."

Cartman then told him, "Human Kite, do I have to remind that as of right now Freedom Pals have a hundred followers on Instagram?! We have six! The five of us and Billy Turner, who's a ginger. THIS is the key to finally beating those fuckers!" Jimmy then asked him, "But where do we start looking? That cat could be anywhere."

Cartman got out of his chair and told the group, "We need to split up. Mosquito, take to the air and check out all the city parks." "You got it! Mosquito away!" Clyde told him, and then he ran up the stairs while I moved aside to let him pass. "Human Kite, see if the cat is stuck up a tree somewhere. You've got the storm drains, Super Craig." Cartman told the two boys, and they both left while Craig exclaimed, "Super Craig!" And Kyle made whooshing sounds with his mouth

He then went up to Jimmy and told him, "Fastpass, I need you to use your superhuman speed to get to the Mayor's Office and tell her we're on the case." "Don't worry Coon, you can count on Fastpass to get there fast." Jimmy told him, stuttering for a moment and looking like he would fall over before following the others. He said, "Excuse me." While he went past me, and I walked down the stairs and went over to Cartman to ask him, "What are you guys doing?"

Cartman didn't even look over his shoulder from the fake keyboard he was typing at as he told me, "We're playing superheroes." I waited for a moment for more of a response, and after he didn't say anything else, I awkwardly asked him, "Well, can I play?" "No." He told me with no hesitation.

"Why not?" I asked with my eyebrow raised. "Because girls don't make good superheroes." He told me, this time actually looking at me over his shoulder before he went back to his fake typing. A little indignantly, I asked him, "What the fuck, Cartman? You practically begged me to play your last game, and I was a girl then and did just fine." Cartman sighed and turned to face me before telling me, "Look, we've been playing this for months. We can't just add a new character out of nowhere."

"That's exactly what you did with the Stick of Truth game." I told him, and his eyes darted around for a moment as he tried to come up with another reason why I couldn't play before sighing and telling me, "Alright you, can watch us play superheroes, as long as you don't get in the way. Make yourself useful and bring me the Stafernisky device."

"The what?" I asked him, having no idea what he was talking about. He rolled his eyes and told me, "Use Inspection Mode! Jesus Christ." I was still lost until I felt a buzzing in my eyes, and I rubbed them to clear it. When I opened my eyes again, I saw that everything was tinged blue, and that there was a blue exclamation mark over one of those pairs of goggles that let someone view different pictures. The blue tint faded away, and I found that I could turn it off and back on by focusing on my eyes. Taking off my glasses, I saw that they weren't the cause and put them back on, then picked up the Stafernisky device and gave it to Cartman.

As I handed him the Stafernisky device, Cartman said, "Well, that took long enough." He then put the goggles up to his eyes and said, "Stafernisky device active." And then flipped through the slides while he made beeping noises. He then put it away before he asked me, "You really wanna be a superhero, huh? Play with the big boys?" He looked to me for a moment before muttering, "Well, well, maybe… MAYBE you can be useful. Have a seat at the table, Douchebag."

He then sat at the seat he had occupied before, and I took the one on the opposite end. "All right, in order to play superheroes… You have to have a superhero persona. Then, you can fill out your character sheet on Coonstagram. Do you have a Coonstagram page?" He asked me. "I don't know what that is." I told him simply. "Oh boy, you're not even on Coonstagram, huh? Well, I guess I can create one for you… Fuckin' unbelievable… Let's see. Go ahead and download the app, it's on the app store." He told me.

I downloaded the app he told me about while he typed on his iPad and got a Coonstagram page set up, and I saw that it was just like Instagram but with a more raccoon-like logo. "Okay, now you need to select a superhero class. You know, what kind of superhero are you, what are your powers? Since you're a newbie, you can only choose between three for now." He told me as he held up his iPad to show me three different hero classes.

"You do realize that I actually have super powers, right Cartman?" I asked him, and he replied, "Yeah but they don't work with any of the classes. Just pick one, dude." I shrugged and picked Blaster, figuring that fire powers would be easy for me since I had already used them in our last game. Cartman then told me, "OK, Douchebag, but now… We need to find out what terrible thing in your past drives you." He put his feet up on the table and told me, "You see, Douche, all superheroes have a compelling backstory. It's from that backstory that their powers gain meaning."

"My grandfather locked me up in a lab and experimented on and tortured me for six months straight." I pointed out. Cartman looked surprised for a moment before he told me, "Yeah, but… but that JUST happened, right? Like… like a couple months ago. Superhero backstories have to be like… like years ago." I shrugged and asked him, "Okay, then what do you suggest?" He then sat up straight and pulled a few sheets of paper out of his pocket, telling me, "I'm glad you asked. Let's take you back to when you were just a child…"

He then went through a little comic he had made that featured a six year old me fighting off home invaders with my various Blaster powers, which culminated with me going into my parents' room as Cartman narrated, "And so you beat them! All seemed to be ok, but then you reached your parents' door. And what you saw when you opened that door changed your life forever and led you to fighting crime. You were too late. Because when you opened that door you saw… You saw your dad… fuck your mom."

I had a confused look on my face as he put the comic away and said, "Wow, that's a pretty heavy backstory. You fight crime because you never forgot the night you weren't in time… And you saw your own father… The man you trusted… Fuck your mom. It's like a ripple in time you can't ever change, isn't it?" He then moved on, and I realized that I was dressed in black pants, a grey helmet with green eyepieces, a black shirt with flame designs and wings colored like flames on it, and two cans of hairspray taped to my wrists.

"All right, now that you're a superhero, I have a mission for you. I need you to go out into the town and try to get as many followers as you can on Coonstagram. It's the only way our franchise will survive." He told me, and I jumped down from my chair and looked at my hand as I concentrated, wanting to check something. Sure enough, a ball of fire appeared in my palm, and I thought to myself, 'Looks like this game is already real. Cartman DID say that they had been playing for months. But why does that story he told sound… familiar?' I couldn't shake a strange feeling of déjà vu at Cartman's comic, even though I knew that if something like that _had_ happened, there was no way that he could know about it.

I shook it off and went upstairs to loot Cartman's house of scrap before leaving the house, seeing that Mrs. Cartman was sweeping away all of the "lava" the others had left on her step. Looking around, I used Inspection Mode to see that an elderly woman and a Moorish nearby both had camera icons over their heads, which according to Cartman meant I could take selfies with them to get them to follow me on Coonstagram. I went up to the woman and pulled up Coonstagram on my phone, silently asking for a selfie, which she agreed to. Once I had taken the picture, I saw that her name was Mrs. Farnickle. She then told me she would see me on the Internet before walking off.

I opened Coonstagram to see the selfie I just posted and saw that Cartman had dubbed me, "The Amazing Butthole." And I honestly couldn't tell if it was an improvement over Douchebag or not. I requested a selfie with the Moorish nearby, but was told that I didn't have enough followers, so I looted the mailbox and garage and moved on down the street towards Butters' house. Another Moorish turned me down for having too few followers by Butters' garage, and I kept moving since it was locked. Another Moorish that was cleaning up sand turned down a selfie before I got to my house, where I saw that the mailman was having trouble with our mailbox.

I hit the mailbox to unjam it and took a selfie with the mailman, then another one with a Moorish at the end of the street. I then took another selfie with Kevin Stoley before Cartman called me on FaceTime to tell me, "Nice work Douchebag, you're gaining followers pretty fast. I'm still having trouble reaching some of the Coon Friends though. You might wanna see what's going on."

I opened the Map function on my phone to see that I had two missions, one to talk to Craig at his house and one to meet Kyle. I decided to meet with Kyle since he was closer and set off down the street, stopping to take a selfie with the Moorish that was outside Butters' house. I then went inside to take selfies with Mr. and Mrs. Stotch and to loot the house of scrap before moving on, walking down the street to see Randy Marsh buffing a bunch of key marks out of Sharon's car.

As I approached, he looked down to me and asked, "Hey kid, do you know anything about this? Somebody is keying my wife's car at night." He looked from me to the car before continuing, "It's happening EVERY night. I thought it was just one of you damn kids but, well… Here, come take a look at this." He then walked into his garage as he waved for me to follow him, which I did as he opened the garage and told me, "Whoever is scratching the car is also leaving notes."

Randy held up a sheet of papers as he said, "I'm just scared it's a… jilted lover or something." He then read a few of the notes, reading out loud, "'You won't forget me THAT easy.' 'I thought we had something.' 'I'll tell the world about you, bitch.'" He then looked down to me and said, "Look, I'm sick of having to buff that shit out. If you can catch whoever's keying my wife's car tonight, I'll follow you on Coonstagram." Randy then pulled out a buffing tool as he told me, "Trust me: You want me as a follower-I'm a pretty big deal in this town."

Randy then started to buff out the scratches on Sharon's car, and I went into Stan's house to see his sister and grandfather in the living room. Shelly said she wouldn't follow me until I had more followers, but Grandad said he would follow me if I got him a condom. I then looted Stan's house of scrap, an Antidote crafting recipe, and Stan's superhero character sheet. Unfortunately, while I was looting Randy and Sharon's bedroom, I accidentally knocked my helmet off and got one of Sharon's bras tangled on my head. I tried in vain to remove it for a few minutes before giving up, deciding to just leave it until I had more time to try and get it off.

As I neared Kyle's house, Cartman called me on FaceTime and said, "Ah, I see you've made it to the Palace of the Clouds. That's home base to Human Kite. Perhaps you can find him inside…" He hung up and I looted Kyle's garage before going inside the house, then looted the kitchen and living room before I walked up to Kyle, who was looking up the stairs. Seeing me approach, he asked, "Who the hell are you?"

"It's me, Dova. You know, Douchebag." I told him, and he got an incredulous look on his face before yelling, "REALLY?! You sent a newbie to my distress call?! You're such a dick, Coon!" He walked a bit away from me as he told me, "Sorry, kid, but my problem is too big for a rookie. A few days ago… there was an anomaly in the universe. Another version of ME - the Human Kite from an alternate dimension – showed up here and is destroying everything. Right now it's upstairs, in my room. I don't think anything can stop it…"

"Look, Kyle-" I began, but was interrupted by him telling me, "Human Kite." "Human Kite." I corrected myself, and continued, "I don't know what's going on here, but Cartman sent me to help you. Can we please just get this over with so I can get to Craig?" Kyle looked down for a moment and muttered to himself, "Well, I can't just let him run around unchecked. I have to do something. All right, let's go."

With that, the two of us went up the stairs and went up to Kyle's room. "Human Kite from another universe is behind this door." He told me, and continued, "I can't fight him, for obvious reasons, you know – alternative-universe paradox shit. So, YOU are going to have to take him out. You've got to really kick his ass, dude, so that he wants to return back to HIS universe on the East Coast. You ready? All right, go get 'em!"

With that, he opened the door and we walked into his room to see his Cousin Kyle running in circles on the bed wearing a poorly-made imitation of Human Kite's costume. He was making whooshing noises with his mouth, and when he saw us, he exclaimed, "Oh hey Kyle. I'm baaaaack!" He jumped off of the bed and asked, "Who's your friend, did he come to play with us?" Human Kite then exclaimed, "All right, me from another universe! It is time for you to go back to your universe!"

Cousin Kyle then told him, "What do you mean, Kyle? We're a team, remember? I'm not from another universe; we're like best super pals!" Kite then told me, "As you can see, he is the one running around giving the Human Kite a bad name. He was sent here to destroy me and weaken my powers." Cousin Kyle then corrected him, saying, "No, no, I came to spend two weeks with my cousin and wanted to play superheroes! And then he said, 'Okay, what superhero do you want to be?' And I said 'I want to be Human Kite.' But he said, 'You can't be Human Kite, I'm Human Kite.' And I said, 'Why can't we be Human Kites together?' And so I went to Aunt Sheila and I said, 'I want to be Human Kites together.' And she told him he had to do what I said because I was the guest."

He then looked to Human Kite and asked, "Remember?" Kite then took a deep breath and told Cousin Kyle, "I'm sorry, me from another universe, but it is time for you to learn that playing superheroes is too painful!" He then turned to me and told me, "New Kid, you must now destroy my alter ego."

"I'm not fighting your cousin, Kyle." I told him simply, and he got a surprised look on his face and pulled me to the side, telling me in a hushed voice, "Please, dude, I can't take this anymore. Just rough him up a little bit so that he won't want to play anymore." I responded, "Look, I agree he's annoying, but if I beat him up, he's going to tell your mom, and then we'll both be in trouble."

"I'll handle my mom." Kite promised me, and asked, "Please, do you really want him running around playing with us?" I looked to the nerdy boy and saw that he was breathing heavily through his mouth, and sighed before I told Kite, "Alright fine, but just a little bit." "Oh, thank you!" He told me, and Cousin Kyle and I took our places in a combat grid.

"Oh Jesus, we're gonna fight?" Cousin Kyle asked. "That's right. If you wanna play, then THIS is how you do it." Human Kite told him, and he responded, "Well, all right. Anything to make me and my cousin more alike! Prepare for battle, weakling!"

The battle started and Cousin Kyle asked, "I haven't done a whole lot of sparring. Is this a no-contact thing?" "Full contact. Not sparring." Kite responded to him, and Cousin Kyle told him, "Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible, I didn't bring my pads." "It's happening. Get him, New Kid!" Kite told me.

"Cousin Kyle! We can beat him if we join forces!" Cousin Kyle exclaimed, and Human Kite responded with, "Yeah I really want to but parallel universe rules say I can't." As I decided what attack to use. I settled on Triple Burn, throwing three fireballs at Cousin Kyle and doing a minor amount of damage along with giving him the Burning status effect. He muttered, "Oh dear, this is the last affliction I need." Before Kite told me, "I'm telling you New Kid, he's messing with powers beyond his control!"

Cousin Kyle then reared his head back before firing red lasers out of his eyes at me, doing some damage before he asked, "That wasn't too hard, right? I don't want to cause any permanent damage." "You're fine, Kyle. And for the record, I'm a girl. I didn't have a chance to say that when you called me 'he' before." I told him. He apologized for the mistake before he took some damage from his status effect.

I decided to use a different attack and chose the Plasma Beam, but before I could use it, Cousin Kyle told us, "Oh, you guys, time out, my vertigo is starting to act up." "Jesus, come on, dude." Kite said. I skipped my turn regardless, not wanting him to complain to Mrs. Broflovski, and he told me after a moment, "OK, I think my inner ear fluids have stabilized now. Uh, that last hit didn't count, right? I'm undoing that damage, OK Kyle?"

He then healed himself fully, and Kite told him, "That's some classic alternate-universe bullshit." "Yeah, you can't just make stuff up, dude. And I skipped my turn." I told him. He ignored me however, and shot me once again with a red laser. I went to take my turn, but was interrupted by Cousin Kyle telling me, "Hold on, I need a time out so that I can use my inhaler." I sighed in frustration and skipped my turn again, and he shot me with red lasers a third time.

"Cousin Kyle, I called a time out and she didn't listen! You know my asthma acts up when I exert myself." Cousin Kyle exclaimed, and I sternly told him, "I skipped my turn!" I then shot him with Plasma Beam, doing a moderate amount of damage with the ray of heat. "Yeah, I think this would be a lot more fair if I had a shield." Cousin Kyle told Human Kite, and continued, "Some kind of shield. Like a, like this Sefer Torah, which also has a great sentimental value."

Annoyed, Human Kite told him, "Dude, Human Kite is an alien, there's no Jewish stuff involved! And you can't just make up powers in the middle of a battle!" "I'm not making it up, it's totally canon in my alternate universe." Cousin Kyle replied, then took out a small Torah and opened it, making blue light shine at his feet in the shape of a Star of David. He gained a small amount of Protection as he sighed in relief, and I blew air out of my nose in frustration at his cheating.

I went up to him to use Heat Wave, but he suddenly exclaimed, "Hang on, I thought I should get this turn instead of the New Kid because she didn't wait when I said time out earlier, so I think it should be my turn now." Angrily, I told him, "I did listen! I skipped my turn, remember?!" "Are you kidding me?! That's totally cheating!" Human Kite exclaimed.

He shot me with a red laser regardless, and I growled at his poor sportsmanship. Angrily, I charged up and hit him with a Heat Wave attack. It barely made a dent in his Protection however, and I was worried I'd be here all day before Cousin Kyle went up to the bed, saying, "All right, here we go, my super ultimate power. Get ready… Are you ready?" "Oh Jesus." Human Kite muttered. I went up to the bed, intending to give him a piece of my mind as he said, "OK, Wrath of Kite from an Alternate Universe!"

He then climbed up onto the bed and posed dramatically before he jumped off, landing on his face as he hit the floor and depleted his Health down to zero. I looked down at him and wondered if he was okay before he picked himself up, exclaiming, "Oh! Oh, Jesus! I think I might have ruptured my hernia!" "You had enough, alternate me?" Kite asked, and Cousin Kyle responded, "Yeah, this superhero stuff really hurts. I better go back to my universe."

"Oh, you're leaving? Dude, that sucks." Human Kite said sarcastically. Cousin Kyle told him, "Yeah, I'll be going back to my universe now, Human Kite." He then started walking away as he said, "I need some Campo-Phenique for my ear because I got a scrape on it from being farted on." "I never farted on you." I told him as he walked out the door, presumably to go home.

I saw that I had received a new mask along with some scrap and change from the battle as Cousin Kyle left, and Human Kite told me, "Dude, I don't know how to thank you. From now on call on me whenever you need help." "Just remember that if your mom hears about this, she's your problem." I reminded him. I then got an alert on my phone that told me that I had gained Human Kite as a Combat Buddy, which apparently were friends I could call on to battle with, and I saw that I could have three at a time, which was a relief since I could only have one in our last game. I also got another alert that said I had cleared Human Kite's quest.

I then looted Kite's house, finding his character sheet along with some various scrap and change. I also found a vial of cat pee in the master bedroom, and knowing Mr. Broflovski's history, I decided to confront him about it when I found him and took a selfie with Ike before moving on. I left the house and turned down the street to Craig's house, looting mailboxes along the way. When I reached the South Park sign, I saw that a group of four sixth graders were blocking the way onto Main Street, and I got a FaceTime call from Cartman.

"Look out, ButtLord! Those are sixth graders. They are the most vile, evil beings known to superheroes." He told me before hanging up, and the older students started talking about boobs and basketball. The leader then started to dance while I tried to stifle a giggle. I walked past them and looted a paper bag at the bus stop before I got to Jimmy's house, where I saw another sixth grader named Bartles beating up Peter Mullen. "When I finish kicking your butt, I'm gonna kick your stupid frog's butt!" He told Peter, who responded, "Frogs don't have butts! They have cloaca!"

I figured that if I was going to be a superhero I couldn't just ignore this, so I walked up to him and punched him, and a battle started with me having Combat Advantage. Human Kite swooped in to help me as my turn started, and I used Triple Burn to do some damage and give Bartles Burning. He then walked up to me and gave me a Wet Willy, making me shudder before Human Kite used his Kite Shield ability, throwing his kite up in the air and making it land on me, giving me Protection.

I then used Heat Wave on Bartles to knock him back, and he moved forward by one space before taking damage from his Burning effect. Human Kite then moved in front of me and shot him with blue lasers, using his Laser Burn ability to do some damage. I then used Triple Burn again to deal more damage before Bartles gave Kite a Titty Twister. He then took more Burning damage before Kite used Laser Burn, almost defeating him before I used Triple Burn to reduce his Health to next to nothing. He gave Human Kite one last Wet Willy before succumbing to Burning, the status effect knocking him out and winning us the battle.

I got some scrap and a small amount of change, then saw that I had leveled up from the battle, increasing my Hero Rank to 2. I then got a FaceTime call from Cartman, who said, "Wow. Nice work, New Kid. You took down a Sixth Grader. Keep it up!" Before he hung up. I took a selfie with Peter before I looted the front of Jimmy's house and moved on. As I approached Craig's house, I got another FaceTime call from Cartman, who told me, "Soon you will be approaching Super Craig's Fortress of Solitude. Super Craig hasn't checked in… I hope nothing's wrong."

He then hung up and I looted a duffel bag outside the house, gaining a recipe of some kind, and knocked on the front door. Super Craig then answered it and told me, "Greetings citizen. It is I, Super Craig." He raised up his fist as he said 'Super Craig' and said it in his version of a dramatic tone. I looked at him for a moment before he told me, "I am sorry but I cannot assist anyone with their problems right now. Super Craig can't find his guinea pig." He once again said 'Super Craig' with his own dramatic flair, and he turned back into his house and told me, "Go tell the Coon that I'm not playing until I find Stripe. He's not just a normal guinea pig. He belongs to me and my ex-boyfriend."

I raised my eyebrows at this and asked, "Wait a minute, you and Tweek broke up? Why?" "I'm not ready to talk about that right now." He told me, and I shrugged and asked him, "Fair enough. If I help you find Stripe, will you come play?" "Okay. I'll bet Stripe is down in the basement again." Super Craig told me. As we went up to the basement door, Super Craig told me, "We should start in the basement. That's the last place I saw him."

We opened the door to the basement and walked down the stairs as he told me, "I'll stand by the stairs to keep him from escaping! You do the rest, Butthole. Be careful. This is probably the most challenging mission you've ever been given." 'In this game, maybe. So far.' I thought to myself as I set about looking for Craig's guinea pig. Suddenly, Craig pointed upwards and said, "Look, there he is. In the vent, way up high!"

I looked up to see that Stripe was indeed in the vent, hiding behind the cracked grate. Looking around, I saw a new case of Snap N Pops, so I picked up a box and threw one at the grate, breaking it and making Stripe cling to the edge. "Oh, almost! Do it again." Craig told me. Reluctantly, I threw another firecracker at the rodent, knocking him to the ground and making him scurry over past some boxes. I quickly broke them and threw a Snap N Pop at the box of fireworks next to where Stripe had settled, igniting the fuses. I stood back as the explosives detonated, sending fireworks screaming around the basement and making Stripe run for cover, running past me and hiding under a laundry basket.

I pulled the basket out and Stripe ran into another grate on the ground level. "Use the power of your ass to overwhelm his supersensitive smell!" Craig told me, and I gave him my third best 'Really?' face before I sighed and pointed my ass at the grate before I farted into it, making Stripe stumble out and fall over. Craig gingerly picked him up and told the guinea pig, "Yes, Stripe, a brilliant rescue! But it wasn't just me. We have ButtLord and her sickening asshole to thank."

"It was your idea." I pointed out before Craig put Stripe back in his pen and told me, "You did it, newbie! If you ever need help you can count on Super Craig!" He did one last dramatic flair with his name as I got an alert on my phone that he was now a Combat Buddy. I then decided to check something and threw some Snap N Pops around, destroying a ukulele but otherwise not doing any damage. I then looked inside the box to see that it contained the same amount that it had when I had picked it up, and I nodded as I realized I had an unlimited supply of them. I went to put them in my pocket, but paused as I realized that they were both filled with scrap and that the tiny explosives wouldn't fit.

'I guess this game doesn't have infinite pockets.' I thought to myself. I had no idea how to carry around the scrap I would need to craft the recipes I had found, but quickly thought of a solution. I emptied my pockets of scrap and closed my eyes as I focused. Around my neck, the Dragon's Heart glowed, and tendrils of pink light extended forth and wrapped around each piece of scrap and pulled them inside the gem, storing everything inside my necklace. I opened my eyes and summoned a random piece of scrap and put it back, doing it a few times to make sure I had the hang of my newfound storage space.

With that settled, I took a selfie with Craig and made sure Stripe was okay before I left the basement and looted his house. I didn't find much aside from some scrap, change, and a recipe for a Revive Potion, but when I went back down to the living room, his dad asked me, "Hey there, are you one of Craig's friends? You looking for Craig?"

He didn't give me a chance to respond before he got up and told me, "Me? Let's just say I'm an art collector, specializing in a delightfully modern and extremely confusing Asian art form, known as Yaoi." He gestured to two drawings of Tweek and Craig in anime style on the wall as he told me, "Crazy, right? But this stuff is worth a fortune to the right buyer. If in your adventures you find any of these, bring them to me. I will reward you handsomely." He then sat back down and resumed working on his ship in a bottle.

I left the house after that and received another FaceTime call from Cartman. "Not bad, New Kid, not bad. Way to go out and get some followers on Coonstagram. I think you're ready for the next level. COON OUT!" He told me before hanging up, and I saw that I had a mission to return to his basement. I then used a combination of a Snap N Pop and thrown fart to destroy the freezer door on a fridge in Craig's garage, looting the bag that dropped out for a recipe for a costume set. I then went into Henrietta Biggle's house next door. I went up to her room and saw that all of the Goths were there, and Pete told me that they were going to use a spell they saw online. I got the book they needed and lit their candles, but all that happened was that a chest appeared with a costume and a wig.

I took selfies with all four of the goths and looted the house. While I was doing so, I noticed a Yaoi picture on the dresser in the master bedroom, so I got it down with a Snap N Pop and left. While I was walking past Jimmy's house, I noticed a bunch of red Legos blocking his garage before getting a FaceTime call from Cartman, who told me, "STOP! New Kid, Stop! You see all those little red Lego bricks? That's lava. You try and cross lava, you die. Don't even touch it."

I looked to the bricks and saw that unlike the lava in the last game, these ones were glowing with heat, and occasionally let off tiny sparks. "Wait, this doesn't make sense… who would put lava there?" Cartman asked, and before I could respond, I got another call and a second window opened up to reveal Butters dressed in a tinfoil helmet and a blue costume. He laughed maniacally and told us, "TAKE THAT, COON FRIENDS!" My eyes widened as I asked in shock, "Butters?"

"Professor Chaos." Cartman muttered over the call, and Butters told us, "THAT'S RIGHT, COON! I have strategically placed lava throughout the town. I can't make it too easy for you. What good is the world without a little… CHAOS?" He got right up to the camera and laughed maniacally before telling someone off to the side to shut it off and he hung up. "We'll deal with Chaos when the time is right. For now, we have to keep our eyes on the prize. Coon. Out." Cartman told me, but I barely heard him as he hung up as well.

My mind was reeling as I walked past Jimmy's house and I thought to myself, 'Why would Butters be a villain? He's so… sweet and… kind. Why is he wearing tinfoil and babbling about chaos?' I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn't realize I had reached the sixth graders until I heard the leader telling the others that he had learned how to dance from Usher. I passed them without incident as I thought to myself, 'I'll ask Cartman when I get back to his place, and if I see Butters, I'll ask him too.'

With that settled, I entered Cartman's house and unlocked his basement door, then went down the stairs to see him staring at a big chalkboard wistfully. When he saw me approach, he told me, "Ah, there you are, Butthole." He came up to me and said, "Being a superhero is a little harder than you thought, huh? It's OK! You totally suck, but I can't help but feel sorry for you, because your dad fucked your mom when you were a child. Come this way."

He then led me over to a table near the back of the room, telling me, "I'm gonna teach you about Artifacts. You see, most superheroes augment their abilities with specialized equipment." He then opened a red box on the table and pulled out a fidget spinner, telling me, "You see this? It's a strength Artifact."

He then spun the fidget spinner and told me, "You'll find things like these all over town. The trick is to equip them onto your Artifact slots. Go on, give it a shot. They're on your belt." I looked down onto my belt and noticed for the first time that it had nine oddly-shaped slots on it, only one of which was currently available with the rest being blocked by tokens that prevented me from putting anything in the slots. I took the fidget spinner from Cartman and slid it into the slot I had, the Artifact having a special attachment to fit into, and got an alert on my phone that told me that my team's Might had increased from zero to fifteen, and that I got a little extra Critical Strike damage and Health Recovery.

Cartman told me, "You'll find more Artifacts out there during your superhero adventures. And you can even craft your own, but remember – with great power, comes great chicks and money." 'Well, he's not wrong.' I thought to myself. He then walked away from me, telling me, "I think you're ready to take on those sixth graders now. Go give 'em hell… ButtLord." I stopped him before he walked too far however, and said to him, "Cartman, wait."

"The Coon." He corrected me, and I rolled my eyes and asked, "Alright, The Coon, why was Butters wearing tinfoil and ranting about chaos?" Coon looked confused for a moment before he told me, "Butters – Oh! You mean Professor Chaos! Yeah, he's kind of like our main supervillain." "But why? Butters is the nicest person in town." I asked. Coon then shrugged and told me, "I don't know, he just showed up one day and wanted to be our villain. Now go get those sixth graders!" He then walked off, and I sighed as I realized I wouldn't be getting any more answers out of him.

I stopped at the Coon Store and bought a recipe for an Artifact called the Girding Chains along with the glue I needed to make it, and once I was finished crafting it with the Crafting app, it appeared in front of me and I saw that it was a sort of badge shaped like the picture that the Recipe showed, and that it had the same attachment as the fidget spinner that let it fit into the Artifact Slot on my belt. I then equipped the item, taking out the fidget spinner to do so. I saw in the Artifacts app that it gave me a lot of extra Knockback Combo damage and doubled my Might in addition to giving my stats a boost. I then sold the fidget spinner to the Coon Store and went back upstairs.

When I left the house, I saw that there was a flagpole in front of Coon's house, and went over to it and touched one of the lightning bolt shapes on it curiously. Instantly, the flag on it rose up and I got a FaceTime call from Jimmy, who told me, "Oh hey, New Kid, you've found your first Fast Travel Station! Look for more, they'll make your life way easier!" He then hung up.

I walked down the street to see that the sixth graders were trying to get a cat down from a tree, and that two of them were arguing about who got to throw a rock at it. I glared at them for a moment before noticing that one had a backpack full of fireworks, and that the ones arguing were standing right beside it. I took my Snap N Pops out of my pocket and threw one at the larger explosives, lighting the fuses and knocking the two over after a moment. I then walked over to the group and hit one that I had just blown up with the firecrackers.

The battle then started with me going first, and I saw that the two that I had hit with firecrackers not only had half health, but that they already had the Burning effect too. Super Craig and Human Kite came up on either side of me to assist with the battle, and I used Heat Wave on the one closest to me, knocking him back into one of his allies and doing damage to both of them.

One of them in the back moved forward two spaces without attacking, and another was defeated from Burning after he couldn't make any moves. The one I had hit moved up into my row and hit me three times, doing a moderate amount of damage. The last one then threw a yellow snowball at me, damaging me and giving me the Gross Out effect, making me queasy as a side effect. Human Kite moved into my row and used his Laser Burn against the one that had punched me, defeating him.

Super Craig then moved forward to use his Mega Fist Punch on the sixth grader in the top row, knocking him back and defeating him. I used Triple Burn on the remaining foe, damaging him and inflicting Burning before he took out a balloon and started peeing in it. Human Kite then used his Laser Burn to defeat him, and the battle ended with me gaining a small amount of change and a new Artifact that was just a leaf. I was just wondering how I would put it on my belt when a flash of light engulfed it. When it faded, the Artifact had been transfigured into another badge styled after the leaf it used to be, and I put it away in my necklace since it was inferior to the Girding Chains I already had.

I then got a FaceTime call from Coon, who told me, "Alright! That was sweet! Wait until it gets on the internet about how the Coon and Friends beat up four sixth graders! This is GREAT for our franchise! Kind of sucks for you though, New Kid, cuz now the Sixth Graders are gonna be coming after you. You probably shouldn't have done that. That was pretty stupid. OK, now go and get our franchise more followers!" He then hung up, and I growled in annoyance that he had set me up.

I moved on into Main Street and saw that a Chaos Minion had blocked the entrance into the bank with lava, so I went into Tom's Rhinoplasty and looted some containers before I sold Sharon the Armageddon Leaf I had gotten from the sixth graders, then took a selfie with her and got Yaoi picture from the back room. When I left the building, I got a FaceTime call from Coon, who said, "Whoa, wait a minute. You didn't fill out your Kryptonite. So, what, you're invincible? There's no way, that's against the rules." "Kinda new to the game, Coon." I told him, but he ignored me and said, "You have to have a weakness… Go find Mosquito, he can help you out. I'll put the rest of the character sheet stuff on your map." I then saw that I had a new mission to find Mosquito, who was apparently Clyde, along with two others to go talk to Mr. Mackey and Father Maxie. Coon then told me, "Now get out there and do some superhero missions. It's the only way to fill out your character sheet."

He then hung up and I activated the Fast Travel point on Main Street. Suddenly, a yellow and red blur stopped in front of me to reveal itself as Jimmy, who told me, "Congratulations, New Kid, your Fast Travel system is fully opera-, opera-, good to go. Find more stations to expand your network. And when you get in trouble, Fastpass will be there! Bye!" He then sped off again, and I saw that he was now a Combat Buddy.

I took a selfie with Wendy's mom in the building next to Tom's Rhinoplasty before I looted it, finding a Yaoi picture upstairs. I then went through the alleyway next to the D-Mobile store and found another vial of cat pee before I came out into the construction site where the mall was being rebuilt. I went down the street and past the weed store to Raisins, and when I approached the building, I got a FaceTime call from Coon, who told me, "That's Raisins, New Kid. Mosquito must be inside. Get in there but do not be tempted by their amazing wings and hot bitches." He then hung up, and I rolled my eyes as I thought to myself, 'I have a girlfriend, dumbass.'

I then went inside the restaurant, and one of the waitresses came up to me and greeted me with, "Hi, welcome to Raisins! Just one of you today?" "Actually, I'm looking for a friend. Clyde Donavan?" I asked her. She shrugged and told me, "Sorry cutie, haven't seen anyone here with that name. Here, I'll get you a table so you can wait for him."

She then led me over to a table near the back and once I had sat down, she told me, "One of our Raisins girls will be right with you." She then left me a menu and I looked around to see Clyde at a table with two Raisins girls on his arms. "Isn't he just the cutest thing?" One of them asked. "He sure can eat a lot of wings." The other commented. Clyde then laughed dazedly and told them, "Yeah, so then I flew up into the sky and beat up all the bad guys." "Wow! I didn't think mosquitoes could be so tough." One of them said. "Yeah, well ever heard of the Zika virus?" He asked them. Suddenly, the girl that had seated me came over to them and asked, "Another plate of wings, cutie?" "Sure, just put 'em on my tab." He told her. She commented on how he was a big spender before she left to go fill the order.

I face-palmed and went up to the three, and once Mosquito saw me approach, he told me, "Hey, beat it kid, these are MY women! What superhero are YOU?" He then got a shocked look on his face as he muttered, "Super… wait… oh my god! The mission! My fellow superheroes! I've completely forgot!" He then jumped down from the table, and as we walked towards the exit he told a girl holding a plate of wings, "Back away, temptresses! Mosquito knows what you are trying to do!"

In confusion, another one nearby asked him, "Uh, what are you talking about, kid?" He then turned to me and told me, "Raisins Girls are Mosquito's Kryptonite! You gotta get me outta here!" "Just pay your check and let's leave." I told him. Not hearing me, one of them came up with a receipt and told him, "Well, OK then, here's your bill." He then went up to her and snatched it out of her hands, telling her, "HA HA! I think not! You tried to CHARM me. I will not pay this bill!" "You have to leave a tip, asswipe!" One of the girls told him, and I told him in an exasperated tone, "Just pay the fucking bill, dude."

Ignoring me, Mosquito told me, "They aren't going to let us go without a fight, New Kid! Let's do this!" All of the Raisins girls then started closing in on us, and a battle started. One of them blew Mosquito a kiss to Charm him and make him fight for them, and he rushed at us with Zika Rush, hitting me and Super Craig and forcing us to advance one space each but thankfully not giving us any kind of disease. Fastpass hit Mosquito with Hit and Run to snap him out of it, and I used Heat Wave to knock one of the Raisins Girls back and deal some damage. Two more then scratched up mine and Super Craig's faces, and the fourth advanced forward one space without making any other moves.

Super Craig used his Mega Fist Punch to knock one of the girls into another, defeating the first and slightly damaging the second. The second girl moved forward one space, and Mosquito then went up to her and stuck her three times with his proboscis/plastic trumpet thing, using Bug Bite Barrage. Fastpass hit the one that had scratched me with Hit and Run, and I used Heat Wave to finish her off. One of the girls came up to him and elbowed him for some damage, and Super Craig skipped his turn since he couldn't do anything else.

Unfortunately, one of the other girls Charmed him, and he got a goofy look on his face. Mosquito then flew up and used his Ultimate Attack, releasing a huge swarm of insects, none of which were mosquitoes strangely enough. Unfortunately, he couldn't quite control where they went, but I used my fire abilities to burn away the ones that went after us. Fastpass charged forward into the last Raisins girl and forced her to move forward one space with Blind Side, and I used Heat Wave to finish her off.

Once the battle ended, Mosquito came up to me and said, "Come on, this is our chance!" The two of us then ran out of the restaurant, and once we had made our escape, he sighed and told me, "Those wenches are my Kryptonite! And you must have saved me just in time! I am forever in your debt Butt… Hero. What is YOUR Kryptonite?"

I wracked my brain to think of a possible weakness, and only one thing came to mind. "Monophobia." I told him. "Mono-whatia?" He asked me in confusion, and I explained to him, "Monophobia. It's basically a fear of being alone, but mine only flares up when it's dark out and I don't know where I am. But when it does, I completely fall apart."

Mosquito shrugged and remarked, "Well, it certainly seems to fit the criteria. I'll just enter this here…" He trailed off while typing on his phone, and I got an alert on mine. I saw that he had entered Monophobia as my Kryptonite in my character sheet, and he told me, "Great! Job done. Your Kryptonite is officially noted. Now Mosquito must be off! Call on me if you should need me, Coon Friend!" He then ran off while buzzing like a mosquito, and I saw that he was now a Combat Buddy before going back into Raisins.

When I walked in, some of the girls were putting on Band-Aids and sweeping up some of the debris that had gotten knocked around during our fight. I walked up to Mercedes, who seemed to be the de facto leader, and asked her, "Is everyone okay?" She looked to me and asked in an annoyed voice and asked, "What do you care?"

I raised my hands and told her, "Okay look, I'm sorry my friends and I beat you up. You just kind of came at us. Look, how much is his bill?" Mercedes exchanged a look with one of her coworkers and picked up the bill that Clyde had dropped, telling me, "Eighty-four dollars and nine cents." I pulled my wallet out of my pocket and got out some of the money I had made playing the Stick of Truth game, which Coon told me I couldn't use to buy anything in this game. I then paid the bill and left a generous tip for all of the girls that were waiting on him along with the ones we had beat up. Once the tab had been settled, I asked Mercedes, "So are we cool?"

"I guess so. Just make sure he doesn't pull this again." She told me, and I nodded and remarked, "Okay. But you should probably put up a 'Do Not Serve' sign or something." Mercedes said she would think about it before I looted the restaurant, gaining some scrap, change, and Clyde's garage key, then took a selfie with a kid who liked Blaster heroes before I left.

I then saw that I had gotten a message from Bebe on Coonstagram, so I decided to go talk to her to see if I could get some better clothes. On the way, I stopped at Unplanned Parenthood to get Grandad a condom and looted all of the containers and parking meters on Main Street. I also fought some of Butters' minions, who were waiting for me by Tom's Rhinoplasty.

I reached the South Park sign and took selfies with some people at the bus stop before heading down the street to the other side of the neighborhood, stopping to fight some sixth graders by Jimmy's house and looting along the way. I found a Yaoi picture along with an insect-themed costume in Clyde's garage, which I decided against putting on. After looting his house, I passed by Kevin Stoley's house since it was locked and came to Bebe's.

I went inside and up the stairs to her room, where I found her and Wendy sitting on her bed. "Dova!" Bebe exclaimed when she saw me, and jumped off of her bed to embrace me in a tight hug. Once we had separated, I quietly said to her, "I got your message on Coonstagram. You wanted to work on my costume?"

Bebe nodded and told me, "Yup! I've got just the thing for you." She then walked over to her desk and pulled out some Recipes for a pair of costume pieces called the Witch Suit and Witch Circlet and handed them to me. "Sorry, I didn't have time to make them before I messaged you. And you seriously needed a new costume." She told me.

Looking up at Sharon's bra on my head, I asked my girlfriend, "No arguments here. Can you help me get this off my head, by the way?" With her help, I got the garment untangled from my head, then crafted the Witch Suit and Circlet. I then stopped in her bathroom to change, unequipping the gloves from my Blaster armor and leaving my hands bare. "You look great!" Bebe told me once I came out. I blushed at her words and asked her, "Thanks. You really think so?"

Bebe hugged me and told me, "You're my girlfriend. Of course I think you look beautiful." We then separated and she commented, "But that outfit helps A LOT!" I then took selfies with her and Wendy, and after seeing that my Hero Rank had increased, I crafted an Artifact called the Divine Amplifier and equipped it. I then took a Yaoi picture but didn't loot Bebe's house otherwise and left.

I decided to go see Mr. Mackey since I was right down the street from the school and set off towards my next mission. I beat up some Chaos Minions that were waiting for me by the Community Center on the way and got a new Artifact, but it was weaker than the two I already had equipped. When I got to the school, I saw that there was a Fast Travel point there, so I activated it before going inside. I took selfies with Annie Nelson, Ashley, and Mr. Adler, then stopped in the cafeteria to take a selfie with Chef before I went to meet with Mr. Mackey.

When I entered Mr. Mackey's office, he looked up from some papers he was working on and greeted me with, "Oh hi, you're the New Kid, right?" Without giving me a chance to respond, he got up and sat down in the chair in front of his desk, telling me, "Oh, great, thanks for coming, have a seat."

I sat down in the chair facing him and he asked me, "As your counselor, you can talk to me about anything, mkay? Now, I understand you wanna talk about… sex?" 'What the hell did Cartman tell him?' I thought to myself as he continued, "Mkay, see, I'm highly trained in, uh, sex issues, mkay, and you don't have to be afraid." 'I don't like where this is going.' I thought to myself nervously. "Mkay, New Kid, it's, it's really simple when, uh, when you wanna talk about your sex, you simply, you can start by simply saying you know, I'm a boy, or I'm a girl, or other." He told me.

"Okay, I'm a girl." I told him awkwardly. Mr. Mackey got a shocked look on his face before he asked, "Uh, you're a girl? Mkay, we were all under the impression that uh… Can you hang on a minute I need to call your parents, mkay? This will just take a second." 'Dad's not gonna be happy about THAT.' I thought to myself as Mr. Mackey picked up the phone and called my house. Once someone picked up, he asked them, "Hello, this is Mr. Mackey, the school counselor. Yes, hi, uh, I have Dova here in my office and well, she has just let me know that… she's actually a girl."

After someone spoke on the other side of the phone for a minute, Mr. Mackey asked them, "Oh, you knew that? Mkay." 'Must've gotten Mom.' I thought to myself before he continued, saying, "Well, no, no, of course, it's fine, it's just – well, her Facebook says she's a boy and uh, uh-huh. Oh, okay, I see. So the whole Stick of Truth thing, she was actually a girl the whole time." Mom spoke on the other side of the phone for a few seconds before he told her, "Yeah, no, that's – that's, great to know. I think I can really maybe be of help from here on out. Thank you very much. Mkay, bye-bye, now, mkay."

He then hung up the phone and sat back down as he awkwardly told me, "Mkay. Well, this is a shocker, New Kid. Perhaps we should clarify exactly what you mean by…by girl." He then explained to me, "Now someone like your classmate Bebe, well, she's what we would call a cisgendered girl, mkay? Meaning she was born a girl. But there's also people in this world who identify as something 'different' than what they were born with, mkay? And we call those people transgendered." Finally, he asked me, "So, erm, do you identify as being cisgendered or transgendered?"

"Cisgendered." I told him, and he replied with, "Mkay, well, great! I mean, it would also be great if you weren't cis, but… Mkay!" I then got an alert on my phone and pulled it out to see that my character sheet had been updated to show me as a cisgendered girl, and Mr. Mackey told me, "Just… just be careful, mkay. 'Cause there's – there's a lot of people out there who don't accept you for what you are and you're going to have to deal with them, mkay. So, hmm… But, come see me anytime!"

I then left Mr. Mackey's office and saw that I had completed his quest. I decided to get the last one over with and left the school to go to the church, but the minute I stepped outside, a rusty truck with three rednecks pulled up, and the one driving remarked, "Well, well, well… if it ain't a cisgendered girl!" The three of them climbed out and one of them commented, "We don't take kindly to your types around here."

"Let's welcome this THING to our town." The last one said, and a battle began, Fastpass, Super Craig and Human Kite showing up to help me. Fastpass had the first turn, and he started off by hitting the one with no shirt from a space away, using his Hit and Run to damage him. Another one then hit Super Craig with a beer bottle, and I used Heat Wave to damage the one in front of me and knock him back into the truck. In retaliation, he kicked me three times in order to deal some damage. The one in plaid then threw a can of beer at Human Kite. He used Laser Burn in retaliation, taking away almost half his Health with the move. Super Craig then used Mega Fist Punch to knock the one that had hit him back and deal a massive amount of damage to him.

Fastpass used Hit and Run on the one in front of me again, almost defeating him before his ally went up to Super Craig and hit him with a beer bottle again. I used Heat Wave once more to dispatch the redneck in front of me, and the third redneck threw another beer can at Human Kite. Kite then hit him with Laser Burn, defeating him. Super Craig used his Ultimate to defeat the last one, and the battle ended with me receiving some change and a new Artifact.

'Man, these guys will use ANY excuse to beat someone up.' I thought as I looked down at the fallen rednecks. I then got a FaceTime call from Coon, who told me, "Hey ButtHole, you're doing great. Really quality character-sheet stuff happening here. I've got a super secret mission for you. Head over to the new taco shop on Main Street and… buy me a taco. COON OUT." He then hung up before I could refuse, and I sighed as I saw a new mission appear in my Map.

I hit a snowman and took its hat before going up the dirt road to the church, activating the Fast Travel point and looting a duffel bag before I went inside. I walked up the main aisle as Father Maxi told me, "Hello, New Child! I haven't seen you before. But you've come at a crucial time. South Park is sliding into moral decline! Someone's stealing our cats! They're TPing houses!" 'Does he know something about the missing cats? I should talk to him about it once I finish this mission.' I thought to myself, and he continued, "OK, maybe it's not full-on Armageddon yet, but we do need a hero. Not to make the hard sell, but… do you see yourself as a good person?"

"Well, I saved the town from Nazi Zombies." I pointed out, and he told me, "Yes, that was very valiant of you, my child. But good actions and being a good person are very different. I can understand the confusion. But there comes a time when we need to choose our path. Will you find Jesus and take the righteous path? Or maybe you'll walk the middle way. Let's not talk about the third alternative – I'm hoping you're part of the solution, not the problem."

He then walked over to the door on the left and opened it, telling me, "Take the first step, my child, by entering this meditative chamber which will allow you to confront your deepest fears… Face your fears, New Child. Face your fears!" I walked through the door and he shut it behind me, leaving the lights off. 'If this is supposed to make me face my Monophobia, he's doing a pretty good job so far.' I thought to myself nervously.

Suddenly, I heard Coon's voice echo throughout the room, saying, "Your dad fucked your mom…" Mosquito's voice soon followed it, asking, "You're afraid of being alone and lost while it's dark?" I then saw an alien walk across my field of vision, mooing before it disappeared. I was starting to get seriously weirded out before a priest came up on my right side and said, "Oh hey, I am in your imagination; just a friendly Catholic priest who would like to get to know you a little better."

The tent in his pants wasn't lost on me however, and I backed away from him before another one came up on my left side and told me, "Yeah, that's right, I'm totally in your imagination too, about to give you a shoulder rub… Ever imagine you'd feel something like this?" He bent down to rub my shoulders, and I felt him press his crotch into the back of my head before the first one said, "Lemme adjust the lighting in here a bit so we can get some visuals with that." I then thought to myself, 'Oh hell no, fuck the game, I'm putting a stop this right fucking now.'

The Dragon's Heart glowed with pink light around my neck, and I reared my fists back as two huge fists of pink energy appeared behind the two perverts. I punched both of my fists forward and the energy hands mirrored my movements, striking the priests and sending them crashing into the back wall, where they fell unconscious. I blinked as my head spun a little bit since I still wasn't used to using my energy powers yet. I then took some change along with a new costume and gloves and a new Artifact from the fallen foes before Father Maxi burst in, and upon seeing the two unconscious priests, he muttered to himself, "Oh for the father's sake, I can't leave those two alone for five seconds!"

He then turned to me and asked, "Are you alright, my child?" I nodded and told him, "Yup, just a little woozy." Seeing the glow on my necklace just starting to fade, he said, "Ah, you are an energy manipulator. Well regardless, I'm so sorry this happened. Here, a rabbi friend gave me these macaroni pictures. You can use them to call on Moses to heal you and your friends should you need it." He then handed me five sheets of paper that had macaroni glued on them in the shape of Stars of David, and I put them in my necklace as he told me, "I'll call the authorities to come pick these two up. In the meantime, let me know if I can be of help."

"Actually, I was wondering if you knew anything about the missing cats." I told him, and he told me, "Ah, yes. I've had a few gentlemen in confessional lately talk about cats. They were speaking Spanish, so I couldn't understand them, but they were talking about 'los pobres gatos' a lot." "'The poor cats.'" I muttered to myself. "Thank you Father Maxi, I'll see you around." I told him.

Before I left the room however, Father Maxi told me, "Hang on, my child." I turned back to him and he told me, "New Child, I may not know much about your kind or what you can do, but I do know that you were given this gift for a reason. Use it well, my child." I nodded back to him with a slight smile on my face, not noticing until I had left the room that there was a Yaoi picture on the wall. I compared the Purity Bond artifact I had gotten to my existing ones and used it to replace the Divine Amplifier before I got the password for the door I had just been in from Maxie's office, then took the Yaoi picture off of the wall and took a selfie with Father Maxie. I replaced my Girding Chains Artifact with one I got in the locked room called the Amulet of Contemplation, then equipped the Heavenly Gloves I had gotten and dyed them red to match the rest of my costume before I left the church.

I opened my Map to see that the new taco place was down on Main Street, so I set off, looting containers and grabbing a Yaoi picture off of the bulletin board in front of the city hall along the way. When I got to the stage at the Town Square, there were a bunch of sixth graders waiting for me, so I lit their fireworks with a Snap N Pop before defeating them. I then looted the pair of containers that were there before moving on. I grabbed another Yaoi picture from the building between Unplanned Parenthood and the Post Office along with one in Sloppy 2nds before I finally reached the new taco place, which was called Freeman's Tacos.

When I walked inside, I saw Morgan Freeman standing at the counter, and he told me, "Welcome to Freeman's Tacos… If there's anything I can interest you in, well… you just let me know." I stared at him awkwardly for a moment before I told him, "Um, I'm here to pick up an order for Eric Cartman. It might be under 'The Coon.'"

"Ah, yes." He told me, then grabbed a bag out of a clear display box behind him that read 'T. Coon.' He handed it to me and I paid for the order, which thankfully wasn't too much given Cartman's eating habits, and told him, "Thanks."

Before I left however, he told me, "Hang on a second." I turned back to him and he closed his eyes for a second, then opened them and told me, "Yes, you do indeed have the gift. Come up here, New Kid, I want to teach you something." I awkwardly walked up to the counter and he asked me, "You see, Freeman's Tacos is completely 'craft your own.' You… know what crafting is, don't you?" I nodded to him and he told me, "Good. Now, I want you to Craft a Burrito. Just take an ordinary Tortilla and mix it with… oh, any old thing, so long as it's edible."

I took a Tortilla out of my necklace and mixed it with some of the better-quality food scrap I had accumulated to make a Burrito out of them. Once I was finished, I showed it to him and he nodded before taking an enchilada from somewhere behind him and telling me, "Good. Now, take this enchilada and combine it with that Burrito."

I took the enchilada and dismantled my Burrito before placing it inside and redoing it, then covering the Burrito with enchilada sauce. Morgan Freeman nodded and told me, "Yes, very nice. A fine Enchirito. You're probably wondering why I've had you do this." I nodded and he explained to me, "You see New Kid, a lot of people don't know that I have an incredible amount of control of my anal muscles. I can do incredible things with my ass, things that would boggle your tiny mind, and I've been looking for someone to pass my secrets on to in my old age. That someone… is you. When I first saw you, I knew that you had the same control over your ass as I do mine. Now go New Kid, and eat that Enchirito when the time is right."

I nodded to him awkwardly as a new freckle appeared on his face with a twinkle and I put the Enchirito in the Dragon's Heart, and he gave me a few Crafting Recipes before I took a Yaoi picture out of the bathroom and left. Once I was outside, I got a FaceTime call from Cartman, who told me, "New Kid, you've done a decent job so far. Come back to the Coon Lair. I think we should advance your character. COON OUT!" I decided to do some Crafting before I went back to the Coon lair, so I made some Macaroni Pictures and Revive Serums before I used the Fast Travel station to get back to Cartman's House.

When I got to Cartman's basement, I went up to where he was sitting and handed him the bag, telling him, "Here's your taco. You owe me three bucks." He then opened the bag and told me to take a seat, and he put the bag under the table before he asked me, "All right, well… How's it going out there?" "Not bad. I think I even have a lead on the missing cats." I told him. He ignored me however, and told me, "Okay, good talk. Well, listen, I think you showed you've got some potential… Aand uh, I think we're going to upgrade you to… somebody's sidekick or something. Congratulations."

I stared at him for a moment as I thought to myself, 'Wait, if becoming a sidekick is an upgrade, what was I before?' He then continued, telling me, "I just maybe wanna talk about your superhero character a little bit. Um, your character… sucks, to be honest, and… I think I'm gonna let you dual class. Let's pick a new ability to add." He then got out his iPad and showed me the class screen again, but this time there were three new classes, and I decided to choose Elementalist since I didn't want to be half-robot and was trying to train my voice without using telepathy. When I had made my selection, Coon told me, "OK, I think those two will go nicely together. But now we're gonna need to change your backstory too. So let's go back again to that fateful night… Back when you were little…"

'Thank goodness.' I thought to myself, and Coon took out another comic to reveal that my backstory was pretty much exactly the same except with me using Elementalist powers and having a baby added. When he got to the final scene, Coon narrated, "And so you beat them! You swept the baby up in your arms to take him somewhere safe and then THAT'S WHEN THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED! You saw your dad… fuck your mom. And from then on you had to live with the fact that, because you were busy helping a baby, you couldn't stop your mom from being fucked by your dad."

I got an even stronger sense of déjà vu than last time, as if I had actually been through what he had narrated but couldn't remember it, but before I could wonder about it, Coon put his comic away and told me, "That's heavy, man. I'm really sorry. I know you probably want to know why – why your dad fucked your mom. But those are answers you'll have to find for yourself."

Just then, red lights came on and an alarm sounded out throughout the room. "Coon and Friends alert. Coon and Friends alert! Seriously, you guys. Alert. Alert." Came over the speakers Coon had installed, and Coon himself exclaimed, "It's a Coon and Friends alert!" He then got up and walked over to his fake computer where Human Kite was on FaceTime, and asked, "This is Coon, what's happening?"

Kite responded, "It's the Freedom Pals!" "What have they done?" Coon asked, and Kite told him, "Just get to Main Street! HURRY!" "We're coming! COON! OUT!" Coon exclaimed, and he turned to me and told me, "Well, New Kid, looks like you might be needing those newfound powers. FOLLOW ME! And don't forget to download the Powers app." He then ran out of the basement and I downloaded the app he told me about, which apparently let me change my attacks at will. I replaced my Blaster Ultimate with the one from the Elementalist class, and then replaced Plasma Beam with Sand Trap. I followed Coon out of the basement and out into his house, and he told me, "No time to waste, Butthole!"

He then went out his front door with me in tow, and once we reached his front yard, he told me, "This way, Butthole, towards the bus stop! It's the quickest route!" While we ran past Butters' house, he told me, "My Coon Sense is on fire! Freedom Pals are on the move! A confrontation is brewing." When we reached the end of the street, Coon stopped and told me, "Yes… this way… keep going… towards the bus stop… Man, escort missions are the worst." "No one's making you escort me, Coon." I pointed out before we kept moving.

When we reached the South Park sign, Coon climbed on top of it and told me, "So close… Head towards Main Street, Butthole! And gird your loins for battle." I then walked past him and up onto Main Street, where I saw Craig and Tweek arguing. "We were supposed to be a duo remember, Tweek?" Craig asked. "Yeah, I remember! So, when I walked out on Coon and Friends, you should've walked out with me!" Tweek retorted. "I like Coon and Friends!" Super Craig told him. "Because you had your own movies!" Tweek argued.

As I walked up to the them, I saw that Human Kite and Coon were on either side of Super Craig, and that standing behind Tweek were Timmy, Token, who was wearing a bunch of Tupperware containers, and someone I didn't recognize who was wearing a hood with a question mark on it and a dark costume that had an M on the chest along with a pair of briefs that he was wearing on the outside of his pants. When he saw me approach, Kite told me, "New Kid, thank God you're here. They're really going at it." Immediately after, Super Craig told his ex-boyfriend, "Super Craig had to have movies before Wonder Tweek was introduced. It made no sense otherwise." "Your whole group makes no sense!" Tweek told him in an exasperated tone. 'He's got us there.' I thought to myself.

"Because you're a traitor, Tweek, and now you're with a group of super traitors!" Coon told him. Suddenly, the mystery hero pointed out, "This was started by you! By people who thought there should be preferential treatment to certain heroes." I raised my eyebrow at the mystery hero's voice. It was gruff, but not overly gruff, as if the person had a high-pitched voice but was trying to make it sound really deep.

"We aren't the ones who walked out of the fucking franchise, Mysterion!" Coon told him angrily, and I made a note of Mysterion's name. Suddenly, Timmy rolled forward and put his finger to his temple while he got a focused look on his face, and I heard a voice echo throughout my head, saying, "Eric… you must listen to me. Right now I am speaking to you telepathically." "Get out of my head, Timmy." Coon told him.

Timmy did no such thing however, and continued, "Your franchise is going nowhere. Face the truth, Eric. You guys are kind of douchebags." I stifled a giggle as he dropped his focused expression and Coon told the rest of us, "He just called us douchebags, in my mind." "He did?!" Human Kite exclaimed, and I realized that the others hadn't been able to hear Timmy. "All right you son of a bitch! Aragh!" Coon told Timmy before he leaped at him.

Suddenly, Timmy put his finger to his temple again and teleported, appearing down the street as Coon yelled, "Motherfucker! Coon Friends, deal with these assholes!" He then ran off after Timmy, leaving us to fight the others. Fastpass zoomed in to join the fight as we all took our places in a combat grid. He had the first turn, so he used Hit and Run to damage Mysterion before Wonder Tweek shot lightning at him and Super Craig.

I used my new Sand Trap ability to damage all three of them at once, using dirt from the street and sidewalk to shoot earth up from their feet. Human Kite then shot Mysterion with Laser Burn, who defeated Fastpass with a four-punch combo attack. Just then, a car honked its horn at us, and we all got out of the street as it passed. Now three on three, the battle continued with Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch to knock Token back and deal some damage. Token then switched places with Mysterion and got some Protection before Wonder Tweek used an ice attack to Chill me, forcing me to skip my turn.

Human Kite used Laser Burn to destroy Token's protection and deal a minor amount of damage, and Mysterion went up to him and transformed into shadows somehow, then reappeared behind him and kicked him, forcing him to move forward a space. Craig then went up to Wonder Tweek and used his Mega Fist Punch to damage his ex. Token then spun around as blue cubes of energy appeared around him, almost defeating Human Kite.

Wonder Tweek then shot lightning at the three of us, Shocking us and dealing some damage. I used my turn to revive Fastpass, who moved into the row above Human Kite. I then let out a burst of electricity from my Shock effect, doing some damage to me and defeating Human Kite. Fastpass then moved down into the space Kite had left and used his Ultimate to defeat Mysterion and damage Token, giving the boy dressed in plastic Burning as well. Super Craig then used Mega Fist Punch to reduce Wonder Tweek's Health to almost nothing before Token used his spinning attack to defeat Fastpass again before he himself was defeated from Burning. Tweek couldn't make any moves, so he skipped his turn, and I ended the battle with Triple Burn.

I received a new mask and some junk and change from the fight, and Human Kite told me, "Good job, New Kid. You're really getting the hang of this." Super Craig then looked around and asked us, "Hey wait, what about Coon?" "He went off to fight Timmy, remember?" I pointed out, and Kite muttered, "Oh shit, come on!" The four of plus Mosquito, who had been conveniently absent from the fight, then ran off in the direction he had gone.

When we reached the alley Coon and Timmy had gone down, we saw Coon just picking himself up off of the ground, and as we approached, Mosquito asked him, "Coon, what happened?!" Not seeing the wheelchair-bound boy, Kite asked him, "Timmy got away?!" Coon panted as he told us, "He – He completely raped my mind."

"You OK?" Fastpass asked him, and Coon told us, "No seriously, you guys, he fucked the shit out of my brains." 'Ok, so Timmy messed with his head while we were fighting?' I thought to myself as Coon continued "Ah… I grabbed him, we fought for a little bit, but his mental powers are too strong." "So we did all that for nothing?" Mosquito asked with despair.

"Not quite." Coon pointed out, then pulled an iPhone out of his pocket and told us, "I got Timmy's cell phone." "You did?" Super Craig asked. "There's sure to be a lead on that!" Mosquito exclaimed, then Human Kite told us, "Let's get this back to base! Super Craig can analyze it!" All of them then ran off in the direction of Cartman's house.

I was about to follow them when I received a FaceTime call from someone I recognized as one of the Mayor's assistants, who told me, "Uh hello, is this the little superhero who's getting all the followers on Coonstagram? Your presence is requested at City Hall. The Mayor of South Park wishes to speak with you. Don't make her wait." He then hung up, and I thought to myself, 'Ah fuck. Oh well, it can't be anything bad, or else I'd be getting called to the police station instead of City Hall.'

I walked down to City Hall and went inside to the Mayor's office, and when she saw me approach, she told me, "Hello, young person. I'm the Mayor of South Park. You must be very excited to be here." Without waiting for a response, she continued, "Well… all right, look… You might be able to help me." "Let me guess, you want me to get rid of more homeless people?" I asked her, and she waved her hand and told me, "Not this time. This time, it's something much… much deeper."

"This new 'crime wave' in town. It isn't a coincidence. Some group or someone is trying to make me look bad." She explained to me as she got up from her chair, and as she looked out the window, she told me, "The more crime goes up, the more people start calling for my head. Whoever is behind this wants to see me get replaced. I need people like you." She then turned back to me and requested, "Please, find out who is behind the crime wave in our town. My political life depends on it."

She then sat back down in her chair, and I took selfies with her and her assistants before I looted her office, finding a Yaoi picture and a new Artifact before I left. I took the Fast Travel station on Main Street back to Cartman's house and went down to his basement to see Super Craig inspecting Timmy's phone under a microscope with all of the others standing around him.

As I approached, Coon asked the boy with the terrible costume, "Well, what have you found Super Craig?" In response, Super Craig told him, "Timmy's phone has a bunch of notes on it. Something about a girl who has information about all the criminal activity in town." "What girl?!" Coon asked, and Super Craig told him, "It just says 'find the girl with the dick tattoo'."

I quickly ruled out all of the girls in our class, since I knew from Bebe's "special" sleepovers that none of them had any tattoos. "What girl in town has a dick tattoo?" Mosquito wondered out loud, and Coon told him, "I don't know Mosquito, but the Freedom Pals must think SHE'S the key to finding the missing cat…"

Human Kite turned around and muttered, "If the Freedom Pals find her before we do they'll get the hundred dollar reward." "We cannot let that happen. We have to stop the Freedom Pals from having a sweet franchise. At all cost." Coon told us. Fastpass pointed out, "Then we have to find the girl with that tattoo TONIGHT."

"Fastpass is right. We all have to sneak out of our houses tonight and search the entire town." Super Craig said. Human Kite then asked me, "What do you say, New Kid, are you up for it?" I figured they weren't going to give me a choice either way, so I nodded with determination, but regardless, Mosquito told me, "Look, if you want to be a COON FRIEND, you have to learn to communicate!" "I nodded, Mosquito, I'm saying yes." I told him.

"Yeah! Who let her join us, anyway?!" Super Craig pointed out, and I sighed as I thought to myself, 'I can finally talk and everyone just fucking ignores me.' Coon then told the others, "Go easy on her, you guys. She's had a tough life. When she was six years old… her dad fucked her mom."

With an incredulous look on his face, Human Kite asked him, "What?" "I'm sorry, friend, but it's time they learned your tragic backstory." Coon told me. "Butthole doesn't trust anyone because her dad fucked her mom and she couldn't do anything to stop it." He explained to them. "That doesn't make any sense!" Human Kite told him after sharing a look with the others. Not getting the point, Coon muttered, "I know. How could the person you trust do that to the only other person you love?"

With an exasperated tone, Human Kite told him, "Cartman, everyone's dad fucked everyone's mom." "Hah?" Coon asked, and Kite told him, "That's how it works, stupid! Our dads fucked our moms!" With disbelief in his voice, Coon asked, "Oh right! Does that mean your dad fucked your mom, Kyle?! Huh?!"

"YES! My dad fucked my mom! That's why I'M HERE!" Human Kite told him. Misunderstanding him, Coon told him, "Don't steal her backstory dude, that's not cool." Human Kite then yelled at him, "YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID! EVERY HUMAN ALIVE. ON EARTH. HAD A DAD WHO FUCKED THEIR MOM AND-" Suddenly, Mosquito interrupted him and pointed out, "STOP! STOP! THIS IS NOT WHAT'S IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW! We need to find the lady with the dick tattoo."

"Yeah let's get home, so we can prepare for evening missions." Super Craig told us. "Let's go, Coon Friends!" Fastpass exclaimed. "He's such a fucking idiot!" Kite exclaimed as he left, and Super Craig told him, "It's OK, calm down." Coon then came up to me and told me, "I'm afraid you'll have to deal with that kind of bigotry your whole life, Butthole. When people don't understand, they lash out. I'm going to let you be a sidekick tonight to one of the Coon Friends. Go home and sneak out after your parents are asleep. I'll fill you in later."

I decided to change out of my costume, and spun around in a circle as I focused on my clothes. In a whirlwind of pink energy, my clothes were absorbed into the Dragon's Heart and my purple shirt and dark blue pants appeared on me. I then sold all of the inferior Artifacts I had at the Coon Store and bought a Recipe for one called the Idol of Vitality, which I then crafted and used to replace my Purity Bond, which I also sold.

With that done, I went home to get ready for tonight's mission, but when I walked in the door, I saw my parents arguing again, and Dad said to Mom, "What are you doing even talking to the school counselor?! Why'd you answer the phone?!" 'Great, the weed's made him paranoid again.' I thought to myself as Mom asked him incredulously, "Have you lost your fucking mind?! Dova felt the need to go talk to the school counselor. Doesn't that bother you at all?!" "So you told him the truth?!" Dad asked.

"Yes, I said she's a girl. Which, by the way, YOU didn't know her well enough to realize for TEN YEARS!" She replied. "You dumb bitch – you'll ruin everything!" Dad told her. "I don't have to listen to this from a stoned out POT HEAD! I need a drink!" She retorted, muttering the last sentence to herself. "Sure, drown your problems in Chardonnay, you stupid skank – oh hey, whippersnapper!" Dad mocked her before noticing me.

The both of them walked towards me as Mom asked me, "Have a fun day out playing?" 'I was.' I thought to myself before Dad awkwardly told me, "Ah ha aha! Well, I'm exhausted. Gonna get ready for bed." "Dinner's on the table if you want it, punk. But then straight to bed, OK? Pot head." Mom told me, directing the last sentence at Dad, who retorted, "Alcoholic!" As the both of them walked up the stairs.

I sighed at their childish antics before I sat down at the table and picked at my food, not able to eat more than a bite before I lost my appetite and followed my parents upstairs. I peeped through Mom and Dad's keyhole to see Mom crying on the bed drinking wine and Dad eating another pot brownie. 'I can't deal with this right now.' I thought to myself as I stepped back, then entered my room and took the rewards Craig's dad and other people had given me from my trunk before getting under the covers, figuring I might as well try to get some sleep before my night mission.

Suddenly, Mom opened the door with a bottle of wine in one hand and a glass half-full of the same alcohol in the other. "Sweetie… I just want you to know that… whatever happens… Mommy always loves you." She slurred out before turning off the lights and going back to her room. I took my glasses off and put them on the nightstand, then closed my eyes to try and get some sleep as I thought to myself, 'Well, at least she's making an effort. Dad barely does that when he's sober.'

And there's the chapter. I would like to take this chance to say that I'm sorry about not updating Under the Moonlight in a while. I've been playing TFBW and working on this, but once this story is done, I'll go back to working on Under the Moonlight. Let me know if you liked it and feel free to let me know if I made any errors or to offer suggestions, but as usual, no flames!


	2. The First Night

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the second chapter of The Next Adventure. This chapter will be based off of the first night mission in The Fractured But Whole. I do not own South Park or TFBW, let's read!

"Night time. That's when the creeps come out. But unfortunately for the creeps the other thing that comes out at night…is a Coon."

The first thing I heard, and what woke me up, was a loud tapping sound. I blinked as I slowly started to come back to consciousness, and quietly yawned before another tap startled me, quickly followed by two more. I got my glasses from my nightstand and put them on, everything coming into focus as I did so. Looking to my window, I saw that small pebbles were being thrown against it, and I went over and opened it before sticking my head out, only to be hit right in the forehead by another stone. "Sorry!" I heard from the ground as I clutched my forehead.

When I looked down there was no one there however, and I shrugged as I figured that they must be keeping themselves out of sight in order to make a dramatic entrance. I got down and closed my window before spinning in place and changing back into my superhero costume. I then checked my phone and saw that someone had posted something on my Coonstagram, so I unlocked the device to see that Cartman had sent me a message that "Captain Diabetes" will be coming to lead me to the girl with the dick tattoo.

'Captain Diabetes? Wait a minute, is this gonna be who I think it is?' I thought to myself before leaving the room. I tried to peep into Mom and Dad's room, but something was blocking the keyhole so I couldn't see anything. I then went downstairs to find Dad passed out among a huge mess and a bunch of weed and beer. I sighed in annoyance and went to the front door, but it was locked with the three extra locks that Dad had installed a few weeks ago in a weed-fueled bout of paranoia.

I hit the first two locks with Snap N Pops to open them, then got the key down from the alcove near the basement and undid the padlock. I hadn't even taken three steps out the front door however, when I heard a voice next to me laugh, and I turned to see Scott Malkinson wearing football pads and a bandolier with insulin and syringes on it, who told me, "Fear not! For it is I… Captain Diabetes!" 'Yup, it's who I thought it was.' I thought to myself.

Scott then continued, "Yes! A mild-mannered gentleman with the power of diabetes at his control!" He walked a few steps down my front yard as he explained, "I used to be a simple elementary school student, but then one day, a freak science accident turned my diabetes into superhuman strength!" He then turned to me and told me, "All right, Sidekick, we're supposed to go investigate a girl who might know the location of the missing cat. Follow me!"

With that, the two of us set off down the street, and I saw that Scott was now a Combat Buddy as he told me, "Ready? Let's go, Sidekick! Kyle's is this way!" The two of us passed Butters' and Cartman's houses without incident, but when we reached Stan's house, we came upon a beer-drunk Randy keying Sharon's car, and I face-palmed as I saw him. 'Well, at least THAT mission's done.' I thought to myself.

"Fuckin' bitch! Let's see how you like THIS!" Randy said, presumably referring to Sharon. Scott then went up to him and exclaimed, "I am Captain Diabetes and this is my faithful sidekick!" Randy looked to us for a moment before telling him, "Oh, OK… Well, move outta the way, huh? I need to go buy some more beer." "I'm sorry, but Captain Diabetes CANNOT let you drive!" Captain Diabetes told him, and Randy indignantly told him, "I'm fine to drive… OK? Get outta here!"

Captain Diabetes then snatched Randy's keys out of his hands, prompting him to yell, "Hey, GIMME MY KEYS!" "You are in no condition, sir!" Captain Diabetes told him sternly. Rand staggered around for a moment before steadying himself, telling Captain Diabetes, "I'm fine, OK? Look, wai- Look, look…I'm fine… OK? Gimme my keys. Please."

The Captain wasn't fooled however, and told him, "I'll return them, tomorrow!" Suddenly, Randy started grabbing at him while he yelled, "GIMME MY FUCKIN' KEYS, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" I quickly realized we were going to have to fight and tapped into my friendship energy, creating a baseball bat out of shimmering pink light that I used to hit him in the shin, making him hop one leg and give me an opportunity to hit him in the groin. He doubled over at my second hit and I was able to reach his head, knocking him back into Sharon's car and knocking him out.

I got a small amount of change and Randy's beer bottle as an Artifact, which I used to replace the Amulet of Contemplation I had gotten at the church. "All right, Sidekick, good work, but we've got a job to do!" Captain Diabetes told me, and we started back off in the direction of Kyle's house. When we reached the front door, he told me, "Go on in. There's a shortcut through Human Kite's base."

The two of us entered Kyle's house and went upstairs before the Captain told me, "The shortcut's up here through the attic. Human Kite gave us permission to use it. We just have to get into the attic." I then threw a Snap N Pop at the attic door and sent the ladder down. "Nice one, Sidekick!" He told me before we both went up the ladder. Once we reached the attic, I saw that it had been decorated to look like a city, having various cardboard boxes around colored like skyscrapers. "This is Human Kite's secret base!" Captain Diabetes told me.

I broke some ruined computers to clear our path to Kite's "Kite Line Express" as Captain Diabetes told me, "Farts make me angry. The Coon says it's because my mom farted giving birth to me, and that's why I have diabetes. I don't think that's why I have diabetes, though. I think it was a gift. To help fight crime."

I got a Yaoi picture off of a box and moved a stepladder over so that we could get up to where Kite had his zipline set up as he spoke. The two of us went down the zipline together, which seemed very dangerous, and as we moved along the wire, Captain narrated, "The fearless hero and his sidekick descend into the dark night, ready to strike down evil and bring peace to the city." He then turned to me and asked with insecurity in his voice, "You don't think people get diabetes cuz their moms farted during childbirth, do you? I feel like the Coon made that up to make Captain Diabetes feel insecure about himself…"

'If he did, it worked.' I thought to myself as we came to the end of the zipline and jumped off. "As you can see, Sidekick, at nighttime South Park is quite a different place." Captain Diabetes told me. I looked around and saw a few posters for some kind of concert around, but otherwise things looked pretty much the same, just darker. Captain Diabetes and I walked down the street, and we passed people who looked like they were partying, almost all of them drunk and some of them passed out.

Once we reached the Town Square, we saw that a huge crowd was assembled to watch the concert that was being advertised on the posters, and that a Port-a-Potty was blocking our way with a line of people who all looked like they had to use it nearby. When we got up to the portable toilet, Captain told me, "My diabetic rage will do just the trick!" He then pulled out a container of apple juice from his pocket and drank it down before muttering, "Oh my god, here it comes… that's so much sugar…" He then started freaking out, growling and stomping in place before he flipped over the Port-a-Potty, and I winced as I thought to myself, 'I feel sorry for whoever was in there.'

Captain panted as he muttered, "Oh my god, it's too much… Need insulin... Need insulin fast…" He took a syringe and a vial of insulin off of his bandolier and drew the medicine into the needle before injecting it into his leg, telling me once he was done, "Uhhaghg… Ughh. And I am perfectly normal! You see how masterfully I have learned to control my diabetes!" "That seems really dangerous, Scott." I pointed out.

"I am not Scott, I am Captain Diabetes! And your concern is appreciated, Sidekick, but I have my diabetes down to a science. You needn't worry about me!" He replied, and I shrugged as we moved on down the street, finding a bus and a bunch of music equipment blocking the way to the Police Station. Thankfully, it would seem that that wasn't our goal tonight, as Captain Diabetes turned to the right and continued down the sidewalk and across the street.

"Here it is!" The Captain told me as we reached the Peppermint Hippo, South Park's one and only strip club. 'Well, if we were going to find a girl with a penis tattoo, they would probably be here.' I figured, and Captain Diabetes continued, "Here's where we're going to find the girl…"

When we reached the sign, Captain Diabetes turned to me and told me, "There's sure to be unsavory characters and lots of boobies inside!" The two of us then walked through the front door, and as we walked up to him, the bouncer told us, "Hey, beat it kids. Twenty-one and older only." "Stand aside, citizen! It is I, Captain Diabetes! I must speak with the ladies inside!" Captain told him in his best superhero voice.

"Get outta here before I fuckin' throw you out." The bouncer casually told him in response. The two of us then left the building, and Captain Diabetes muttered to himself, "There's got to be another way inside." I walked down the street to see that there was an air vent that led inside the building, but it was blocked by the dumpster, so I destroyed the umbrella holding the lid up with a Snap N Pop, and the Captain told me, "Great detective work, Sidekick! Now we just need a way up there!"

I walked up to the payphone near the dumpster, but before I could figure out a way to get up onto it, Captain Diabetes told me, "Oh, of course! Stand aside, Sidekick!" He then pulled out another container of apple juice and drank it, activating his Diabetic Rage in order to rip the payphone out of the ground, creating a makeshift bridge for us to use. Once he was done, he gave himself another shot of insulin, and I told him, "You should really stop doing that."

He ignored me however, and the two of us went through the vent and into the bathroom, where a drunk guy was peeing into the urinal. We ignored him and went through the door into the main stage where we saw men all around us drinking and getting lap dances from strippers. "OK, we made it inside the strip club." The Captain told me, and the both of us looked around but didn't see any penis tattoos.

"Wow. These ladies are really uh… moving. Well, don't freak out, Sidekick. We're superheroes. We can handle this." Captain Diabetes muttered, more to himself than me. He then seemed to snap out of it and told me, "One of these ladies has information about the missing cats." "It's not any of them, Captain Diabetes, none of them have dick tattoos." I pointed out.

"But they'll know the one that does!" He retorted, and told me, "There's only one thing we can do. We have to pick someone and take them to the VIP room. Find someone and meet me there." Before I had any chance to protest, he ran off to the entrance of the VIP room. I sighed and reluctantly went up to some of the strippers. All of them deemed me too young without me even saying a word, which was fair, but when I went up to Captain Diabetes, he told me, "Hey Sidekick. No luck, huh? That's OK, I found a couple of guys. Remember to just play along!"

Just then, two guys walked up to us who looked like they had been drinking all day and night, and one of them with brown hair asked, "Hey, you two girls ready to party?" "So this is your friend, huh? She's fucking hot as fuck." The other one, that had black hair, muttered. "That's right! Wouldn't you like to take her to VIP?" Captain Diabetes asked them. The brown-haired one inspected me for a moment before doubtfully saying, "I dunno, she's kinda short…" His friend then turned to him and eagerly told him, "I like 'em short. You take the one with the speech impediment." "Come on, let's get some dances." The brown-haired one said. "I was thinking we could just go in there and talk for a little while." The Captain requested. The black-haired one then told him, "Yeah, first we get dances THEN we talk." "Oh, OK!" Captain Diabetes said.

I then pulled Scott aside and asked him in a frantic whisper, "Scott! What do you think you're doing?!" "I am Captain-" He began, but I cut him off and asked, "Forget the game for a second, Scott! These guys actually think we're strippers! We could be in serious danger here! And even putting that aside, how the fuck are they going to help us find the dick tattoo girl?!"

"They're regulars. The bartender says they're here every night. And we don't have a choice. We're too young to get any of the strippers to go with us!" Scott whispered back, and I desperately tried to find another solution in my head, but after a moment I sighed and conceded to him, "Alright, fine. But if things start to get hairy in there, I'm kicking their asses! Now come on, let's get this over with!"

With that, the four of us entered the VIP room, and the brown-haired one sat down with Captain Diabetes and told him to give him a lap dance. As the Captain complied, the black-haired one and I sat down on another couch, him making me uncomfortable as he put his arm around me. "So, have you gentlemen ever had dances from a girl with a penis tattoo?" Captain Diabetes asked them.

I mentally face-palmed at his poor attempt at interrogation, but the brown-haired man getting a lap dance from him told him, "Hey, we didn't come back here to talk, baby." 'How drunk do they have to be to mistake US for strippers? I thought Scott said they were here every night.' I thought to myself. Suddenly, the black-haired one next to me agreed with him, saying, "Yeah. No talking until you finish grinding on our chubs." "Oh, all right." Captain Diabetes conceded. "OK Sidekick, you know what this means…" He then continued.

I glared to the guy next to me as I thought, 'OK, he wants a lap dance? Let's see how he likes THIS!' I then climbed up onto him and started to wave my butt in front of his crotch, letting out audible and foul-smelling farts as I did so. "Oh god." He said disgustedly, and I decided to step it up a notch and started air-humping his thigh, making my farts more intense while I did. "Oh fuck, I think I'm gonna barf." He muttered.

I wasn't nearly done torturing him however, and moved over to fart on his crotch again, increasing my farts' power as he told me, "Jesus babe, you're stinkin' up the VIP room." Deciding to put the final nail in the coffin, I climbed up onto the frame of the couch and started twerking right in front of his face while letting out the worst farts that I could. He managed to last a full ten seconds of this before he surrendered and told me, "Aw, no no. Let's just talk, let's just talk."

I jumped off of him with my face glowing red as Captain Diabetes told the two, "OK, chat time." Not witnessing my gastrointestinal torture, the other muttered, "Chat time? Aww, mann." "So, what kind of work do you guys do? And have you danced with a girl that had a penis tattoo?" Captain Diabetes asked them. In confusion, the one Captain was dancing with asked him, "Why do you keep talking about a stripper with a penis tattoo?" The one I had tortured then exclaimed, "Yeah, yeah, Classi, that's her name!" 'Bingo.' I thought to myself.

"Her name is Classi?" Captain Diabetes asked the man whose tie he was currently holding. "Yeah, Classi with an I, and a little dick that hangs off the C which fucks the L out of the A-S-S." He muttered. "Of course! Hence the tattoo! We have the name, New Kid! Come on!" The Captain told me as he jumped off of his guy's lap.

He stood up and complained, "What are you talkin' about?! This is the worst VIP experience ever!" "Yeah, all I did was get farted on! You ain't goin' nowhere!" The other griped as the two moved to block the exit. Captain Diabetes then exclaimed, "Ha HAA! I am no ordinary stripper, I am… Captain Diabetes!" "Whaat?" One of them asked in confusion. Captain Diabetes then gestured to me and told them, "My sidekick and I simply used our powers of disguise to extract information from you!" "We didn't even change clothes." I pointed out to him, but was ignored.

"You won't get away with this, Captain Diabetes!" One of them exclaimed, and the two of them bore down on us menacingly. Acting fast, I tapped into my energy and created a lasso of pink light, which I looped around their ankles and pulled on, sending them crashing to the ground and knocking them unconscious as they groaned. "Nice work, Sidekick! Now come on, we need to find Classi!" Captain Diabetes told me. I got some scrap and a small amount of change from the fight before we went back into the main room of the club.

As we re-entered the club, the DJ reminded everyone to tip their waitress and passive-aggressively requested a drink. He then introduced a stripper named Esmerelda, and Captain Diabetes exclaimed, "That's it! The DJ calls the bitches' names, and then the bitches come out of that back room! New Kid, we need to find a way to distract the DJ." He looked down in thought for a moment before gasping and telling me, "I got it! Gin and Tonic always make my mom pass out. If we can make one and spike it with something really strong, he'll be out for sure! Go make that drink, Sidekick!"

I took a look around and went up to the bartender, but a Gin and Tonic was twenty-five bucks, so I just bought one of his cheap CDs so that he would take a selfie with me and bought a peppermint-colored dildo Artifact. When I opened my phone however, I saw that since I had reached Hero Rank 4, I had a new Artifact Slot, this one for Major Artifacts. I somehow had one that was just a silver fidget spinner, so I equipped it and replaced my Idol of Vitality with the Reaming Rod of Gargantua I had just gotten. I then went into the kitchen and snuck behind the bar to steal a Gin and Tonic.

When we went back to the kitchen, Captain Diabetes spotted a jar full of boogers and cum normally reserved for Yelpers. Since it was too far up to hit with a Snap N Pop, I turned on the fryer below it instead and ignited the flames with a thrown fart, sending the jar crashing down. I collected some without touching it and went into the back room. Looking around, I saw a rat scurrying around on top of a shelf, so I climbed up with the help of a stepladder and a broken shelf and collected some of its droppings, again without touching them.

I mixed the disgusting items with the alcoholic beverage, and once I was done, I set it on the ground for Captain Diabetes' inspection. "Hm, do you think it's gross enough to knock the DJ out of commission?" He asked. He had a point, since he was DJing for a strip club he had to have a pretty thick skin, so I turned around and farted onto the drink, accidentally hitting the Captain as I did so. "Oh god… Oh god…" He muttered, then shook his head in anger and exclaimed, "FARTS!"

Captain Diabetes quickly composed himself and explained to me, "I'm sorry you had to see that, Sidekick…but nothing in this world makes me more angry than farts. It awakens the deep-seated rage that I harbor within me." He then continued with a wistful tone, "I wish it didn't have to be farts… But that'll definitely take the DJ out long enough for us to call out Classi." I picked the DJ Special back up and we left the back room and went back into the main room of the club, then went up to the DJ and handed him the spiked drink.

When he saw us give him the alcoholic beverage, the DJ said, "All right! Someone finally bought the DJ a drink! That's really nice of you…" He then drank the DJ Special in one go, making my stomach churn for a moment as he said, "That went down really good. The DJ sure does appreciate it…" He then started clutching his stomach as he muttered, "Uuugh… Oh… oh man, I think someone farted in my drink, guys. I'll be right back. Be sure to tip your waitress-" He then ran off into the bathroom.

Captain Diabetes then told me, "Great work, New Kid. Wow!" And took the DJ's place at the turntables and spoke into the microphone, telling the club in his best DJ voice, "All right, everybody. Be sure to tip your waitress. Things are about to get a little hot up on the main stage. Please welcome CLASSSII…"

He trailed off as he introduced her, and after she didn't appear, Captain announced, "Uuh, that's right, guys, let's get her on out here. That's Classi with an I and a little dick that hangs off of the C and fucks the L out of the A-S-S. Give it up for… Classsii!" Just then, a dark-skinned woman came out of the backstage area and asked, "Ay, what you callin' me out for?! I ain't on stage yet."

When she saw us, Classi said, "Wait a minute! You ain't the DJ!" "THAT MUST BE HER, New Kid!" Captain Diabetes exclaimed, and Classi muttered, "Aww, shit, it's 5-0! Cops are here!" She then ran backstage, and Captain followed her as he exclaimed, "AFTER HER!" And I sighed in exasperation as I followed them. I then got an Artifact out of a chest before Captain Diabetes and I went into the dressing room.

When we walked in, there were a large assortment of strippers talking and applying makeup all around us, many of them far less attractive than the ones that had been dancing onstage. Classi was near the back, and when she saw us, she told the room, "They after me, ladies! Stop 'em!"

At that, every stripper in the room turned towards us. "NOBODY'S ALLOWED BACK HERE!" One of them told us, and another backed her up, saying, "Yeah! Get lost!" Captain wasn't deterred however, and told them, "Stand aside, ladies! Captain Diabetes and his sidekick need to question that stripper!" He pointed to Classi as he spoke, and one of the strippers told him, "You wanna get to her… You're gonna have to go through us!" "Bring it on!" Another said.

And with that, a battle began as the DJ apparently got back from the bathroom. The two of us pushed our way through the crowd of strippers, using our various abilities to push them back and knock them out as Classi ran for the exit. Once we had managed to catch up with her however, she told us, "Oh you little bastards done fucked up! Get 'em, Bootay!"

The ground shook as Classi ran off and the DJ started introducing a new girl named Spontaneous Bootay, and once we saw her, we knew how she got her name. She was huge, and wearing a blue bikini top with white stars that didn't even cover her nipples and a tiny blue thong with fishnet stockings. She burst through the wall and told us, "Hey, honey. You ain't ready for this bootay!" She then walked a few steps towards us before jumping up and smashing onto the ground ass-first, smashing a few chairs with her gigantic ass. Captain Diabetes had a shocked look on his face as he muttered, "Oh my god. She'll crush us alive with her massive butt!" 'And here I thought _my_ ass was dangerous.' I thought.

The two of us ran towards Classi with renewed vigor, our attacks defeating the strippers in one hit each as our fear gave them increased strength. The whole while, Bootay was stomping down on her butt towards us, barely missing us a few times. We finally managed to reach Classi, but when we got to her, she told us, "Uh-uh, you'll never take ME alive!" She then ran out of the exit and we followed her with Spontaneous Bootay on our heels.

I somehow got some scrap and change from the fight and we emerged from the Peppermint Hippo, but when we got into the alleyway we saw an Italian man in a dark suit waiting for us at the door to Buca de Faggoncini, and he told us, "Go on, scram! I ain't afraid to use this thing…" And fired a shot straight upwards.

It backfired on him however, as the bullet hit the sign directly above him, sending it crashing down onto him and killing him instantly. I winced at the impact, but Captain Diabetes didn't seem fazed as he told me, "Come on, New Kid! Into that restaurant!" The sign was still blocking the door however, and Captain realized this as he told me, "Stand aside, Sidekick! It's time for… DIABETIC RAAAAAGE!"

He then took out another box of apple juice and drank it in one go, shaking with anger before he tried and failed to lift the sign. He panted as he gave up, and muttered, "Even my diabetic rage can't move this sign!" He started panting and muttered, "Oh god… It's too much… Uh – I need my insulin… My – I need my…" The Captain then started searching his bandolier for insulin, but it would seem he was all out as he couldn't find any.

In a panic, he told me, "Oh no! OH GOD! I'M OUT OF INSULIN!" "I told you that you shouldn't be doing that!" I told him, but he ignored me and grabbed me by the front of my costume, yelling, "YOU GOTTA HELP ME, I DRANK THE APPLE JUICE BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY INSULIN! I'M GOING INTO DIABETIC SHOCK!" He started shaking as he got a dazed look on his face and muttered, "I'M… I'M DYING! OH GOD! MOM! MOM, I'M DYING, SOMEBODY PLEASE… Please… uh? HUH? UHH-"

He then collapsed to the ground and stopped moving. I rolled my eyes and shook him, telling the boy, "Okay Captain Diabetes, you've proven your point. Come on, get up." He didn't move however, and I raised my eyebrow as I asked him, "Captain Diabetes?" When I still didn't get a response, I asked, "Scott?"

He still didn't move however, and I whispered, "Oh fuck." Before I checked his neck for a pulse. It was there, but it was weak and fading fast. I picked up the apple juice that he had dropped and saw that it was a special promotional item that had over three times the normal amount of sugar for its brand! Suddenly, I got a FaceTime call from Coon, who asked, "This is Coon, checking in… how's it going for you guys?"

I told him in a panic, "Cartman! Scott drank some kind of crazy apple juice and he doesn't have any insulin and-" I was interrupted however, as he ignored me and said, "Everything cool there? Cool… keep me updated." He then hung up on me, and I growled in frustration as I pulled a Revival Serum out of my necklace. Before I could give it to Scott however, I froze as I realized something. I took a look around me as my body started to tremble uncontrollably, desperately trying to recognize my surroundings. The effort was in vain however, and the Revival Serum fell through numb fingers as I backed up, my breathing turning quick and short. It was dark out, I didn't know where I was or how to get home from here, and with the Italian guy dead and Scott halfway there, I was alone. My Monophobia was setting in.

I tried desperately to keep it at bay, to force myself to pick up the Revival Serum and bring Scott back to life, but my body wouldn't listen to me, and I fell to the ground and started to curl into a ball as tears leaked from my eyes and snow started to fall from the sky. 'Please,' I thought, 'Not now. Not like this. This can't happen now.' I sobbed as I realized I was helpless to do anything, and I truly thought that Scott would die before I heard a voice echoing through my head, telling me, "You can't give up now, New Kid."

I shakily raised my head to see a transparent Morgan Freeman standing in front of me. "Morgan Freeman?" I quietly asked. "I told you that I could do incredible things with my ass, New Kid." He told me, then continued, "It's time, New Kid. You must unlock the powers that lie dormant within you. Eat the Enchirito, New Kid. It's the only way…" He faded away as he trailed off of the last sentence, and I nodded with determination and stood up, Morgan's appearance dispelling my Monophobia and allowing me to function for the moment. I then retrieved the Enchirito that I had crafted from the Dragon's Heart. 'Here goes everything.' I thought to myself before I dug in, finishing the Crafted food item in two bites and washing it down with some water that I had with me.

I didn't feel anything for a moment, and I was worried that my Monophobia would set back in before I could do anything until I felt a deep rumbling in my stomach. I clutched my gut and groaned as a strange pressure built. I then took a deep breath before letting out the biggest fart that I had ever witnessed, the gas quickly permeating throughout the alleyway. Suddenly, everything seemed to… reverse, for lack of a better term. I watched in amazement as Scott picked himself back up and stumbled around dazedly before failing to lift the sign, trying to, and sipping his apple juice, performing every action that he had performed backwards.

The sign from the restaurant rose back up and repaired itself, the bullet returning to the man's gun as he himself returned to normal, and the reversal stopped there, time moving normally now as Scott and the unknown man looked around in confusion. "Ah – I'm alive? What happened? Who are you?! Ahh!" The man exclaimed before he ran back inside the restaurant. In confusion, Scott asked me, "Wait a minute… What happened? I thought I died from diabetes!"

"You almost did." I told him, and continued, "Look, Scott, this was too close a call. You can't do that 'Diabetic Rage' anymore. Next time…" I paused for a moment before deciding that I probably shouldn't tell him that I could reverse time with my asshole and continued, "Whatever… just happened… Might not happen. You can't risk this again." Scott took a deep breath and told me, "I know. I just wanted to help Coon and Friends so badly that I… I guess I got a little carried away."

I smiled and told him, "It's alright. Now come on, Captain Diabetes. Let's go get the girl with the dick tattoo!" Captain Diabetes told me, "Yeah! Let's go get her, Sidekick!" He then ran off into the restaurant before I could follow him. Suddenly, Morgan Freeman appeared behind me again and told me, "Very good, New Kid. Your powers are growing." I then turned to him and asked, "What _was_ that?" He explained to me, "That… was TimeFart Glitch. It's one of several powerful TimeFarts that will allow you to bend time to your will. You see, the TimeFarts are an ancient form of fart magic that was deemed too powerful for mortal asses. I am the only one on Earth who can use them today. Or at least, I was. I'm passing my knowledge on to you, so that the ancient secrets of this magic will be preserved. Use it well, New Kid. Use it well…" He then faded away again as a new freckle appeared on his cheek.

I nodded before I ran inside the restaurant to follow Captain Diabetes, who told me that he had called for backup while I was back in the alley. Classi was nowhere in sight, so we walked through the restaurant and passed several pretentious people chugging wine before we found Coon, Human Kite, and Mosquito sitting at a table near the front entrance. "There you are! Where's the girl?" Coon asked as he saw us approach.

Captain Diabetes asked them as he looked around the restaurant, "She was just here! You didn't see her come in?" Coon then lied, "Uh, no. We were busy… syncing our watches." Human Kite was having none of this however, and told us, "No, we were looking at menus. Because Cartman made us order food!" 'Wait a minute, so while I was watching two people fucking DIE, Cartman was eating breadsticks?!' I thought to myself angrily.

The Coon didn't pick up on my outrage however, and told Kite, "Fighting crime on an empty stomach is very dangerous, Human Kite! It's for your own good." "Whatever." Kite responded. Mosquito then chimed in, telling us, "She couldn't have left – we would've seen her go out the front door." "Well, maybe she's in the back!" Captain Diabetes said.

"OK, you guys check it out. Call us if you need help. We'll be waiting with our breadsticks." Coon told us, clearly not willing to actually put in any effort on this mission. I saw on my phone that The Coon was now a Combat Buddy before Captain Diabetes and I went into the kitchen. However, we were almost immediately met with a quartet of angry chefs and a barricade made of boxes and a still with a green base. The chefs then started a battle before we could get a chance to ask them anything, Human Kite and Coon running in to help us.

The head chef had the first turn, and he moved to stand behind one of his comrades before Coon rushed forward with his Coon Lunge to claw two of the others and make them advance a space each. One of them was about to throw a wooden spork at Captain Diabetes, but I used Glitch to skip his turn, acting like I was as confused as everyone else once it was done. The other chef that Coon had hit smacked him in the face with his own spork, and I used Triple Burn to damage the one that had almost hit the Captain.

The big chef that the head chef was hiding behind moved forward a space before Captain Diabetes rushed forward and tackled the two that the Coon had hit before with Sugar Rush, making them advance again. Human Kite then used Laser Burn to damage the big one, but the head chef simply healed him with a wine toast, making the effort for nothing. Coon used Coon Lunge again to defeat one of the chefs and damage the other one, who hit Captain Diabetes with a spork.

I used Triple Burn to finish him off, and the big chef moved forward one space before Captain moved down and damaged the head chef with Insulin Shock, Slowing the cook and giving himself Protection. Human Kite used Laser burn to damage the big chef again, but the head chef undid the damage a second time. Coon then moved diagonally one space and skipped his turn before I used Heat Wave to knock the big chef backwards and deal some damage.

The big chef then hit Captain Diabetes with a hammer, destroying his Protection and knocking him back. In retaliation, the Captain struck the large chef with Coma Combo, dealing a good amount of damage. Kite then used Laser Burn to damage the head chef, who would have healed himself and his cohort if I hadn't skipped his turn with Glitch.

Coon used his Coon Pounce to deal damage to the big chef and switch places with him before I hit him with Heat Wave. The big chef retreated backwards a space before Captain Diabetes finished him off with his Coma Combo. With that, the head chef was alone, and Kite used Laser Burn to damage him before he hit Coon with a rolling pin, dealing a good amount of damage. Coon used Coon claws in retaliation, inflicting Bleeding and damaging the chef before I used Heat Wave to damage him further. Captain Diabetes then finished him off with Coma Combo.

I got some scrap and change from the battle before the Captain told me, "Those carbohydrate crusaders were no match for the Coon and Friends, huh Sidekick?" I nodded with a smile on my face before he turned around and continued, "Classi must have gone this way… but the path is barricaded! I could easily lift this out of the way… but I can't use my apple juice without insulin to bring me back down."

I put my hand on my chin as I thought to myself, 'If I can make Scott angry, then he won't need his apple juice to lift that still. But what makes him angry?' Just then, a metaphorical light bulb went off above my head, and I sighed to myself as I thought, 'Of course it would be that.' I opened my mouth to tell Captain Diabetes, but I coughed as my throat started to ache. I clutched my neck as I thought to myself, 'Damn. I've been talking too much tonight.'

"Are you okay, Sidekick? Do you have an idea on how to get through the barricade?" Captain asked me. Unable to respond verbally, I turned around and farted in his face, causing him to cringe and get an angry expression for a moment before apparently realizing what I was trying to tell him. "Wait, that's it!" He exclaimed, then continued, "Your FARTS, Sidekick! Your terrible farts that throw me into fits of rage!"

He looked down as he had a realization, and muttered, "Of course… The Coon wasn't trying to make me feel insecure when he told me that my mom's farts gave me diabetes. He was trying to help me unlock my true power!" 'Pretty sure he was just fucking with you.' I thought, unable to talk for the moment. "We've gotta get through here and get to Classi, Sidekick. For the good of South Park… For Coon and Friends… I need you to fart on my face." The Captain told me. I sighed before I moved him in front of the still and had him lie down before awkwardly climbing on top of him. I took a deep breath before releasing several short and powerful farts into his face.

Once he looked ready to tear something apart, I got off of him and he leaped upwards before grabbing the base of the still and ripping it out of the ground. Captain Diabetes panted as he finished and told me, "We did it…! The path is clear! It's hard for me to lose control of myself, but if we're ever in a dire situation like that again, Sidekick, know that you can fart in my face." I then got an alert on my phone that said I had unlocked a Buddy Power, which was apparently something I could use to get passed certain obstacles. According to my phone, I could use Scott's power to tip over anything that had a green base, and I groaned as I remembered seeing several of those things in my explorations of the town.

I decided to put it out of my mind as we went through the door to the back, me looting a red crate along the way. When we opened the door, we saw a room filled with nothing but cats, dozens of them crammed into pet carriers and stacked onto shelves on the far wall. I caught my breath as Captain Diabetes muttered, "HOLY GUACAMOLE! What is this?!" We looked over the scene in front of us for a moment before the Captain said, "Oh man! We gotta tell the guys."

He then grabbed his shirt and spoke into what was apparently a microphone, "COON! COON, COME IN!" I then got a FaceTime call from Coon, who said, "Yes, Captain Diabetes." The Captain told him, "We found missing cats! A whole room of them." Excitedly, Coon asked, "Dude! Is Scrambles one of them?" Captain Diabetes took a quick look around before replying, "Uhh… Negative. None of them are fat and old."

"And what about the girl?" Coon asked. "We're still tracking her." Captain Diabetes replied. "We have to find out what she knows. Get going!" Coon replied before hanging up. "We're so close I can smell it! Come on, Sidekick!" The Captain told me. I looted a nearby box before pushing a cage with a cat in it forward, then used Glitch to reset it back to its former position, clearing our path.

I then sold the inferior Artifacts I had at a vending machine and Crafted some Burritos, wanting to be prepared for whatever happened once we went through that door. Captain Diabetes put his ear to the door and told me, "Hold on, Sidekick. Sounds like there could be trouble behind that door." 'Kinda figured that already.' I thought to myself. Regardless, he muttered, "There's someone in there."

He then took a charging stance and yelled, "One. Two. Diabetes!" He then burst through the door to reveal four Italian guys playing poker with Classi standing beside their table. They were laughing, but stopped when they saw us come in and Classi told them, "See, I told you the cops were chasing me!" "And you lead them here, you stupid bitch?!" One of them asked her.

Indignantly, Classi told him, "Uh-uh, who you calling a stupid bitch?! Do I look like your mama?!" Ignoring the exchange, Captain told her, "The jig is up, Classi!" "These kids are cops?!" Another one of the Italian guys asked, disbelief in his voice. 'FINALLY! Someone thinks that the TWO TEN-YEAR OLDS aren't cops!' I thought to myself sarcastically. The leader then told him, "That ain't no cop… That's Captain Diabetes!" He got up from his chair and continued, "When he was born his mom farted during labor and it gave him diabetes that he uses to fight crime!"

"That is NOT how people get diabetes!" Captain told him. "If they aren't cops – Then we can shoot 'em! Along with THIS bitch too!" The one that had questioned our status as cops told the room, and the four pulled out pistols as they lead us to the back of the room to stand next to Classi, who remarked, "Aw shit, y'all turning on me?! I knew I shouldn't have went into business with y'all Tony Soprano-looking motherfuckers!"

Ignoring her, the leader told the Captain, "So long… Captain Diabetes. Let's see your diabetes save you now." I got ready to use my energy powers as they all took the safeties off of their guns, but it would seem they wouldn't be necessary as Randy chose that moment to burst through the door, roaring to the room with his pants down his ankles and a glass of red wine in his hand. "I WANT MY KEEEYS!" He screamed at the leader as he grabbed him by his jacket, and the sober man told him, "I DON'T HAVE YOUR KEYS, MAN!"

Randy roared and threw him into the wall as Classi screamed, and before he passed out, the leader told everyone, "He's wasted on red wine!" "Red-wine drunk is the worst drunk there is!" Another one of them muttered. Randy then punched him in the face before beating up all three of the remaining mobsters. "Let's get the fuck out of here!" One of them said, and they all ran out the door, leaving us to face Randy, who turned to the Captain and told him with eerie calmness, "All right, Captain Diabetes… THIS IS IT… Give me… my FUCKIN' keys!"

'Give him his keys, Scott.' I begged him in my mind, but the Captain defied my mental begging and sternly told him, "YOU are in no condition to drive!" "Then… DIEEEEEEEE!" Randy said with murder in his voice, and he chugged his glass of wine before we all took our places in a combat grid, Coon and Human Kite running in to help us.

Randy would have one-shot Captain Diabetes, but I used Glitch to skip his turn, and Coon used Coon Pounce to damage Randy and switch places with him as Classi complained about what just happened, thankfully not realizing that it was me. I then used Sand Trap to damage Randy some more, breaking the table by accident as I did so. Captain Diabetes then moved as far away from him as he could and skipped his turn since we would automatically lose if he was defeated, and Human Kite used Laser burn to damage Randy some more.

Randy's turn rolled around then, but it would seem he was occupied as he texted Sharon to fuck off, which I'm guessing she would be pretty mad about in the morning. He then chugged a bottle of red wine before punching the Captain and I, drop-kicking him once he was finished. 'He may be cheating, but for being completely wasted he's doing pretty well with our combat grid.' I thought to myself. Coon then used Coon Claws to damage Randy before I put myself between him and the Captain and used Heat Wave, knocking him back into Coon and causing him to take even more damage.

Captain Diabetes moved away and skipped his turn again before Kite moved behind me and hit Randy with Laser Burn. Randy then took his phone out again and asked us who let Sharon know that he was here before telling her he was looking for his keys. He then chugged another bottle of wine before taking damage from the Bleeding effect that Coon had given him. He then hit Captain Diabetes again, depleting him down to one Health before I used Heat Wave to finish him off, knocking him to the ground where he gave up and muttered that he would take a cab.

Once he was defeated, we turned our sights to Classi, who backed up as she told us, "All right, all right, shit! Look, all I know is that there's a kingpin running around trying to get new high-grade drugs out onto the streets! It's somebody trying to bring the Italian and Chinese crime families TOGETHER and shit!" Coon ignored her however, and demanded as he took out his Scrambles poster, "Enough small talk! Where is Scrambles?!" I then face-palmed and thought to myself, 'Only Cartman could ignore a REAL crime conspiracy in order to find a missing cat.'

Classi was confused for a moment but apparently thankful for the diversion and asked him, "Scrambles?" "We need this reward money for our superhero franchise!" Coon told her. "Oh shit, y'all just want a cat?" Classi asked with a relieved tone. 'Well, THEY do.' I thought to myself.

I stopped to free the cats in the other room before we all went back to the Coon lair, where Classi was talking about someone named Cisco and how she was her own pimp before Coon asked her, "Classi, Classi, I'm sorry, but, wh-what about the cats?" She replied that the cats were dealt with by some Asian guy whose name she probably got wrong and who was paying the sixth graders to steal cats. She then started babbling again and Human Kite asked her, "Where do the cats GO?" "I can tell you… but I ain't saying SHIT until I know I'm safe, you understand? These guys ain't playin' and I need to know that you gonna protect my ass." Classi replied.

Just then, we heard a voice from the stairs exclaim, "ERIC CARTMAN!" We all looked up to see Mrs. Cartman standing there in a bathrobe, and she told him, "Do you have any idea what time it is? This is a SCHOOL NIGHT!" "Mom, not now. We're seriously on to something." Coon said, dismissing her. She ignored him as she told us, "You kids all get home NOW or I'm calling your parents!"

That seemed to light a fire under everyone's asses, and Mosquito, Super Craig, and Human Kite left the room quickly, Kite begging Mrs. Cartman not to tell his mom. Fastpass got up as well, but before he could leave, Mrs. Cartman gestured to Classi and asked, "And who is this stripper woman?" "These Coon friends offered me protection." The stripper replied. "Well, she's not staying here." Mrs. Cartman told her son.

"Fine, Fastpass, take her to your house." Coon told him. "OK." The Speedster replied before picking up Classi and zooming off. Thankfully, I seemed to escape Mrs. Cartman's notice, and went home to bed before my parents could wake up.

And that is the chapter. I personally liked how it came out and am glad if you liked it. Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next chapter, and as always, no flames please.


	3. The Second Day

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the next chapter of The Next Adventure. For those of you hoping for lemons in this chapter, you're in luck! The first one of the story is right here, but it is a good ways into the chapter. With that out of the way, I do now own South Park or TFBW, let's read!

'I'm dead. I'm officially dead.' I thought to myself. I had only gotten one hour of sleep before Captain Diabetes had woken me up last night, and after our mission, I barely managed to get half that before I had to wake up to go to school. I was currently taking a hot shower to try to wake myself up, but it wasn't working very well so far. I groaned as I thought, 'I hope we have an easy day today with the game. I don't know how much I can take.' I then turned off the shower and dried off, and went downstairs to see that Dad was still passed out.

I sighed in annoyance and cleaned up his mess, replacing the books on the shelf and cleaning up the various spills before throwing away his trash. I was tempted to throw away his weed, but I figured that if I did he would just get more, and that it might be the high-grade stuff Classi was talking about, so I just put it back in his "secret" stash.

I then made myself a bowl of cereal and sat down on the couch next to my unconscious father to watch the news. "And now the news program that starts your day off right: GOOD MORNING SOUTH PARK!" The television blared. The picture switched to Tom the news anchor sitting next to a picture of a superhero silhouette with a question mark on his chest. "Good morning, South Park!" He greeted. "A new vigilante took to the streets last night and has apparently single-handedly taken down the Famboni crime family. Here with more is a midget in a bikini."

I paused in the middle of eating my cereal, and watched with wide eyes as the little person in a pink bikini said in front of the Buca de Fagoncinni, "Tom, I'm standing outside the Buca de Faggoncini where the vigilante declared war on crime in South Park. Security-camera footage showed a young person farting in people's faces, on their balls – it was just terrifying."

I raised my eyebrows as the camera cut to the two drunk guys I had beat up in the strip club, one of whom exclaimed, "The kid came in and just… just started farting on people!" "It was just outta nowhere, man." The other said. The camera then cut back to the restaurant, where a woman in a purple shirt pointed out, "Maybe someone's finally standing up to what's wrong with this city! This New Kid's a hero!" It then cut to an irate man in a maroon sweater, who rhetorically asked, "The kid's a menace, if you ask me. How long before he or she kills an innocent person? How long before Daredevil becomes the Punisher, huh?"

Someone off-screen said something to him, and the man exclaimed, "Huh? Three seasons? THREE SEASONS!" The camera then cut back to the little person wearing a bikini, who said, "Police called to the scene found a treasure trove of illegal items that they claim might tie the Italian restaurant to a larger syndicate. This may be just the tip of the iceberg."

They then showed Tom and the little person side-by-side, and Tom asked, "Certainly chilling stuff and, there were reports the vigilante possibly had a sidekick?" "There was thought to be a sidekick, Tom, but further investigation showed it was just some little twerp with diabetes." The little person responded, and I snickered at the irony. "Thanks midget, and of course, the question on everyone's mind now… WHO IS the farting vigilante?" Tom asked rhetorically.

I then checked the time before I shut off the TV and grabbed my backpack to head to school. I got there just in time, but I couldn't focus throughout the whole day, and it would appear the other Coon Friends were in similar condition. After the last bell rang, I went to my locker to get my things and leave. All around me, kids were chattering about the Farting Vigilante, but thankfully none of them recognized it as me. As I was getting the last of my books, I felt someone hug me from behind, and Bebe's voice behind me said, "Hey there, Dova."

I turned around to hug her back, and after a moment the two of us separated, and she asked me coyly, "You wouldn't happen to know anything about the Farting Vigilante, would you?" I smiled and opened my mouth to speak, but my throat was still sore, and I coughed as my voice failed me. Instead, I just shrugged before giving Bebe a knowing wink. Catching my meaning, Bebe told me, "Alright. Well, I've gotta go help my mom with something. Have fun with the game, and be careful with your voice!"

She then walked off while swaying her hips a bit, and I silently chuckled to myself as I thought, 'Such a tease.' I then walked off myself and met with the guys in front of the school. Once we were all together, Cartman exclaimed, "Wooohhh, man, what a great sleep!" "Yeah, I haven't slept that well in weeks." Jimmy bluffed, and Kyle asked us, "So! You guys do anything interesting last night?" "Oh no, you know, the usual! Just watched some TV and went to bed!" Cartman exclaimed, telling the students streaming out of the school more than us.

"Yup! Nothing exciting in our boring lives!" Jimmy loudly said. "Well then, I guess I'll just be seeing you guys tomorrow!" Kyle said. Jimmy and Kyle then walked off, presumably to change into their superhero outfits, and Cartman told me, "You've got a big day ahead of you, New Kid! Get changed into your superhero costume – and wait for a message from the COON!"

He then walked off just like the rest, and I spun in a circle to change into my costume before some kid walked by and told me, "How'd you do that? That was dumb." He then walked away, and I ignored him as I checked my missions. I saw that I just had the one to collect Yaoi for Mr. Tucker, so I decided to do some exploring and see where I could get with Scott's Diabetic Rage. Suddenly, I got a FaceTime call from Coon, who told me, "All right, ButtLord. It's time for us to get the information we need from Classi. Any good superhero should know how to interrogate. Get over to Jimmy's house and find out what she knows. Coon out." He then hung up without letting me respond.

I decided that Classi wasn't going anywhere and that I could take some time before I visited her, so I replaced my silver fidget spinner Artifact with a Nether Talisman that I had gotten from Randy last night. I then went down the street towards Bebe's house, where I took selfies with two girls that were making a snowwoman and beat up some sixth graders. I then walked further down to Craig's house, where I looked into his garage to see that a fridge inside had a green base, so I had Scott tip it over. I then moved the propane tank over to a boarded-up section of wall and detonated it, revealing a box that contained a Major Artifact made from a pan flute.

I used it to replace the one I had gotten from Randy and reset the fridge with Glitch before I moved on, then had Scott tip over an outdoor water heater to let me through a fence to get a chest, which contained a new costume. Remembering something, I walked down to my house and had Scott tip over a broken heater, then shot down a ladder to get up to a shelf with a backpack. I looted the bag and used Glitch to send the ladder back up to get a chest, where I found another new costume.

I left the garage and beat up some more sixth graders before I remembered something else, and I stopped at Cartman's house to tip over another broken heater, getting a Yaoi picture and a new costume set before I moved on down the street. I then went into Stan's house and gave his Grandpa the condom I had bought before taking a selfie with him and then stopped in the kitchen to take one with a hungover Randy before being told I still had too few followers to take a selfie with by Shelly.

I beat up more sixth graders by Kyle's house and decided that I had put it off long enough, so I set off for Jimmy's house. When I went inside, I found Classi sitting on his couch while she filed her nails, and when she saw me approach, she told me, "Oh, it's you again. 'Sup, hero? Don't be fartin' in my face 'n' shit." She then called out to the house, "Hey, Fastpass, one of your superhomies is here!" Jimmy then walked in from the kitchen and set a drink down on the coffee table before he told me, "Oh! Hey, New Kid! The Coon told me he wants you to question the witness so go ahead. Have at it."

I turned to Classi to ask a question, but my throat was still shot, and all I managed to vocalize was a rough cough. Classi looked to me as I finished and told me, "All right, look, I know y'all need my help 'n' shit but I ain't talkin' till you go get my medication." "Your medication?" Fastpass asked her, and she replied, "Yeah, I can't think straight without my medication." She then handed me a piece of paper and stubbornly told me, "You gotta go pick up my prescription, all right? Until you go get my prescription, I ain't tellin' you little heroes FUCK ALL NOTHIN'."

"Well… all right fine. Looks like you got more work to do, New Kid." Fastpass told me awkwardly. "But before you go back out into the world, I wanna show you something that might help your crime fighting. Let's get up to my room, fast." He then took my hand and zoomed up the stairs with me in tow, almost making me sick from the sudden movement. He sped into his room and onto a computer, where he started typing as he told me, "All right, New Kid, it's time to take your super powers to the next level! Go ahead and stand in the DNA fibulator."

I stood on the little platform under an umbrella he had set up in his room, and as he typed, it started to spark and the pool balls he hung from it spun around. "All right, New Kid. Just stand still and I'll talk you through this." He told me. Suddenly, the flashlights on either side activated and lightning ran over me and the device, and I felt a tingling run through my body as the Artifact slot on the buckle of my belt was unlocked, the piece blocking it evaporating. Three Artifacts meant to fit it then appeared in front of me with a twinkle of white light, and Fastpass explained to me, "Check out the new hero DNA slot I unlocked for you. The Artifacts you put in this should give you a big boost to your combat pow- to your combat pow- to your combat effectiveness. Go ahead and pick the one that best fits your loadout. Just be careful. Extra power can lead to reduced Health. Sort of like how steroids shrink your balls. Or so I've heard."

As he spoke, I noticed for the first time that each of my powers had a certain type, Brawn, Brains, and Spunk. Most of my powers were Brains, so I picked the Inhuman Accuracy Artifact to give me some extra strength with them. When I was done, Fastpass told me, "That should do it, New Kid. Hope you have a grasp of it! Now get out there and kick some booty." I then stepped off of the platform and looted his room, finding only some scrap before I looted the rest of the house, this time finding a makeup pattern in his medicine cabinet. I then took selfies with both of his parents before leaving.

When I got to the bus stop, I got a FaceTime call from Human Kite, who requested of me, "New Kid, this is the Human Kite! You know that little 'problem' you helped me take care of? Well, it's back. Can you come to my house ASAP please?" He then ended the call before I could say anything, and I sighed as I thought to myself, 'Why can't he deal with his fucking cousin himself?'

I continued on towards Kyle's house, and once I got to his door, it opened to reveal that he was waiting for me. "Thanks for coming. It's over here." He said. He then led me through his house and into his backyard, where we saw that Cousin Kyle was waiting for us. "I'M BAAAAAACK!" He screeched, and Kite walked into the yard and leaned against his house, asking me, "Will you deal with him, please?"

Before I could say anything, Cousin Kyle pointed to me and exclaimed, "Look, Cousin Kyle, it's that mean girl who beat me up before!" Kite sarcastically said, "Yeah, oh no, somebody stop her." "Don't worry, Cousin Kyle, I have developed these super-sensors which will make it almost impossible for her to beat us up this time." Cousin Kyle told him. Kite then looked to me and requested, "I have to stay out of this. Just please, PLEASE make him go away."

"Your mom is RIGHT in the kitchen!" I whispered to him, my voice just barely feeling well enough to communicate now. "I'll handle her, just PLEASE make him leave. I can't take it anymore!" Kite begged me. I sighed and reluctantly stepped forward to engage in combat with Cousin Kyle, who told me, "Prepare to meet your doom, evil bully girl!"

He then jumped down onto the ground as we all took our places in a combat grid, Super Craig, Mosquito, and Captain Diabetes showing up to help me. As he pointed at a bunch of junk he had assembled on his side, Cousin Kyle told us, "This barrier represents the Red Sea, which you will be unable to part without Moses on your side."

Mosquito then walked up to the barricade and used Skeeter Swarm to destroy part of it, gaining Attack Up as a side effect. Cousin Kyle then shot red lasers straight upwards, which curved down to hit me, Captain Diabetes, and Super Craig all at once. Angrily, I used Sand Trap to destroy the last of the first column of his barricade before Captain Diabetes used Sugar Rush to destroy part of the second column. Super Craig then ran forward with his Omega Crash Extra to destroy another part.

Mosquito used Skeeter Swarm again to destroy the last part of his barricade, and Cousin Kyle went to shoot us with lasers again before I used Glitch to skip his turn. 'How do YOU like it?' I asked him in my head, but of course he couldn't hear me, and so I just moved down into his row and ended my turn. Captain Diabetes used Coma Combo to deal some damage to Cousin Kyle, and Super Craig used Shining Hate Finger to make the nerdy boy focus on him and give himself Block.

Mosquito then went up one row and moved forward into the next column before using Skeeter Swarm to deal some damage and give him Gross Out, Cousin Kyle retaliating by firing red lasers at me and Super Craig before being defeated by his status effect. As he lay on the ground, Cousin Kyle told us, "Ugh… OK, OK, that does it!" He then stood up and told me, "You guys asked for it and now Human Kite shall use his Hebrew Faith to call upon the power of the wind. Hikmail ashungya!"

A gust of wind started blowing behind him, and Kite and I looked on in amazement before he said, "Let the strength of the wind make my kite fly into-" It was at that point that the wind grew too much for the tiny kite stuck to his head, and it flew off and into the big tree Kite had centered the Elven Forest on in the last game. "OH, JESUS, IT CAME OFF!" He exclaimed as his kite got stuck in a branch, making me stifle a giggle at the situation. "Oh, Jesus, my kite just flew up into the tree, cousin Kyle!" Cousin Kyle exclaimed.

"Then GIVE UP!" Kite told him with exasperation in his voice. Cousin Kyle wasn't deterred however, and told him, "Don't worry, super buddy cousin! Perhaps I no longer have my kite, but I still have my super weapon!" 'What, falling on your face?' I asked myself, and Cousin Kyle took a deep breath before yelling, "AUNT SHEILLLLLLLA! THESE KIDS ARE PICKING ON MEEE!"

'Well, I saw that coming.' I thought to myself as we heard, "WHAT, WHAT, WHAAAAT?!" Come from the kitchen, and Mrs. Broflovski came storming into the backyard. "WHO'S PICKING ON YOU?!" She demanded, and when she saw me, she roared and ran towards me before kicking me into the big tree. 'Oh, fuck me.' I thought to myself as I sailed through the air, and I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head as it hit the wood.

My ears immediately started ringing at the impact, and a horrible dizziness came over me as I fell to the ground. When I opened my eyes, my vision was swimming, but I could just barely make out the other Coon Friends defeating Cousin Kyle a second time before desperately trying to defend themselves against Mrs. Broflovski. Eventually, Kyle joined her in fighting against them, going back on his word like an asshole. I shook my head as I tried to clear the fuzziness from it before holding my nose and blowing into it to pop my ears, my hearing returning suddenly and making me wince. I swallowed a few times to return it to normal before shakily standing up, stumbling for a moment as I did so.

My vision started to steady after a few minutes, just in time for me to see the Coon Friends defeat Mrs. Broflovski and send her falling to the ground. "Mom, are you okay? Nice going, guys!" Kyle told us he helped her up and I rejoined the others with careful steps. "Kyle, get inside and call the police! We have to get these kids arrested." She told him angrily.

The statement shocked and outraged me, and I let it be known as I yelled at her, making my voice as strong as I could, "Get US arrested?! You've gotta be out of your fucking MIND! If anything, we should be having YOU arrested!" "You beat up me and my nephew!" She retorted. "We were playing a FUCKING GAME! And you punted me into a fucking TREE! What were we supposed to do, just let you fucking kill us?!" I shouted, then winced and grabbed the back of my head as a sharp pain went through it. When I pulled my hand back, it was covered in blood, and I sighed before I turned to Kyle and told him, "You said you would deal with this, so fucking deal with it. I've gotta go put something on my head wound."

I then walked past Sheila and Cousin Kyle into the house, where I opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out their first aid kit. I opened it up and started applying some antibacterial spray to the gash on my head as I watched Kyle explain what had happened, and how poor a sport Cousin Kyle had been. I took a washcloth and started dabbing the blood from the back of my head as Sheila opened the sliding glass door and awkwardly asked me, "Hey there, Dova. Do you, uh… do you need any help… with your head?"

My throat was killing me at this point, but I ignored it and sarcastically rasped out, "Depends. Are you gonna try and finish cracking it open?" Sheila sighed and told me, "I deserved that. Listen, Dova, Kyle told me about how you were just playing a game and how his cousin was being a bad sport. I really am sorry about what I did, and I'd like to help you if you'd let me."

I deliberated with myself for a moment before I told her, "Well, all right. Thanks." I then handed her the washcloth and turned around so that she could dab at the back of my head. As she did, she told me, "Listen, I hate to ask you for a favor at a time like this, but… Well, I was wondering if you could let Cousin Kyle play with you kids. I promise that he would play fair this time."

"I don't know Mrs. Broflovski, he seems like he's a little… fragile, and our games can get pretty rough." I told her, my voice hoarse. Sheila sighed and told me, "I know he is. But he could never play with other children because of his health issues, and now that he's started getting healthier he wants to so badly. I know I have no right to ask you this after what I just did, but… I know that it would mean a lot to him."

I considered it for a moment before telling her, "Well, maybe there is a way he can play without getting hurt. I'll see what I can do." "Oh, thank you so much." Sheila told me, but afterwards asked with concern, "This gash seems pretty bad. Do you want me to take you to the hospital?"

"That won't be necessary. Can you check and make sure none of my hair is in it, though?" I asked, and winced as she made sure none of my hair was caught in the wound before telling me, "Okay, there's none in there. But we really should do something about this." "I'll handle it, I just need a few seconds." I told her, and closed my eyes and focused as the Dragon's Heart shined around my neck. Although I couldn't see it, I could feel my wound knitting itself together with pink energy, and I heard Sheila gasp behind me.

Once it was healed, I sighed as the glow faded from my necklace, and I felt around the back of my head to make sure there was no extra scar tissue. "Oh my." Sheila breathed out, then remarked, "So it's true what Kyle was telling me about you."

I nodded, my throat physically incapable of making any sound right now, and Sheila told me, "Well, we should still check to see if you have a concussion. Here, follow my finger." I then turned around and she moved her finger around in the air as I followed it with my eyes. After a moment of this, she nodded and remarked, "Alright, you should be good. Kyle wanted to talk to you in the backyard, by the way."

Cousin Kyle then walked in and Sheila started patching him up as I went out to talk to Human Kite. When I came up to him, I gave him a glare and used the speech app on my phone to tell him, "Remind me to never help you out again." Kyle asked me incredulously, "Look dude, I'm sorry. I know I said I would handle her, but what am I supposed to do? Beat up my mom?"

I used my phone again to tell him, "You weren't supposed to beat US up, that's for sure. Now come on, let's go." "Wait, wait! My kite is still stuck in the tree!" Cousin Kyle told us, as he was apparently done getting fixed up by Sheila. Kite sighed and told me, "Come on, if we don't get it, he'll just keep bugging us until we do." The two of us then went up to the base of the tree, but there weren't any branches low enough for us to grab on to, and I was still too weak to retrieve it with my powers.

I spotted a pinwheel on the side of Kite's slide however, and crouched down and looked to him as I got an idea. "Wow, that's a great idea!" Kite told me, somehow knowing what to do. I then ran up the slide and farted to propel us upwards, then kicked off of the rail and off of a branch, farting to push us up before we got onto the branch where Cousin Kyle's kite was. "Wow, your ass is full of surprises!" Kite told me.

I grabbed the kite before we dropped back down, using my farts and Kyle's kite to safely land on the ground. Once we were finished, Kite told me, "I'm going to call that Fartkour. When you need to reach high, out-of-the-way places, give me a call and we'll Fartkour up there. Man, I hope I never have to do that in public, though… Kind of embarrassing."

I silently vowed to do it in public as often as possible before we gave Cousin Kyle his kite back and left the house. I decided to explore with my new Buddy Power and saw that I had ranked up, so I put the Nether Talisman in my second Major Artifact slot before using a new one I had gotten from Cousin Kyle's battle called the Dreidel of Vengeance to replace my Vessel of Bacchus.

With that done, I headed to Main Street, where I saw that I had gotten Coonstagram messages from Super Craig and Mrs. Cartman to help them out, getting missions for them afterwards. Not liking where this was headed, I used Fartkour to reach some containers on the tops of the D-Mobile store and the building to the left of it. I decided to help Super Craig first and walked down the street, stopping to take a selfie with Sheila in Sloppy 2nds and use Fartkour to reach the roof of Freeman's Tacos and Photo Dojo to loot the chests that were up there. I equipped an Artifact I got from the roof of Photo Dojo, replacing the Nether Talisman again, before I went to Tweek's Coffee, having to defeat some Chaos Minions outside before I could go in.

I went up to Super Craig once I was done beating up the Chaos Minions, and he told me, "Alright, listen. I have this ex-friend who I hate now, and he still has my goddamn laptop. Go get it from him, and tell him if he doesn't give it back, I'm calling the fucking cops. His name is Tweek. You'll probably find him in his parent's coffee house. Give him this."

He then handed me a note, and I asked him via the speech function on my phone, "So you just called me over here to get your laptop back from your ex-boyfriend? Why not just get it yourself?" He responded, "Because he won't give it back and neither of our parents will help me. Just go get it, I'm sick of arguing about this with him."

I rolled my eyes and went into the coffee shop, buying a Recipe for Enriched Antidotes before going into the back room. When I walked in, I saw Tweek frantically chugging coffee with a manic look in his eyes, and I sighed before I walked up to him and smacked the cup out of his hands. Instantly, he rounded on me and started shouting incoherently, so I smacked him in the face to make him pause in his ranting and took an Antidote from my necklace. Before Tweek could go off on me again, I forced the bottle into his mouth and used it to keep his head in place as I squeezed the medicine into his mouth and started rubbing his throat to get him to swallow.

When the bottle was empty, Tweek started spazzing around for a minute before sighing and visibly relaxing as he started to pant, telling me, "Thanks, New Kid. I… I needed that." Just then, his dad poked his head in and asked him, "How are those taste tests coming, son?" "I CAN'T EVEN TASTE A DIFFERENCE ANYMORE!" Tweek responded. "Well, keep sampling, we need to come up with the perfect Sunset Blend." He responded in turn before going back into the restaurant. I then handed Craig's note to Tweek, who asked me, "What's this?"

"It's from Craig." I told him with my phone, and he opened it up and read, "'Give me my fucking laptop.'" "Can you please just give it to him? I've got stuff I need to do." I told him via my phone. "You can go back and tell him he can HAVE his laptop back, when I get my FUCKING GUINEA PIG BACK! We bought it when we were together, but STRIPE IS MINE! I PAID FOR HIM AND I HAVE THE RECEIPT!" He told me as he crumpled up the note and threw it out, then handed me a receipt from his pocket and ranted, "You think it's right for him to keep Stripe while HE'S the one who didn't stand up for me?! YOU TELL HIM THAT!" "Do you need another Antidote?" I asked him through my phone.

Tweek caught himself and told me, "Sorry, New Kid, it's just… it's been rough with me and Craig lately. And now my dad's been having me taste all these different kinds of coffee." I smiled at him and patted his shoulder to let him know it was alright before I went back into the main room and told Mr. Tweak that he needs to stop pumping Tweek full of coffee. After I explained the state he was in when I found him, he agreed to taste-test his own products, and I went outside to give Craig the receipt.

"Well, what did Tweek say about my laptop?" Craig asked when he saw that I didn't have it. I handed him the receipt the coffee addict have given me and he read it over before telling me with exasperation, "The fucking guinea pig?! UGH! FINE. You know where Stripe's cage is… go get him and give him to that fucking asshole." I sighed and set off for Craig's house, stopping in the movie theater along the way to loot it and grab a Yaoi picture off of a balcony. I ended up having to go through Tweek's again to get back onto the ground, but at least I got another Yaoi picture and a Recipe for Maximum Antidotes.

When I got to Craig's house, Stripe wasn't in his basement, and I saw a Coonstagram message from Super Craig that told me that he was in his room so I went up there. When I went up to get him however, Stripe was too fast for me, and I spent a few minutes vainly trying to catch him before I gave up and decided to do Mrs. Cartman's and Classi's missions for now. I then took a selfie with Craig's sister before leaving to go to Cartman's house.

When I got to Cartman's house and went into the kitchen, Mrs. Cartman told me, "Well, I hope you're having fun playing with the kids on the block. My little Eric loves making new friends and so do I." Without giving me a chance to respond, she told me, "Listen, I have new business cards and I need a little helper to hand them out around town." She then gave me a few business cards as she told me, "See, I'm a personal tutor who does house calls."

I read over one of the business cards to see that it had a pretty obvious picture of a woman's butt on it with the space between her legs just barely covered by small heart, and that they read, "Liane Cartman. Touch of Class. 1-on-1 Adult Tutoring." Along with her phone number. 'Does she really think I'm stupid enough to fall for this?' I asked myself, and she told me, "Try starting at Skeeter's Bar. Help me get some clients and I will cook you something super yummy!"

And just like that, I was handing out prostitution business cards. I sighed before I reluctantly went off to deliver them at Skeeter's, stopping in the Coon Lair to sell my inferior Artifacts and get some Recipes for better ones. I crafted the Skull of Sundering before using it to replace my Reaming Rod of Gargantua, selling the dildo to the Coon Store once it was off my belt. I then took selfies with Fastpass and Human Kite before I left.

I used the Fast Travel station to get to the Church, which is the closest place I could get to Skeeter's with Fast Travel at this point, and went up the street from there, past the police station, Crunchy's Microbrew, City Wok, where I activated a Fast Travel point, and Jimbo's Guns before I reached Skeeter's Bar. I went inside and promptly got a FaceTime call from Mrs. Cartman, who told me, "Oh good, you're there! Alright, now just give a card to every woman there. Oh, but make sure they're single! I don't want to be a homewrecker, after all."

She hung up with that, and I raised my eyebrow in confusion. 'Wow, and here I thought Mrs. Cartman was straight. Guess this explains why Cartman's so confused about dads fucking moms. Well anyway, time to get this over with.' I then handed the cards out to all of the women in the bar, keeping one for myself as a memento, or for evidence if needed. I thought all of them would reject them, but strangely they all reacted the same once I handed the cards to them, pausing for a moment and getting a dazed look before muttering something about calling her sometime. Once I had handed all of them out, I took selfies with Skeeter and Clyde's dad and left to go back to Mrs. Cartman.

I Fast Traveled back to Cartman's house and went inside, and when Mrs. Cartman saw me approach, she asked, "Oh! Have you handed out all of my business cards?" I nodded in affirmation and she told me, "Well, I've just finished up your little reward – you've earned it, sweetie!" She then handed me a Tupperware container full of brownies and told me, "Be careful though. These are for _girls only_ , if you get my meaning." She then winked at me and went back to washing dishes. 'I guess Mrs. Cartman knows about all the girls in town having sex with each other. Come to think of it, do the adults do it too?' I thought to myself before I left.

Once I left the house, I used the Fast Travel point outside to get back to Main Street, where I went to the alleyway to cut through to the construction site and go to Medicinal Fried Chicken for Classi's mission. I didn't make it two feet however before I was ambushed by Raisins girls, who locked the accordion doors on either end of the alley. "Your little friend Mosquito dined and dashed again, cutie." Mercedes told me as she walked out from behind a stack of boxes. "He said you'd pay again, so are you going to do this the easy way or the hard way?"

I sighed in annoyance and took on a combat stance in response. Mercedes shrugged and told me, "The hard way it is. Fine by me, cutie." With that, all of the girls rushed me, completely ignoring our combat grid. I tried to put up a bubble of pink energy to block them, but was too weak from using it so much yesterday and last night. The girls all then jumped on top of me and started biting and scratching whatever they could reach. I panicked for a moment before remembering that I had other powers as well, and mentally kicked myself before I let off a burst of fire from my body to get them off me. I shot lightning and ice from my hands in order to knock them down, then put up a wall of earth behind me to block one that was trying to tackle me. Finally, I used a wave of fire to defeat them all.

Once they had all been felled, they picked themselves up as Mercedes told me, "You really think this is over?! Get her, Rebecca!" Just then, a huge girl dressed in a Raisins uniform walked in from the other end of the alley and told me, "I'm gonna break you in half and shove you up my butt." My eyes widened as Mercedes told me, "Rebecca here is part of our security team, and she does her job VERY well. Time for round two!"

Rebecca and the others started to close in on me again, but all of a sudden, their phones all started chiming at once. Rebecca pulled hers out and freaked out that a thousand people had disliked a picture of her doing ballet. All of the other girls took out their phones to see that they were getting trolled too, and they all scrambled to try and get to a computer.

They were all gone in a few seconds, and I was left wondering just what the hell happened. I wouldn't have to wonder for long however, as a voice behind me greeted, "Hello, New Kid." I turned around to see a girl in a pink costume and mask that had multiple cellular devices strapped onto her body. "Don't worry, I'm unfriending their Instagrams exponentially. They won't be back for a while." She told me as she typed on two phones at once.

I stared at the girl for a moment until I suddenly realized who she was, and whispered out, "Wendy?" Her shoulders fell as she heard me, and she muttered to herself, "Ah fuck, I was really hoping it would take you longer to figure out who I was." Wendy then warned me as she walked forward, "Anyway, you gotta be careful playing superhero. You can make a lot of enemies."

I pointed out with my phone, "That wasn't actually my fault. Clyde can't stay away from Raisins, and he has a bad habit of not paying the bill." Wendy nodded in understanding before turning away from me and up to the sky, monologuing, "Some boys think girls don't make good superheroes." 'Cartman.' I thought to myself before she turned back to me and asked, "I've known you were a girl since the day you moved here, New Kid. Why do you lead everyone to believe you're a boy?"

"My dad set up my Facebook when I first moved here, and he thought I was a boy at the time. And it just seems to happen to me a lot for some reason." I told her through my phone. Wendy nodded and walked up to me as she explained, "I see. Well look, you've got problems, New Kid. Whatever you did last night got a lot of people's attention. BAD people. There's a crime boss who's been calling the shots here in South Park, and now that person is planning to run for office. Whatever you did last night scared him." She then held up two phones and started typing on them as she told me, "I'm tracking everyone's Instagrams and Facebooks and will continue to cross-reference with Tumblr, while monitoring Twitter and LinkedIn. If you need any information… Just know you can rely on Call Girl." She started walking away from me as she finished her sentence, and I told her in a whisper, "You should really change that name."

Call Girl looked confused as she asked me, "What? What's wrong with the name?" I took a breath but decided I was too tired to explain it to her right now and told her, "I… I'll tell you later." Call Girl had a concerned look on her face as she asked me, "Are you okay, New Kid?" I nodded and told her, "Yeah, just tired." Call Girl shrugged and told me, "Watch your back, girlfriend…" As she climbed up the fire escape of the building next to us.

I saw that I had gained a new DNA Artifact along with a Recipe for a regular one in addition to some change, so I crafted the Scarab of R'Lyeh but left the DNA slot alone. When I got to the construction site, I used Scott's Diabetic Rage to knock a ladder down from the nearby portable building.

I broke the satellite and took the resulting Harvester of Fogni Artifact before using it to replace my Effigy of the Moon. I then used Fartkour to get over to some nearby scaffolding and loot a chest, which just had a costume set in it. Once I had gotten back on the ground, I walked down the sidewalk to the weed store, which immediately locked down upon my approach. I sighed as the robot voice told me to go away, and thought to myself, 'Well, unless I can age myself eight years in two seconds, it looks like I'm fucked.'

"Not quite, New Kid." I heard behind me. I turned around to see a phantasmal Morgan Freeman behind me, who said, "It's time to advance your training, New Kid. Here, take this." Just then, the trunk of a nearby car opened as he faded away, and I looked inside to see a Recipe for a Cheesy Shrimparito. It seemed simple enough, so I set off for City Wok to get the shrimp. Unfortunately however, a group of sixth graders had electrified a stream of water down the street, so that way was blocked.

I reversed my course and went through the alleyway back onto Main Street, then went past the Town Square and beat up some more sixth graders at City Hall. With that done, I turned down the street towards the Peppermint Hippo, where I decided to stop for a second and take some selfies with the dancers, a couple of the patrons, and the DJ. I also found Jimbo's wallet, which I decided to return to him on my way to City Wok. I left once I had taken all the selfies and loot I could, and moved on down the street to Crunchy's Microbrew, where I detonated a propane tank in a truck outside twice to get the loot around it. I made sure to use Glitch once I was done since the truck already looked beat-up enough.

With that done, I passed Crunchy's and went down the street to City Wok, where I bought some shrimp and a Tortilla before I took a Yaoi picture off the wall and a selfie with Barbrady before I left. I then went into Jimbo's Guns next door and gave Jimbo his wallet back. He then gave me a Ham radio that I could use to summon him and Ned before I took selfies with the two of them and left. Afterwards, I beat up some sixth graders and used Fartkour to reach the roof of Skeeter's Bar.

Once I got up there, I took a selfie with some kid before grabbing some cheese and using fireworks to destroy the piping for a broken fan, which fell on top of the dumpster. I then used Fartkour to get to the roof of Jimbo's Guns and loot a chest before farting my way back onto the ground. Once there, I crafted the Cheesy Shrimparito, making sure not to use the parts of the cheese that had mold. Once it was done, I made my way back to Medicinal Fried Chicken. I reached the weed shop quickly and took a deep breath before devouring the Shrimparito, washing it down with water once it was gone.

I didn't feel anything at first, but after a moment I felt a deep rumbling in my gut, even stronger than when I had gotten TimeFart Glitch. I groaned before releasing the gas inside me, the resulting fart echoing throughout town. I panted as I recovered from the bowel-blasting and looked around before my jaw dropped in shock. Everything around me was… stopped. Birds floated in the air mid-flight, people stood frozen on the sidewalk, and the guns in front of the store, which used to be constantly twitching and adjusting their angle, were completely still. 'I… I can freeze time. With my ass.' I thought to myself before grinning and continuing, 'I am going to abuse the shit out of this.'

I pulled the handle to shut off the security system in front of the store, which seemed like a major design flaw, and managed to resume time after a little trial and error. Once things were moving normally again, I went to open the door, but I hadn't even grasped the handle when Coon suddenly walked up beside me and said, "Ah, New Kid! I see you've also come to assist in assuring Classi's cooperation."

'He knows this place doesn't actually serve chicken, right?' I thought to myself as he walked up to stand beside me before saying, "Please, after you." I shrugged and opened the door to go inside, and Coon told the cashier as we walked up to the counter, "Huh, hello. We're picking up some medicine for a friend." Once we both reached the front counter, the red-hatted cashier asked us, "Oh, is your friend looking for an energizing mental feeling or more of a full-body high?"

I took out the prescription Classi had given us, but it just said, "Weed." With two little dicks coming from the E-E and double penetrating the W, so it was useless. I put it away as Cartman told him, "Uh, I don't know." "I'll send over our expert Budtender who can help you out!" The cashier told us as he walked into the back room.

And at that moment, a blue anthropomorphic towel walked out of the back while wearing the same apron as the cashier. My eyes widened at the sight as the towel got up on a stool and told us, "Hey! You wanna get high? Oh, hey Eric!" I looked to the Coon, who told (him? her? it?), "Oh wow, Towelie! I thought you went to rehab."

"Yeah, I did, but now I'm back in South Park. Clean and sober almost a year. Clean and sober. No drugs at all. And I tell you what, I DON'T MISS IT!" Towelie exclaimed, and I thought to myself, 'Okay, apparently there's a talking towel that lived in South Park and did drugs, and now he's off drugs and working in a weed store? I honestly can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing that that's not the weirdest thing I've ever seen.' My inner monologue went unheard however, and Coon awkwardly asked him as he gestured around the shop, "And you work here in a pot store?"

"Cannabis, Eric, and yeah, it's great!" Towelie corrected him. "Now I get high, helping people cure their insomnia, back pain, migraines, and stress… naturally! Did you know that ancient Chinese gave cannabis to their infants for teething?" Coon simply made a surprised noise as Towelie asked us, "I have an addictive personality so I'm cool without it. And now I got a kid with my lady, so… better to stay on the straight and narrow, you know?"

"You have a kid… Right." Coon commented awkwardly. Towelie then told him, "Turns out I had one the whole time! I was too high to realize. Now I'm holding down a job and paying the rent. But I'm also doing good, helping people find the herbal remedies they need… to combat all the modern stresses of a job and TAXES and TRAFFIC and a WIFE breathing down my neck about the APARTMENT and 'TOWELIE WE GOT A LEAK, WHY CAN'T YOU FIX IT?' 'I'M NOT A PLUMBER, BITCH. I'M A TOWEL. NOT A FUCKIN' PLUMBER!'" The towel's tone started to become agitated about halfway through his story, and my eyes widened as I thought to myself, 'Jeez, guess being sober isn't working out as well as he says it is.'

Coon quickly changed the subject and told the irate towel, "OK… We're, we're here to pick up our friend's medicine. Her name is Classi." Starting to cool down a little bit, Towelie asked him, "Oh, Classy! Classy with a Y with a clit hanging off it and licking the shit out of the C?" "No, no, no, no, it's, uh, Classi with a dick hanging off the I that's fucking the L out of the A-S-S." Coon corrected him.

"Ohh, that Classi! Sure, I got her order!" Towelie told him, then turned around and took an orange pill bottle full of weed from a display behind him, then started looking through it while telling us, "Eh, she… She likes the Banana Kush for her back pain and some of the Platinum OG to – Wait, what the fuck?"

Towelie stopped looking through the bottle with an irritated expression on his face and started shouting as he slammed his fists on the table, "WHO PUT THE CHILLAX KUSH IN WITH THE OG MELLOWBLISS?! WHAT THE FUCK, YOU RETARDS?! PEOPLE DON'T WANNA MIX THEIR MELLOW WITH THEIR CHILL! THEY'LL GET ALL FUCKED UP! GOD, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" Coon put his hands up to try and placate Towelie, telling him, "Hey, hey Towelie, it's cool, relax…"

This only seemed to make him angrier as he started ranting, "No, it is NOT FUCKING COOL! I'm trying to run a legitimate business here and my back hurts, I can't sleep, I got no appetite, this shitty town is so fucked up. We gotta buy all our product from FUCKING SIXTH GRADERS! AND WHO KNOWS WHAT THE SHIT THEY'RE PUTTING IN IT! And then to top it off I got a couple of little dick-lickers coming into MY STORE telling ME TO RELAX! FUCK YOU!" He was actively screaming and banging his fists on the register at this point, and pointed at the two of us and screeched, "YOU RELAX! YOU'RE A TOWEL!"

He then leaped off of the register and shouted, "Budtenders, get in here! It's time to give these kids a fucking consultation!" The cashier then ran into the room along with a new one dressed in a blue shirt, and the one in the hat told him, "Towelie, calm down! You're freakin' out, man!" "Yeah, you need to chill!" The other agreed.

Towelie roared and punched both of them in the crotch, making me wince and them collapse as he screamed, "FINE! I'LL KILL 'EM MYSELF! FUCK YOU GUYS ANYWAY!" He then roared again and pulled out a lighter and a can of hairspray from somewhere and started chasing us with it, lighting the lighter and using it to ignite the stream of hairspray to create a make-shift flamethrower. Coon and I ran around in a panic as Towelie chased us and knocked over displays.

After a few minutes, Coon and I had to separate, and immediately afterward I was cornered, Towelie having led me into a wall. He laughed maniacally before firing another stream of flame at me, and I just barely managed to dive out of the way and scramble away from him. A plume of smoke came from where I was just standing however, and I looked back to see that Towelie had accidentally lit a pile of weed on fire. As the smoke started to spread throughout the store, Towelie muttered, "SHIT! That wasn't supposed to happen! Sure does smell nice, though." He seemed to relax as he smelled the smoke, taking deep breaths through his equivalent of a nose.

I gasped as I realized what we needed to do, and told Coon, who was running around in a panic, "Coon! We need to light the weed on fire! The smoke will calm him down!" Coon paused and looked around the store before telling me, "Yes, yes of course! Get Towelie to chase you again! I'll get some piles together." He then started gathering the weed that Towelie had knocked around into three big piles, and I told Towelie with my voice as strong as I could make it, "Hey Towelie! Your mother was a dishrag!"

Towelie looked up from smelling the pot fumes and told me, "What?! Fuck you, kid!" He then lit his hairspray again and started chasing me. I ran around for a few moments to give Coon some time to get a pile together. Once he was done, I ran over to it and paused before diving to the side, making him miss me and hit the weed. "Damn it, I missed again. Still, that's some good quality cannabis right there. God's air freshener." He muttered, and I saw him relax even more. I knew we need to get him even more high though, so I ran past him and punched him in the arm to get him to chase me again.

My head started to feel a little fuzzy as I ran, but I didn't have time to think about it before I saw Coon getting another pile together. I jumped over it to make Towelie light it, and he chuckled as he muttered, "Oh man, I was hoping you'd use that one. That's one o' my personal favorites, right there." I panted as I stood with my hands on my knees, the increasing smoke and all of the running I was doing taking a toll on me. Thankfully Towelie didn't seem in any hurry to chase me again, so I stood still for a moment as I took some deep breaths, starting to feel funny as I did.

Suddenly, Coon started waving his arms around frantically, and I saw that he had one last big pile set up. I waved to Towelie to get his attention, and he muttered, "Oh yeah, we're uh, we're fightin'." He then got his hairspray and lighter ready, but the can just made a high-pitched wheezing sound and didn't do anything as he tried to use it. "Aw man, I'm all out." Towelie muttered, and I shrugged and shot a jet of flame at the cannabis myself, igniting it and making the store thick with smoke.

I sighed with relief as Towelie breathed in and got a goofy grin on his face, then started softly giggling and laughing at the situation as I fell on my back. 'We-We just got chased around a WEED STORE! BY A TOWEL! AND HE HAD A FLAMETHROWER!' I thought to myself, cracking myself up. I wiped away a tear and picked myself up before I turned back to Towelie with a grin to match his as Coon came up to us. "Oh… Hey, how you been Eric? Ah, you're a cool guy… I'm psyched to see you, man." Towelie told him.

I got a new DNA Artifact and some change from the fight, but barely noticed as Towelie handed Coon Classi's weed and told us, "Ay, this is for Classi. I threw in a couple hash nuggets and some Granddady Purple Shatter on the house… Come by anytime for a hookup." 'Man, he's pretty cool when he's not trying to kill us.' I thought to myself dazedly, and Coon told me, "Alright, Butthole, I've got some stuff to take care of at the Coon Lair, so I need you to deliver this to Classi. Don't let me down."

I nodded with a grin still on my face as he handed me the bottle and left the building. I followed him at a much slower pace, and thought to myself as I exited, 'Okay, now I've got to… uh, wait… what was I supposed to do?' I had completely forgotten my task, so I wracked my brains to try and figure out what my mission was. My thoughts had slowed to a crawl however, and eventually I gave up and shrugged, thinking to myself, 'Ah well, I'll remember it eventually.'

With that, I walked off with no particular direction in mind, just looking around and staring in wonder at the birds and squirrels I passed. I stopped in a store window and looked at myself for a moment as I noticed something. My eyes were bright pink, and I giggled to myself at the sight before my stomach growled. I suddenly felt incredibly hungry, and decided to stop at the vending machine in the playground to get some snacks.

Once I got there, I bought a few bags of chips and sat down to eat them. As I was eating, I thought to myself, 'Mmmm, these are really good chips. Or am I just really hungry?' I shrugged as I decided that it didn't matter, and ate a few more chips as I thought to myself, 'Man, Bebe would LOVE these.' My thoughts then came to a screeching halt, or whatever the equivalent is when your train of thought is going at a snail's pace, and I sighed with happiness as I found my head dominated by thoughts of the perky blonde. I blushed as I decided to go see her, and got up to throw my empty chip bags away before slowly making my way to her house.

It didn't take me long to reach my girlfriend's house, and I sighed as I looked up at it from the front yard. I happily went inside and climbed up the stairs to her room. "Bebe!" I softly exclaimed when I saw her. Wendy wasn't there at the moment, presumably running around as Call Girl, so she was alone on her bed. "Dova?" She asked in confusion as I climbed up onto the bed and started snuggling myself into her.

"Mmm, I love you, Bebe. You're so pretty." I told her with my face buried in her shirt. "Are you okay?" She asked me. I nodded and told her, "Uh-huh." I then snuggled myself closer into her and muttered, "Hmmmmm, you're so pretty. So… pretty…" I trailed off as a deep fatigue came over me and I faded into unconsciousness.

*Bebe's POV*

I stared down at Dova with wide eyes. She had just walked into my room out of nowhere and started babbling about how I was pretty, and then she passed out. "What the fuck?" I asked myself.

*Dova's POV*

I woke up to someone shouting in my ear. "Ay! No sleeping on the job, ButtLord! Wake the fuck up!" I groaned and cracked my eyes open to see that everything was blurry, so I patted around the nightstand until I found my glasses. Putting them on, I picked up my phone to see that Coon was on FaceTime, and he told me, "Fucking finally! Get that medicine to Classi RIGHT FUCKING NOW! COON OUT!" He then hung up before I could say anything, and I realized that I had been sleeping in Bebe's bed and not my own. Suddenly, Bebe walked through the door holding my clothes and asked me, "Hey there, Dova. Feeling better?"

"I think so. What happened to me? And how long was I out?" I asked as the memories of me getting sidetracked returned. I rubbed my throat after I spoke, surprisingly feeling little discomfort, and I figured that sleep and the weed fumes I was remembering probably had something to do with it. Bebe smiled as she walked up to the bed and told me, "Eric told me about Classi and what happened at Medicinal Fried Chicken. You must've gotten high and lost track of your mission. And you were asleep for about an hour."

Going over the events that had led me to Bebe's house in my head, I realized that she was right, and rubbed my head as I asked myself, "Yeah, I guess so. Jesus, how the hell does my dad stay like that 24/7?" I then jumped off the bed and noticed that I was wearing a plain white shirt and a pair of Bebe's pajama pants as she shrugged before she told me, "No idea. But if you're feeling better, you should probably take a shower. If your mom smells weed on you, she'll freak out. I'll leave out a new costume for you once you're done."

I smiled at her gratefully and went to hug her, but she backed away and told me, "After you shower." I giggled and nodded before I went down to the bathroom to take a shower. I made sure to scrub myself and wash out my hair thoroughly to get rid of every trace of the smell of weed. Once I was done however, I came to an entirely new problem.

"Really, Bebe? THIS is the costume you want me to wear?" I asked her. "Yup!" Came from the other side of the door, and she continued in a teasing voice, "And remember, you can't change for the rest of the day." I sighed with a blush on my face as I whispered to myself, "Nympho." Regardless, I reluctantly changed into the clothes Bebe had left for me, then opened the door to reveal myself to her.

Bebe hummed appreciatively at the sight of me. The costume she had laid out for me was the Dirty Candy set I had bought the Recipe for at Raisins, and it consisted of a skintight green bikini bottom and pink shirt with a black skull and crossbones on the front and a number of purposefully made holes in it. It also came with two spiked belts, some fishnet gloves, acrylic red nails, and a pair of gray sneakers. "I look like a hooker." I complained, and Bebe embraced me in a tight hug and told me, "Yeah, but you're MY hooker." She then grabbed my ass through my bikini bottom, making me blush.

I sighed and asked her, "Can I at least add something so that people won't recognize me?" Bebe hummed in thought and told me, "Okay, but I have to see it first." She then let me go so that I could equip the Amazonian Circlet I had found earlier along with some red Eye Flames Base Makeup. Bebe hummed appreciatively once I was done and told me, "Nice. Now you're even sexier."

I looked in the bathroom mirror and groaned as I realized that she was right, and thought to myself, 'Well, hopefully people won't realize it's me.' Bebe then smacked my ass and told me, "Now get on out there, hero. You've got to get that 'medicine' to Classi."

I nodded and gave Bebe another hug before I left her house to get to Jimmy's. Once there, I walked through the door to see Classi still laying on the couch with Jimmy standing nearby, and once I approached, the boy asked me, "See?! Here's the New Kid now! You got Classi's prescription?!" "Damn well BETTER have my prescription!" Classi remarked, and I handed her the bottle of weed. "Well, it's about motherfuckin' time! Praise Jesus! I need this shit bad!" She exclaimed.

"If I don't gets my medication I lose my motherfuckin' mind, you know what I'm sayin'?" She asked as she rolled some of the weed into a joint. She then lit the marijuana cigarette and took a deep drag off it. Instantly, she visibly relaxed as she let some smoke out of her mouth and muttered, "All right, all right, all right, that's MUCH fuckin' better." She then reclined back on the couch and told me, "All right… Listen… The place y'all need to go is U-Stor-It. That's where they takin' the cats. You know what I'm sayin'?"

"That's it!" Fastpass exclaimed, then pulled out his phone and called the Coon, telling him, "Coon, this is Fastpass. The New Kid got the intel from Classi." "Not bad, New Kid. What did you learn?" Coon asked as he called me on FaceTime. Fastpass replied for me and told him, "It's the U-Stor-It, in the northeast of town. Classi says the cats are being taken there."

"The U-Stor-It… We should have known. All right, keep Classi safe. I'll get back to you guys soon." Coon told him before he hung up on us, Fastpass telling him, "Roger that. Fastpass ou… Fastpass ou… Fastpass ou… Fastpass ou… Fastpass out." I then took a selfie with Classi, making sure that she kept her joint out of the picture, before I left Jimmy's house. I didn't even go three feet before a brown car with a siren on top pulled up in front of me, and a police officer inside asked, "Hey, kid. You're that Farting Vigilante, from the news, right?"

'Oh, fuck me twice.' I thought to myself, but it would appear that he wasn't there to arrest me as he told me, "Not a talker, eh? Well, Sergeant wants to have a few words with you over at the station." He then drove off, and I sighed as I rationalized to myself, 'Well, if he was going to arrest me he would have done it right there and then. Might as well see what he wants.' I decided to get Stripe first however, but I hadn't even taken a few steps towards Craig's house when I got a FaceTime call from the poorly-costumed boy, who told me, "New Kid! You need to fill out more of your character sheet. Go to Crunchy's Microbrew. Somebody there can help you." He hung up before I could say anything, and I saw that I had gotten a new mission to go to the brewery.

As soon as Super Craig hung up, I got yet another FaceTime call, this one from Mr. Mackey. "Oh hey, New Kid? Yeah, uhmm, so it turns out gender is actually a little more, uhm, complicated than what we talked about yesterday, mkay. Could you come back to my office so we can sort this out, maybe? Mkay, thanks, mkay." He nervously asked before hanging up, and I got another mission to go see him again.

I decided to take care of the new missions after I saw what the police chief wanted and went back to Craig's house, using my new TimeFart Pause to catch his guinea pig. I then went back onto Main Street and walked down to Tweak's Coffee. When I walked up to him, Super Craig told me, "When you give that to Tweek, make sure he knows that when you WALK OUT ON SOMEONE, you don't get to make up the rules anymore!"

I went inside and saw Tweek standing by the door to the back room while sipping on some ginger ale, presumably because he had punished his stomach with so much coffee, and went up to him to hand him Stripe. "Oh, he finally decided to be reasonable, huh? Fine." Tweek said when I gave him the guinea pig. He then took a laptop from a nearby cabinet and gave it to me, telling me before he walked into the back room, "Here's his stupid laptop."

Before I could go out and give it to Super Craig however, Mr. Tweak came up from behind the counter and told me, "Uh, hello… New Kid, right? Listen, I see you're really trying hard to get my son and his boyfriend back together and… Well, I so appreciate it. Having a gay son is really good for the coffee business." He took Super Craig's laptop as he spoke to me, and I glared at him for putting his business before his son AGAIN. He didn't notice however, and requested of me, "I think all they need is a little relationship counseling. Could you give this to Craig?" He then handed me two sheets of paper with details for a relationship counseling session from Mr. Mackey on them and asked me, "Maybe together we can both help them out, huh?"

Mr. Tweak then walked off with Super Craig's laptop, and I thought to myself, 'Well, if it'll get them to stop fighting I'll do it. Craig's not gonna be happy about his laptop though.' I then left the coffee shop and went up to Super Craig, who asked me, "Where is it?" When he saw that I still didn't have his laptop. I gave him the counseling paper in response, and Super Craig got an incredulous look before he told me, "Counseling? Tweek wants to go to counseling? No way."

He looked down in thought for a second before apparently changing his mind, as he told me, "Tell him there's no way I'll go to counseling unless YOU go too. I need my support team." 'Shit, looks like I'm getting roped right back into this.' I thought to myself, and went back into the shop to give Tweek his note.

Once I had given him the paper, Tweek told me, "What's this? RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING? Craig? Are you shitting me? Well, FINE I'll do it. As long as you're there. You seem to be able to get him to think rationally." 'Yes, thanks to my super-secret ultimate conversational technique known as silence.' I thought to myself sarcastically. I then left the coffee shop and went to go down to the police station, talking to Mr. Tweak on the way out and getting a costume set from him along with a selfie.

I went inside the station and the doorman unlocked the electronic lock on the door to let me inside the rest of the station. When I got inside, I saw Sergeant Yates making an incredibly racist joke, and when I walked up to him, he asked me, "Oh! Oh, what have we here? You're the one who made the news last night, huh?" I stared at him in silence for a moment before he told me, "Well, the police can always use the help of concerned citizens."

'Wait, so he wants me to help them?' I thought to myself as Yates turned to the officers on either side of them and told them, "I guess we can give our little junior detective a special kiddie case to work on." His tone turned solemn as he told me, "Okay look, there's a new drug kingpin in town, someone who wants to unite all of the crime families in town, a really bad dude. We've tracked him to this location but we can't move in without him running. That's where you come in. You go in after him, my men will follow."

He showed me the location of Nichole Daniels' house on my phone before he crouched down and told me in a condescending tone, "If you take out the drug kingpin we'll give you this Junior Detective badge. Pretty neat, huh? Now get out there!" He showed me an Artifact that was shaped like a police badge before he and his buddies dispersed, and I thought to myself, 'Well, if the kingpin Classi was talking about is hiding out in Nichole's house, I guess I should go get him. Still, something about this doesn't feel right.'

I decided to loot the station before I left, and found some scrap, a wig and a slutty costume, another vial of cat pee, a doll I recognized as belonging to Karen McCormick, and a side mission to post headshots around town. I then left the police station, putting up one of the pictures that Mr. Adams had given me on the way out.

I put up another headshot at City Hall on my way through Main Street before I went through the park, taking selfies with DogPoo and a kid named Filmore on the way, and finally reached Nichole's house. Once I got close to it, I got a FaceTime call from Yates, who told me, "OK, you're approaching the hideout. Find a way in, but be careful, he's probably armed to the teeth. Thermal imaging is showing the suspect is in the rear of the house."

He then hung up, and I took a deep breath before going inside the house and making my way to the kitchen. The only one there however was Mr. Daniels, who looked to me in confusion and asked, "What? Oh, you're that New Kid, right? What are you doing here?" Suddenly, police officers burst through the windows and wrestled Mr. Daniels to the ground before taking him away in handcuffs. I stood there in shock for a moment before Yates called me on FaceTime again to tell me, "Good work little crimestopper, but unfortunately it would seem that this guy is just the tip of the iceberg. The real kingpin is in some big fancy mansion bought with blood money in the north part of town. We need you to go in and take him out."

He then hung up, and as I saw police officers planting evidence in the kitchen, it all made sense to me. 'These assholes are just using me to frame Mr. Daniels and Mr. Black! Well they're going to learn really fast that they fucked with the wrong girl.' I thought to myself. I then whipped out my phone and took video of all of the officers planting evidence and loudly talking about how they were planting evidence. My ability to somehow remain unnoticed even in the most obvious of locations worked to my advantage, as no one even saw me as I took dozens of pictures of them setting up the fake crime scene and erasing their bodycams.

I looted the house and took selfies with Red and Nichole upstairs before leaving. I then stopped next door to talk to Big Gay Al and promised to get all his cats back for him. I got one of them past the playground before I reluctantly went down to Token's house, getting another one of Al's cats at the construction site. I then decided to take care of a couple things and beat up the sixth graders that had electrocuted the fire hydrant outside Buca de Faggoncini, using TimeFart Pause to bypass the environmental hazard. I then activated the Fast Travel point outside the Italian restaurant before going back to Token's house.

It would seem that the guard wasn't there, so I was able to get through the gate easily. I was very wrong however, as once I was inside, the guard jumped out of the bushes and told me, "Not this time, sir! Not this time! Please move the fuck along, or I will fuck you up non-lethally! I will beat you until my shift is over, sir!" He didn't give me a chance to respond before he pulled out a nightstick and whistled to bring three dogs out of the bushes on the other side.

I glared at him as I thought, 'I am NOT beating up a bunch of dogs.' While Human Kite, Super Craig, and Captain Diabetes fought the security guard, I went up to the dogs and held up my hands to placate them as they all growled at me with their heads low to the ground. I made gentle shushing noises with my mouth as they waited for a signal of hostility. I gave them no such signal however, and eventually they started to relax, getting into a wary but no longer hostile stance.

I then slowly took some non-spicy boneless wings that I had gotten from fighting Raisins girls out of my necklace before offering them to the dogs. When they saw the offered food, their ears immediately perked up and they carefully took the wings and started eating them. They started panting with happiness once they were done, and I had a smile on my face as they let me pet them. "Damn it! Go get 'em, fellas!" I heard from behind me, and two more rent-a-cops came out of the bushes on the other side of him.

The dogs and I shared a look before they leaped at the additional security, scaring them and making them run off with the dogs hot on their heels. They stopped at the gate to Token's house, where they remained to bark and growl at the rapidly retreating pair. Suddenly, I heard a loud groan from behind me, and turned around to see that the security guard had been defeated before Human Kite, Super Craig, and Captain Diabetes all ran off. I then turned around again to see that the dogs had calmed down and were rolling around on the grass. I smiled at them and took a picture before going into Token's house.

I hadn't even taken one step before alarms started blaring all over the house, and I jumped at their screeching. "What the hell?" I heard from the second story, and looked up to see Mr. Black looking down from the railing. I then started recording on my phone just in time to catch a beanbag round flying in through the window and hitting him in the nuts, making him double over in pain before more officers swarmed the house and started beating him up. I made sure to capture every moment as they kicked him around and called him the N-word repeatedly before taking him away in handcuffs and starting to plant evidence again.

Once they were all gone, Yates told me to come back to the station again over FaceTime, and once he hung up I looted the house of a Recipe for a Quesadilla Especial, some scrap, and Token's, or I guess I should say Tupperware's judging by his character sheet, locker combination and a Yaoi picture before leaving. Once outside, I sent everything I had gotten to the Mayor along with a text that read, "Looks like whoever's trying to get you out of office is using a smokescreen."

After a few minutes, she sent a text back that read, "Damn it! Well good work, Vigilante, but this isn't enough. Yates and the police force are the only law enforcement in this town besides Barbrady. People will believe them if they say it's fake. We need more, something that will destroy their credibility." "I'll see what I can find." I texted back to her before going down to the police station.

Once there, I set my phone to record audio and went up to Yates. "Good work on clearing that kingpin, little crime stopper." He told me once he saw me approach, and said, "I wish I had 100 more just like you on the force." He then handed me the police badge he had shown me earlier, and I sighed as I realized the recording would get us zilch. I then took selfies with Yates, an officer by the door, and the doorman before leaving, glad to finally be done with these missions.

I opened the Map on my phone to look at my remaining missions once I was outside. I had one to talk to Mackey and another to go to Crunchy's Microbrew in addition to the ones to find Yaoi and Al's cats and distribute headshots. I remembered passing Mosquito outside of Raisins a few times however, and decided to see what kind of trouble he had gotten himself into before I did anything else.

I replaced my Dreidel of Vengeance with the badge Yates had given me on the way, and once I had gotten to Raisins, I found Mosquito waiting for me. "Ah, New Kid! You came!" He exclaimed once he saw me. "What did you do now?" I asked him softly, and he replied, "Nothing! The wenches in this wing eatery have stolen my dad's credit card! Come on, you have to help me get it back!"

He moved to go inside, but I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, telling him, "Mosquito, we both know they didn't steal your credit card." "No, they-" He began as I turned him to face me, but I cut him off by telling him, "We both know you gave it to them after you ran out of money and we both know that they kicked you out. These girls are trying to run a business, and they don't need you coming in every day and skipping out on the check. Now when we go in there, you're going to keep quiet and let me handle this. And if you don't, I'm going to tell your dad you stole his credit card."

Mosquito's eyes widened in fear and he told me, "You wouldn't." "Try me." I responded as I gave him a glare. We stared at each other for a moment before he sighed with defeat and told me, "Alright, I'll let you do the talking. Just please help me get my dad's card back. If he finds out I took it, he'll ground me for the rest of the year!" He then buzzed like a mosquito before I nodded to him and went inside Raisins with him in tow.

Once inside, I walked up to Mercedes and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and asked me with a sour face, "Oh, it's you two. What do you want?" "I'm here to ask you to give Clyde his dad's credit card back." I told her in response. Mercedes scoffed and told me, "No way. He gave it to us because he wanted time in the wrestling pit. And then he skipped out on his check AGAIN."

"Wrestling pit?" I asked myself quietly before telling Mercedes, "Whatever. Look, he wouldn't have even gotten a check if you had put up a sign like I told you." "Management wouldn't let us." She replied. "If you really want to get his card back, you can pay the check yourself." I sighed with exasperation and reluctantly asked, "How much is it?" "Three-hundred and forty dollars and sixty-four cents." Mercedes told me as she took a receipt out of her pocket. I glared at Clyde as I reached into my pocket for my wallet, but didn't get the chance to take it out before I got a FaceTime call from Coon, who angrily told me, "Oh no you don't, Butthole! I know you used your Stick of Truth money last time! That is fucking cheating! Don't you DARE do it again!"

He hung up before I could say anything, and I growled in annoyance and asked Mercedes, "Fuck. Well, apparently I don't have that much money right now. Is there any other way we can work this out?" "No." She told me curtly, but a girl I recognized as Porsche walked up and remarked, "Hang on, Mercedes. There is ONE way."

Mercedes's eyes widened as she asked her coworker, "What? Porsche, you can't possibly be thinking of THAT?!" Porsche nodded with a knowing smirk on her face, and Mercedes got a thoughtful look on her face for a moment before she told me, "Alright New Kid, we can't just give you his card back. But we can give you a chance to win it back." "Fine. Let's just do it so that I can get out of here." I told her.

Mercedes nodded and told Porsche, "Alright, go get the _special_ wrestling pit set up." "Wait, there's a special wrestling pit?" Clyde asked, and I stomped on his foot before following Mercedes into a back room. Clyde tried to follow us too, but one of the girls stopped him at the door and told him, "Sorry, cutie. Girls only."

I looked around in confusion once we were in the back room. The walls were painted orange and decorated like the rest of the restaurant, but there were no tables, and all of the pictures of the girls on the walls instead featured naked women that bore slight resemblance to them, presumably their mothers. There was a shallow circular pit in the approximate middle of the floor with cameras trained on it, and as I watched, Raisins girls were spreading baby oil on the floor of it. Mercedes told me, "Alright New Kid, this is the Raisins Dome. This is where you can try and get that jerk's card back."

"And what IS this exactly?" I asked her. "I'm glad you asked." Mercedes remarked, then explained, "One round. You versus the reigning champion. Whoever cums first, loses. You win, we give back his dad's card and forget about his tab. We win, you work as a Raisins girl until you pay it off." This shocked me, and I asked her, "Wait, cums?"

Mercedes nodded and told me, "Yup. You won't just be wrestling in there. In the Raisins Dome, sex is your best and only weapon." In shock, I gestured to the camera and asked her, "And… you film it?" Mercedes nodded and explained, "Uh-huh. And upload it to an app that's available only in South Park, and only for girls." I stared at her for a moment before asking, "And HOW is this legal?" "Because it's not _illegal_. At least not in South Park. Now are we doing this or not?" She asked me.

"You know that I have a girlfriend, right?" I asked them, and Mercedes shrugged and replied, "So? The whole town knows you're in an open relationship. Well, all the girls in town at least." I then looked to the pit for a moment before asking, "And I'm not going to get arrested or slut-shamed all around town?" Mercedes nodded and asked me impatiently, "Yes. Now are you doing it or not?" I sighed as I realized it was my only option, and told her, "Fine. But either way, you have to get the manager to put up a sign that says not to serve him." "Deal." Mercedes replied before we shook hands.

As Mercedes walked over to a shower room nearby, I asked her, "So, who's the reigning champion?" "Me." She replied, then told me, "Now get ready. You're in for the ride of your life." I quickly texted Bebe about what was about to happen and that she had a LOT of explaining to do the next time I saw her before I followed Mercedes into the showers so that we could both wash off and each use an enema before we fought. The second I set foot in the room however, I felt an extreme sense of vertigo, making me wince.

When I opened my eyes, I looked down to see that I had grown to about five and a half feet tall. I looked in the mirror to see an astonishing sight. I appeared to have aged, as I was now a busty beauty with an hourglass figure and a well-rounded rear end. I also looked like I belonged in a Japanese anime, and when I looked around, my surroundings were the same way. I got my wallet out in curiosity to see that it now had a driver's license that proclaimed me to be eighteen. 'Why does this always happen when I'm about to have sex?' I thought to myself. "Well, what are you waiting for? We've got to shower up before we fight." Mercedes told me, and I turned to her to see that she too was in anime format. I looked to myself in the mirror one last time and huffed before asking myself, 'Why couldn't this have happened earlier in the chapter?' I then joined Mercedes in the shower.

My makeup survived the shower somehow, and I made a note to check the paint I had used before we dried off and exited to take our places on either side of the ring while still nude, which the other girls had just finished setting up. They were also anime-fied, and the entire room looked like one gigantic Yaoi picture aside from the voluptuous women instead of men. One of the Raisins girls then came up to me and told me, "Here. Take this." As she handed me a pink pill. "What is it?" I asked cautiously, and she replied, "It's an aphrodisiac, to make sure you're primed and ready. Look, Mercedes is taking one too."

I looked to the other side of the pit to see that Mercedes was indeed taking her own pink pill, so I shrugged and popped mine in my mouth before swallowing, washing it down with the water they gave me. Almost instantly, it felt like a huge static shock had gone through my body, and I felt myself start to heat up and my pussy start to grow moist. 'Holy shit!' I thought to myself as I started to pant.

Suddenly, spotlights over the pit turned on and the cameras all started recording as one of the girls who I recognized as an older Lexus sat in an announcer's booth and said into a microphone, "All right all of you cuties and sweeties out there, it's time for another Raisins Dome sex match! We know it's not our usual time, but we've got a special treat for you today! We've got a surprise challenger in the ring! But first, let's take a look at her opponent!"

A spotlight then shined on anime-Mercedes as she made kiss faces at the camera and struck a sexy pose as Lexus continued, "With twenty-eight consecutive wins, it's the Queen of Cunt, the Duchess of Dykes, the Princess of Pussy, Mercedes!" Canned applause played throughout the room before the spotlight shifted over to me, and Lexus told the apparent audience, "And here's her challenger! Hailing from parts and pussies unknown, it's the New Kid! And she's just not fighting for fun, cuties! If she loses, she's our newest Raisins girl until she pays off her friend's tab!" More canned applause played as I awkwardly waved to the nearest camera. "Will she be able to beat our champ, or will she spend the next few months waiting tables? Let's find out! Kiss and make up you two, and let's get this party started!" Lexus exclaimed.

With that, Mercedes stepped into the ring with me following her lead. The two of us met in the middle before Mercedes hugged me and brought me in for a deep French kiss, surprising me before I closed my eyes and we made out for a few moments. Mercedes then separated herself from me and took her place on her side of the ring, and I followed her lead as Lexus told the audience, "All right, now let's go over the rules! No scratching, super powers, or permanent wounds, the first one to cum loses, and if you DO cum you have to shout it out loud so everyone can hear! And remember that the audience can vote to drop some toys in at any time, sweeties! Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get comfy and enjoy the show! Porsche, ring the bell!"

Older anime Porsche then rang a wrestling bell, and Mercedes immediately dove forwards on her stomach, sliding towards me and tackling my legs to knock me off my feet. The second I had hit the ground, the blonde girl dove her tongue into my pussy, making me gasp and moan as she began to expertly eat me out. "And Mercedes gets the first hit! Things aren't looking too good for the New Kid!" Lexus exclaimed. 'She's right. If I don't take control of this fast, I'm a goner.' I thought to myself as I squirmed from Mercedes' tongue in my snatch.

I quickly pulled myself together and tried to get out of Mercedes' grip, but her fingers wouldn't budge. Thinking fast, I reached over and plunged three fingers into Mercedes' ass, making her gasp and pause. I took the opportunity to wrench myself out of her grasp and pin her, wiggling my fingers inside her anus as I moved my other hand to finger her pussy. "And the New Kid turns the tables! She might just stand a chance here, cuties!" Lexus said.

I wasn't able to keep Mercedes down for long however, and she pushed me off of her after only a few moments. I slid backwards as she tried to grab me, and dove forward as she slipped and fell on her front. I landed on her back and pulled her legs upwards before burying my tongue into her ass as she moaned. "Ooh, and New Kid's going for the backdoor! Doesn't look like Mercedes has any objections though! Could the New Kid turn this fight around?" Lexus asked the audience.

Suddenly, a buzzer rang out throughout the room as a small green light on one of numerous hatches in the ceiling came on, and Lexus exclaimed as I continued to lick Mercedes' ass, "And it looks like the audience has voted to give our girls a toy! Let's see what you've picked out!" With that, a large butt plug dropped down into the pit and hit me in the head, making me pull up from my analingus with a grunt.

Mercedes took the opportunity to push me off again, and grabbed the butt plug before sliding over to where I was laying on all fours and jamming it into my ass. I gasped at the intrusion before Mercedes flipped a switch on the plug, and it started to vibrate violently before Mercedes flipped me onto my back, pinned my hips down, and started to eat me out again. "And it looks like you've voted for the Booty-Plugger XL! If the New Kid's reputation is anything to go on, she's in big trouble!" Lexus said.

It would seem that Lexus was right, as the plug vibrating in my ass felt better than it had any right to be, and I thought to myself, 'I guess having supersensitive anal muscles means having a supersensitive ass.' I kicked Mercedes in the face to get her off me before slipping a safe distance away and pulling on the butt plug to try to get it out of me.

It was too big to remove alone however, and Mercedes took the opportunity to tackle me again and start to scissor me. 'Dammit Bebe, why do you always make me be the submissive?' I thought to myself, cursing my girlfriend for always taking control of our sex sessions and never letting me be the dominant. "This could be it folks! The New Kid is on her last legs and-Oh! Looks like we've got another toy coming in!" Lexus said, interrupted in the middle of her sentence by another buzzing noise and green light.

Seeing that the hatch to open up was directly behind Mercedes, I kicked her hard to push her back just in time for the hatch to open and a large black dildo with numerous short rubber spikes on it to drop onto her head. The phallic device stunned my opponent for a moment, giving me time to scoop up the marital aid. I tackled Mercedes and shoved the spiky dildo into her cunt as Lexus announced, "And it looks like our audience feels like seeing a little blood with the Cunt Ripper! No objections here, right girls?"

I looked to Mercedes' cunt as I hammered it with the dildo to see that Lexus was right, as tiny droplets of blood were leaking out with her juices. I didn't pay it much mind however, as I had bigger problems at the moment. The plug in my ass was still buzzing away, and I knew at the rate we were going, I would cum before Mercedes did.

I flipped Mercedes onto her back and knelt down before grabbing one of her legs and yanking the Cunt Ripper out of her pussy, making her gasp with relief as a splatter of blood came with it. Her relief didn't last long as I shoved it into her ass instead, making her scream out. I immediately started pumping the spiked dildo into and out of her anus, making her cry out with pain and pleasure. "Ooh, that's GOTTA hurt! Mercedes may be in trouble here, cuties!" Lexus announced, and I decided to put the nail into the coffin as I positioned myself between her legs and started to scissor her, bucking our hips together and making Mercedes groan at the new source of pleasure.

She struggled to get a grip on the slippery floor as I rubbed my pussy into hers and hammered the aptly-named Cunt Ripper into her butt. I could feel myself nearing orgasm, but could also tell that Mercedes wasn't far behind me as she gasped and groaned. My eyelids fluttered as I felt my cunt start to contract, and I feared I would lose for a moment before Mercedes seized up and yelled, "Ah, ah, AAAAAAAHHHH! I-I'M CUMMINNNNNNNGGG!"

I felt Mercedes' juices splashing against my pussy as she screamed out her pleasure, and the bell rang again out as Lexus exclaimed, "And that's it! In a stunning upset, the New Kid has beaten Mercedes at her own game! This match is over! Oh, but it doesn't look like she is!" Lexus was right, as I didn't stop with the bell, continuing to grind our pussies together and pump the now-bloody dildo in and out of Mercedes' ass until my body tensed up and I was sent spiraling into the throes of orgasm, my mouth opening to scream my pleasure to the room along with my opponent. I collapsed on top of her as I started to come down, twitching and trembling as the butt plug in my ass prolonged my orgasm.

As I fell on top of her, Mercedes pulled me in for another French kiss, and I moaned as I returned it, kissing her lovingly as we hugged each other as close as we could. The spotlights shut off and the cameras stopped rolling as we made out and the other Raisins girls pulled the Booty-Plugger and Cunt Ripper from our respective asses. We continued to kiss for a few minutes before Mercedes pulled us apart and took a few deep breaths before telling me, "H-Holy fuck. I never thought I'd be beaten in the ring but you… you're something else."

I panted without saying a word as we picked ourselves up and got out of the ring to shower again. While we were washing off, I saw little drops of blood drip from Mercedes' pussy and ass, and asked her with concern in my hoarse voice, "Are you gonna be okay?" Mercedes smiled to me reassuringly and told me, "Don't worry about me, cutie, this isn't the first time I've been on the receiving end of the Cunt Ripper. I'll be fine."

We finished our showers in silence after that, and once we had gotten redressed, the world returned to normal with a wave of vertigo. 'Okay, I'm seriously gonna need to talk to Bebe about that at some point.' I thought to myself. I had never considered why all of the girls turned into adults and the world looked like an anime when we had sex, but I needed some answers. Mercedes and I walked back out into the Raisins Dome and she told me, "Alright, a deal's a deal, so Clyde's off the hook and I'll talk to the boss about a sign. And here," She told me as she handed me a credit card from her pocket, "Go ahead and give it back to that creep if you want. And feel free to come back for round two at any time."

She saucily smiled at me with the second sentence, and I blushed and awkwardly told her, "Yeah, I might not be back here. Like, ever." Mercedes shrugged and told me, "Well, either way, we're cool. See you around, cutie." She then went back into the main area of the restaurant, smacking me on the ass as she left. I followed her with a blush and confirmed that my makeup was waterproof before meeting Clyde outside the restaurant, not stopping as I tossed him his dad's card and told him, "Here. Now stay away from this place."

He caught up to me however, and asked as we walked, "W-Wait, what… happened in there?" I stopped at this point, and looked to him before telling him, "Sorry, girls only." I then walked off as he shrugged and ran off to put his dad's card back where it belongs.

I made sure he was gone before sighing, taking a moment to collect myself as I thought, 'Jesus Christ, what the fuck is up with this town?' I then saw that I had gotten some scrap, change, a Raisins outfit, and Mosquito's character sheet from my pseudo-battle with Mercedes, which made me wonder if it was an actual part of the game. I then noticed that I had ranked up to Hero Rank Six at some point, which apparently gave me an Epic Artifact Slot. I equipped the one I had gotten automatically, which of course was a gold fidget spinner, before I checked my missions.

I saw that I was right by Crunchy's Microbrew, so I decided to head there first. I reached the bar quickly, but before I could go inside, I got a FaceTime call from Super Craig, who told me, "There's the microbrewery. You'll find someone inside who can assist you with Race. Good luck. Super Craig, out!" He used his dramatic flair with his name again before he hung up, and I shrugged as I went inside the microbrewery.

When I walked inside, I saw PC Principal telling some guy holding a beer, "And now you've got a problem with ME! I'm not just gonna sit here and do nothing while you insult this man's ethnicity." 'Of course it would be him.' I thought to myself as he pointed to a Hispanic guy on his other side. "I wasn't insulting him." The man PC Principal was berating replied calmly.

PC Principal then took off his sunglasses and pointed out, "Excuse me, did you or did you not say that this man seemed tired?!" He gestured to the Hispanic guy again and the first replied, "Yes! He's my friend. I said, 'Paolo you look tired.'" "MICROAGGRESSION!" PC Principal roared, and started beating up Paolo's friend before telling the room, "Persons of Hispanic backgrounds have been stereotyped as being 'sleepy', and saying they look tired is a microaggression that WILL NOT STAND."

"But I am tired." Paolo told him, and PC Principal beat him up too, knocking him to the ground. Suddenly, he put his sunglasses back on and whirled around to face me, telling me, "You. You're the New Kid, right? I'm the principal of your school. My name is PC Principal. I was told you wanted to talk to me about some race issues. OK, come at me."

He then took on a fighting stance, and told me, "Come on. You wanna learn about race, right? Gimme your best shot." I shrugged and took on my own fighting stance before PC Principal asked, "It's a nice day, isn't it?" I did nothing as the question didn't mention any kind of race, ethnicity, or gender, and PC Principal told me, "Hm yes, very good. That was indeed not a microaggression. All right, round two."

He then waited a moment before stating, "I ate a hamburger last week." I did nothing again and PC Principal told me, "All right, that was also NOT a microaggression. This time I will use a microaggression and you'll see how it gives you a free shot." He then took out a microphone and announced to the room, "All right everybody, listen up. I'm about to use a microaggression, but it's only for the use of training this young person in the ways of the social justice warrior. Thank you, microaggression about to happen, thank you."

He then put his microphone away and took on a combat stance again before telling me, "My friend Brian looks like a chick." I would have recognized the microaggression even without the announcement, but regardless I slugged him in the shin, making PC Principal stagger for a moment before he told me, "Not bad, kid… Not bad at all. Not only is the word 'chick' derogatory to females, but also criticizing a male for looking feminine is a microaggression towards person of transgender. Now let's see if you can spot a microaggression that's more subtle."

PC Principal then paused for a moment before he told me, "My pants are warm… My pants… are warm." 'Then maybe you've had enough to drink.' I joked to myself, but didn't hit him. "That coffee belongs to Tim Sherman." He said, and I still didn't hit PC Principal. "I heard it's going to rain." He stated, and I was just wondering when exactly he would use his second microaggression before he told me, "Janet likes to roller skate."

Once again, I did nothing and waited for his next sentence. I wouldn't have to wait for long however, as he said, "Mr. Yamashiro is actually a very good driver." 'Finally!' I thought to myself as I hit PC Principal in the shin again, once more making him stagger. "Nice, kid. Very nice, indeed. Using the term 'actually' inferred that maybe other Asian Americans are not good drivers. And the use of Mr. is offensive to persons of third gender. Now before we talk about YOUR Race, I need you to get out there and do some PC work for me. I'll let you know when I think you're ready." He told me, and I sighed as I got some change and a license that would let me hit enemies who used microaggressions in combat.

I took selfies with Wendy's dad and the bartender before I left the microbrewery. I took another look at my missions and decided to thin them out a bit, so I set off to get Al's cats and put up Mr. Adams' headshots. I got a cat by the church and got a suggestion that the next one is probably in the forest from Al over Coonstagram before I went down to go to the Community Center, and once inside I moved a stepladder to put a headshot up on the bulletin board.

I saw that the next place he wanted me to put up a headshot was the coffee shop, so I got a Yaoi picture from the men's room and went up onto the roof to loot a chest, which just contained a new costume set. With that done, I went down to Tweak's Coffee, getting another cat by Bebe's house on the way. I put up Adams' headshot on the front counter and then went down to Jimbo and Ned's to post another, then equipped my Dreidel of Vengeance as I had just noticed that I had ranked up again.

I then went down to post another headshot at the Peppermint Hippo, where I put him up on the stripper Hall of Fame. I put up another one by the school and got a Yaoi picture before I went to put the last one up at Stark's Pond, but it was blocked by lava, so I decided to focus on Al's cats until I could find a way to clear it. I got another vial of cheese and a Yaoi picture from the area around the bulletin board before I got Ned's PO Box key from one of his old fishing spots.

I then activated the Fast Travel point by Stark's Pond and beat up some Sixth Graders who had barricaded the entrance to the public bathrooms by the school. One of them used a microaggression during the fight, which let me hit him and knock him out since I had already damaged him by blowing up their campfire. I had Scott tip over the water fountain so that I could get through more easily in the future and Fast Traveled down to Main Street. I activated the Fast Travel point by Tweak's Coffee before I went down to the U-Stor-It. Unfortunately, the way I needed to go was blocked by a truck, so I turned down onto Al's street and beat up some more sixth graders before activating the Fast Travel point there.

One of them used another microaggression, which let me hit him and severely damage his health. I then went to Al's and dropped off the cats I had with me, then got a Yaoi picture and a dildo Artifact before I left. Since where I was pretty sure where Al's next cat was hiding was blocked by a truck, I had no leads and thus decided to see Mr. Mackey after some deliberation.

I went down to Main Street and Fast Traveled to the school, but when I got inside I saw that a sixth grader had electrified a big puddle, so I shot down a speaker to knock him out and used TimeFart Pause to turn off the electricity before going into Mackey's office. When he saw me come in, Mr. Mackey told me as he sat down in the chair he had been in during our first talk, "Oh, great, New Kid, thanks for coming, have a seat."

I sat down in the other chair and Mr. Mackey nervously explained to me, "Now, I got some… feedback from the principal that our discussion about sex… I mean, about gender wasn't precise enough. And uh… Well… He gave me some guidelines on how to do a more thorough pass on helping you identify your gender…mkay." 'So basically PC Principal yelled at you and so now I have to do this all over again.' I thought to myself before Mackey asked, "'Is the gender that you were assigned with at birth the gender that you currently identify with?' Mkay."

"Yes, Mr. Mackey, I'm still a girl and still identify as one." I told him with exasperation, then coughed a bit as my throat was still sore. "Oh! Mmkay, great! So, as you know, that means you're 'cisgendered'. Mmkay, great. Now the next thing I want to talk to you about with your gender is your sexuality. Now a lot of people think that gender and sexuality are the same, but no that's bad! It's wrong, mkay." Mackey explained.

"Now how would you describe the sex of the kinds of people that you find yourself… uhm… sexually attracted to?" Mr. Mackey asked me awkwardly. "Girls." I told him simply, and he nodded and said, "Mkay, mkay. Are you… Are you sure?" I sighed and told him, "I have a girlfriend Mr. Mackey, I'm pretty sure I'm gay."

"O-oh, okay. So you're a homosexual. That's great, New Kid. I'm sure you can find another little girl who would be happy to be a lesbian with you." Mackey told me, and I face-palmed and told him, "I already have, Mr. Mackey. I JUST told you that I have a girlfriend." His shoulders fell and he said, "I know, but… I gotta stick to the script PC Principal gave me or else he'll beat me up again… mkay."

I then got an alert on my phone that told me my character sheet had been updated to show me as a Homosexual Cisgendered Girl, and Mr. Mackey told me, "Well, I'm really glad we had this talk, New Kid. Mkay. Just… Just be careful, mkay. 'Cause there's – There's a lot of people out there who don't accept you for what you are and you're going to have to deal with them, mkay. So, hmm… But, come see me anytime!" Seeing that our conversation was done, I hopped down from the chair and exited the school.

When I left however, the group of rednecks that had ambushed me the first time rolled up again, and one of them in the bed said, "Hey. It's that girl!" 'Should've seen this coming.' I thought to myself as the one driving exclaimed, "Yeah, they're Cisgendered!" "And they're Homosexual, too!" The third one said, and they all got out of the truck as the one in the plaid vest told me, "We don't take kindly to your types around here." "Let's welcome this THING to our town." The fat one told the others.

And with that, I had to beat them up again. The battle started with Captain Diabetes, Human Kite, and Super Craig coming in to help me, and one of the rednecks had the first turn. He would have hit me with a beer bottle, but I used Pause to stop time and hit all of them once. Unfortunately, one of them threw a beer and confused Captain Diabetes and Human Kite. I then used Sand Trap to hit all of them at once before Captain Diabetes hit Human Kite, thankfully snapping him out of his Confusion.

Kite used Laser Burn to defeat one of the rednecks, and Super Craig used Omega Crash Extra to hit one of them and knock him back. The third then threw a beer can at Captain Diabetes, not penetrating the Protection he had gained with his last attack. I used Heat Wave to defeat him before the final redneck skipped his turn and Captain Diabetes hit Human Kite again, who gave Super Craig some Protection.

Super Craig then used Mega Fist Punch to defeat the final redneck, and I gained some change and a DNA Artifact before I left. I then got a FaceTime call from Coon, who told me, "ButtLord, I have to say, I'm mildly impressed with the progress you're making. Come back to the Coon Lair… I've got a little surprise for you. Coon out."

He then hung up, and since I had nothing better to do I Fast Traveled back to Cartman's house. When I went down into the basement, I saw Coon telling the other Coon Friends, "No, no, no! We can't do the Super Craig movie before the Human Kite Netflix series, guys. That doesn't make any sense." "Well, what about introducing Super Craig in the second Coon and Friends movie?" Fastpass suggested. "That'd be pretty DC Comics of us… I wouldn't recommend it." Coon replied.

Coon then noticed me coming in, and told me/asked his teammates, "Ah, ButtLord! Please have a seat. Sorry guys, can I have a moment alone with ButtLord, please?" "Sure thing, come on, Fastpass!" Mosquito replied as the three of them left. "Right behind ya, Mosquito." Fastpass told him before zooming off to leave the room. Once they had all left, I sat down in the seat opposite Coon.

"ButtLord… I just wanted to let you know that we've decided… to let you have your own Netflix series right after the Fastpass Fox miniseries and the third Coon and Friends United movie. Congratulations." He told me, and I thought to myself, 'Do they seriously think they'll be able to make a superhero franchise without getting their butts sued off?'

He then awkwardly told me, "OK, well, get out there and finish your goals. Just… wanted to tell you the exciting news." Before I could move to get out of my seat however, Coon said to me, "What do you want, New Kid? I already let you dual class, there's nothing left to talk about." Without giving me a chance to respond, he said, "Oh no. No, no, no, no, you are NOT going to have THREE CLASSES. New Kid-New Kid, no, do not give me those sad puppy eyes. Nobody gets to be three classes and it-" He paused for a moment, but before I could say anything, he exclaimed, "You think that just because you had to live through your dad fucking your mom you should get all the sympathy in the world, don't ya?" He seemed to catch himself with that, and apologized by saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up. All right, all right, fine. If you WERE going to add another class, what would it be?"

He then held up his iPad and showed me the class list with two new classes, Assassin and Gadgeteer. Since I didn't feel comfortable with being called an Assassin, I decided to choose Gadgeteer. Once I had made my selection, Coon put away his iPad and told me, "OK, but if you're going to be triple class then we have to change your backstory. It is pretty dumb. Let's go back in time again… Back to when you were just a child…"

He then took out another comic of me fighting home invaders with my new powers, this time with an alien. Once he had finished the story of six-year old me defeating the intruders with homemade weapons, he narrated, "The alien took you by the hand and led you into a dark room. And that's… when you saw that your dad had just fucked your mom."

Coon put his comic away as he muttered, "Whoa… boy, that is… pretty tragic, New Kid, I am so sorry." 'Okay, what the fuck is going on?' I thought to myself as the strongest feeling of déjà vu I had ever felt came over me as Coon narrated his story. 'Did… did that really happen? Or at least something like it?' I thought as Coon pondered, "Were the aliens helping you by showing you who fucked your mom, or… were they trying to make you full of rage? You might never know."

He then got up from his chair and told me, "All right, get back out there, ButtLord. You still have a lot of things to do." I got down from my own chair, and paused as I noticed something strange. All around me, I could see the possibilities in the junk and scrap Coon had lying around, how they could all be modified and improved into weapons and gadgets. 'Must be part of being a Gadgeteer.' I thought to myself, then sold the leftover Artifacts I had at the Coon Store and replaced Heat Wave with Gigavolt Globe before I left the house.

Suddenly, I got a FaceTime call from Fastpass, who told me, "New Kid, this is Fastpass. Get to the playground. One of the Freedom Pals is calling us out!" He then hung up before I could reply, and I sighed before thinking to myself, 'If they're just going to tell me shit and not let me say anything, they might as well just send a text.'

Since I had no other missions that I could complete at this time, I decided to head over there, but before I could start walking, I got a FaceTime call from Mom. She was sober for a change and told me, "Dova, don't forget that you're getting your braces put on today. The dentist is waiting for you, just head on over whenever you're ready."

She hung up with that, and I groaned as I thought to myself, 'God fucking dammit. I completely forgot about that.' I had never had a proper dentist visit before I came to South Park since we were constantly moving, and at the one I went to after the Stick of Truth game, I was told that I would need braces on my top and bottom teeth. It became an official mission in my list once Mom hung up, so I decided to get it over with before I went to the playground. I texted the other Coon Friends about it and made my way over to the dentist's office, which was across the street from the construction site on the other side of Tom's Rhinoplasty.

I looked up at the building, which was painted blue and featured the words "Tom's Dentistry" along with a tooth with a face on it on a light blue sign. I sighed and reluctantly entered the building, hoping to get it over with quickly. When I went up to the front desk, the receptionist asked me, "Hello there… Dovahkiin. Just head on in, the dentist will be right with you." With that, I went through the door to the back office, where the dentist, who I recognized as Dr. Gouache, was waiting.

He was looking around the office as I watched, and when he noticed me, he told me, "Ah, hello there. You're the New Kid, right? I'm afraid I can't put your braces on right now, somebody has stolen both my entire stocks of Nitrous Oxide and Novocain. This was left in its place." He handed me a mask made out of tinfoil, and I was puzzled for a moment until I got a FaceTime call from Professor Chaos, who cackled and told me, "That's right, New Kid, it is I, Professor Chaos! I have stolen the entire town's supply of dental painkillers! Now kids will be forced to get fillings and cleanings with no dulling whatsoever! Riots will run through the street! Chaos will reign! And I will rule all!"

Professor Chaos laughed maniacally as he finished his rant, but was cut off as Linda Stotch called out, "Butters! It's time to go to the dentist's for your filling!" Butters paused and muttered, "Oh hamburgers. Uh, okay Dova, I'm gonna need your help for a little bit." I gave him my second best 'Really?' look, prompting him to tell me, "Ah come on, Dova! Please? You would've done it anyway!"

I sighed and nodded to him, silently agreeing. "Ah thanks, Dova! Okay, it's stashed in the public bathroom near the school! Hurry! I don't know how long I can stall my parents!" Butters told me, and I left the office and Fast Traveled down to the school, going into the public bathroom to see a bunch of Chaos Minions. They all looked a little woozy, and I saw that a canister of Nitrous was cracked and leaking. I then used a Snap N Pop to ignite it and damage some of the minions.

I then hit one of them to start a battle and Human Kite, Super Craig, and Captain Diabetes came in to help. There were four Minions in total, two of which had Burning and all of which had Protection equal to about a quarter of their Health. I moved into range and used Triple Burn to deplete the Protection of one that didn't have Burning, and he threw some CDs at me in response.

Super Craig then used Omega Crash Extra to damage a Burning Minion, destroying his Protection and knocking him back into his ally, who woozily yelled, "I feel no pain!" He then threw a handful of lava at the poorly-costumed boy. Another Burning Minion then moved forward a few spaces before igniting some bottle rockets strapped to his chest, setting them to explode on his next turn. Human Kite then moved out of his range and used Laser Burn to destroy his Protection and deal a small amount of damage.

The last Minion then threw some CDs at Captain Diabetes, who zoomed forward to hit him with Sugar Rush in order to damage him and get some Protection of his own. My turn rolled around again, and I used Gigavolt Globe to defeat two of the Minions, one of which was the one who had bottle rockets strapped to him, prompting the explosives to detonate prematurely and knock out a third Minion. The last one then threw some CDs at Human Kite before Super Craig knocked him out with Mega Palm Punch, ending the battle and giving me some scrap and change.

Once the battle was over, I grabbed the box of Novocain and the remaining canisters of Nitrous, the others helping me carry them back to the dentist. Once I got there, I saw Butters and his mom standing in the lobby along with the doctor. Butters was fake gagging, and once he saw me come in, he exclaimed, "Dova!" "Ah, you got our painkillers back! All right, let's get the both of you fixed up." Dr. Gouache said. He then took the boxes and canisters from me and with the help of a few assistants, he brought them back into the offices.

Butters and his mom disappeared into an office before I could ask him about Professor Chaos, and Doctor Gouache told me, "Alright, now that we've gotten everything sorted out, we can get that mouth metaled up. Right through here." He then went into the office I had originally found him in, and I shrugged and followed him.

He then cleaned my teeth thoroughly before putting the braces on, me choosing alternating purple and blue as a reference to my dragoness form in the last game for the colors. It didn't require any Novocain or Nitrous, making me wonder why he couldn't do it before, but it was still a bit uncomfortable. Once it was done, he adjusted them and told me, "Okay, say 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." "Teh kwik brahn fahx jumpsh ovah teh lazshy dahg." I lisped out, and Doctor Gouache adjusted the tightness on my braces again and told me, "Okay, try it now." "The quick brown foxsh jumpsh over the lazshy dog." I said, a bit clearer this time. He adjusted them one more time and said, "Okay, again." "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." I said, finally able to speak clearly.

Doctor Gouache nodded and told me, "There we are. You should be good to go." I then got out of the chair and took a look at my braces with the camera in my phone. It wasn't too noticeable except when I spoke, but I decided to get the ribbing out of the way regardless and took a selfie with my teeth bared to show them, posting it on Coonstagram with the caption, "Alright everyone, get all your jokes out now."

Almost instantly, Coon commented on it, "What the fuck, New Kid?! You couldn't have gotten them BEFORE we started playing?! You would've had a way better superhero persona!" Shelly Marsh then commented, "If anyone makes fun of her, they're going to the hospital. I've got your back, New Kid. #bracefacesunite." I smiled at that and left the building, seeing that I had completed my mission before I set off for the playground.

I passed through Main Street as went, running my tongue over my new braces to try and get used to them as I walked. When I got to the playground, I saw Human Kite, Coon, and Fastpass waiting for me on the basketball court. "You're sure one of the Freedom Pals wants to meet with us?" Coon asked Fastpass as I approached.

"Yeah, his text said it was very urgent." The Speedster replied, and Coon wondered out loud, "Yeah but… why would the Freedom Pals want to talk to US?" "Unless… This is some kind of trap." Human Kite pointed out. Suddenly, Stan wearing a superhero costume jumped out from behind a tree and told us, "Relax, Coon Friends. I didn't come to fight." He was wearing transparent yellow safety goggles, a white shirt with a black and red T symbol on it, blue pants, black gloves, a car battery on his back, and a belt with various tools on it, and was holding a power drill.

Coon walked forward a few steps and took on a superhero pose as he told him, "Hello, Toolshed. Long time no see." "Toolshed is a Gadgeteer class visionary archetype." Kite explained to me. "AND a buttfucking traitor." Coon added.

"Just listen to me. I understand that the New Kid helped take my dad's keys last night. New Kid, I don't know why you were looking out for my dad, but… I owe you one. That's all I came to say. You might be in the wrong franchise, but if you ever need help I'll return the favor." Toolshed told me. Coon laughed and told the Gadgeteer, "You think the New Kid fucking cares about you? You belong to a loser, zero-income franchise that's run by a douchebag in a wheelchair!"

"At least he's not a fat little phone stealer." I heard echo throughout my mind, and turned to see Timmy roll into the playground with his finger to his temple. "Oh, not him again." Coon muttered as Timmy exclaimed, "Timmy!"

Mysterion and Tupperware then came up on either side of Timmy, and Mysterion asked Coon, "You call us losers when the only way you can get a lead is to STEAL IT?! Where is Doctor Timothy's Phone?!" 'Seriously, who is this kid?' I asked myself as I looked to the hooded hero. "Sorry, Freedom Pussies, that information is classified." Fastpass told him, and Coon chuckled at the Speedster's insult.

"You guys need to stop investigating the Chamber of Commerce and leave it to the professional superheroes." Mysterion told us, and I thought to myself, 'Wait, Chamber of Commerce? What else have they been investigating?' "Oh, yeah, you guys are the professional superheroes." Coon told him sarcastically before smugly telling them, "It just so happens, Mysterion, that we already have a connection with Netflix."

'Do we?' I asked myself, and it would Tupperware had his doubts as well as he retorted, "No, you don't." "Yes we do. We're just about to get the Human Kite Netflix series off the ground, so…" Coon trailed off as Timmy wheeled forward and put his hand on his temple. "N- Timmy. No. No! Stop it-" Coon said nervously.

Timmy had no such interest however, and continued to focus on the fat boy as Coon told us while clutching his head, "STOP – STOP - STOP IT TIMMY! HE'S TRYING TO RAPE MY MIND! AGH! AGGHHH!" "They don't have a connection at Netflix." Timmy told all of us before taking his finger off his temple.

"Freedom Pals just raped my mind you guys! Let's get these pedophiles!" Coon told us, and Fastpass exclaimed, "COON AND FRIENDS, ASSEMBLE!" "FREEDOM PALS UNITE!" Toolshed exclaimed as he walked over to stand by his allies. "CIVIL WAR TWO, IT'S GOING DOWN!" Coon yelled.

At that, a battle started and we took our places in a combat grid. "You're outmatched. Give up before you embarrass yourselves." Mysterion told us. In response, Fastpass used Blind Side to damage Timmy and force him forward one space. The wheelchair-bound boy then put his finger to his head and teleported, moving next to Mysterion before Coon moved forward and skipped his turn, out of range of all of our enemies. Unfortunately, I was out of range too, so I moved forward and skipped my turn as well.

It was Toolshed's turn now, and he threw screwdrivers on either side of him, forcing the Coon back and dealing some damage. "Nail, meet hammer." Timmy mentally remarked, and Human Kite moved forward to stand next to me before giving me Protection with his Kite Shield. Timmy's turn came up and he tried to summon a bunch of kindergarteners to fight for him, but thankfully I skipped his turn just in time. "Fighting Doctor Timothy is a mistake beyond your comprehension." Mysterion told me, and recognizing it as a microaggression, I went up to him and hit him in the chest, which strangely felt a lot softer than I thought it would.

Mysterion then used his Dead Rush to force Human Kite closer to us, and Tupperware used Tupper Tornado to knock him back towards the mystery-themed hero. Fastpass then used Hit and Run to damage Timmy again, and the boy teleported across the grid in response. Coon then used Coon Lunge to damage Toolshed, and I followed it up with Triple Burn to reduce his Health to almost nothing and give him Burning.

The Gadgeteer used a set of glowing yellow drills that sprung out of the ground in a diagonal pattern to hit Fastpass in response, but was defeated from his status effect immediately afterward. Human Kite then used Laser Burn to take out a chunk of Mysterion's Health, and Timmy summoned kindergarteners again, successfully this time. I glared at him before rushing over to a nearby picnic table and dismantling it, using the expertise my Gadgeteer class had given me along with some scrap from my necklace to construct a cage around the tiny tikes.

Once they were all contained, I told the boy with my usual soft tone of voice, "You may have the ability to control minds, but that that does NOT give you the right to. I don't care about the game, if I see that again, I'm going to put a stop to it, and to you." Timmy blinked in shock at my soft outburst, and everyone stood there shocked for a moment before Mysterion used his four-punch combo to damage Human Kite.

Tupperware then used Tupper Tornado to damage Fastpass, and the guys started to get back into the swing of the battle as Fastpass used Blind Side to damage him and turn invisible. Coon then moved towards Timmy and skipped his turn since he was out of range of any of our opponents, and I used Sand Trap to defeat Mysterion.

Human Kite moved forward a bit before using his Ultimate attack to defeat Timmy, and Fastpass used Hit and Run to damage Tupperware. Coon moved towards our only remaining enemy and skipped his turn, and I followed suit before Human Kite moved into range and used Laser Burn to damage him. I skipped Tupperware's turn to prevent him from damaging Fastpass, who then used Hit and Run to finish the battle.

I got a DNA Artifact, some change, and a new costume set from the battle as the Freedom Pals picked themselves up and walked off, Coon taunting them, "OH YEAH! OH YEAH! THAT IS TWICE WE KICKED YOUR ASSES!" I rolled my eyes and took apart my makeshift cage, releasing the confused kindergartners and getting my scrap back before rebuilding the table.

As he walked off, Toolshed told my teammates, "You guys are NOTHING without the New Kid, and you know it." He then looked to me and said, "New Kid, my offer stands. I still owe you one. And if you ever want to be a part of a REAL franchise, just call me." I nodded to the raven-haired boy with a grateful smile on my face before he walked off and Coon called after him, "Yeah right! YOU guys are DC Comics! WE'RE Marvel!"

"Fuckin' assholes. You guys need Zack Snyder to drag your fuckin' asses…" Coon muttered as all the others left. Suddenly, I got a FaceTime call from PC Principal, who told me, "HEY! That was some pretty good PC policework kid! Way to take advantage of those motherfucker's microaggressions. Come back to the brew pub. I think we can discuss your race and ethnicity now."

He then hung up, and I shrugged as I thought, 'Well, at least I can finally get this part of my character sheet filled out.' I then went back onto Main Street and Fast Traveled down to the Buca de Faggoncini, going from there to Crunchy's Microbrew.

When I walked inside the bar, I saw PC Principal sitting at the bar. As I approached, he took a sip of his beer and told me, "You have potential, kid. I'm glad to have you in town. Now let's discuss YOUR race and ethnicity." I sat down on the stool next to him and told him, "Well, I'm pretty sure I'm white, and my parents won't tell me anything about where our family comes from but my birth certificate says I was born in the U.S., so I guess I'm White American." PC Principal nodded and told me, "Alright then, I'll mark your character sheet as White American. Just let me know if you get any new information." I then got an alert on my phone that said that he had updated my character sheet to show me as a White American.

With that, I left the brewery after taking a selfie with him, and looked on my phone to see that I had another new Artifact Slot. 'I should really check that more often.' I thought to myself as I crafted a Skull of Sundering and placed it into my new Minor Slot. Immediately afterwards, I got a FaceTime call from the Coon, who told me, "Attention all Coon Friends! We have the information we need and are ready for our next mission! Everyone report to the Coon Lair IMMEDIATELY! COON OUT!"

He then hung up, and I shrugged as I set off for Cartman's house, using the Fast Travel Station at Buca de Fagoncinni to skip the walk. When I got to the basement, I found all of the Coon friends sitting around the big table, and took my place as Coon told me, "There you are! Jesus, it took you long enough! Have a seat, ButtLord."

I sat down at my place on the end of the table and Coon told us all, "Alright everyone. ButtLord interrogated Classi and found out our next lead is at the U-Stor-It, here in town. We need to infiltrate it TONIGHT." 'Not another night mission.' I thought to myself with despair. I wasn't heard however, and Mosquito told the fat boy, "It can't be done."

"Why not, Mosquito?" Coon asked in reply, and Mosquito explained to him, "Because the U-Stor-It entrance is all lava." "The whole thing is fuckin' lava?! SHIT! There has to be a way to get past it." Coon muttered. Everybody sat in silence for a moment before Human Kite pointed out, "There is… Toolshed."

"Toolshed?! What's that donkey-fucker have to do with anything?" Coon asked. "Toolshed has a device that clears lava, remember? It's one of his super powers." Human Kite responded. "Hey… And Toolshed said that he owes the New Kid a favor!" Fastpass pointed out before everyone's eyes turned to me. "Well, looks like you're gonna come in handy again, ButtLord." Coon told me, and turned to Super Craig and told him, "Super Craig, write an anonymous email to Toolshed. Tell him the New Kid is ready to have his favor returned."

He then told the group, "Everyone else, go home and get in bed. We meet at the U-Stor-It tonight." "TO BED EVERYBODY!" Mosquito exclaimed as everybody left to go home. "COON FRIENDS ARE ON THE CASE!" Fastpass said as he left. "Go on home, ButtLord. If all goes according to plan, Toolshed will meet up with you later. Just be careful. Toolshed is a two-faced backstabbing butt-sniffer." Coon warned me. 'Man, he REALLY doesn't like Stan.' I thought to myself.

I then got out of my chair and spun around to change into my normal clothes, wiping my makeup off once I was done. With that, I left Cartman's house and went down the street towards mine. I wasn't going home just yet, however. I had something I needed to talk about with Mr. and Mrs. Stotch, and Butters if I could.

I knocked on Butters' front door, and after a moment, Stephen Stotch opened it and greeted me with, "Oh, hello there Dova. Uh, Butters isn't here right now." I sighed and asked him, "I figured as much. Can I come in anyway? I'd like to ask you and Mrs. Stotch some questions." Stephen shrugged and told me, "Well, alright I guess. Come on in."

He then moved out of the way to let me through the door and called Linda Stotch down to the living room. While she came down from the second floor, Stephen asked me, "Do you want something to drink? Water, some tea?" I shook my head no as Linda went to the kitchen to make some tea and told him, "No thanks, this'll just take a second."

Once we were all seated and Linda had a cup of tea, Linda asked me, "So Dova, what did you want to ask us?" I took a deep breath before I asked the two, "What do you guys know about… Professor Chaos?" It was like I had thrown a switch with my words, as Stephen jumped and got a horrified look on his face and Linda did a spit-take. With a fearful tone, Stephen asked me, "Professor Chaos?! Well… Well he's just one of Butters' games. Why-Why do you ask?"

I paused for a moment before telling them, "The guys and I are playing a game right now. A real one. And Professor Chaos is our biggest villain at the moment. If you know anything about why Butters would be acting the way he is, please, tell me." "There's nothing to tell!" Stephen exclaimed, and hastily told me, "Professor Chaos is nothing more than a costume! Thank you, goodbye!" He got up to shoo me out the door, but I told him simply, "I know Butters is an energy manipulator."

Stephen fell back into his seat in shock, and Linda had a strangely calm expression as she looked down at her cup of tea and remarked, "Well, it was bound to get out eventually." I looked to them both as I said, "If Professor Chaos was really just part of a game, you two wouldn't be about to piss yourselves right now. Please, if Butters is in trouble, I want to help."

The two exchanged a glance before Stephen told me, "Alright, we'll tell you." He then explained, "Last year, Butters was falsely diagnosed with multiple personality disorder by Mr. Kim. When we found out he was a fraud and that Butters was just playing a game, we thought it was over. But a week after that… Butters blew up the kitchen. We grounded him, but… he didn't remember what he did afterward. These sorts of things started happening a lot, so we had him checked out by a real psychiatrist and found out that Butters really DOES have multiple personalities. Well, one personality at least."

"Professor Chaos." I muttered, and Stephen nodded before Linda told me, "We think that Chaos was biding his time, staying hidden until he could take control of Butters for good and wreak havoc world-wide. After Mr. Kim's diagnosis, he must have thought the jig was up, and just started destroying what he could when he could." Stephen then cut in and told me, "He's pure evil. Everything he does, every breath he takes, is to cause mayhem and harm. The only thing that can control him… is Butters."

"Butters?" I asked, and Stephen responded, "Yes. You see, the fear that Butters feels when he's grounded weakens Chaos. It lets Butters take over and keep Chaos dormant." Linda told me, "We had been keeping Chaos at bay by grounding Butters, and it was working, but…" She trailed off as she stared at her tea, and I muttered, "I made you stop."

When the Stick of Truth game had ended and things started to normalize around South Park, I had made Stephen and Linda stop grounding Butters for stupid shit all the time. "This is all my fault." I said in shock. "You got that right." Steven stated, and Linda sternly told him, "Stephen! She couldn't have known what could happen." She then turned to me and told me, "Now listen, that kind of thinking isn't going to help Butters. If you really want to help him… then you have to get rid of Chaos. He's too powerful for Butters to control now, but if anyone can do it, then you can." I nodded with determination, and told them, "Yeah, yeah I think you're right. Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Stotch."

I got out of the chair and went to leave, but Stephen got up and roared at me, "There's no stopping him, don't you get it?! Chaos isn't going to stop until there's nothing left! He's not Butters! He'll kill you!" I turned back to him and told him, "Don't worry about me, Mr. Stotch. Butters isn't the only energy user in town." I then walked out the door, using a pink energy hand to grasp the doorknob and pull it closed for emphasis.

Once I had left Butters' house, I took out some paper and a pencil and sketched some instructions on it and then made a call. Once the person I was trying to reach picked up, I told them, "Hey, it's me. Listen, I need a favor." The person on the other end talked for a moment, and I asked them, "Yes. Listen, I need you to go to the U-Stor-It tonight after dark and follow the instructions I'm about to send you. Can you do that?" Hearing the person I had called give an affirmative, I nodded and told them, "Great. See you tonight."

I then hung up and took a picture of the instructions I had written down, then sent them to the person I had just called. Once that was done, I took a deep breath and went to my house, getting myself ready for the screaming match I was sure to find once I walked through the door.

I opened the door to see that I was right, and that Mom and Dad were yelling at each other again. They were doing it upstairs this time however, and I saw that Mom had left dinner out for me, so I picked at it and ate as much as I could. I could only manage one bite due to the loss of appetite resulting from Mom and Dad's newest argument, so I braced myself and climbed the stairs.

"Why would you tell the school principal what race we are?!" Dad asked Mom incredulously, who told him in response, "I didn't tell him! Dova did!" "But you confirmed it when the principal called you! How long before they find out everything?!" Dad asked rhetorically. I sighed in annoyance as Mom pleaded with Dad, "Dova's confused, don't you get it?! First, you thought she was a boy and made everyone else in town think so too, then, we kept silent about her race!"

"Confusion was the point! The more Dova learns about the truth, the more dangerous HE becomes, you stupid whore – Hey, look who's here!" Dad retorted, noticing me halfway through his sentence. I glared at him as he asked me, "Been out playing, little squirt? Ha ah!"

Mom then told me with fake cheer in her voice, "Your dinner is on the table, punkin! Then straight to bed – you have school tomorrow! Ha ha ah!" "School tomorrow! Ha!" Dad exclaimed as they both let out fake laughs. They both then went into their room, and I looked through the peephole to see Mom holding up Dad's brownies and telling him, "Whatever's in these things are making you crazy!"

"CRAZY?! Like telling the world who Dova is who we took so long to HIDE?!" Dad retorted, and I sighed in annoyance once again as I thought to myself, 'Does that asshole really not know that Grandfather's serving a life sentence right now?' I stepped back while I shook my head in disappointment and went into my own room, getting all the stuff that people had put in my trunk for missions before taking off my glasses and pulling the covers over myself to try and get some sleep before my night mission.

Just then, Dad opened the door and told me, "Hey, kiddo, listen. I know we never talked about it, but your mother and I are very proud Americans. Night night, punk." He then turned off the light and went back to his room, and I thought to myself, 'Five bucks says I'm gonna find him on the couch tonight.' I then drifted off to sleep.

And that's the chapter! Before I sign off, I just want to say that I have never smoked weed before, and thus do not know what it feels like. I hope I at least came close with Dova's encounter at Medicinal Fried Chicken. Also, I gave Dova braces because I wanted to, and can. Thank you for reading and please no flames! Coon out!


	4. The Second Night

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the next chapter of The Next Adventure. This chapter is of course based off of the second night mission. I do not own South Park, let's read!

"Night falls upon the town like a fat slimy turd. The stink of greed, corruption and crime rises from gutters and fills the street. Only one thing can deal with fat turds. Coon and Friends. #fuckFreedomPals."

The alarm I had set for tonight's mission buzzed underneath my pillow, waking me up and making me groan with weariness. I reluctantly took my phone out and stopped the alarm, then got out of bed and put my glasses on before spinning in place and changing back into my costume. With that done, I went to look into my parents' keyhole, but it was blocked again, and I wondered if Mom had kicked Dad out of the bedroom again.

My question was answered when I walked downstairs and saw that Dad had left another mess in the living room. I found him in the kitchen lying down in a puddle of water, muttering about running from someone. I face-palmed at the sight of him passed out next to the open fridge, then closed it and took the copper key for the gigantic chains he had apparently installed on the door. I then shot down the gold key from the same place it had been last night and used TimeFart Pause to evade an electrified puddle and get the silver key.

I then unplugged the lamp that was creating the hazard and used the three keys to unlock Dad's padlocks, shot the chain and the latch to open them, and didn't bother with the plank he had nailed to the doorframe since our door opened outward. When I walked outside, I heard a rustling sound next to me, and turned to see that Toolshed had just jumped out of one of our bushes. He took a few dramatic poses before he told me, "So… We meet again, New Kid."

I stared at him blankly for a moment as he walked up to me and said, "I have to put our petty differences aside. There's something happening to this city and it needs Toolshed. Well, follow me to Professor Chaos' lair." I nodded and followed him down the street as I thought to myself, 'So we really are going to be facing Professor Chaos. Well, I'm ready for him.'

As we walked, Toolshed explained to me, "You'll probably wanna know about my superhero backstory… You see, when I was just a child my father was in the garage, working on a project. There was a huge storm and lightning blew my father off his workbench. I ran to help him, but at that moment, another blast somehow fused his power tools onto my body. I became a superhero, while my father was left mentally impaired."

We neared Stan's house as he finished his story, and once we reached it we saw Randy keying Sharon's car again. "There ya go you fuckin' bitch! Why don't you – Why don't you just… just take a shit in your face! Take this you dumb whore!" He slurred out. Suddenly, Sharon appeared in the window and sternly told him, "Randy, get in here right now and stop keying my car." "OK." Was his response, and he stumbled back inside as he took a swig of his beer.

Toolshed then turned to me and told me, "But this is different. My father is acting even stupider than ever before." We then started walking again, and Toolshed narrated, "Perhaps Toolshed wants to help his father because he feels he could have saved him all those years ago." We then passed Kyle's house, where a couple was making out, and came to SoDoSoPa, AKA Kenny's house. I gazed over at the abandoned structures built on and around Kenny's house and sighed.

Even though Kenny's parents had improved their lives, and their house to some degree, since the Stick of Truth game, the city still decided to build all of this shit around their house and then just abandon it. Still, it looked like it was being taken care of, as I saw some construction materials lying around and some areas that looked like the McCormicks were trying to incorporate into their home along with some that they looked to be trying to take down.

I was wondering what we were doing here when Toolshed asked me, "What is your backstory? Did something happen with your parents too?" "Coon keeps changing it. Right now it's something with an alien and my parents having sex or something." I replied to him in my default soft voice. Toolshed shrugged and told me, "Okay… Well come on, we've got to get to the U-Stor-It."

With that, we walked up to the front window and Toolshed used a thin wire to unlock it as he told me, "This is the home of Mysterion. He has a shortcut to the north part of town." We then went inside Kenny's house, and I took a look around. It had improved vastly since my last visit, and although there were still a few odd stains on the floor, there was no garbage piled around and all of their furniture had been repaired or replaced, and their walls had all been patched up. Toolshed then went down the hall to the bedrooms, and I stopped to relock the window before I followed him.

When we got to the hallway where all the bedrooms were located, I heard Mrs. McCormick shout, "DAMN IT, STUART, WHERE THE HELL IS THE GODDAMN METH?! I SWEAR TO YOU I'LL FIND IT AND I'LL KICK YOUR ASS WHEN I DO!" I sighed at hearing this, and Mr. McCormick replied, "There is no meth, Carol, I told you I threw it all out a month ago!"

"DON'T YOU LIE TO ME YOU SON OF A BITCH! I NEED IT NOW! YOU HEAR ME?!" Carol screamed, and I heard Stuart sigh as well before telling his wife, "Okay Carol, I'll go get you the meth, but here, why don't you have a glass of nice warm milk first." "Well, alright, I guess." I heard Carol mutter, followed by a gulping sound and Carol muttering woozily for a few moments before I heard a soft thud.

"Finally. Maybe now I can get some goddamn sleep." Stuart muttered. 'I guess Carol's having a little trouble staying on the straight and narrow.' I thought to myself. Kenny's father had given up doing drugs and other illegal things after he had gotten a job and they had gotten their reward money for the meth heads, but her mother seemed to still be a little shaky about it.

I put it out of my mind and followed Toolshed into Kenny's room. I stopped for a moment to get Mysterion's character sheet out of her nightstand as Toolshed told me, "There's a shortcut through the closet." I was about to follow him inside, but I paused for a moment as I realized something. I looked down at Mysterion's character sheet, then around Kenny's room before I muttered, "Holy shit, Kenny is Mysterion."

Toolshed paused and looked back at me as he asked, "Well, yeah. I mean I did say this is Mysterion's house. Did you seriously not figure that out until now?" I shrugged and asked him, "I don't know. I mean, Kenny ISa girl now. Why would she be a male superhero?" Toolshed told me in reply, "We were playing this game before Stick of Truth. Now come on, we've got to get down to U-Stor-It."

With that, the two of us went through Kenny's closet and out through a broken washing machine into her backyard. As we neared the back fence, Toolshed exclaimed, "Now I can show you Toolshed's most mighty tool! The sandblaster!" He then hooked up a sandblaster to an air compressor nearby and told me, "With the force it generates, I can clear nearly any obstacle!"

He then had me turn on the air compressor, and once it was active, Toolshed used his sandblaster to blow away the lava blocking the fence gate. Once the way was clear, he turned off the air compressor and disconnected the sandblaster before telling me, "This is Mysterion's secret tunnel!"

The two of us then went through the gate and passed some half-finished buildings before coming to a homeless camp, where three homeless people were standing around a flaming barrel. One of them was blocking the secret tunnel, and Toolshed told me, "Uh oh, these guys are blocking our path. There's gotta be a way to get through them."

"What do you kids think you're doing?! SoDoSoPa is ours now!" The one blocking us shouted belligerently. "That cardboard box is our secret tunnel and you're not gonna stop us from going through it!" Toolshed told him. "Your secret tunnel is our back patio!" He retorted. Toolshed sighed and told me, "Alright, New Kid, I guess the two of us have to drill through these guys."

I needed to save my energy powers for Chaos, so I went up to one of them and hit him to gain Combat Advantage before our battle started. I had the first turn, and I used Sand Trap to destroy a pile of garbage next to Toolshed and damage one of our enemies. Another then moved forward to stand next to the one I had hit, and on the other side, another moved to stand just a space away from me. Toolshed's turn was up, and he used Drillslinger to damage the homeless guy that had moved towards me and destroy another pile of trash.

The fourth guy moved down one space before the one I had hit moved down as well. I then used Sand Trap to defeat him and the one standing next to him before the one that Toolshed had hit moved forward and stabbed him with a broken bottle. Toolshed used Drillslinger in retaliation to hit him and knock him back into his ally, damaging them both. The fourth one then moved forward one space before I used Triple Burn to finish off the one that had damaged Toolshed, who used Drillslinger again to damage our last enemy.

The last homeless guy moved forward one space before I moved between him and Toolshed and used Triple Burn to damage and Burn him before Toolshed finished him off with one last Drillslinger. I got a new DNA Artifact from the battle along with a Minor one called the Sanity Siphon, which I used to replace my Banner of Exile.

I then got a Yaoi picture before the two of us went through the tunnel and left, me thinking to myself as we did, 'You know, I would probably be a lot more sympathetic towards these guys if they weren't constantly trying to kill people.' After we were through the tunnel, we went past some abandoned train tracks and finally got to the U-Stor-It. When we walked up to the lava blocking the front, we saw that an air compressor had been set up there for Toolshed's sandblaster. Before we could use it however, Coon jumped in to crouch on top of a sign and exclaimed, "They're here! Coon Friends, assemble!"

Human Kite, Captain Diabetes, Super Craig, and Mosquito then walked over to us and struck superhero poses, and Coon remarked, "Well, well, the buttfucking traitor actually showed up." As he walked up to us, Toolshed told him, "Hey, whoa, nuh-uh. I said I'd help the New Kid, not you losers."

"Yeah well, the New Kid is a Coon Friend, and Coon Friends work together, douche." Coon replied. "Come on, we need to get inside this fence." Super Craig said impatiently. "Yeah Toolshed, it's what the New Kid wants." Fastpass told him, and I requested of him, "Can you please just help us get through this? We need to get inside and find out what's been going on with the missing cats."

Toolshed sighed and reluctantly told me, "Alright. I do owe you one and… And I guess these assholes will just follow us no matter what I say." With that, he hooked up his sandblaster to the air compressor and told us, "As long as there's a power generator nearby, I can use my dad's sandblaster to clear nearly any obstacle." "Wow, that is fantastic!" Fastpass remarked.

Toolshed then fired up the sandblaster and blew away all of the lava blocking our path, the red Lego bricks losing their effects once they were separated. Once they were all gone, Human Kite exclaimed, "That's got it! COON AND FRIENDS LET'S GO!" The four other heroes then ran inside the U-Stor-It, Coon telling Toolshed as he disconnected his sandblaster, "Let's get one thing straight, 'Shed. I don't trust you. You make one move outta line and I'll shred you." "I'm only here for the New Kid, fatass. After tonight, we're sworn enemies again." Toolshed replied.

Coon ignored him as he walked inside, and I told the Gadgeteer, "Actually now that we have a minute, Super Craig wrote that email. This was kind of a group plan." "I knew that already. He made a giant middle finger out of middle finger emojis in it." Toolshed replied, and we both went inside as I snickered to myself.

Once we were all inside, Human Kite told us, "All right, Classi said the cats all go to one of these storage facilities. Everyone fan out!" The group then separated as they all started making cat noises. I went inside the main office and got a new costume out of the safe, which I made a note of to wear tomorrow, and left to loot some of the containers scattered around the area along with Mr. Gueermo's storage unit, using the Continuum Enforcer I got to replace my Dreidel of Vengeance.

Once I had gotten everything I could, I went up to the big red X I had seen at the start and picked up a mask made out of aluminum foil. As I held the mask in my hands, Toolshed walked up to me and asked, "What'd you find?" Before I could respond however, the U-Stor-It's front gate slammed shut, and all of the floodlights in the facility started turning on at once along with a giant screen that showed Professor Chaos' face. "…the fuck?" Coon asked as he walked up to us.

Just then, Chaos laughed on the screen and told us, "Hello, Coon Friends!" "Coon AND Friends." Coon corrected him. Ignoring him, Chaos said, "Come into my parlor! I've bought more tinfoil and more minions than you could possibly fathom! I've been given twenty thousand dollars to keep nosey people away from this place." "What?" Coon asked in surprise.

Chaos told him, "Twenty thousand just to keep people from snooping around! But I only need a few hundred for that." As he held up a hamster, he asked us, "So, you know what I'm gonna do with all the rest?" 'Destroy the world.' I thought to myself grimly, and Super Craig asked, "Go to France and get a penile enhancement and fuck French chicks?"

"Super Craig…" Coon stated, disappointment in his voice. "Wrong! I'm gonna destroy this town and prove that I'M the bad guy! Not this new kingpin jerk-head! SO LONG, COON FRIENDS!" Chaos exclaimed as he put the hamster in a hamster ball and locked it closed. Just then, the door to one of the storage units nearby opened up and about a dozen hamsters inside hamster balls rolled out. They bypassed us harmlessly however, and rolled around as Chaos growled and muttered, "Never send rodents to do a minion's job." The screen then turned to static, and Coon muttered, "God dammit – All right, let's find what we're looking for and get outta here."

The other heroes then ran off through the storage unit that the hamsters had come from, and I texted the person I had called for help yesterday to come pick up the hamsters before I followed them. I walked through the broken section of wall and passed several Halloween decorations as I stayed closely behind Toolshed, not wanting my Monophobia to act up in case the lights shut off. Just then, we came to a wall blocking our way along with an old heater, so I had Captain Diabetes come in and tear it out of the ground.

"Yeah, you just tipped that thing into our path, dude." Toolshed remarked. The heater did indeed fall into our path, but I wasn't concerned as I used TimeFart Glitch to reset it once we passed through, Toolshed thankfully not seeing me use it. Chaos came onto the screens and growled with rage that we had made it passed his barrier before we moved on, Kite swooping and Coon walking in as we reached another open area. I took a look around and got a cloth mask from a storage unit before I picked up another one made from aluminum foil.

As I did so, Chaos showed up on another big screen and asked us mockingly, "I see you! Did you really think I wouldn't have a backup plan?" "Butters, would you just go home? We're trying to find a missing cat!" Human Kite exclaimed. "Sorry, Butters isn't here right now. Can I take a message?" Chaos taunted him, then laughed and told us, "Your time is up, Coon Friends!" Coon then told him, "Butters, actually, if somebody gave you a bunch of money by law that money belongs to our franchise! All of us!"

Chaos then cackled and told him, "Do you really think this is about some game?! NO! I'm going to GENUINLEY destroy this town, and then, THE WORLD!" He then burst out in maniacal laughter, and Human Kite remarked, "Dude, Butters is really committing to this." "That's not Butters." I told the group softly, and all of their eyes turned towards me.

"Not Butters? What are you talking about, dude?" Toolshed asked, and I explained to them, "Butters has multiple personality disorder. One personality, to be specific. Professor Chaos." Chaos laughed again and said, "So the fool's parents told you everything, huh? Guess I know who's at the top of my hit list now!" "Dude, I thought Butters didn't really have multiple personalities. That it was just Mr. Kim stealing shit or something." Human Kite remarked, and I told him, "It was the first time. But then Chaos decided to stop hiding."

"Enough talk! LET'S SEE HOW YOU HANDLE THIS! MINIONS, DESTROY THEM!" Chaos exclaimed, and a bunch of kids wearing aluminum foil came out of the woodwork along with three dogs also wearing foil. Acting quickly, I pulled some more wings out of my necklace and threw them back the way we had come, making the dogs chase after them and leaving us to fight the kids.

Coon used Coon Lunge to damage one of the Minions before another one moved forward a space and the one he had hit threw CDs at him. Toolshed then used Drillslinger to damage one of the Minions and defeat the one that had hit Coon. I followed it up with Sand Trap to defeat the one that he had damaged before Human Kite gave Toolshed some Protection with Kite Shield.

Coon used Coon Lunge again to damage the last Minion, and I skipped his turn before he could hit Coon. Toolshed then used Spiral Power to finish him off, ending the battle. "That's almost all of them!" Coon exclaimed as the fight ended. Chaos then laughed at him through the screen and told us, "Wrong again, Coon!" "Oh fuck, what now?" Coon asked with exasperation.

"I've got stronger Minions than that! Minions, vamanos!" Chaos exclaimed. Just then, a truck opened up and a bunch of Mexican guys wearing tinfoil got out of it, and I thought to myself, 'These must be the guys Father Maxie was talking about.' Chaos then exclaimed, "Destroy the Coon Friends, Minions!" "COON AND FRIENDS!" Coon told him, then turned to us and said, "All right boys, and girl, we can't just sit here and let him keep messing up our team name. It's Coon time!"

And with that, another battle started. One of the Minions moved forward and ended his turn before I used Gigavolt Globe to damage and Shock two more of them. One of the Minions I had hit came up to me and kicked me in the face before he took Shock damage. Human Kite used Laser Burn to damage one of the Minions on his side of the grid, and the other Minion I had hit kicked Coon before taking Shock damage as well, damaging his comrade and defeating himself.

Coon used Coon Claws to defeat the one that had hit him, and another one moved forward a space before ending his turn. Another then hit Toolshed in the face and took out some of his Protection before he used Drillslinger to knock him back. The first Minion to move then moved down one space before ending his turn, and I used Sand Trap to damage another one, who was strangely carrying baseball launchers.

Human Kite then used his Ultimate to defeat the two Minions on his side of the grid before Coon used Coon Claws to defeat the last one. I got some scrap and change from the fight before Toolshed asked, "Is that the last of them?" "God only knows. You guys take the alley over there; Super Craig and I are hitting the rooftops." Coon told him and Human Kite. The others then went off to search the area, but before I followed them, I noticed that the Mexican guys were still here and were nursing their wounds.

I went up to one of them and asked, "Can you understand me?" "Si." He replied, and I told him, "You need to stop working for Professor Chaos. He's a monster." "He pays us. And we need the money, to bring back to our families in Mexico." He replied, and I begged him, "I know you want to help your families, but if Chaos achieves his goal, he'll destroy everything he can get his hands on. Do you really want to help him destroy the world?"

He looked down for a moment before nodding with determination and telling me, "You're right. We need to stop this, now." He then stood up and gave a speech in Spanish to all of his friends. Whatever he said to them seemed to work, as they all nodded and took off their Chaos uniforms. As they all left, the one I had spoken to originally told me, "I will tell the others here to quit. Buena suerte."

"Buena suerte." I told him back, and watched as all of them left the U-Stor-It. Once they were all gone, I left to follow the others through Jimbo's storage unit. It was blocked by a turret, so I got a new costume set from a chest before I used Pause to deactivate it and then blew up a patched hole with TNT. The hole I made opened up into a storage unit that was thankfully open to the outside, so I used Fartkour to get over another barrier and looted a couple chests that came loose when I opened the door to a storage unit before moving on.

I passed some lava before coming to Super Craig staring at a truck covered in aluminum foil in confusion, and he asked me as I approached, "Why would Chaos want to wrap an entire truck in aluminum foil?" "That's not the problem." We heard from above us, and looked up to the source to see that Call Girl was on the roof. "Is aluminum foil really what you guys are concerned with?" She asked us incredulously.

"Who the fuck is that?" Coon asked as all the others came up to join us. Ignoring him, Call Girl told me, "You were right about the Italian restaurant, New Kid. The owner is a part of a new crime syndicate." "Who the fuck… Is that?!" Coon asked again, and I told him simply, "Call Girl."

"Call Girl? Why'd she name herself THAT?" Toolshed asked, and Fastpass told us with a chuckle, "I don't think she knows what it means f-f-f-fellas. Everybody keep quiet about it." "Well she's NOT in the union!" Coon exclaimed, more concerned with the fact that she was here than her name. He then turned to her and asked her, "Excuse me, are you on Coonstagram?!"

"There's someone new in town who's bringing all the crime families together." Call Girl told me, ignoring him again. "OK, cool. Thank you, bye." Coon said, clearly wanting her to leave. "You mean like a kingpin?" Fastpass asked her. "You guys, do not say anything." Coon told him as he walked up to the Speedster, then looked over his shoulder at the cellular superhero, "We're not playing with her." 'Speak for yourself, fatass.' I thought to myself.

"Check out storage facility 56-D, New Kid. And here, take this." She said, then threw down a piece of paper with a phone number on it and told me, "Call me if you need me. I think you're gonna need all the help you can get." I nodded and entered Call Girl's number into my phone before she ran off, and Coon remarked, "So, I guess now any fucking asshole thinks they can be a superhero." "Come on, let's just find Scrambles and be done." Toolshed told him.

He then walked off and the others scattered, leaving me to loot a bag and sell all my inferior Artifacts at a vending machine. I also bought one called the Aural Disruptor, which I used to replace the Harvester of Fogal. I then sold it to the vending machine before moving on, but soon found Toolshed stopped at some lava. Toolshed told me, "This way's blocked and there's no air compressor. We'll have to find a different route."

"It's kind of lame to have a superpower that only works when an air compressor is around. This isn't Legend of Zelda, dude." Coon stated from the roof. "Fuck you, Coon." Toolshed retorted as the fat boy walked off. He then came back with a box, which he dropped down as he told us, "Here, use this." "I don't see anyone else around here with the power to move lava, Coon." Toolshed told him as he and Super Craig left.

I used the box to create a step and loot a bag before moving it back over to finish a bridge that went over the lava. We then came to a huge storage unit, and I told the others as they assembled around us, "Hang back, guys. Chaos might be waiting for us. I'll go first." All of the others agreed reluctantly before I opened the door to reveal that the room was pitch-black.

I took a deep breath before walking inside and looking around, trying to make out anything in the blackness. The room was too dark however, and I heard Chaos' voice come over a loudspeaker somewhere, asking me, "So, the little lost lamb wanders into the wolf's den, huh?" "Come out and face me like a man, Chaos!" I exclaimed. Chaos laughed and told me, "Oh, I don't think so, _Dovahkiin_. That's right, I know your REAL name! And that's not all! I know everything Butters knows, including the fact that you have… MONOPHOBIA!"

Just then, the door to the storage unit slammed shut, startling me. My eyes widened as I felt fear creep into my heart, and Chaos laughed maniacally as he tauntingly told me, "It shouldn't be long now! Let's see here, it's dark…" I felt a pang of fear pulse through me at his words, and he continued, "You're alone…" My body felt weak as he spoke, and he finished, "And now that you've walked the wolf's maze, you have no idea where you are!"

Chaos laughed evilly over the loudspeaker, and I pressed my hands over my ears in a vain attempt to drown him out as tears leaked through my clenched eyelids. My body started to tremble in fear, and I could feel my legs threatening to give out. 'God fucking dammit Chaos, when I find you I'm going to kick your ass!' I thought to myself. It didn't help as I collapsed to the ground, my legs no longer willing to support my weight. I involuntarily curled into a ball on the ground as sobs wracked through me and my entire body shook with fear. 'It can't end like this. Please, don't let it end like this.' I thought to myself, not even knowing who I was pleading with.

It would seem that whoever I asked was feeling generous, as I suddenly heard a voice echo throughout the room, telling me, "New Kid! Don't give up!" My eyes flew open and I caught my breath before I whispered to myself, "Stan?" "You can beat this, New Kid! You've never backed down from anything before, and you can't start now!" Another voice said, and I recognized this one as Kyle.

Just then, the Dragon's Heart flashed pink around my neck, and phantasmal versions of the Coon Friends along with Toolshed and Call Girl appeared all around me, smiling down comfortingly. I looked up at them in wonder as Super Craig told me, "Get up, New Kid! Quit being a pussy!" "Yeah, come on, New Kid! If you shut down now, it makes us look bad!" I heard Token's voice from behind me, and turned to see that Timmy, Mysterion, Wonder Tweek and Tupperware were here too, all smiling. "Come now, surely a little fear is nothing compared to what you've faced in the past. On your feet, New Kid!" Timmy told me. "You can beat this, New Kid! You're strong! I know you are!" Mysterion told me.

I nodded with a smile on my face and felt my fear melt away to be replaced with determination as I stood up straight. "You're wrong, Chaos." I told the room, then continued, "I'm never alone. Even if they're not here with me right now, my friends will always stand by my side. And you can never take that away from us!" Just then, the Dragon's Heart started shining with pink light, and I took it off and inspected it for a moment before I held it up in the air, letting the energy building inside of it to release itself in a powerful blast.

*Outside the storage unit, 3rd person POV*

The door slammed shut in front of the Coon Friends, startling the group. Super Craig put his ear to the door to try and hear what was going on, and after a moment, Coon asked him, "Well Super Craig? Can you hear anything?" Super Craig waited for a moment as the conversation inside went on, then told him, "They're talking about… Mono-something, I can't hear them."

Mosquito gasped and asked, "Monophobia?!" "Maybe, why do you ask?" Super Craig asked. "Monophobia is ButtLord's weakness! She can't even move when it kicks in! Professor Chaos must be using her fear against her!" Mosquito told them, and the group's eyes all widened as they realized what was going on. "We've got to get in there!" Coon exclaimed, and Human Kite and Toolshed tried to lift the door. It was jammed shut however, and they struggled vainly for a moment before letting go, panting as Human Kite told the other Coon Friends, "It's no use! It won't budge!"

"Then how are we going to get in there to help Butthole?" Captain Diabetes asked. "You idiots!" They heard from above them, and they all looked up to see Call Girl on the roof of a storage unit to their left. "Oh Jesus, it's her again." Coon muttered. Ignoring him, Call Girl told the group, "The New Kid's an energy user! And her powers come from friendship! If we want to help her, we need to focus on our bond with her! It's the only way!"

"Oh, so now we're taking advice from YOU?!" Coon asked her incredulously, and Toolshed told the fat boy, "It's our only chance, dude! The New Kid needs us!" "Everybody, think about your friendship with the New Kid! Remember all the g-g-good times we've had together!" Fastpass exclaimed, and all of the superheroes closed their eyes and focused.

*Inside the Community Center*

Mysterion gasped as an odd sensation rooted itself in her chest, and stopped in her tracks as Tupperware asked the group, "Do you guys feel that?" "Yes, it would seem the New Kid is in trouble." Timmy stated mentally. "So what? She's our enemy!" Mysterion said. "Don't be so quick to dismiss her, Mysterion. Remember, she's facing off against Professor Chaos. He is a threat to the entire world." Timmy told him. "Ah! What do we do?!" Wonder Tweek asked the group frantically.

"What CAN we do? She's all the way across town!" Tupperware pointed out. "We must believe in her, Tupperware. Remember everything we've been through together." Timmy told him, and the four closed their eyes and focused as well as pink light shined in their chests.

*Back at the U-Stor-It*

As the Coon Friends focused on their friendship with Dova and all of their experiences together, pink light started shining in their chests, and they could all feel her presence inside the storage unit. Knowing that she could hear him, Toolshed called out to her, "New Kid! Don't give up!" "You can beat this, New Kid! You've never backed down from anything before, and you can't start now!" Human Kite told her. With a flash of pink light, they were all floating in the air around Dova, and Super Craig told the shocked girl, "Come on, New Kid! Quit being a pussy!"

"Yeah, come on, New Kid! If you shut down now, it makes us look bad!" Tupperware told the girl, and she turned around to see the Freedom Pals were floating with her as well. "Come now, surely a little fear is nothing compared to what you've faced in the past. On your feet, New Kid!" Timmy told her. "You can beat this, New Kid! You're strong! I know you are!" Mysterion told her.

Dova nodded with a smile on her face, and she felt her fear melt away to be replaced with determination as she stood up straight. "You're wrong, Chaos." Dova told the room, then continued, "I'm never alone. Even if they're not here with me right now, my friends will always stand by my side. And you can never take that away from us!" Just then, the Dragon's Heart started shining with bright light, and she took it off and held it up in the air, letting the energy building inside of it to release itself in a powerful blast, sending the Coon Friends and Freedom Pals back to their bodies.

*Inside the storage unit, Dova's POV*

The blast of pink friendship energy from the Dragon's Heart tore the door to the unit off of its hinges and barely missed the guys, who had known the blast was coming and dove out of the way just in time. "Ow!" I heard from the back of the room, and turned to see General Disarray AKA Dougie fall to the ground with night-vision goggles on. Suddenly, the lights came on and the others all swarmed into the room, Toolshed asking me, "Dude, are you okay?" I nodded to him with a smile on my face, and told him, "Thanks to you guys. Thanks for the help."

Just then, we heard a loud creaking sound, and looked up to see that huge bags of red Legos were sitting on catwalks above us that had been damaged by my energy blast. As we watched, the bags all split and opened up, spilling red Legos that turned to lava as they hit the ground. All of us backed up as lava spilled onto the floor, and as we got out of range of the spill, we all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

It would seem not all of us made it however, as Coon gasped out, "Super Craig!" I turned to where he was looking to see that Super Craig had gotten trapped between two big piles of lava that each stretched from one side of the room to the other, and were growing fast. My eyes widened as I thought to myself, 'That lava is actually hot! If we don't get him out of there, he'll die!'

"Super Craig! Just hold tight!" Coon told him. "Shit, there's no air compressor here! No way I can remove that lava!" Toolshed exclaimed as he ran around in a panic. Reassuringly, Coon told Super Craig, "Hang on, Super Craig. We're gonna find something to plug Toolshed's sandblaster into." "You and I both know I'm already dead." Super Craig said dejectedly. "No Super Craig, we're gonna find a way to save you! Do something Toolshed!" Coon told him, turning back to Toolshed with his second sentence.

Toolshed had his sandblaster out as he told him, "There's nothing here! My sandblaster needs compressed air to work!" "Get the one from the entrance!" Mosquito told him, and Fastpass pointed out, "The gates slammed and locked shut, remember?" "It's OK, guys." We heard from Super Craig, and we all turned back to see that he had a calm look on his face as he told us, "We all knew when we signed on to be Coon Friends that it might end like this."

"Stay calm Super Craig. We're gonna get you home." Coon told him, and the boy in blue replied, "Sorry Coon, but it looks like this was a one-way trip." "No, Super Craig, NO!" Coon exclaimed as Fastpass dragged him away from the rapidly growing pile of lava.

I looked around the room, desperately searching for something, ANYTHING that could be used to jerry-rig an air compressor, but all of the electronic components in the room had been destroyed by the lava and I knew I didn't have the right parts in my necklace. I then went up to the river of lava and used my powers as an Elementalist to create ice over the bricks. It melted almost immediately however, and I cussed under my breath as I realized there was no way to get him to safety without shifting the lava.

'Toolshed said he needs compressed air for his sandblaster to work. Where can we get compressed air without an air compressor?' I thought to myself, and wracked my brains for a moment before I got an idea. A horrible, terrible idea, but one that just might work. I groaned as I realized what I had to do, and asked the others, "Uh, guys?"

All of their eyes turned to me, and I told them, "I think I have a way to move the lava without an air compressor." Coon gasped and asked me, "You do?!" I nodded and went up to Toolshed as I told him, "Yeah. But I REALLY don't like it."

I then took the end of Toolshed's sandblaster and inspected it for a moment. Just as I had hoped, it was brand new, with no signs of rust or any other substance that might make me sick if I did this wrong. Still, I wasn't taking any chances, so I used a spark of friendship energy to render it sterile before I pulled my bikini bottom down and… shoved it into my butt.

I winced as the tool entered my anus, and Toolshed asked me, "Are you crazy? Do you have any idea what kind of fart power someone would need to make that work?!" "Just squeeze the stupid trigger, Toolshed! This isn't exactly fun for me!" I retorted, and as Toolshed got the sandblaster ready, I concentrated on my anal muscles, willing them to compress the air inside my bowels enough to serve our purposes. My gut rumbled as I did so, and once the air was strong enough, I clenched down and forced it out, sending it through the sandblaster and blowing it all away in one burst!

Super Craig was knocked onto his back as I did so, and Coon went over to Super Craig as everyone stared on in amazement for a second before Mosquito asked, "Jesus Christ, that's her asshole?" "What… What happened?" Super Craig asked dazedly, and Coon told him, "The New Kid shoved a tube up her ass and cleared away all the lava."

"Oh." Super Craig remarked, and Coon told the rest of us, "You guys go and get Chaos. I've gotta try and stabilize Super Craig." He then pulled a syringe filled with green liquid out of a pouch and removed the cover on the needle before he slammed it into Super Craig's chest, injecting him with the unknown substance as Super Craig cried out in pain. "It's cool." Coon told him, and Super Craig demanded, "What the fuck was that, you asshole?!"

"It's an intracardiac injection, Super Craig. I had to stabilize you." Coon replied, and Super Craig shouted out, "Are you fucking serious right now?! You coulda fucking killed me!" "Where the fuck did you get that, Cartman?" Toolshed asked him, and the fat boy told him, "Online." He then turned back to Super Craig and said, "Super Craig just stay still. You've suffered through a lot."

He then turned back to us and told the group, "You guys go ahead; I'm gonna try and stabilize him." Toolshed then helped me get his tool out of my ass, thankfully not drawing blood as he did so, and we all walked off to escape the room. Toolshed walked up to me and told me, "Hey, that was really cool back there. Now we can clear lava whenever we want! We make a great team, ButtLord!" I then got an alert on my phone that told me that I now had a Buddy Power with Toolshed to clear lava away.

I groaned before getting some change and a DNA and a Minor Artifact called the Diabolic Inscription, which I used to replace my Skull of Sundering. I then followed Human Kite up a ladder, and we got up onto the roof before Kite told me, "Okay, Butthole, we need to get up that water-tower so we can use your Fartkour magic." I looked up to where he was pointing to see that a Chaos Minion had fortified a water tower and was looking down at us menacingly.

He then poured a bucked of lava down to block the front of it, and I glared at him before using a Snap N Pop to destroy the cracked board he was standing on, sending him crashing to the ground and just barely missing the lava. I then shot some more boards down and cleared away the lava with Sandblaster to form a path up the water tower that we used to climb up to the top. I looted a bag once we reached the top before we used Fartkour to jump off the water tower and down onto the roof of a nearby storage unit.

Human Kite left as we reached our destination, leaving me to cross a bridge made out of ladders and tinfoil and send a ladder down to the ground to reach the lava that I had seen before. Call Girl appeared on the roof as she told me, "This way, New Kid!" She was on the other side of the lava, and jumped down and ran off to the right. I used Sandblaster to clear the lava away and looted a bag before following her with Toolshed in tow, looting another bag along the way.

We then came to an area with a bunch of aluminum foil sitting on pallets, and Toolshed kept moving as I stopped in a storage unit that apparently used to belong to Captain Hindsight and got an Artifact called the Trinity of Reflection, which I used to replace the badge Yates had given me. I then followed Toolshed and we beat up some Minions by the truck I had seen earlier, getting a Recipe from a bag on top of it before following Toolshed to the others, where Coon was standing by a storage unit. "I can hear cats." He told me, and I heard meowing sounds coming from the unit he was standing next to.

I got the feeling we had a tough fight ahead of us, so I went over to the vending machine nearby and looted a bag before selling my inferior Artifacts to it. I then Crafted two Macaroni Pictures, ten Revive Serums, and four Quesadilla Especials. With that done, I opened the door to the storage unit to see a bunch of meth heads with cats in harnesses and cones on their butts, and as I took in the sight, I thought to myself, 'This is a cheese lab!'

"Hey, what the fuck?!" One of the meth heads said, and another asked, "Who is that?!" A third one then muttered, "OH MY GOD – That's the vigilante." "That's right, the Coon!" Coon told them, and one of the meth heads pointed out, "And some little fat kid, too!" Coon got a surprised look on his face before it passed and he took out his picture of Scrambles, asking the meth heads, "This cat. Where is it?!"

"That's some real high-grade shit right there. Cat like that would go to the boss man himself." One of the meth heads remarked, and I thought to myself with exasperation, 'So Scrambles isn't even HERE?!' "You idiot! You don't talk about him! Now we gotta kill these shits!" Another of the meth heads scolded him.

And with that, a battle started. Coon had the first turn, and he used Coon Lunge to damage one of the meth heads. He had to go through a barrel of cheese to do so however, and it exploded once his turn ended, damaging him and defeating his opponent. Another of the meth heads then moved forward one space, and another moved up before Toolshed moved to stand next to Coon. I then used Triple Burn to damage one of the meth heads and inflict Burning, and the fourth moved forward a space.

Human Kite then moved in front of me and used Laser Burn to finish off the meth head I had damaged, and Coon used Coon Lunge to damage another one of them. One would have thrown a syringe at Human Kite, but I skipped his turn with TimeFart Glitch before Toolshed used Drillslinger to knock one of the meth heads into Coon, damaging him severely. Suddenly, Call Girl walked into the unit and joined the battle, telling us, "Looks like you could use some help."

She then took out a selfie stick and started swinging it around like a sword before I got an alert on my phone that told me she was now a Combat Buddy. She then took out two phones and started typing, using Phone Destroyer to send a static shock through the phone of the meth head that Human Kite and I were fighting, damaging him but not defeating him. I then used Gigavolt Globe to damage him and inflict Shock before the meth head that Coon was fighting hit him in the face.

Human Kite used Kite Shield to give me some Protection, and Coon used Coon Lunge one last time to defeat the meth head he was facing. The meth head I had hit then threw an empty test tube at me and was defeated by Shock damage.

Once they had all been felled, I got another vial of cheese and some change before we went up to the meth head that was still conscious. "All right! All right! Look, it ain't us, OK?! The big man has all the crime families working together: The Italians, the Russians, the Sixth Graders! They all work FOR HIM. We just put the cat urine in the drugs and alcohol." He explained. "Who is the big man?!" Call Girl demanded.

"He don't even do it for the money, man. It's like – it's like he wants more crime in the streets." The meth head told us with horror in his voice, and Fastpass remarked, "Wow! That sounds spooky." The meth head told him, "You don't even know spooky, man. We got to do this if they tell us, don't you get it?! WE'RE ALREADY DEAD FOR TELLIN' YOU!" The meth head then scrambled up and grabbed a cat before squeezing it hard, agitating the cat and making it spray all over his face. The meth head gurgled with cheese on his face for a moment before falling to the ground, dead from overdose.

He knocked over a bunch of chemicals as he fell, and the others ran out as I used TimeFart Pause to get all of the cats to safety, texting the person I had called yesterday again to pick them up once they were out of danger. The unit exploded once I had resumed time, and we just managed to get out as flames licked at our heels, sending us all flying to the ground. The fire spread as we ran away, and I used my ice powers to extinguish it before Call Girl led me over to a huge storage unit that had "KEEP OUT" painted in red in front of it and a security pad on the door.

She then started typing on her phone as Chaos appeared on a screen in front of the storage unit, telling me, "Looks like the little lamb managed to escape. No matter, you'll be facing the wolf soon." The screen then turned to static as Call Girl told me, "Got it. Ready when you are, New Kid." She then told me the code as I typed it in, and it was simply 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7, all of the numbers exclaiming "Chaos!" As I typed them.

The door opened as I pressed the Enter button, and Call Girl told me, "Let's go!" We then entered the unit. Inside we found an ambush of a bunch of Minions and some automatic baseball pitchers, most of which I destroyed with some fireworks, using Sandblaster to send air through a pipe and knock them to the ground. The battle then started with me having the first turn, and I used Gigavolt Globe to defeat one of the damaged Minions and damage a ball launcher.

The two ball launchers then started getting warmed up to attack before one took Shock damage, destroying it and damaging a nearby Minion, who came up to me and hit me in the face. Another Minion then moved down one space before Toolshed used Spiral Power to damage one Minion and defeat the other. Call Girl used Phone Destroyer to damage the other ball launcher, and a Minion threw a handful of lava at Toolshed.

Human Kite gave him some Protection before I used Sand Trap to defeat a Minion and the remaining ball launcher. The remaining Minion then threw CDs at me, and Toolshed used Drillslinger to damage him and knock him back. Two more Minions then ran in accompanied by two dogs, so I threw some more Raisins wings to make the canines leave. Call Girl then used Selfie-Stick Strike on one of the Minions that had just arrived, defeating him. Human Kite moved up one space and skipped his turn before I used a Quesadilla Especial to heal myself.

Toolshed used Drillslinger to defeat the remaining Minions, and I got a new Artifact and some change from the fight. I then looted a bag next to Chaos' throne before we used Sandblaster to clear away some lava and went up the ladder onto the roof. Once on there, we saw a terrifying sight. "Dude, the fuck?" Toolshed asked as we looked down on a bunch of trucks covered in aluminum foil, each one half-filled with red Lego bricks. No one was filling it the rest of the way however, and I figured that the Mexican Minions were in charge of that before I convinced them to quit. All of the other Coon Friends came up behind us, and Coon muttered, "Oh my god. He's gonna declare the entire town lava."

Suddenly, we heard Chaos' voice from behind us, telling us, "That's right." We all turned around to see Butters' alter-ego walking up behind us, and he said, "Hello, Coon Friends." "Coon AND Friends, Butters! God dammit!" Chaos ignored him however, as he explained, "You may have gotten my Minions to quit, New Kid, but you will not stop my plans. All of South Park is about to be covered in lava! Everyone will die, and I will be standing tall over the ruins!"

Chaos then laughed maniacally, and I walked forward and told him, "That's not going to happen, Chaos! I'm here to kill you and save Butters!" Chaos laughed and told me, "Well you can't do both! Butters and I are one and the same! Two sides of the same coin! You can't kill me without killing him!" "We'll just see about that." I remarked as I got into a fighting stance. Chaos then created a giant hammer out of gold light as he said, "I guess we will." As he did so however, I asked him, killing the dramatic mood for a moment, "Okay, hang on a second. I know we're about to fight and all, but can we please agree on a name for that stuff?"

"What stuff?" Chaos asked in confusion, and I pointed to his hammer as I asked him, "THAT! The energy we use! Every time I talk about it, I just have to call it 'energy' or 'light' or something and it bugs the shit out of me. Can we please just call it… I don't know, 'Mana' or something?" "You call it whatever you want. All I care about is crushing you." Chaos told me menacingly, and I shrugged and remarked, "Okay, Mana it is then." I then looked to the others and told them, "Stay back you guys. Chaos isn't playing. I need to be the one to fight him."

The others all agreed wholeheartedly and moved back to the far wall to give us some space to fight. Chaos and I circled each other for a moment, neither one of us willing to make the first move. Suddenly, I rushed forward and surrounded my fist with pink Mana, feinting a punch to his face before I swept his feet out from under him and smashed my hand into the ground, him rolling out of the way just in time. He swung his hammer at me and it impacted with my side, bruising it and making me wince as I used the momentum to jump back and throw a sphere of Mana at him, which exploded and blinded him upon impact.

I ran forward and kicked him in the gut with a foot glowing with more Mana, then used a pulse of Mana to knock him back. Chaos growled as he regained his footing and slammed his hammer onto the ground, creating a shockwave of gold Mana that zoomed forward and hit me, sending me flying backwards. I created a glowing disk of pink Mana once my feet were back on the ground and threw it at his head, forcing him to raise up his hammer to block it. Taking advantage of his distraction, I ran at Chaos and leaped at him as I dissolved my body into pure Mana, impacting with his chest and forcing my way into his soul.

I gasped as I saw the inside of Butters' soul. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly didn't expect it to be like it was. The inside of Butters' soul was a void of golden light, with objects and rooms that were apparently significant to him floating around randomly. "Holy shit." I breathed out, and used a small amount of Mana to propel myself as I floated around his soul looking for Butters. 'Where would Chaos keep Butters? Think!' I thought to myself, then gasped as I realized there was only one place someone as sadistic as Chaos would lock up Butters.

I zoomed around his soul at my realization, looking around for a specific room. I finally found it after a few moments, and slowed down as I muttered, "Butters' room." I looked to his bedroom door with a glare. "Of course Chaos would imprison Butters in the room where he spent so much time grounded." I said to myself, then entered the same code I used to open his storage unit into the security lock on the door. It opened with a loud creak, revealing Butters sitting curled up in a ball in the middle of a dark room, everything else inside looking like a nightmare. "Butters!" I exclaimed as I rushed over to him, and told him, "I'm here to save you!"

Butters looked up to me, and I saw an incredible weariness in his eyes as he weakly asked me, "Dova?" "Yes! Yes, it's me, Butters! Now come on, I'm gonna get you out of here!" I told him. Butters smiled gratefully and told me, "Wow, that's real nice, Dova. But I'm not the one you need to save." In confusion, I asked him, "What are you talking about, Butters? Who else do I need to save?" "Her." Butters responded, and opened his hands, which I just noticed had been clenched together in front of his chest.

As he opened them, I saw a sphere of concentrated Mana, shining gold with power, and Butters muttered, "She won't last much longer here. You can't take both of us, and I can't abandon her here." "Butters, I-" I began, but he cut me off and told me, "It's alright Dova, I knew Chaos would take over eventually. At least this way, I can say that I saved one person from him, even if it was just for a little bit."

A portal of gold light then opened up behind me, and Butters pressed the sphere into my hands and told me, "You need to go! Goodbye, Dova! Take care of her for me!" Just then, the portal behind me started pulling me in, and I desperately tried to grab Butters as I shouted, "No! Butters!"

I was sucked through the portal and out of Butters' soul, flying backwards as I materialized along with someone else, who formed from the sphere of Mana that Butters had given me. I impacted hard with the ground, sliding on my back for a moment and grunting as I came to a stop with the person in my arms. Chaos growled as I reappeared, but when he saw the person I was holding, he broke out into maniacal laughter and remarked, "So the fool sent you back with the crybaby, huh? I figured he would try something like this!"

Chaos continued to laugh as I looked down at the person in my arms, who was wearing a gold dress and unconscious. She looked like Butters, but as I inspected her closely, I saw that she was female, and that her features reminded me of something. Remembering a drawing in Butters' room, I caught my breath and exclaimed, "Marjorine!" The guys then all ran up to me, and Toolshed asked me, "Dude! You got Butters?!"

"No," I told him, "This is Marjorine. She must have been another alternate personality." Chaos laughed raucously and told me, "That's right! What, you thought we were alone in there?! Butters was always so protective of her! That fool!" Chaos then broke out in evil laughter again, and I glared to him with anger. I quickly created a dress for Marjorine out of Mana and handed her off to Call Girl, telling her, "Get Marjorine out of here. I'm going to finish this."

Without waiting for her response, I went back up to Chaos and asked him, "What do you say we get to round two?" Chaos laughed evilly as he told me, "Fine by me! But if you think I'm going to let you do that AGAIN, you're dreaming! As a matter of fact…" He trailed off as he took a pose, and golden Mana surrounded him as he roared, dispelling after a moment to reveal the fully-grown Chaos that I had traded Mana blasts with at the school in our last game. "Let's see if you can keep up with me!" Chaos exclaimed as he created a corona of gold Mana around himself and jumped up into the air, flying away.

I turned to the others and told them, "I'll handle this. You guys get out of here." "But what about Butters?!" Human Kite asked, and as I walked to the edge of the roof, I told him, "Don't worry, Kite, I'm not out of tricks just yet."

With that, I jumped off of the roof and created reptilian dragon's wings out of pink Mana on my back, using them to fly off and follow Chaos. He was floating in the air, waiting for me a few stories above the U-Stor-It. As I neared him, I created a giant sword out of Mana and swung, aiming for his head. He blocked it with one hand however, and used the other to blast me with his own Mana, sending me flying back before I managed to recover and fly back at him. I quickly swung my sword three times, each one being blocked by his forearm before he created his hammer again and smacked me away from him.

I went flying at his strike but managed to recover just in time as he reached me, and blocked another hammer strike with my sword. We dueled that way for a few minutes, sword and hammer clashing and creating bursts of pink and gold Mana with each strike. Suddenly, we both struck at the same time, and our weapons locked as Chaos leaned in and told me, "You're weak. You don't have the strength to beat me, and you never will!" He then detonated his hammer in an explosion of gold chaos Mana, the blast blowing me out of the sky and sending me careening through the air, my wings falling apart. I wasn't beaten yet however, and managed to direct myself to a specific part of the U-Stor-It as I crashed into the ground and my wings faded.

Chaos flew down and set his feet on the ground, telling me as I lay face-down on the ground facing him, "You're pathetic. You can't even hold a candle to me. And yet, something's not right." My blood froze and I was worried he had figured out my plan before he told me, "You're not fighting at full strength. You're holding back, because you don't want to hurt Butters."

I felt relief wash over me that he was still none the wiser, but didn't let it show as he told me, "Well I'm not going to let anyone say that you went easy on me in this fight. I'm going to crush you at your strongest, and there's only one way to make you fight full force." With that, he opened up a portal of golden light on his chest. I raised my head up to watch him, one eye half-lidded in pain as he reached into his soul and rummaged around for a moment before pulling it back out to reveal that he was holding Butters in his hand. He was wearing a gold shirt and pants, and I wondered if they were made from his Mana.

I caught my breath as Chaos threw Butters to the side and told me, "Now there's nothing to prevent you from going all out. Come at me with everything you've got!" I grinned widely and started to chuckle, laughing at his stupidity as I told him, "You-You dumb motherfucker. You just fucked yourself." "Then hit me with your best shot." Chaos told me, and took on a fighting stance as I struggled forward, dragging myself forward with my hands as I reached neared Professor Chaos and charged my hand with Mana before I slammed it down onto the ground.

Suddenly, the ground lit up with pink light, revealing a circle with the shape of Chaos' helmet inside it burned into the ground. "What is this?" He asked, but I ignored him as I recited an incantation I was making up on the spot, weakly saying, "Oh pitiful soul lost in the throes of madness, I hereby banish you from this world."

Realizing what was about to happen, Chaos' eyes widened and he exclaimed, "No!" And tried to run out of the circle, only to meet a barrier of pink Mana as I continued, my voice reverberating with my own power, "With this seal I wash away the taint of your evil from this plane of existence, so that the strong need no longer hold back your fury and the weak need no longer fear your wrath! In other words, FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!" With that, the pink glow strengthened as a ray of Mana shot up from the circle and engulfed him, dissolving his body as he roared out, "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF MEEEEEEEEEEE!"

As the last of him disappeared, the magic circle let out a pulse of pink Mana before disappearing, the design etched into it vanishing and being replaced by uniform concrete. I panted as it ended, and grinned widely as I realized that my plan had worked. I got up painfully and shook my head as I went over to Butters, shaking him as I hoarsely told him, "Butters, Butters, get up." Butters groaned and blinked his eyes as he dazedly asked me, "Dova?" I smiled with relief as I told him, "It's me, Butters." Butters looked around before asking me, "W-Where's Professor Chaos?" I had a smile on my face as I told him, "He's gone, Butters. He can't hurt anyone ever again." Butters smiled at that before asking, "And… And where's Marjorine?" "She's safe. Call Girl has her." Butters had a grateful smile on his face as he muttered, "Thank you Dova. I'll never… forget this."

He passed out as he finished his sentence, and I shook my head at his silliness as I used some of my remaining Mana to make him a pink shirt and pants, not a second too soon as the Coon Friends and Toolshed and Call Girl came running up to us. "Dude! Dude, what happened?!" Toolshed asked me. Noticing Butters on the ground, Human Kite asked, "Wait, is that-" "Butters." I told him before he could finish his sentence, and continued, "Professor Chaos is dead."

They all cheered at that, and started high-fiving as someone came around the corner, yelling, "I'M BAAAAAAACK!" Human Kite screamed in terror as he saw Cousin Kyle approach us, and the nerdier of the two Kyles asked me, "Did we do it, ButtLord? Did we kill the bad guy?" I smiled at the Kite imitator and told him, "We sure did, Human Kite from an alternate universe. And I couldn't have done it without you."

Cousin Kyle cheered by himself as Kite asked me, "Dude, what is HE doing here?" "He wanted to play with us. And I had just the job in mind." I told the original Human Kite. I then started coughing violently, falling down to my knees from the force, and when I looked down at my hand it was covered in blood. "Whoa, dude!" Kite said, and Cousin Kyle exclaimed, "Oh Jesus!" "I'm fine you guys, just hang on a sec." I told them, then closed my eyes and concentrated, using the last of my Mana to repair the damage I had sustained while fighting Chaos, the pink energy forming a cocoon around me.

I sighed as I finished, and got up shakily as my Mana dissipated and I told them, "Well, I'll be sore, but I'll live." Everyone then started cheering again until Coon asked us, "Wait a minute, wait a minute! This is cool and all, but what do we do now?" Everyone paused at that, and Human Kite remarked, "Oh yeah, we never found Scrambles!" "Well we can't go looking for him now, it's almost m-morning!" Fastpass told us, and Coon told us all, "We're just gonna have to try again tomorrow! Everyone, to the Coon Lair! Call Girl, ButtLord, make yourselves useful and take those two back to Butters' house."

All of the others then left, but Human Kite hung back as Toolshed walked in the opposite direction, and told him, "Hey, Toolshed." As the Gadgeteer turned to face his former friend, Kite told him, "I just wanted to say that… that it was nice working with you. It was like old times." Toolshed had an unreadable expression on his face as he told the other boy, "Well, like I said, this was a one-shot deal."

He started to walk away again, but Human Kite, dropping all pretenses now, called after him, "Come back to the team, 'Shed. It can be like before. We don't have to fight." Toolshed turned back to him with a mournful expression and told the dual-classer, "I can't do that, Kite. Freedom Pals is gonna make way more money with their franchise."

Human Kite took a step forward as he desperately told his friend, "No it won't! We're gonna make like a billion dollars!" Toolshed's face fell at that, and he took out a tape measure as he told Kite with misty eyes, "We're gonna make like a zillion dollars." The tape measure then shot up and hooked onto the roof of a storage unit, and Toolshed ran off along the rooftops as Kite looked down in despair. I patted his shoulder with a sympathetic look, and he smiled gratefully to me before walking off to join the others.

With the exchange done, I picked up Butters as Call Girl and I brought him and Marjorine home. As we left the U-Stor-It, she asked me, "So how did you beat Chaos?" "Simple. All I had to do was trick him into standing on a magic circle." I replied, feeling my voice about to die as I did so. "A magic circle?" Call Girl asked me in confusion, and I explained, "Yup. See, I may be able to do just about anything with my powers, but it takes a lot of concentration to make anything specific happen. After a while, I figured out that I could create a seal that would cause something to happen without me constantly focusing on it, letting me focus into channeling all my Mana into it for a stronger effect. All I need is a border and a symbol, and I can do just about anything. Drains the hell out of me, though."

Call Girl hummed in understanding, and asked me, "Then what was that stuff you were shouting before you destroyed Chaos?" I shrugged and told her, "Half to help me charge up my Mana, and half to sound cool." Call Girl snickered to herself at that, and after a few more minutes of walking, we reached Butters' house. I adjusted Butters on my back so that he couldn't be seen from Stephen and Linda's point of view and rang the doorbell. I heard a muffled conversation come from the house before Linda opened the door, and she blearily asked me, "Yes?"

She then noticed that it was me, and exclaimed, "Dova! Oh, are you okay? What happened with Professor Chaos?!" I was barely holding back a grin as I asked her, "He's dead. But I wanted to ask you something. Are you having pancakes?" In confusion, Linda told me, "Pancakes? No, I just woke up." I grinned widely as I told her, "That's a shame, 'cuz I've got Butters!" I then shifted Butters so that she could see him, and Linda gasped as she asked, "Butters! Is… Is he okay?"

I nodded as I told him, "He's better than okay. He's finally himself, and only himself. But that's not all." "What do you mean?" Linda asked me, and I stepped aside to let Linda see Call Girl holding Marjorine. Her eyes widened as she muttered, "Wait, that's the girl from Butters' drawings." She looked back and forth between them as she told me, "Why don't you come inside? Your parents might not like it if they see you out here before the sun comes up."

Call Girl then handed Marjorine off to Linda, and we took the both of them to bed before going back to the living room, Linda asking me once we had sat down, "So what happened? Who is that girl?" I explained to her about Marjorine and how she had been another personality of Butters, and once I was done, she looked down and remarked, "Oh, Butters. You're such a sweet boy." She then looked to me and said, "You know, I always wanted a daughter. I didn't think this is how I'd get one, but I think Marjorine will be just fine with us. I'll help her adjust to… well, having her own body. In the meantime, you need to get home to bed."

I stifled a yawn as I told her, my voice just about dead, "You don't need to tell me twice. 'Night, Mrs. Stotch. I'll see you tomorrow." With that, I left for Cartman's house, reluctantly going down to the Coon Lair. Once inside, I found all of them sitting at the main table, and I took my usual place as they all sat silently.

After a moment, Coon sighed and told us all, "Okay, I'll say what everyone else is thinking. That mission was a total fucking failure." All of us agreed sadly, Mosquito buzzing and me saying nothing as my voice was now shot. Human Kite told the group, "That cheese guy said that there was a kingpin trying to raise crime in the streets JUST for the sake of raising crime, and that Scrambles is most likely with him. We need to find out who he is."

All of us got thoughtful looks at that, and Captain Diabetes asked, "Who would do something like that, though? To create crime just for the sake of having more crime?" Nobody said anything for a moment before Coon gasped and muttered, "Wait a minute, could it be? No, no it couldn't." All eyes turned to him at his words, and Fastpass asked, "D-Do you have an idea, Coon?"

Coon looked down in thought before getting out of his seat and explaining to us as he typed on his iPad, "There's only one person I know who would create crime just to have more crime." "Who?" Super Craig asked, and Coon moved to the side to show us a picture of a hand puppet with eyes and lipstick drawn on it as he told us, "Mitch Conner." 'What the fuck?' I asked myself in confusion. "Mitch Conner?" Captain Diabetes asked, and Human Kite told the fat boy with annoyance, "No, no, no, no, no, no. We are not fucking falling for this again!"

"Who is Mitch Conner?" Fastpass asked in confusion, and Kite told the Speedster, "It's Cartman's dumbass hand puppet!" "So you think Mitch Conner is behind the crime wave in South Park?" Captain Diabetes asked Coon, and Kite told him in annoyance, "It's not Mitch fucking Conner!" "No, Human Kite is right, you guys!" Coon told us, surprisingly, and explained to us, "Conner died in an oil-rig explosion off Northern Alaska."

At that, Human Kite pushed his chair out and told us, "Fuck this. I'm going to bed." Before getting out of his seat and leaving the room. "Good idea, Human Kite. Everyone get to bed." He told the room before turning back to his iPad and staring at it as he slowly told us, "We'll meet up… after schoooool."

Relieved that I was finally dismissed, I exhaustedly stumbled back to my house and went up to my room, where I changed back into my normal clothes and wiped off my makeup before flopping down onto my bed still in my glasses, unconscious before I could even tuck myself under the covers.

And there's the chapter. I changed a couple things here. I honestly got sick of just calling Dova's powers "energy" and decided to give it an official name. Chaos is also gone, but don't worry, Butters isn't out of the game just yet. Thank you everyone for reading and I will see you in the next chapter. Feel free to leave a review, but please no flames. Coon out!


	5. The Third Day

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the next chapter of The Next Adventure. This chapter will be based off of the third day in The Fractured But Whole. I do not own South Park, let's read!

'I was wrong. I wasn't dead yesterday. But I am now.' I thought with exhaustion as I lie on my back in a cold shower, vainly attempting to wake myself up with the freezing water. I sighed silently as I turned off the shower and dried off, putting on my glasses that thankfully hadn't broken during the single hour of sleep I got last night, and went downstairs to clean up Dad's mess again.

Once I was done, I got a bowl of cereal and sat down to watch the morning news. "And now the news program that starts your day off right: GOOD MORNING SOUTH PARK!" The TV blared, and Tom the news anchor came on screen and stated, "The South Park vigilante struck again last night, this time at a meth lab in the downtown U-Stor-It facility. Here with more is a midget in a fedora." 'Cheese lab.' I thought to myself, too tired to be angry at them for changing the story.

The screen then cut to their little person reporter, who was standing in front of the smoldering U-Stor-It and wearing a fedora in addition to his bright pink bikini. "Tom, six people were arrested last night after the vigilante exposed a huge meth lab in the storage facility behind me. Eyewitnesses have come forward with shocking reports that the vigilante's farts were so awful they seemed to actually rip the fabric of time." The little person said, and I thought to myself, 'Well fuck, guess that cat's out of the bag.' No sooner than I had, I got about a dozen different texts from the other Coon Friends asking me why I hadn't told them that I could bend time with farts.

I responded to all of them with, "You didn't ask." The news then showed the meth head that I thought had died telling the reporter, "You ain't never heard a fart like this, man. It was like- One minute he farted on my dick, and the next minute my dick was like 20 seconds in the past." 'Fucking liar.' I thought as I munched my cereal. "Finally, someone is standing up to all the crime in this city. If you ask me, these 'people' here all deserved to be farted on!" A woman in a green jacket said on the news, and it then cut to the angry guy from yesterday, who asked, "He's a menace, if you ask me. How long before this vigilante gets radical and blows up a school or a church, huh?! How long before Captain America becomes Captain Ideology?!"

Someone off-screen told him something, and the irate guy exclaimed, "Huh? The third Captain America movie. How long was that? 'Bout six years? About six years!" The screen then cut back to Tom, who stated, "Dozens of protesters gathered outside the police station today, as a warrant was issued for the vigilante's arrest." 'Oh, fuck me three times.' I thought to myself, and the screen cut to the front of the police station where Yates was telling people, "This city will not be victimized by masked crusaders who sneak around and fart on people at night."

"We urge all citizens to arm themselves and fight against this kind of rectal oppression." Yates stated, and I thought to myself, 'You weren't saying that yesterday when you used me to frame two innocent people.' The crowd then cheered, and I shut the TV off as I left for school.

I could barely focus at all at school however, and barely managed to scribble down a few notes on the more important things the teacher talked about. Strangely enough, the others all seemed perfectly fine, and I made a mental note to ask them what their secret was. I practically cried with joy when the final bell rang, and hurried over to my locker to get my stuff.

Suddenly, two hands covered my eyes when I was retrieving my books, and Bebe's voice behind me flirtingly said, "Hey there, Dova." I moved her hands down to my chest with a slight smile, and we hugged that way for a moment before I turned around to face her. Once I did however, she got a shocked look on her face and exclaimed, "Whoa! You look like I did that time I had to sit through 'The Great Gatsby'." I smiled at her sarcastically and took out my phone to tell her with my speech app, "Another night mission last night."

Bebe nodded in understanding and replied, "Okay. Oh! Meet me in the girl's bathroom at the park later. I've got something to tell you about." She then winked and kissed me on the cheek before walking off, teasing me with her swaying hips again. I then went back to put my books in my backpack, but before I finished, Butters came up to me and greeted me with, "Hey Dova!"

I smiled at my fellow Mana user and used my phone to ask him, "Hey there, Butters. How are you feeling?" "A lot better." He replied. "Marjorine wanted me to thank you. Mom's still working on enrolling her in school, but she should be here on Monday." I nodded in understanding and turned around to put my books in my backpack, the boy walking off as I packed my things.

I left the school after I got everything together, and as I walked out, Wendy came up to me and said, "Hey, kid! Wait up!" I paused for a moment to allow her to catch up with me, and once she had, she told me, "You ARE the New Kid, right? My name's Wendy. Nice to have you at our school."

She then stopped pretending to not know me as she said, "That little problem Call Girl told you about? It's a lot worse. The Chamber of Commerce wants to get rid of the vigilante no matter what it takes. You know the bathrooms in the park? Call Girl wants you to meet her there. RIGHT NOW."

Wendy then walked off without another word, and I spun in a circle to change back into my costume, then reapplied my makeup after two kids remarked on how my transformation was dumb. Suddenly, I got a FaceTime call from Coon, who told me, "I need all Coon and Friends to report to the Coon Lair! Repeat, all Coon and Friends: Report to the Coon Lair!"

He then hung up and I rolled my eyes as I thought, 'Jesus Christ, what's got his pants in a bunch?' I decided that whatever it was, it could wait, so I put the Artifact I had gotten from Chaos last night in my second Epic Slot and stopped by my house to change into the Champion Suit, Supernova Gloves, and Hypersonic Headgear, the visor thankfully helping my vision the same way my glasses did once I put it on. I then used Sandblaster around town to clear away lava and put air through pipes for surprising effects.

I found a map with all the town's Yaoi art in Bebe's basement, which I used to collect the majority of the remaining pictures save a few that I needed a new power or a key to get to. I also replaced my Flute of Prophecy with the Luminous Enigma I got at Jimmy's house and took selfies with Shelly and Mr. and Mrs. Hankey, the latter two trapped in toilets by Randy's massive craps.

I also put up Mr. Adams' last headshot, but couldn't get through the door to the police station anymore. Strangely enough, the cops didn't seem in any hurry to arrest me, and I figured they weren't as eager to catch me as Yates said they were. I took selfies with Towelie and his Budtenders before I went to the farm by the U-Stor-It, getting one of Al's cats past a farmer that really didn't want me to go down the road. I got the last one by Kenny's house, where I took selfies with her sister, dad and mom, and apparently unlocked the last one of Fastpass' Fast Travel stations before getting an Artifact called the Gentrifying Text, which I used to replace my Aural Disruptor.

I also found Mr. Broflovski, who I took a selfie with before making him go home with the threat of telling his wife about him falling off the wagon, destroying all of the vials of cheese I had afterwards. I then opened up Kenny's garage to get a Yaoi picture that I had missed. I used the Cosmic Enigma I got to replace my Sanity Siphon before leaving to give Al his cats back and take selfies with him and Slave, getting two new costume sets as a reward. I then decided to meet with Call Girl since the playground was right next to his house, but before I could, I got a FaceTime call from none other than Mitch Conner.

I stared in surprise at the hand puppet as it told me, "Hello there, New Kid… We haven't been formally introduced. I'm Mr. Crime-syndicate-Kingpin-guy and you… You are the one who keeps farting on all my best people." "Cartman?" I whispered out to the hand in confusion, and it told me, "That sounds like a really cool name, but no. I'm Mitch Conner." It then got closer to the screen and asked me, "Are we really so different, you and I? We both want what's best for this city. I know you've probably got places to be, but why don't you come talk to me instead. I'm at the old SoDoSoPa ruins. C'mon, what do the Coon Friends really have to offer you?" It then hung up, leaving me wondering what the hell I just watched.

I shrugged off my surprise and went to meet Call Girl, stopping to get a costume set out of a tree before I went to the public bathrooms. I was about to go in the girl's room before I remembered Bebe would be in there, and texted Call Girl to ask which room she was in, which was apparently the cissy one. When I walked inside, Call Girl was facing away from me, and she told me, "I think it's wrong they make cisgendered people share a bathroom. It must be so hard for you…" "Actually, Stan's the only one who has to use it." I pointed out to her, my voice still weak. She disregarded my statement and turned around, telling me, "Anyway, I've got a problem, New Kid… I'm like you… an outsider. I've been watching as adults in our town act stranger and stranger, but nobody will listen to me."

She explained to me, "I started cross-referencing everyone's Instagrams to see what kind of connection I could find. And that's when it happened." Call Girl held up a phone as she told me, "Somebody… canceled my cellular data plan. My phone… is dead." I raised my right eyebrow and pursed my lips slightly, giving her my third best 'Really?' face, and she conceded, "Okay, maybe it's not THAT big a deal, but I need to access social media in order to use my powers, and if I can't use data, my powers will be extremely limited. Can you please just come with me to the D-Mobile store so we can sort this out?"

I nodded to her grudgingly and the two of us set of for the D-Mobile Store. Once there, Call Girl told me, "If I can't use my mobile devices, I can't save this town. Let's find out what's going on with this place." We then walked inside the store to see one of the oddest sights that I had ever seen in South Park, which was saying something. Standing in the store were two Crab People in D-Mobile shirts, one of whom asked us, "WELCOME TO D-MOBILE! CAN I HELP YOU?"

I was instantly taken back to the huge boulder I had destroyed in the sewer with Nagasaki in the last game, and I cringed as I realized that this situation was actually my fault. Thankfully I hadn't told Call Girl about that, and she awkwardly remarked, "Yeah… I'm having a lot of problems connecting to the Internet." "YOUR NAME AND D-MOBILE NUMBER PLEASE!" The Crab Person shouted, and another one nearby copied him before Call Girl said, "Wait a minute. You aren't the people who worked here last week."

'Please tell me she didn't just now figure that out.' I thought to myself, and one of the Crab People told her, "That's right we are crab pe-" The lead Crab Person shushed him however, and corrected, "We are glad people to work in this fine place. Can I interest you in a new contract with up to 5GB of data per month?" "No! I just want my phone to work right!" Call Girl exclaimed. Seemingly infuriated by her rejection, the Crab Person shouted, "INSULENT HUMAN! HOW DARE YOU SHUN OUR DATA PLAN!"

"I knew it! The phone company's been taken over by Crab People!" Call Girl told me, and I explained to her, "Yeah, I kind of already got that. And it might be my fault. I blew up a rock that was blocking their way into town in the sewer last month." Call Girl gave me a withering look before sighing and telling me, "Well, nothing we can do about that now. Let's just kick their butts so we can find the real employees and get my phone working."

"She's onto us." The lead Crab Person warned his allies, a little late to the party. Suddenly, the actual D-Mobile employees came out from behind the front register and one exclaimed, "CALL GIRL! SAVE US!" "Come on, New Kid! Let's wipe the floor with 'em!" Call Girl told me, and I nodded with determination.

We all took our places in a combat grid, and a battle started with me getting the first turn. I used Triple Burn to damage the Crab Person in the middle row and give him Burning before he advanced forward one space and ended his turn, taking some damage from his status effect. Call Girl then used Phone Destroyer to damage the enemy in the bottom row, the newly damaged Crab Person spitting to damage and Slow me.

I used Sand Trap to defeat the Crab Person that had hit me and damage the other one, and the remaining foe exclaimed, "Behold the might of our manager!" Just then, the door to the back room opened up, and out scuttled a gigantic crab wearing a crown and cape and carrying a scepter. I noticed a picture on the wall that declared him Employee of the Month for February before he exclaimed, "YOUR NAME AND D-MOBILE NUMBER PLEASE!" He took his place in the back of the combat grid and as we advanced to fight him, he used his scepter to blast us backwards with red energy.

We groaned as we picked ourselves up, thankfully not damaged, before the remaining Crab Person was defeated by his Burning effect. Call Girl then used Phone Destroyer to damage King Crab, who would have summoned two more Crab People and healed himself had I not skipped his turn. I couldn't move very much, so I just moved into the middle row and ended my turn. Call Girl then used Phone Destroyer to damage King Crab before he summoned two Crab People and healed himself, completing his previously failed actions.

I used Triple Burn to take out one of the Crab People before Call Girl used Phone destroyer to damage King Crab again. The remaining Crab Person then moved into the middle row before King Crab summoned another one and moved into the top row. I then used Triple Burn to take the boss out, and as he was defeated, King Crab stumbled and stated, "I must D-Chat Mr. Conner… we have failed." He then exploded in a shower of crab guts that I just barely managed to block with the small amount of Mana I had regained, sparing Call Girl and I from being covered in goo. The other Crab People weren't so lucky however, and screamed as their leader's insides corroded their shells and flesh.

I got Call Girl's character sheet, a Crab Person DNA Artifact, and some change from the fight before we untied the employees. Once they were free, one of them came up to us and asked Call Girl, "Oh, thank you, Call Girl… I don't know what those things were but they smelled like crab and kissed like people. How can we repay you?" "Just get my phone working again, all right?" She requested of them, and he replied, "Yes, yes, of course, Call Girl. Thanks for saving the D-Mobile Store. Once again." Call Girl then turned to me and told me, "Thanks, New Kid. But I have a feeling this isn't over." She then left the store as she told me, "If you smell crab, call me." I nodded to her as she left, and I took out her character sheet to look it over.

My eyes widened as I looked over her Sex/Gender, and I thought to myself, 'Wow, I never knew that Wendy was Gender-Fluid. Still, it does explain a couple things.' I recalled how Wendy would dress differently on some days and would occasionally reject invitations to the girl's "special" sleepovers. I shrugged as I decided not to bring it up, figuring that if she wanted to talk to me about it, she would talk to me about it. I then took selfies with two D-Mobile employees before leaving, deciding not spend thirty dollars on a selfie with the vendor.

I then went back to the park and entered the girl's bathroom to see Bebe waiting for me, and she smiled and walked up to give me a hug. Once we separated, she locked the bathroom door and told me, "You wanted me to explain about the Raisins Dome, right? Well, ask away." I nodded and asked her, "Well first of all, why the fuck does everything turn into an anime whenever I'm about to have sex? And do they really upload those videos to an app?"

Bebe nodded and asked, "Yup. And that's not all. You know how I told you that all the girls have 'fun' together?" I nodded with a growing sense of bewilderment, and she explained, "Well it's not just us. Our moms did it when they were kids, and they still do it. Sometimes they even join us." I had an incredulous look on her face as she spoke, and I awkwardly asked her, "Okay… How? And why?"

Bebe told me, "Whenever two women are about to have sex somewhere in South Park, the whole area around them looks like an anime, and any girls who are under eighteen become eighteen. If we film it, it looks like that even after we change back. We don't know why, so we pretty much just roll with it." I looked to her in confusion for a moment before I asked, "And why are you telling me all this?"

Bebe shrugged and told me, "Well, every girl in town is introduced to it eventually. And I figured that you already saw part of it, so why not now? Oh, and you can't tell any of the boys about it. If any of them ask about something related to this, just tell them it's 'girls only'. They've pretty much given up on us telling them anything when we say that."

I stared at her for a moment before shrugging and deciding that while it was up there, it still wasn't the weirdest thing I've ever seen, and decided to get going. Before I could turn around to leave however, I saw that Bebe had red cheeks and was fidgeting in place, and smirked to myself as I saw that her explanation had turned her on. I moved her to lean against the wall and the familiar wave of vertigo turned everything into anime and us eighteen, and I pulled her pants and panties down before she could do anything. She asked me, "Oh, decided to embrace it, huh?" I nodded before dropping to my knees and inspecting my girlfriend's pussy.

Just as I had thought, it was bright pink, presumably from repeatedly rubbing it yesterday, so I decided to do this quickly as not to cause her any unnecessary discomfort. I spread Bebe's lower lips before taking a deep lick of her pussy, making her moan and flutter her eyes shut as she took a hold of the back of my head and pushed me further into her cunt. I had all of her sensitive spots memorized by now, and teased her insides with my tongue as I rubbed her clit. Just as I could feel her start to cum, I shifted my tongue over to her ass, licking over it without penetrating her as my fingers replaced my tongue in her pussy.

Bebe's eyes flew open as I did so, and she screamed with pleasure as her juices squirted out and covered my face. I licked my lips as she panted and tried to catch her breath against the wall. I then washed my face off in a sink and took a breath mint from a pack I had in my Inventory before I gave her a kiss on the cheek and left. The world returned to normal after I left, and I stumbled for a moment before recovering.

I looked over my Missions and decided to meet the others back at the Coon Lair, so I Fast Traveled down to Cartman's House. I had to use a new passcode to get into the basement, but once I did I saw all of the Coon Friends sitting at the main table. "Coon Friends, these are dark times. We now know for a fact that Scrambles, the missing cat, is part of a larger conspiracy. We also know… that the fucking Freedom Pals have more information about this conspiracy than we do. Fuck!" Coon told us with despair, and I thought to myself, 'Well, at least now he's focusing on the right thing, even if it is only indirectly.'

Mosquito dejectedly said, "Maybe we should just face it, guys. Maybe Freedom pals have a better super-franchise than us." He then buzzed sadly before Coon slammed his hands down on the table and told him, "HEY! That's no way to talk, Mosquito! The only reason that Freedom Pals are ahead of us right now is because they're buttfucking cheaters who sold out!"

"Yeah, but the Freedom Pals have Doctor Timothy and he can read people's minds and bend reality." Captain Diabetes pointed out. "Yeah cuz he just said that! When we made up our super powers he was like, 'Well I have every power to do fucking everything.' You think that's fair?! It's time for us to be as dirty as them! We have to know what the Freedom Pals know." Coon exclaimed. "Well how are we ever gonna get the help of Freedom Pals?" Fastpass asked.

Coon then got up from his chair and told us as he walked away a few steps, "We send a spy. Someone in our group who pretends to want to switch sides and join Freedom Pals. Somebody who they don't very well." I could see where he was going with this, and sighed as everyone's eyes turned to me. "The New Kid joins Freedom Pals, then asks for assistance investigating the Community Center." Fastpass realized. "Hope the New Kid is good at bullshitting…" Mosquito remarked.

"You'll never get past the security grid. They change it every day-" Captain Diabetes started, but was interrupted by a voice from the stairs telling us, "I may be able to help with that." We all turned our heads to see Butters dressed in a white robe and a gold circlet with a scale on the forehead, and he told us, "I may not be Professor Chaos anymore, but I'm still a part o' the game fellas! Meet Balance, the envoy of order!"

He then walked down the stairs as he told us, "I'm a Gadgeteer class with the Tinkering ability, remember? I can help Dova get past the security grid!" Coon seemed to consider it for a moment before sighing and telling him, "Alright fine, but you need to update your character sheet." "Okay!" Butters told him, then turned to me and told me, "Come to my house when you're ready, Dova! I need to get some supplies."

With that, he left, and I jumped down off my chair and sold all my inferior Artifacts to the Coon Store before leaving, going next door to Butters' house. We went inside and went up the stairs, and as we did, I turned my head so as to not see up Butters' robe. 'Balance.' I thought to myself, mentally switching to using his new superhero name.

The two of us arrived at his room and went inside to start looking around for parts. We hadn't gotten very far before his dad burst in and yelled, "BUTTERS!" Balance shouted out in fear as Stephen demanded, "What the heck are you wearing, mister? And who is this?" Balance nervously told him, "Uh, D-Dad, this is Dova. You know her, she lives next door." This only seemed to make Stephen angrier, and he roared, "A girl?! IN YOUR ROOM?! You know what we said about this, Butters! That's it, you're both grounded!"

He then slammed the door shut, and I saw an electronic lock engage at the top of the doorframe. Balance sat in front of his bed dejectedly as he started playing a harmonica and I tried the door. It was locked tight, and I vowed to kick Stephen's ass when I got out of here. I then went around the room and used my skills as a Gadgeteer to construct a number of small devices that would short out electronic locks when placed in their wiring. Thankfully, Balance's asshole dad had been dumb enough to leave some on our side of the door.

I broke the casing with a Snap N Pop and threw a Haywire, which is what I decided to call my devices, into the wires, where it shorted out the electronic lock and disengaged it. I nodded with determination as Balance remarked, "Wow, didn't expect you to do THAT!" I turned to him and asked, "Well, what did you expect me to do?" Balance shrugged and said, "I don't know, probably stick it up your butt and fart it out or somethin'."

I paused for a moment as I took in just what exactly he said before I asked him, "Balance, putting aside just how disgusting and painful that would be, it'd also be completely unnecessary. I mean come on, I can throw a tiny object a few feet upwards. How would farting it out of my ass be any better?" Balance opened his mouth to speak before closing it and thinking for a second before remarking, "OK, you've got a point." With that, the two of us then went downstairs to see Stephen watching TV. When he saw us, he stood up and got an incredulous look as he exclaimed, "Butters! What the hell are you two doing down here?! You're supposed to be grounded!"

I growled at him and tackled him while surrounded by pink Mana, and took a hold of his shirt before I told him in a menacing voice that I made as strong as I could, "Now you listen here you dick-pickling cocksucker! I have had it up to HERE with you being an asshole to Butters! He is the kindest, sweetest person in South Park and he goes through enough shit without you jumping all over his ass too! Starting right now, unless Butters actually tries to do something bad, you are NOT grounding him! Do you understand me?!" "B-But Professor Chaos-" Stephen stammered out, and I slammed his head into the ground and growled out, "Professor Chaos is DEAD! I killed him MYSELF! So now you have absolutely no reason to ground Butters! And while we're on the subject, YOU CAN'T GROUND SOMEONE ELSE'S KID! THAT'S CALLED KIDNAPPING! AND LOCKING YOURS UP IN THEIR ROOM 24/7 IS CALLED CHILD ABUSE!"

"Amen." I heard from the door, and turned to see Linda and Marjorine standing there, the elder Stotch woman glaring at her husband with angry eyes. "Linda, what's going on? Who is this?" Stephen asked as he gestured to Marjorine, who shrank behind Linda in fear. The Stotch woman sighed and told her husband, "Obviously you didn't read my note, or else you'd know that already. This is Marjorine. She used to be Butters' other alternate personality until he tried to sacrifice himself to free her from Professor Chaos. Now what's this security stuff doing all over the house?"

Linda asked the last question as she looked around at all the Wolfe Home Security boxes, and I answered for Stephen as I told her, "Stephen put an electronic lock on Butters' door." Linda then asked angrily, "Oh, he did, did he? Well, I certainly think that'll make for an _interesting_ conversation, don't you, Stephen?" It would seem her questions were rhetorical, as she walked over to her husband and pulled him up by the ear, me getting off him to let her, and she told Marjorine, "Go on upstairs and get settled, sweetie. I'll be right there after I talk some sense into your father." Butters' twin nodded with a slight smile on her face, and Linda turned to me and Balance and told us, "I'm so sorry about this, you two. You go on ahead and play your game. And don't worry Butters, I'll have that lock off your door right after I deal with _him_."

Linda tugged Stephen's ear at her last word, and he cringed as she pulled him into the kitchen. I snickered as she started to yell at him, and turned to Balance and told him, "Come on, Balance. Let's get to the Freedom Pals' base." "Actually, would it be alright if I hung back a bit? I wanted to talk to Marjorine for a little while, you know, make sure she's doin' OK." The robed boy requested, and I nodded with a smile on my face as I told them, "No problem. I'll see you guys later!"

I then left the house and immediately clutched my throat, coughing at the exertion I had just put it through. 'Shit.' I thought to myself as I realized I wouldn't be able to talk for a bit. I then left and used my Haywire to get rid of the electronic locks at the Peppermint Hippo, Nichole's garage, and Kevin Stoley's house, looting and getting a Yaoi picture from each. I got an Epic Artifact from the Peppermint Hippo called the Pump of Ultimate Inflation, which I used to replace the gold fidget spinner I still had equipped. I also assembled one called the Nuclear Vessel at Kevin Stoley's house and used it to replace the Luminous Enigma.

With that done, I headed off to the Freedom Pals' base, which I knew from my previous visit was at Token's house. I used one of my Haywire devices to short out their electronic lock before going inside, seeing that their base was in the basement too. It was much better than the Coon Lair however, as it was well-lit, had more space, and was simply better all-around.

It seemed to be deserted, and I looked around in confusion as I reached the middle of the room. Suddenly I heard something from behind me, and turned to see Mysterion had leaped out from hiding. Tupperware soon joined her, and Mysterion asked me, "What are you doing here?!" I took out my phone and used it to tell the hooded girl, "I'm here to switch sides." Toolshed and Wonder Tweek came up behind me as I spoke through my phone, and the Freedom Pals surrounded me as Wonder Tweek pointed, "WHY? I thought you were all excited to be a Coon Friend."

I told Craig's ex via my phone, "If you're talking about the status on my Coonstagram, Cartman made it." "Hey, New Kid. Thought you might end up here." Toolshed remarked, and I smiled to him in greeting. "She's just here to spy on what Timothy is working on." Mysterion said as she changed the subject, pointing to a bunch of boxes with a space-themed curtain that was apparently hiding something. "I say we rip 'er to shreds." Wonder Tweek exclaimed as he moved to stand by his fellow Freedom Pal. Suddenly, we all heard Timmy's voice echo throughout our minds, telling us, "Calm down everyone. Let's see what she has to say."

We then saw Timmy, or Timothy as I figured I should start calling him, roll out from behind the curtain, and he put a finger to his temple and asked me, "This is a fairly shocking change of heart for you, New Kid. You really wish to switch franchises?" I told him with my phone, "If you don't believe me, you can search my mind yourself."

This seemed to placate Timothy, who kept his finger on his temple as he delved into my mind and I let him search through all of my thoughts save a few, which he thankfully respected and didn't try to force his way through to. Once he was finished, he told the room, "The New Kid has been sent here by the Coon to spy on us."

"I fucking knew it!" Mysterion exclaimed as the Freedom Pals moved in. "Let me finish!" Timothy said, and once they had backed down he continued, "She was sent to spy on us, but she truly wishes to help us stop the crime conspiracy that's been ravaging our town. She has no intentions of sabotaging us." The rest of the Freedom Pals looked to me warily as Mysterion asked him, "And you're sure of this?" "Certain." Was his reply, and Mysterion sighed before telling me, "All right New Kid, you're in. But you've got to prove yourself like anyone else. You can help us with a special mission in the north part of town today. Meet us there when you're ready. And don't even THINK of looking at what Doctor Timothy's been working on back there!"

She pointed to the space curtain as she spoke, and Timothy told me, "I'll send you the details on the way to the mission. But now I must get back to my work." With that, he rolled back behind the curtain, and Mysterion moved to guard it. I then moved some kind of rocket car out of the way to get an Artifact, which I sold to the shop along with the gold fidget spinner and the Luminous Enigma. With that done, I left the base and looked over my Missions. I then decided to see what Cartman/Mitch Conner wanted and Fast Traveled to Kenny's house.

I went through her front yard and up to Steed, which from the look of it Mr. McCormick was trying to dismantle. Instead of the hand that had FaceTimed me however, I found some fat guy in a suit waiting for me, who rhetorically asked, "Looking for answers?" He fixed his sleeves before he told me, "Mr. Conner sends his regards. He wanted to come himself, but he's a very busy man." He walked over to an old menu and dragged his finger along it, telling me, "He mentioned some horrible tragedy happened to your mother."

I stared at him blankly for a moment before he remarked, "Funny how a few moments in our lives can completely change who we are, huh? And now you're gonna be taken out by assassins, known as the City Ninja Service." He had barely finished his sentence before ninjas leaped out of the shadows while making stereotypical ninja noises. "You know what to do with him when you're done." The fat guy told them, and one of the ninjas went up to him and told him, "Hey wait, you forgot pay me."

'Goddamit, it's Mr. Kim.' I thought to myself as the fat guy told him, "After it's done." "No, no, no, you hire services of City Ninja Service you pay in ADVANCE. That's, that's on the website." Mr. Kim protested. "You don't sound Japanese. Are you sure you're really ninjas?" The fat guy asked, and Mr. Kim went up to him and said, "Yeah, yeah, I ninja. Look at my fucking eyes! Come on, gimme check made out to City Ninja Service."

The fat guy finally conceded and told him as he gave him a wad of cash, "Just get it over with." Mr. Kim put the money in his pocket as the fat guy left, and he took out a katana as walked up to me and offered, "OK… Hello, we are from a City Ninja. I'm afraid we got paid to uh, assassinate you today. So uh, we have to do that, of course. UNLESS, you want to pay us not to. Five thousand dolla'…"

Since I didn't have anywhere near that amount, I shook my head no, and Mr. Kim shrugged as he told me, "OK, you don't wanna pay bribe we going to have to murder you." The words hadn't even left his mouth when I blasted him backwards with a bolt of lightning, knocking him off the loft before turning around to shoot fireballs at two more ninjas afterwards. I thought the fire would just stun them, but instead they disappeared with clouds of smoke, leaving only small cloth dolls that were apparently animated by symbols on their chests.

'They're not real.' I thought, and grinned as I realized this meant I didn't have to hold back. I then impaled two more ninjas with ice before I crushed the last one with dirt, all of them dissipating into dolls once they were finished. One of them left behind an Artifact called the Scroll of 1000 Winds, so I used it to replace my Trinity of Reflection. I then decided to help the Freedom Pals with their mission, which was apparently at the Senior Center.

As soon as I left Steed however, I got a FaceTime call from Mr. Mackey, who told me, "Mkay, New Kid. Apparently Tweek and Craig have agreed to some counseling together, mkay. Could you meet us at the school? Thank you." He then hung up before I could say anything, and I decided to deal with it after my current mission. I then Fast Traveled back to Token's house and went from there to the Senior Center, where Wonder Tweek and Tupperware were waiting for me. On the way, I got another FaceTime call, this one from Mrs. Cartman, who asked, "Hello New Kid, I could really use a hero right now. My tutoring business appears to have attracted the attention of a competitor."

A voice from off-screen told her, "I hear you in there, ho! Come get this ass whooping! This is MY block!" "Um, could you come by for a teensy moment and help me with this? Thanks, Daddy." Mrs. Cartman requested, and I sighed as I thought to myself, 'Okay, Senior Center, then Cartman's house, THEN the school for Craig and Tweek. Jesus, why can people in this town never take care of their own shit?'

When I got to Tupperware and Wonder Tweek, Tupperware asked, "All right, kid, this is a very important mission. Are you sure you're up to it?" "It would help if I knew what we were doing." I told them softer than usual, my voice still not fully functional yet. "We're gonna go sing to the old people!" Wonder Tweek exclaimed, and my eyes widened as they went to open the door. "Sing?" I asked them, and Tupperware replied, "Yeah, we're gonna sing to old people. What, not heroic enough for you?" "Guys, I can't sing. I can barely talk!" I told them in a panic. "You're not singing, we are. You're playing the triangle." Wonder Tweek told me as he held up a metal triangle.

I sighed with relief and remarked, "OK. Say that next time, though." With that, the three of us entered the building, and Wonder Tweek told a nurse inside, "We're here for the community service." "Oh, wonderful! Everyone! Some of the local children are here to sing for us!" She told all the seniors present, and groans of exasperation and annoyance rang throughout the room as the three of us walked on stage and took our places, Tweek handing me the triangle once we were in position.

My fellow superheroes then roughly sang, "I love to play my triangle my triangle goes-" They cut off as they both looked to me and I rang the triangle, prompting them to continue, "When I am sad I love to hear my triangle go-" I rang the triangle again as they looked to me, and they sang, "It cheers me up-" They looked to me again and I rang the triangle twice, and they sang, "It makes me smile-" "You suck!" This time they were cut off by someone besides themselves, as an old guy yelled out from the crowd.

"We're sorry folks, this kid's new." Tupperware told the crowd as he gestured to me, and I thought to myself, 'They would hate this even if I wasn't new.' They then sang, "I love to play my triangle. My triangle goes-" I then rang the triangle once before one of the old people booed at us, and Wonder Tweek took the triangle from me and gave me some kind of miniature guitar, which I recognized as a mandolin after a moment of confusion. The two of them continued singing with, "I love to play my mandolin. My mandolin goes-" I strummed the mandolin before they could cue me, making them sing, "When I am sad I love to hear my mandolin go-" I strummed it again and they sang, "It cheers me up-"

I strummed the instrument twice and they sang, "It makes me smile-" I strummed twice again before an old guy yelled, "Get off the stage!" Ignoring him, the superhero duet sang, "I love to play my mandolin. My mandolin goes-" I then strummed the mandolin repeatedly to the best of my ability, improvising notes until Tweek took it away and gave me a brass instrument that I didn't recognize, which was revealed to me as Tupperware and Wonder Tweek sang, "I… love to play my flugelhorn. My flugelhorn goes-" I shrugged as they looked to me and put my lips up to the mouthpiece to try and play the instrument, but all I managed to do was blow air through it.

"I love to play my flugelhorn my flugelhorn goes-" The two sang again, apparently not satisfied by this. I again tried to play at least one note, this time just barely managing to succeed in making a small squeaking sound. This seemed to placate my allies, who sang, "When I am sad I love to hear my flugelhorn go-" I managed to make a stronger sound this time, and might have been getting the hang of it as Tweek and Token sang, "When I am sad I love to hear my flugelhorn go-" I was able to make a stronger noise this time, and was pretty sure I had it figured out as they sang, "It cheers me up-"

I managed to make a loud trumpeting noise this time, but the seniors still didn't like it as they groaned at our lack of talent. "And makes me smile-" Token and Tweek sang, ignoring them. I made another loud trumpeting sound before starting to improvise again, playing random notes. I thought it was going well until they recognized me as the Farting Vigilante and shouted about not letting me destroy their medication as they chased us out of the building.

Once we were outside, we panted with our hands on our knees as I remarked, "So much for just playing the triangle." They ignored me as Mysterion, who had been waiting outside, said into a microphone in her shirt, "Doc, this is Mysterion. We had some trouble but the mission is complete." Timothy then appeared on FaceTime and somehow mentally told me, "Nice work, everyone. New Kid, congratulations. You are officially a member of Freedom Pals. You can join us tonight on our mission to the Police Station."

"We've ascertained that the police are being paid off by whoever is running crime in the city." Mysterion explained, and I remarked, "I can see that." "That's right. We believe we'll find the answers to what's going on there. Welcome to the team, friend." Timothy said, and hung up. "We'll see you tonight." Mysterion told me. "Don't tell anyone we're going to the police station." Tupperware added. With that, the others ran off, and I sent a text to the mayor that read, "Me and some friends are raiding the police station tonight. Will try to find something incriminating. Keep it under wraps."

The mayor texted back, "Got it. I'll make sure you're not disturbed on your way. Oh, and stop by my office later. I've got something we need to discuss." I made a note to do just that later and promptly got a FaceTime call from the Coon, who excitedly said, "HA! Dude, that was so awesome, New Kid! ATTENTION ALL COON FRIENDS! Report to the Coon Lair! We know now what the Freedom Pals know! ALL COON FRIENDS TO THE COON LAIR! Great work, ButtLord." He then hung up, and I rolled my eyes before I headed over to his house, seeing a tricked-out car in front. I quickly dealt with the pimp that Mrs. Cartman's business had attracted, but once he had been felled by his girls' own hands, I ran into an entirely new problem.

"I am NOT being your new pimp!" I sternly told Cristal and Shawna. The two hos glanced to each other in shock before Shawna told me, "But… But Daddy, we'd be great hos for you!" I sighed and told them, "I'm NOT your Daddy, and I don't care how good you'd be, I'm not being your pimp." The two looked shocked before Cristal muttered, "But… But without a Daddy… what are we gonna do?" Trying to get through to the two, I told them, "You don't NEED a Daddy, don't you get it? You can be your own women, and do what YOU want to do!"

The two had confused looks on their faces for a moment before Liane came up between them and put her arms around them, telling the hos, "Hang on a minute girls, I think I know what the New Kid is trying to say. She's telling us that we can work for ourselves! We can all be one big happy family!" The two perked up at that, and Cristal asked me, "So… You think we should be our OWN Daddies?" I face-palmed before figuring that it was the best I was going to get and telling them, "Sure, whatever. Be your own Daddies." The two prostitutes then chuckled in relief, and Shawna asked me, "Fuck kid, why didn't you just say so?"

Just then, Coon walked in, and seeing the confused look on his face, I told the fat boy, "Don't ask." He shrugged and went into the kitchen after Liane told him she made him some sugary snacks, and I took selfies with the three women with some reluctance. Liane's new "sisters" looked oddly dazed as I left, but I chalked it up to not being used to making their own decisions and put it out of my mind.

I replaced my Continuum Enforcer with the Seal of Freedom I had gotten after the mission at the old folks' home and the Diabolic Inscription with an Artifact I got from the pimp called the Goblet of Supreme Crunk on my way to the school. Before I went inside however, I got a FaceTime call from Balance, who told me, "Hey there Dova! Uh, listen, can you meet me at the bank? The kids Chaos hired have been after me to get paid, and whoever hired him didn't pay him."

He hung up before I could say anything, and I face-palmed before I thought, 'Jesus Christ, do these Missions never END?!' Regardless, I made a note to stop by the bank after I fixed things with Tweek and Craig and went inside the school, heading for the gym. When I got inside, I saw Tweek, Craig, and Mr. Mackey sitting at the volleyball court, and the guidance counselor told me, "Hey, New Kid, come on in and have a seat." I sighed and took a seat between Tweek and Craig, the chair between the two the only one available.

"OK, apparently we're having a little quarrel, mkay. Craig and Tweek have agreed to some counseling as long as you're present, New Kid, mkay." Mackey explained, then turned to Craig and asked, "So… now, Craig, what do you want to say to Tweek?" Craig stared at Tweek for a moment before he said, "I think he has some stuff he should say to me." "Mkay, mkay, Tweek you wanna start, maybe?" Mackey asked the coffee addict.

"I have nothing to say to him if that's his attitude." Tweek stated, not even looking at his ex-boyfriend. Mr. Mackey awkwardly told me, "Mkay. Mkay, well, maybe, huh… New Kid, maybe you should share some of your thoughts." I looked to Tweek and then to Craig before telling the counselor, "I'm honestly just along for the ride on this one, Mr. Mackey." He paused for a moment before awkwardly telling us, "Mmmmkay, well, this isn't really going that well. Hmm… mkay boys I wanna do an exercise with you. I have some kids here to help us out. When we're trying to have some therapy, the first thing we need to do is… is take out our Resentments, mkay."

"So, let's have our Resentments come out. Come on out over… come out, Resentments." He said as a kid in a white shirt with "Resentments" written on it walked up, and he told us, "Mkay and then, in any relationship, we also have Expectations, mkay. Because Expectations lead to Resentments." Another kid then walked up to us, this one wearing an "Expectations" shirt. "Which of course brings out Accusations. Come on out, Accusations, mkay." He said as a third came out wearing an "Accusations" shirt, and picking up steam, Mr. Mackey told us, "And then that all of course leads to Victimization and Withdrawal."

Two more kids walked out wearing shirts that said "Victimization" and "Withdrawal" respectively, and Mackey asked, "Now, you've got to learn to overcome all of these things, mkay. Are you ready? You ready?" He then shot out of his chair and pointed at the therapy kids as he exclaimed, "GO FUCK 'EM UP! THERE THEY ARE! RIGHT THERE, TWEEK AND CRAIG! YOU GO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF 'EM! YOU TOO, NEW KID!" "I'm not fighting." I told him, derailing his hype train. The two boys looked to me with surprise and simultaneously asked, "What?"

I looked to them both in turn and told them, "You guys have issues that you need to work out, and you're not going to get through them if I'm doing all the work for you. You two are gonna have to handle this one by yourselves." I crossed my arms and legs as I finished, refusing to get up as Tweek, Craig, and the five therapy kids took their places in a combat grid.

The superhero duo struggled at first, but managed to take down one of the kids after a few turns. As soon as they did however, five more Expectations kids showed up, and Mr. Mackey told them, "You boys have to work together if you're gonna eliminate all those Expectation, mkay!" Craig then went up to Tweek and told him, "Tweek… he's right." "Huh?" The blonde asked him, and Craig said, "We're only gonna get rid of these expectations, and everything else, if we do it together." "Craig…" Tweek muttered as he raised a hand to his lips, touched by his words.

"Yeah! Let's do it, Craig!" He then exclaimed before the two of them partnered up in a devastating Ultimate attack, defeating all of the therapy kids in one gigantic move that scattered cherry blossoms everywhere. I then got a new Epic artifact along with both of their character sheets and twenty bucks from the fight despite not being a part of it before Mackey asked the two, "Don't you feel better?" "Yeah, I kind of do." Craig told him, and Tweek agreed with him, telling the counselor, "Me too."

"Mkay, well you come back anytime you need counseling, mkay." Mr. Mackey told them before he kicked one of the therapy kids and left. 'You are the worst guidance counselor ever.' I told Mr. Mackey in my head and got out of my seat. The two renewed lovers then came up to me and Craig told me, "Thanks, New Kid. We have a lot of work to do. But I think we both wanna do it now." "Are you guys talking about working on your relationship, or the other kind of 'doing it'?" I asked them teasingly. Surprisingly however, they both looked to each other lovingly for a moment before Tweek told me, "Actually, I think it might be both. I'm gonna be a little late getting back to base, see you New Kid!" "Yeah, and tell the Coon I might not be at the meeting." Craig agreed with him, and they both left as they held hands.

I sighed with relief as the two went to consummate their newly-reforged relationship, and thought to myself, 'FINALLY, I don't have to run around town doing stupid shit for them anymore.' I then looted the containers in the gym, but before I could leave, I noticed something taped to the girl's shower room door. I went up to it to see that it was a piece of notebook paper with a red flower drawn on it, which I recognized from Bebe's basement as the same one she used to map all the Yaoi in town.

I grinned to myself as I turned it over and read the instructions she wrote on the back. This red flower is something like Bebe's calling card, and occasionally she'll leave them around to signal to me that she wants to have some _fun_ in a certain place. I finished reading the instructions she left and blushed as I entered the locker room. I then picked up the duffel bag she left and took out some huge nerdy glasses and a hair tie. A wave of vertigo made me stumble, and when I opened my eyes, the world had changed to look like an anime and I was eighteen.

I stripped naked and put my hair into a side ponytail on the left side of my head before swapping out my visor for the nerdy eyewear, using a tiny bit of Mana to temporarily give them the same qualities as my real glasses. I then entered the nearest shower and turned on the water, making sure it was hot enough to make plenty of steam. I took a deep breath and got into the character she wrote about in her instructions, taking on a shy attitude and a nervous expression. I started washing myself like this, making sure I looked the part of a mousy, nervous girl.

I hadn't been showering for very long when I heard someone else enter the room, and turned to see a naked Bebe come in and start up another shower, not even taking notice of me. I quickly turned away from her, trembling slightly as I did and dropping the soap out of nervousness. I winced as I did so, and bent to pick it up, but when I did, I felt a hand pinch my ass, and jumped and whirled around to face the perpetrator, who was of course Bebe.

My eyes widened as I saw her, and I nervously stammered out, "Oh, h-hey Bebe." Instantly, her expression turned from indifference to anger, and she snootily corrected me, "That's CAPTAIN to you." I flinched at her words, and told her, "Y-Yesh, Captain. I-I'm shorry." I made sure to fake a lisp and strengthen my voice to a normal volume as I spoke, keeping in character. "Ehh, I'm shorry." She mocked in a high-pitched voice, and told me, "I swear, I have NO fucking idea how you made the team. You better not lose us tomorrow's game."

"I-I won't mesh up, Captain. I shwear." I told her, but she just scoffed and told me, "Too late for that, you stupid cunt. You already did!" My eyes widened as I asked her insecurely, "I… I did?" Bebe nodded and told me, "Uh, yeah! You were all over the place at practice today! You dropped Nichole on her head! And you head-butted me in the crotch!" I shrank away from her ever so slightly as she berated me, and told her with tears threatening to spill from my eyes, "I-I'm shorry, Captain, I-I'll do better. I promishe."

Bebe sighed in annoyance and obnoxiously remarked, "Oh my fucking god, it's like you're TRYING to piss me off." I nervously asked her, "W-What do you mean, C-Captain?" With annoyance in her voice, she told me, "Well for starters you make your way into MY team like you're fucking hot stuff, then you screw up practice, and now you're acting like a little bitch with that stupid lisp of yours." I started trembling more violently at her mini-rant, and tears started to fall as I muttered with my voice breaking, "I-I'm shorry, Captain."

Bebe sighed in annoyance as she told me, "Fucking hell, you're pathetic." She then turned to walk away from me, but slipped on the soap I had dropped and fell over onto her back, knocking me down as she did. I groaned as I landed on top of her, and opened my eyes to see that I had landed face-first in her pussy! My eyes widened as I saw where I fell, and acting like I couldn't control myself, I took a deep inhale through my nose, shuddering and fluttering my eyes shut as I smelled her pussy. Not a second afterward however, Bebe's voice sounded out above me, exclaiming, "What the FUCK are you doing?!"

I jumped at her words, and my eyes flew open to see Bebe looking down at me with an incredulous gaze. Realizing I had been caught in the act, I scrambled backwards as I panicked and stammered out, "N-Nothing Captain! I-I-I gotta g-go!" I ran for the exit, but didn't even get two steps before Bebe roughly grabbed my wrist, telling me as I turned to her with fear in my eyes, "Hang on a second. It didn't look like you were doing nothing. It looked like you were smelling me."

Panicking now, I told her, "Sh-shmelling you?! No, no I-I wasn't doing-AH!" I gasped as Bebe grabbed my pussy, making me shudder and press myself into her hand. "I fucking knew it." Bebe muttered, then told me, "You're a fucking dyke!" With my eyes clenched shut, I thrashed in her grip as I exclaimed, "N-No! I-I'm not a leshbian! L-Let me go!" Suddenly, I felt something hit me in the face, and turned to see that Bebe had let go of my wrist and had slapped me in the face.

"Don't fucking lie to your Captain, you little slut! Admit it!" Bebe sternly told me, and pulled me into her chest with my head below hers as she roughly groped my pussy, using her other hand to hold my arms behind my back. My eyes were screwed shut as she asked me rhetorically, "You fucking love this, don't you?" I trembled violently as she rubbed me, and thrashed around in her arms for a few moments in a fake attempt to escape before slowly going still and relaxing my body, telling her with defeat in my voice, "Yesh Captain, I love thish."

Suddenly, she plunged her middle and ring fingers into my pussy, stirring them inside me as I moaned. "You know, it's funny. I see you around school all the time, staring at me and Clyde with those lovesick goo-goo eyes. I always thought you were in love with him, and when you joined the team I thought you just did it to steal him from me. But now I know the truth." Bebe said coldly, then leaned in and ordered, "You didn't want to steal Clyde from me. You wanted to steal me from Clyde. You're fucking in love with me, aren't you? Admit it."

I shuddered and pressed my body into hers as I told her, still with a defeated tone, "Yesh Captain, I'm in love with you. I've loved you shinshce the firsht time I shaw you. I hated Clyde for taking you before I could shay anything, and I joined the team sho that… sho that I could be closher to you." "Aww, that's sweet." Bebe said, before coldly telling me, "I hate sweet."

Bebe then harshly pushed me to the ground on my back and straddled my face, ordering, "If you really love me, then you'll be pretty eager to eat me out. Go ahead, slut. Do what you've been jilling yourself thinking about every night." Complying with the dominant girl, I extended my tongue and hesitantly licked her, clumsily sliding my tongue over her outer lips. After a few moments, she growled and dropped down onto me, fully pressing her pussy into my mouth as she told me, "Come on, whore, you can do better than that. Eat me the fuck out, and don't you dare cut me with those tinsel teeth of yours!"

I obeyed her with a moan, and started to press my tongue inside her, licking her insides and acting like I didn't already know all the spots that made her scream. Bebe squirmed at this and moaned out, grabbing my ponytail to pull me closer into her as she told me, "Yeah, lick that fucking pussy you dyke. Eat me out." I moaned as she pulled my hair, and bucked my hips desperately. Seeing this, Bebe raised her eyebrow and stood up, telling me, "Fucking cunt, you're enjoying this way too much. This is about MY pleasure, not yours, you whore!" I flinched as she scolded me, and told her, "I-I'm shorry, Captain."

Bebe then smacked me in the face again, making me cry out as she told me, "'Sorry' isn't going to cut it. And call me Mistress, bitch." I nodded submissively and told her, "Yesh, Mishtressh." Bebe hummed and lowered her hand to her cunt, rubbing herself as she told me, "Mmm, it gets me hot when you call me that. Now turn over." I followed her orders without hesitation, turning over onto my stomach with a blush. Bebe circled me for a few moments as she told me, "Look at you. You're dripping wet. Hell, I don't blame you. After all, pretty much any dyke would be if they were in a shower with someone as hot as me."

Bebe stopped as she reached my waist and grabbed a handful of my butt, making me flinch as she remarked, "Such a fat fucking ass. How do you even fit into the uniform, you cow? Actually, don't answer that. I probably wouldn't even understand you with all that metal in your mouth." She continued to grope my ass as she insulted me, and squeezed hard as she muttered, "Yeah, this'll do _just_ fine."

Before I could ask what she meant, she showed me as she straddled my hips and started humping my butt, moaning out, "Oh yeah, you fucking whore. You may be useless on a volleyball court, but your ass makes a pretty good sex toy." I blushed at the complement/insult, and muttered out, "Thank you, Mishtressh." Bebe moaned as I spoke, and humped faster as she muttered, "Fuck yeah, I'm your Mistress. I bet no one else ever made you feel like this. After all, who the hell would want your worthless cunt?"

I thought the question was rhetorical and thus didn't answer, but apparently this was the wrong choice as she yanked on my ponytail again and coldly asked, "Well, has anyone else decided to stoop low enough to fuck you, whore?" "N-No, Mishtressh!" I exclaimed as she tugged on my hair, and she moaned as she told me, "That's right, no one ever has. And no one else ever will, because from now on, you're mine. No one else is allowed to touch you like this."

I moaned at her words and pressed my ass back into her pussy, making her moan out as she exclaimed, "Oh, you like that, huh bitch? Well then you're gonna fucking… love… THIS!" Bebe moaned out loudly as she spoke, and seized up as I felt her juices squirting out onto my butt. I blushed as I realized she was cumming, and she suddenly collapsed on top of me and started panting. "It's funny," Bebe gasped out as she grasped one of my tits, "Here I am fucking your worthless ass and I don't even know your name."

"It'sh-" I began, but was cut off as she slapped me in the face again and told me, "It doesn't matter. When you're with me, your name is Lezzy. And don't you dare forget it, bitch." I nodded with a blush on my face as I timidly asked, "Yesh, Mishtressh. Did you want to ushe Lezshy's body shome more?" Bebe moaned as she pinched my nipple and told me, "I'll never get tired of hearing you call me that. But I think it's time for a little change of pace. Flip over, slut."

Bebe got off of me shakily to let me flip onto my back, and as I did, Bebe licked her lips and told me, "God, you're soaking wet right now. You're such a fucking dyke you can't even control yourself around me. Still, if I leave you like this, you'll probably just finish yourself off. And there's no fucking way I'm letting you do THAT." I despaired for a moment until Bebe lifted her foot to my cunt, rubbing my outer lips with the ball of her foot as I moaned. She started slowly rubbing me as she moved her hand to rub one of her nipples, telling me, "Since I'm feeling generous, I'll let you cum. But THIS is how you're doing it."

She then plunged her toes into my cunt, and I flinched as she started to rock her foot back and forth. Bebe had a smug smile on her face as I squirmed with pleasure, and told me, "Look at yourself. Fucking yourself on my damn foot. Pathetic cunt, no wonder you're so useless." I panted as Bebe stimulated me with her foot, and begged her with clenched eyelids, "Y-Yesh, Mishtressh, I-I'm sho pathetic. Pleashe fuck your dirty Lezshy harder with your wonderful foot." "Nobody like a suck-up, Lezzy." She remarked, but started fucking me with her foot harder regardless, shoving all five toes into my cunt.

My eyes fluttered shut as Bebe fucked me, and my hips bucked as my orgasm approached. "Cum for me, bitch." I heard Bebe tell me huskily, and arched my back as I was sent spiraling over the edge, cumming onto her foot as I screamed in pleasure. As my orgasm ended, I collapsed bonelessly, panting as my entire body relaxed.

It would seem I relaxed too soon however, as I heard Bebe angrily shout, "Fucking bitch!" I opened my eyes just in time to see Bebe smack me in the face with a furious expression, knocking my glasses off and rendering my vision fuzzy as she told me, "You fucking useless whore! I'm nice enough to let your pathetic ass cum and you thank me by pissing on my fucking foot?!" I was confused for a moment, as I knew I hadn't done anything of the sort, until she slapped me a few times and told me, "Well I guess I'll just have to fucking punish you, cunt. Wait here, and don't move a muscle until I get back."

With that she kicked me in the side and stomped off, stepping on and shattering the fake glasses on purpose, cruelly remarking as she did so, "Oops." I trembled on the shower floor for a moment, sniffling to myself until Bebe came back a moment later, grabbing me by my ponytail and dragging me over to the temperature knob for the shower head I turned on. Once she reached it, she pulled a zip tie shut around my wrists, binding them in front of me and using two more to bind me to the knob. I could easily break it even without my Mana, but I pretended to struggle with them for a moment before Bebe slapped me again.

"Fucking useless whore. You need to learn your fucking lesson, slut." Bebe told me as she angled the showerhead to spray directly on to me, then turned it up to just below the point where it would be unbearable. I winced as the hot water poured onto my back, and Bebe grabbed my pussy as she told me, "Lezzy's been a bad girl. Let's make sure she doesn't do it again." She then removed her hand and I heard her buckle something before feeling her shove something into my ass, and I flinched as four soft but large spikes dug into my anal walls.

Bebe must have sensed my discomfort at having the toy inside me, as she told me, "Not a big fan of that one, huh cunt? I'll keep that in mind the next time you're bad. Now get ready, whore!" With that, she grabbed my hips and thrust something inside my pussy with no preparation, making me cry out in pain. In response, she slapped me again and told me, "Shut up and take it like the whore you are!" I cringed and tried to adjust to the presumed dildo inside me, knowing from the shape that it had shorter but equally soft spikes on it.

With that, she started hammering her spiky dildo in and out of me. I cringed at her rough thrusts as she gripped my hips hard enough that there would definitely be bruises after she was done. I paused at this and Bebe told me, "Finally figured it out, you dumb cunt? That's right, I'm fucking your whore cunt with a strap-on. And if you think I don't have a dildo inside my own snatch too, you're fucking wrong! You're being punished, remember? And that means you're going to make _me_ cum!" She punctuated her sentence with a particularly rough thrust before she gave my hips one last harsh squeeze and moved her hands up to my chest, cruelly pinching and squeezing my nipples.

I cried out as she abused my chest, making her slap me again and exclaimed, "Shut up, cunt! This is your own fucking fault for being such a useless whore!" I could feel her thrusts grow erratic as she spoke, and I could feel myself start to cum too as she panted out, "You fucking slut! You're good for ONE FUCKING THING and you even managed to fuck that up! Well this is what happens when you're an ungrateful whore! Yeah, yeah, OHHHH, FUCKING CUM, LEZZY!" Bebe was rapidly thrusting in and out of me as she shouted out, and as she neared the end of her exclamation, she took hold of one of my nipples and twisted harshly, causing me to cry out in pain and pleasure before she cranked up the water pouring onto me as hot as it would go.

Finally, she took a hold of the spiked plug in my ass and started twisting it around inside me, sending me spiraling over the edge into masochistic bliss as I cried out with the sparks of pain and pleasure racing through me. Feeling me orgasm at her abuse, Bebe snapped her hips and buried the spiked dildo inside me, bottoming out as she screamed her pleasure out to anyone who could hear it, apparently cumming right along with me.

The two of us were locked in place for a moment as we came, our bodies immobilized by our respective orgasms, before we both slumped over as we panted. I hung limp in my restraints as Bebe lay on top of me with her strap-on and butt plug still inside me, and winced as she pulled them out. I sighed with relief once they were removed, and took deep breaths as she walked off and returned a moment later with scissors, which she used to cut the zip ties holding me.

I would have collapsed if Bebe hadn't caught me, and she turned the temperature in the water down to lukewarm and angled it away from us before sitting against the wall with me in her lap. "You okay, babe?" She asked me kindly, breaking character for the first time since we started. I sighed with relief and broke character as well as I softly asked her, "Yup. You've been planning this for a while, haven't you?"

Bebe giggled before taking out my hair tie and running her fingers through my hair, stroking me gently as she remarked, "Ever since I found out you were getting braces. And it was well worth it. That was amazing." I nodded in agreement as I closed my eyes and snuggled myself into her chest, relaxing after our tryst. The two of us washed each other and cuddled as we made small talk for a few minutes to get out of the domination/submission mindset before I heard a voice yelling from outside the shower. Hearing it as well, Bebe asked me, "Who's out there?"

Recognizing the voice, I told her, "I think that's Cartman." With that, I extricated myself from her and left the shower, putting my real glasses on and picking up my phone to see the Coon on FaceTime, who was furious as he exclaimed, "There you are! Where the fuck have you been?!"

"I was taking a shower." I told the fat boy, technically not lying to him. Not believing me however, Coon exclaimed, "Oh, bullshit you were taking a fucking shower! You were fucking your goddamn girlfriend again, weren't you?!" I looked back to the shower where Bebe was still waiting and told him, "Actually it was both." Coon rolled his eyes and sighed in annoyance as he told me, "Whatever. Just get your head out of her twat and get your fucking Missions done! Coon out!"

He hung up at that, and Bebe walked in and gave me a big hug, snuggling her head into my shoulder as she asked, "Gotta go?" I nodded and told her, starting to feel the consequences of talking too strongly for too long, "Yup. Cartman's about to blow a gasket." Bebe giggled and kissed me on the cheek, telling me, "I'll let you go then. Have fun!" With that, the two of us got dressed and let the world and ourselves return to normal before we left, Bebe heading for her house and me heading to the bank.

I used the Fast Travel station by the school to get to Main Street and went into the bank from there, seeing Balance sitting with one of the bankers near the far wall. "Oh Dova, over here!" He told me as I walked up to them, then told the banker, "See? She's right here." I sat down as he told me, "Thanks for coming, Dova." The banker then asked him, "Alright, so this is the person you wish to have cosign for you?"

I raised my eyebrow at my fellow superhero as he told him, "Yup. See, an alter ego of mine hired a bunch o' Minions, and now they want me to pay 'em." The banker typed on his computer as he told us, "All right, well what we can do is setup an LLC for you which we can use to fund a money market account cosigned by your friend here who's house we can put up a lien on to an overseas investment – and it's gone!" He just stared at us as he finished his sentence, and Balance asked him, "What's gone?" "Your friend's house. It's gone. Owned by a company in Hong Kong now. Thank you, have a nice day." The banker told us.

Due to the several dozen things wrong with this situation, I knew he was bullshitting, but before I could say anything I got an alert on my phone and pulled it out to see a text from the bank manager that read, "Your house is fine. His computer just has a game on it. We tried to fire him but he sued." I turned my head to see the manager looking at me with an apologetic expression from across the room, and he texted me, "Will give you money for your friend's Minions if you play it and don't tell him." I shrugged and texted him back that he had a deal before Balance remarked, getting over his shock, "But I just needed to pay the Minions, I didn't mean to have my friend's house taken away!"

"Yeah, you're not too good at this economic stuff, huh? Perhaps your friend should play?" The banker asked, and Balance remarked, "Yeah, you play, Dova!" "Round and round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows, let's play!" The banker exclaimed as he moved aside to let me at his computer. Looking it over, I saw that the manager was right in that it not only had a game on it and nothing else, but that it wasn't even connected to the Internet. I shrugged and started playing, and managed to reach the highest economic level on it quickly thanks to some lucky spins.

As I finished, a bell rang out and some red lights came on above the banker, who said into a microphone, "Winner, winner, chicken dinner. These children just got a loan for over 80,000 dollars to pay vengeful minions! You can be a winner too, just keep on trying, people." The rest of the bank clapped sarcastically, obviously knowing it was fake, before the banker handed Balance a toy check and told him, "Here's your check, kids." With that, Balance told me, "Gee wiz, thanks a lot. Dova, you're really good at this! Come on, we gotta get those Minions off o' our backs!" He then got up from his chair and left the building.

I walked up to the bank manager instead of following him however, and he handed me a wad of cash and told me in a hushed voice, "Thanks, kid." "You should really get rid of that guy." I told him in a hushed voice to match his. In response, he sighed and told me, "I know. We're working on it, but he's got the best lawyer in town. In any case, have a good one." "You too." I replied as I walked off, stowing the cash in my necklace so that our banker wouldn't see it.

Once I exited the bank however, a bunch of rednecks walked up to me and Balance, and one of them exclaimed, "There they are! Those are those damn kids that paid immigrant workers." "Yeah, they hired a bunch o' immigrants, so you know what that means – THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!" Another one shouted, and the other two mimicked, "THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!" Suddenly, one of the rednecks from the group that had been trying to beat me up after my meetings with Mackey came up and asked them, "Wait a minute, I thought we were mad because of their gender choice and sexuality and stuff?"

"No, those are the other guys. We just want our jobs back." The redneck wearing an orange hat corrected, and he remarked, "Oh. Well let's get your jobs AND make fun of them for their form of self-identification!" With that, a battle started, with Balance, Wonder Tweek, and Tupperware as my allies.

Balance had the first turn, so he summoned a mannequin in a white robe and matching blindfold to fight the rednecks with us, using Summon Golem to give us a helping hand. The construct went up to one of the rednecks and hit him in the face, using its wooden hand to damage him slightly. Another redneck went to throw a beer at us, but I used Glitch to skip his turn so that we wouldn't all be Confused before another used a microaggression, letting me hit him before he threw a thermos of coffee at Butters' mannequin, giving it Burning and dealing some damage.

The redneck with the red moustache then hit me with a shovel, and a car went by before the last one did the same to the Golem. I used Triple Burn to cut the mustached redneck's Health in half and give him Burning, and Wonder Tweek followed it up with Icicle Strike, using the ice attack to almost defeat him. Tupperware then used Tupper Tornado to finish him before Balance used Order Blast, firing a beam of gold Mana at the redneck battling his construct, which hit him again to reduce his Health to next to nothing before taking Burning damage.

Another redneck then threw a beer at Balance and his creation, who both got the Confused effect before one threw another thermos at the Golem. The redneck in front of it then hit it with a shovel, and I moved forward to hit the redneck in the plaid vest with Triple Burn, damaging him and giving him Burning. Wonder Tweek's turn was up, and he used Supreme Lightning to damage and Shock the plaid-garbed redneck.

Tupperware then used his Ultimate to summon a gigantic mech made out of Tupperware parts, shooting missiles at the rednecks until all but one were defeated. Still confused, Balance used Mind Clear to Shock and Confuse the last redneck, summoning two giant tuning forks out of the ground to ring and shoot lightning at him. The mannequin had apparently snapped out of its Confusion, as it hit the last redneck again before collapsing into parts and vanishing in a flash of gold light.

The redneck threw another thermos at Balance before taking Shock damage, and I used Sand Trap to finish the fight. I got a new Artifact, a Recipe for another one, Balance's character sheet, and four bucks from the battle as Balance punched his fist in the air and remarked, "Yeah! Thanks, Dova! But I've gotta go pay those Minions, so I guess I'll meet up with you later!"

He then walked off, but I stopped him after a few steps and told him, "Hang on, Balance. That check is no good. The banker just had a game on his computer 'cause the bank needed to keep him out of the way until they could fire him." Balance looked down at the check he had in his hands and asked me, "So I can't pay the Minions?" I pulled the wad of cash out of my necklace and gave it to him, telling him, "You can now. The manager paid me to play the game and not tell the banker."

Balance nodded as he asked, "Okay! But what do I do with this, then?" He held up the fake check as he spoke, and I inspected it for a moment and told him, "It's just from a board game. Throw it out or something." Balance shrugged before walking off again and telling me, "Alright. Thanks Dova, you're the best!"

Once he was gone, I looked over his character sheet, interested to see how it had changed since he stopped being Professor Chaos. 'Balance. Alias: Butters 'Leopold' Stotch, Race: Human, Sex/Gender: Bicurious Cis Male, Alignment: Neutral, Religion: Order, Power Source: Calming Thoughts, Kryptonite: Discord. Seems pretty standard.' I thought to myself, then used the Horns of the Deplorable Artifact I had just gotten to replace my Cosmic Enigma and went back inside the bank to take selfies with the banker and Mrs. Tucker before I left for Cartman's house.

Once I got to the fat boy's home and entered the basement, I saw all of the Coon Friends save Super Craig were sitting at the big table. "Here's ButtLord now! Great job, hero. Those Freedom Posers have no idea you fucked them over." Coon told me as I sat down in my usual seat. He then addressed the room and told everyone, "All right, guys, listen up. ButtLord has discovered that the Freedom Pals are infiltrating the police station tonight. We have to get there before they do."

Human Kite asked him incredulously, "The police station?! We can't take down the police – are you crazy?!" We all waited for a moment, since this is exactly the moment Super Craig would have chimed in, but he was mysteriously absent. Coon seemed to notice this for the first time as he asked, "Wait a minute, where's Super Craig?" "Here I am!" We heard from the stairs, and looked up to see a disheveled and out of breath Super Craig come in and take his usual seat, wincing as he did so.

"Where the fuck WERE you, Super Craig?" Coon asked him with annoyance, and the gay superhero lied to him, "I was… um, cleaning Stripe's cage. Yeah, that's it. Anyway, what are we talking about?" "Fuckin' bullshit, you were probably suckin' Tweek's dick or something." Coon muttered under his breath. Human Kite then told Super Craig, "The Freedom Pals are gonna raid the police station tonight and Coon wants us to beat them there."

Super Craig's eyes widened as he exclaimed, "What? Fuck that, just let the Freedom Pals handle it." "We can't do that, guys." Coon told us, putting aside his annoyance for now. "Why not?" Captain Diabetes asked him. "Because at approximately 10:30 AM this morning, Classi was arrested by the police." Coon replied, and Super Craig asked him, "How do you know?"

In response, Coon took out his phone and played a voicemail from Classi, who told him, "YO WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU CAPE-WEARIN' LITTLE BITCHES SAID YOU WOULD PROTECT MY ASS! THEY ONLY GIVIN' ME ONE MOTHERFUCKIN' PHONE CALL SO YA'LL BETTA COME AND GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! LAME-ASS SUPERHERO WANNABE MUTHAFUCKAS!" I stifled a giggle as he put his phone away, the outburst amusing me for some reason as Fastpass pointed out, "We have to help her, fellas. We made a promise."

"If we let Freedom Pals go do this on their own, then we're the douchebag franchise they say we are." Coon told us all, and Mosquito asked, "But why would Freedom Pals work with us?" Coon got out of his seat and turned away from the group as he replied, "Don't forget the New Kid is all buddy-buddy with Freedom Pals now. ButtLord can trick them into an assault on the lower level of the police station and meanwhile we'll sneak in and bust Classi out."

"We're PROBABLY gonna get the Freedom Pals killed." Human Kite pointed out, and with no empathy in his voice whatsoever, Coon replied, "And then… Whose superhero franchise would be number one?" 'Sociopath.' I insulted him in my head as Captain Diabetes pointed out, "We did make a promise to Classi." "Everyone get home and get into bed. We have a big job to do tonight!" Coon exclaimed, and I thought to myself, 'Fucking damn it. Looks like another night with no sleep.'

All of the others then left, and as Super Craig limped away I made a note to teach him and Tweek about aftercare, but before I could follow them, Coon told me, "That'll be all, ButtLord. Go home and wait to hear from the Freedom Pals." I went to get out of my seat, but before I could, Coon sat back in his chair and asked me, "What? What do you want now?" Not giving me a chance to reply, he asked again, "What?" Immediately after, he asked me, "Again with the puppy eyes. Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

Not stopping to let me speak, he told me sternly, "No, New Kid, absolutely not. You cannot have another class!" Recognizing this by now, I just waited for him to finish ranting as he said, "Look, I'm sorry about what happened to your mother. I know that you want closure but-Oh… No, I guess I don't know how it feels. You're right. You're right. Maybe you should have just… one more class."

He then held up his iPad to show me the class selection screen again, and I saw that there were two more new ones, Plantmancer and Karate Kid. I chose Plantmancer since I thought it would a nice change of pace and Coon took another comic out of his pocket, showing once again that he had planned this whole thing. He then hurriedly narrated me fighting home invaders alongside an alien with my Plantmancer powers, and once he got to the end of the story, he narrated, "You ran to your parents' door and before anything bad could happen, you ran inside to protect your mom! But you were too late. Your dad totally fucked her."

'Okay, this is seriously getting weird.' I thought to myself as I felt déjà vu throughout his entire story, some fuzzy vestiges of memories coming to the surface as I was now sure that something resembling Coon's lame backstory for me had happened in the past. As he put away his comic, he put his head on the table and started fake crying before remarking, "It must be tearing you apart inside. How people can do that to other people. I just – I'm so sorry…"

He then picked himself up and told me, "Anyway, we've got work to do tonight. I'll see you at the police station." Finally dismissed, I got down from my seat and took a look around as I felt something strange. I felt… connected to the grass in the lawn above me, and even to the mold growing in the corner, and I figured that being a Plantmancer meant that I could obviously control plants outside of combat. I then spun in place to change clothes and removed my makeup before grabbing Coon's character sheet and selling my old Artifacts to the Coon store. I then left the basement and went outside to see that it wasn't quite evening yet, Coon apparently having dismissed us a little early.

I decided to use this extra time to talk to the mayor and went off to City Hall. When I got to McDaniels' office, I saw that her aides weren't here, and she looked up as she saw me and remarked, "Ah, New Kid. I was wondering when you'd be coming by my office."

"Well, I'm here. What did you wanna talk about?" I asked as I sat in the chair facing her desk. "I'll cut right to the point, New Kid. Whoever is trying to get me out of office is about to make their move." She told me, then continued, "My sources have reported talks of a coup among the people of South Park, and I don't know if I can stop it. I need you to help me boost my public image."

I stared at her for a moment before I asked, "So basically you want me to take another selfie with you?" "Yes, but we need to make this one good." She replied, and I rolled my eyes before we took a second selfie with the both of us grinning and with her arm over my shoulders. McDaniels nodded once she saw it and remarked, "Good work, New Kid. That'll be all for now. Good luck at the police station tonight."

Realizing the conversation was over, I got up from my seat and left, going back to my house. Once I had my hand on the doorknob however, I sighed as I thought to myself, 'I really don't want to fucking go in there. Maybe just a few more seconds.' With that, I took out my phone and decided to switch up my Powers a bit. I replaced my Sand Trap with Root Burst and set my Ultimate to Airborne Annihilator. I then replaced Gigavolt Globe with the Hydro Helper from my Elementalist class, but decided to leave Triple Burn as it was.

I then took a look at my DNA artifacts and decided to switch out Inhuman Accuracy for the Empathy Surge I got from Timothy, deciding the five percent reduction to Brains was worth the twenty five percent boost to my new Spunk power. I then texted Timothy to let him know that Coon and Friends would be trying to cut them off at the police station before designing a new costume for tonight, setting it in the app as the Azure Suit for my torso, the Feline Gloves for my hands, and Paladin Butters' Circlet for my head. I then paused as I tried to think of anything else to do before I sighed, deciding that I couldn't put it off any longer and reluctantly opening the door.

When I got inside, I was immediately greeted by my parents fighting, again. Mom had a glass of wine in her hands as Dad berated her, "YOU STUPID FUCKING COW! HAVE ANOTHER GLASS OF CHARDONNAY WHY DON'T YOU?!" She drank down the last of her glass before she retorted, "I have to drink to deal with you! That marijuana is changing you somehow!" 'You mean the cheese.' I thought to myself as I realized they had both been ingesting cat piss for the past month.

"At least marijuana is natural. Not like… grapes." Dad told her lamely. "YOU'RE FUCKING HIGH!" Mom screeched as she realized that he was indeed high. Defensively, he told her, "Maybe so, but I'm not telling everyone Dova's secrets." "Go be paranoid some more in your ROOM, CHRIS!" Mom told him, and Dad countered, "HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, KELLY!" "Go be paranoid some more in your ROOM CHRIS!" Mom repeated, and Dad repeated himself as well, "HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, KELLY!"

Just then, they noticed me standing there, and turned to me as Dad told me with fake cheer dripping from his lips, "Oh hey kiddo! Daddy's gonna go upstairs to his room!" "Mommy's gonna go get a drink!" Mom told me, the two both apparently taking each other's advice as Dad went upstairs and Mom went to the kitchen crying. She apparently didn't make dinner before I got home, so I resolved to grab something before the night mission and went upstairs to look through the keyhole of their room again, seeing Dad scarfing pot brownies. I rolled my eyes and decided that I wasn't going to deal with this and went to my room, hoping to get at as much sleep as I could before I had to wake up again.

I got everything people had put in my trunk over the course of the day's missions before I took my glasses off and tucked myself in. I hadn't even closed my eyes when Mom loudly knocked on my door three times and came in, an empty wine glass in her hand as she slurred out, "Sweetie, you forgot to eat your dinner. Mommy put it down on the table." I stared at her for a moment as I thought, 'Did you really get so drunk that you forgot you didn't actually MAKE any dinner?'

She couldn't understand me nonverbally like she used to however, and told me, "Come on honey gotta eat your supper-" Suddenly, she was cut off by Dad, who showed up in the doorway with bright pink eyes and asked, "DID YOU PUT MORE OF THAT STUFF IN DOVA'S FOOD?!" 'What?' I thought to myself in surprise. "SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" She yelled at him, going from sweet drunk to angry drunk at the drop of a hat.

"YOU KNOW THE SIDE EFFECTS OF THAT MEDICINE! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" Dad demanded of her, and she retorted, "THE MEDICINE WAS YOUR FUCKING IDEA ASSHOLE! AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID TO PUT HER BACK ON IT!" 'What the fuck? What medicine?' I thought to myself, but went unheard as Mom slapped Dad in the face, prompting him to scream, "AGH! YOU DRUNKEN WHORE!" He slapped her back sloppily. The two started to slap each other harshly before Mom told Dad, "FUCKING POT HEAD! HOW DARE YOU TRY AND MAKE DOVA CHOOSE SIDES! YOU PUT THE MEDICINE IN HER FOOD TOO!" 'Okay, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!' I thought to myself, now yelling alongside them in my head.

Neither of them paid me any mind however, and Dad told her, "I'm not having ANYONE choose sides." He then turned to me and said, "Go on down and eat your supper, champ." He then slapped Mom one more time before they both retreated to their room, slapping each other some more as they went. Far past weirded out now, I went downstairs to see that Mom had sloppily assembled some raw beef into something resembling a meatloaf. I poked at it for a few seconds before thinking, 'There is no fucking way I'm eating this, even if it didn't have some kind of mystery medicine in it.' I then scraped it into the garbage and ate a couple of cereal bars before going back upstairs, resolving that enough was fucking enough and that I would confront them about this in the morning before getting under my covers and falling asleep.

And that's the chapter. Yes, I changed Butters' character to fit the story. His powers in combat are the same, they just have different names. I also changed Haywire, since I figured that farting a hamster out of your ass into electrical wiring would be uncomfortable, cruel, and completely unnecessary if you choose the Gadgeteer class. I will see you in the next chapter and please no flames! Coon out!


	6. The Third Night

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the next chapter of The Next Adventure. I am sorry for not updating yesterday but the site was acting up and I couldn't get in to my account. This chapter will of course be based off of the third night mission in TFBW, so without further ado, I do not own South Park, let's read!

It felt like I hadn't even slept at all when I suddenly heard someone above me say, "New Kid." I looked up to see that Mysterion was standing in my bedroom window, and when she saw that I was awake, she told me, "Get dressed and meet me out front. Hurry. The night awaits." She then took a look around my room before commenting, "Cool room."

Mysterion dropped down into my yard, and I groaned before I closed the window and got out of bed, then spun around in place to put my new costume on. I then applied my red Eye Flames makeup again, but decided to add something to it and applied some white Eyelashes as Accent Makeup. With that done, I left the room and tried to peek through Mom and Dad's door again, but the keyhole was blocked again.

I saw that Dad had left his biggest mess yet in the living room and kitchen downstairs, but he was strangely absent. I wondered if he managed to get Mom to let him sleep in their room before I went out the front door, which was strangely unlocked. When I got outside, Mysterion appeared and told me, "It's about time. You know how hard it is to look mysterious when you're just standing around in some kid's front yard? It's pretty fucking hard."

With that, she set off with me in tow, and as we walked down the street, Mysterion told me, "I'm glad you're with us, New Kid. It's been tough being the only one on the team with real super powers outside the game. While all the other kids are playing and working on their franchise plans, I'm stuck defending the city against evil, with barely any time to work on my pitch for a Mysterion spin-off movie. Sometimes it feels like a curse having these powers."

"You know how it is, because you're like me. I'm sure the power of your ass weighs heavily on you. Oh, and the friendship Mana stuff, too." She said. We then passed my parents by Jimmy's house, and I face-palmed as they slurred out that I wouldn't be able to sneak out tonight, not even recognizing me in their current state. "Don't like to talk about it, huh? I understand. Let's just get to the police station and find the evidence we need." Mysterion told me when I didn't respond.

"Sorry, it's just my stupid parents. They're idiots, and apparently now they're partying idiots." I told her as I pointed back at my drunk parents. "By the way, Timothy told you about how Coon and Friends are gonna be waiting for you guys, right?" I asked her, and Mysterion nodded and told me, "He told the whole team. Hey, do you know why Wonder Tweek was so tired when he got back to base?"

"Oh, he and Craig had probably just 'made up' if you catch my drift." I told the girl. She nodded in understanding as we passed more partiers, these ones the rowdiest I had seen yet. "Wow. These adults are really out of their fucking minds." Mysterion commented, and I nodded and told her, "It's the cheese. The kingpin's been putting it in all the booze and drugs in South Park to create more crime in order to get the mayor out of office." Mysterion blinked in surprise before she commented, "Wow. I guess the Coon isn't totally incompetent after all if you guys managed to find that out before us."

I snickered as we passed Craig's house, and as we turned down the street by the Community Center, Mysterion told me, "You're really mysterious, New Kid. And coming from Mysterion, that's really high praise." I smiled at her in thanks as we crossed the street to the police station and saw the other Freedom Pals and Balance but not Timothy. "Look, there they are!" Mysterion exclaimed as we reached them.

As we approached, Mysterion told them, "All right, Freedom Pals, here's the plan. Once we get inside the police station, Toolshed and the New Kid will set up a diversion and then the – Wait a minute… What the fuck?!" As Mysterion spoke, Coon and Friends came up to us, Coon loudly exclaiming, "Yeah, come on guys! We've uh, we've got to get inside the police station!" "What are you assholes doing here?" Mysterion asked, acting like she didn't already know.

"We're here to investigate a hot lead regarding the South Park police." Coon replied, acting like he hadn't stolen it from them. Wonder Tweek faked an outraged noise and told them, "That's what WE'RE doing!" Coon held up his hands and told the group, "Oh, no. No, no, no, this is our super hero mission, Freedom Pals. Fuck you guys!" "Get lost, before there's a fight." Tupperware told the tubby raccoon-person, and Fastpass stepped forward and asked us all, "Fellas! Fellas! Have we all forgotten there's a little girl in trouble in there?"

Coon stepped forward, pretending to be moved by Fasptass' plea as he told the Freedom Pals, "Fastpass is right. I suppose that, just this once, we should put our petty differences aside and work together." The Freedom Pals exchanged glances, as this presumably wasn't what they expected, before Coon asked the hooded girl, "All right, Mysterion… What's the plan?"

Mysterion reluctantly told him, "I… think some of us should cause a diversion. Make the cops head towards it so the rest of us can sneak in without the cops noticing." "Good idea. Coon and Friends will go up the fire escape and cause the diversion so Freedom Pals can sneak in the front." Coon offered. "This is all pretty coincidental. Did you guys just steal our lead again?" Toolshed asked, passively calling him out on his bullshit.

"Innocent people are being arrested, Toolshed. That's all that matters to us. It should be all that matters to you." Coon countered, and the Coon Friends all went up the fire escape to enter the station. Once they were gone, I remarked, "Say what you will about him, but Cartman knows how to act." "I thought you said they would try to keep us from getting in." Toolshed commented, and I told him, "He must be biding his time to get rid of you guys later. Just work with him for now, all he wants is one missing cat anyway."

Toolshed nodded reluctantly, but it would seem Mysterion wasn't paying attention to our exchange as she told me, "Hey New Kid, if you're done chatting, you might wanna take a look at this." I turned to the girl to see that she was looking in the window of the station, so I joined her and looked over the inside of the station. Inside I saw just what I needed, three cops drinking beer and doing lines of cocaine. 'Paydirt.' I thought to myself as I took out my phone and snapped a picture, making sure that the flash was off as I did so.

"Oh man, that's strong shit!" One of them remarked, and another asked, "Yeah, does this coke seem a little off to you?" 'Well it's got cheese in it, so…' I thought to myself, but they obviously didn't hear me as the last one asked the other two, "No, no, this is sweet. You guys wanna call some hookers?" 'Damn, should have been taking video.' I thought to myself, cursing the missed chance. Suddenly, there was a loud crashing sound from the second floor, and they all looked to the roof in surprise before one asked, "What the fuck was that?" "Come on, let's check it out! Bring the coke!" Another of the dirty cops told him, the others grabbing the cocaine and taking it with them as they all left.

Mysterion got down from the window and went up to the station door as she told me, "Come on, ButtLord! The coast is clear!" I got down myself once she had finished speaking, and entered the police station alongside Tupperware. As we walked inside, we saw that a different doorman than usual was present, and that he was sober. As the two of us walked up to his booth, he exclaimed, "Oh shit, a criminal! And he's with an innocent child!"

I thought he was talking about me, but it would seem I was wrong as he pulled out a gun and pointed it at Tupperware before firing, apparently forgetting about the reinforced glass between them. The bullet ricocheted off of the glass before hitting him, knocking him to the ground and making blood splatter on the glass. "Wow, I didn't see that coming!" Tupperware said sarcastically as I opened the booth and inspected the doorman's wound.

I sighed with relief at the fact that he had just winged himself on the arm, and told the boy dressed in plastic, "He's okay, it's just a flesh wound." I then quickly bound the cop's injury with supplies from my necklace before we walked into the station proper. When we got inside, we were greeted with more cops, these ones apparently out of sight from the window I had looked through. I quickly used a Snap N Pop and a thrown fart to destroy a case of smoke grenades, damaging and setting fire to two cops napping on a couch before lightly punching one of them to start a battle.

Mysterion and Wonder Tweek came in to assist me and Tupperware, and I had the first move of the fight. The cops were too far away to hit with any of my moves however, so I simply advanced as much as I could before ending my turn, letting the cops take theirs. Two advanced forward without attacking, one taking Burning damage, and the other would have Tasered me if I hadn't skipped his turn with TimeFart Glitch. He then took Burning damage before the last cop succeeded in Tasering me, Shocking me and dealing some damage. Finally, Wonder Tweek used Supreme Thunder to defeat one cop and damage another.

"We need backup, man!" One cop yelled at the falling of his ally, and two coked-out Detectives walked in from the break room and flashed their badges. "OH SHIT, THERE'S A BLACK KID HERE!" One of them shouted, and Mysterion used Dread Rush to damage the both of them. Tupperware then used Tupper Tornado to defeat one before I used Triple Burn to damage the cop that had Tasered me and took Shock damage. One of them then Tasered Tupperware and another was defeated by his Shock effect, damaging the two others adjacent to him in the process.

The one that had Tasered me then proceeded to do it again, electrocuting me a second time and surrendering to Burning immediately afterward. The remaining detective then Tasered Mysterion, electrocuting the hooded girl and cutting her Health in half. Wonder Tweek used Icicle Strike to Freeze and damage him before Mysterion used Demonic Fury to finish him off. Finally, Tupperware used Tupper Tornado to defeat the last cop, ending the battle and giving me a small amount of scrap and change.

I took pictures of all of the incriminating evidence in the room before going into the break room to get a Yaoi picture that I had somehow missed when I was here before, prompting a FaceTime call from Mr. Tucker. "New Kid, that's the last piece I need for my collection! Please come see me and pick up your reward!" He told me. 'I thought he said he was selling these.' I thought to myself as he hung up.

I then went through the door that led further into the station, Mysterion and Wonder Tweek joining us as we went. We found Yates waiting for us at a set of stairs, and he exclaimed, "That's enough! Just stand down, kid!" I stared at him blankly as he told me, "Look, I know why you're here. You're fed up. Because you think all cops do is harass black people." 'That's accurate.' I conceded to him in my head, but I went unheard as he said, "I know that to a young kid it can seem like cops are racist and bigoted. But you can't believe what the media tells you." 'Did you seriously forget that I saw you purposefully frame two people?' I thought.

Yates didn't hear me, of course, and he pleaded with me, "Cops are just people. Like you, your friends, your family. People who work hard to-" "SPOOOOK!" Somebody yelled, and a bullet whizzed by Tupperware, making the boy cry out in surprise. We all looked to the stairs to see a cop holding a smoking gun, who had presumably interrupted Yates' speech. "Ah! Tupperware!" Wonder Tweek cried out in concern. "Dammit, Levinskky! Get your ass upstairs!" Yates told the cop who had shot at Tupperware, and he ran up the stairs as Yates called after him, "And turn on the alarm!" He then followed him upstairs.

"That FUCKING asshole shot at me!" Tupperware exclaimed, and I looked to the stairs the two corrupt cops had gone up with murder in my eyes as I told him, "And he's going to pay for it. Come on, let's get these motherfuckers." With that, Tupperware and I went up the stairs after them, disabling some automated turrets so that we could go up. I took pictures of the cocaine they had in the walls as I did so, and once both of the turrets had been disabled, we came to a room with doors leading to the holding cells and evidence room. I made a Tantalum Accelerator from a Recipe I found and used it to replace my Gentrifying Text.

Since the evidence room was locked, we went into the holding cells to see that all of them were packed full of black people, many of them sporting injuries and some looking malnourished. I took pictures of all of them along with video of them testifying about how they had been assaulted and shoved in here with no food, water, or medical attention, and pictures of the signs that stated the far-exceeded occupancy limits. With that done, I walked up to the button to open the cell doors, causing an alarm to blare throughout the room and cops to rush in, starting a battle.

Wonder Tweek and Mysterion rushed in to help me and Tupperware, and the battle started with a Detective flashing his badge and knocking me and Tupperware back. A regular cop would have Tasered Tupperware if I hadn't skipped his turn, and I moved forward and used Root Burst to damage and inflict Bleeding on the Detective and a SWAT officer. Wonder Tweek then used Supreme Lightning to damage and Shock the two on his side of the field before the SWAT officer hit him and knocked him back into Tupperware, taking Shock damage immediately after.

The other SWAT officer then moved forward and ended his turn, and Mysterion used Demonic Fury on the Detective, defeating him. Tupperware then used Tupper Tornado to damage the SWAT officer on our side of the grid, and I followed it up with Triple Burn to defeat him. Wonder Tweek then used Icicle Strike to Freeze and damage his SWAT officer before Mysterion used Dark Whisper to finish him off.

I got some change and an Artifact from the fight before the door opened again and Yates asked me, "OK, OK, I know this looks bad… You really think cops just go around arresting black people for no reason?" "Yes." I responded, but he ignored me as he indignantly said, "What purpose could that serve. It's REVERSE discrimination, that's what it is. If we were all black cops and our jails were filled with white people nobody would say a WORD." Sticking with his awful logic, he told me, "So I guess you've learned that the real bigots are you, huh kids? Guess you can all go home."

I crossed my arms and raised my left eyebrow at him while tensing my right cheek, giving him my second-best 'Really?' face, deciding to save the best for another time. Getting the meaning behind my gaze, Yates conceded, "No? Fuck." He then left, leaving me to open the cells and let everyone out. I made sure that the people who couldn't walk were being helped by the people who could, and as everyone made their way out, Token's parents came up to us. "Mom! Dad!" Tupperware cried out as he saw them.

Mr. Black was being held up by his wife, and asked his son in a high-pitched voice, "Token! What are you doing here?" "Thank God! I've been looking for you guys! Are you okay?!" Tupperware asked him, and Mrs. Black told him, "Token, your father got hit in a very… tender area. But why are you here? And who is this?" "This is the New Kid. The Freedom Pals are raiding the police station to uncover the corruption in the police force!" Tupperware told them. "Token, what have we told you about playing too rough?" Mrs. Black asked him, and he replied, "But Mom, I was defending justice."

"I don't care what you were defending – you could've gotten hurt." Mrs. Black told him with concern, and Tupperware replied, "But Tupperware can't get hurt. He's impervious to pain." "Is he impervious to getting his butt spanked?" Mrs. Black warned him, and he looked down in defeat as he muttered, "No."

"That's right." Mrs. Black said, and I cut in at this point, telling her, "Mrs. Black, I know you're worried about your son, but there's more going on here than just cops framing people. Token and the others are the only ones who can stop this." At my words, Mrs. Black's gaze softened, and she told her son, "I'm sorry Token, just please, be safe." "I will, Mom." Tupperware told her with a smile on his face, and his parents hobbled off together to get to the hospital.

I texted the Mayor to let her know that they were coming and to get the hospital ready, and used the Hyper Glass Artifact I had gotten to replace my Goblet of Supreme Crunk before we both followed Yates, stopping to get through to the evidence room through a vent. 'Jackpot.' I thought to myself as I saw loads of drugs marked for police use, body cam erasure devices, torture records, a severed head, and mountains of fake evidence, all of it conveniently marked as fake. I took pictures of all of it and as an afterthought, sent all of the evidence I had collected so far to my home computer in case my phone was damaged. I used an Artifact called the Song of the Drunk Knight to replace my Scroll of 1000 Winds before leaving the room. I got an Artifact called the Infectious Encrypter from the Drunk Tank, which I used to replace my Seal of Freedom.

We circled back through the holding cells to follow Yates upstairs, shutting off more turrets as we did so. Once we got through, we found a fat guy in a surveillance room masturbating to people sitting on toilets. A bit weirded out, I used Sandblaster to send air through a pipe and blow a monitor on its hinge, which I then shot with a Snap N Pop to drop on his head. Finally, I used Haywire to open the door to Maximum Security.

Tupperware and I shared a look, knowing that a boss was likely waiting for us on the other side of the door before we opened it, and I walked in to see Yates sitting at a desk with none other than Scrambles the cat strapped into a cheese harness. "You know what a cop is, New Kid? A cop is a slave." Yates told me as I came in, and I seriously had to resist from using my best 'Really?' face, deciding that the time still wasn't right. He then pleaded with me, "A robot who is told not to think for himself. It's the politicians who are the real bigots. That Mayor has been sitting in her office TELLING US we have to change our ways. The only way to have her removed was to raise crime in the streets. And now cops are finally able to do things the OLD way again. Don't you see that this is BETTER for everyone?" He then sniffed Scrambles' butthole, cheesing right in front of me.

"I can see that you just fucked yourself." I told him smugly, and Yates asked me, "What? What, what are you talking about?" I took my phone out of my shirt and played the video I just took of him, the tiny version of him saying, "The only way to have her removed was to raise crime in the streets." I then sent it to my home computer and told him, "I've got you on tape admitting that you've been raising crime in town, cheesing, AND framing Mr. Black and Mr. Daniels. And that's not even counting the pictures I took of all of your fake evidence and illegal shit. Kiss your reputation good-bye, asshole."

Yates had a horrified look on his face as he muttered, "You little shit." Just then, the Coon and Human Kite ran into the room, and Coon exclaimed, "HOLY SHIT, THAT'S SCRAMBLES!" "What?" Yates asked, confused by their sudden appearance. "You found the missing cat, ButtLord!" Human Kite told me proudly. Mysterion and Tupperware then ran in, Mysterion exclaiming, "Freedom Pals! We've got the police chief! Top floor!"

All of the others then started swarming in and taking superhero poses, Yates telling me once they were all gathered, "What can I say, you kids have me by the balls. Almost by the balls." He then got up and walked over to a cell door as he told me, "You know, not every prisoner we have here is black. We actually do have one white guy." He then pulled a switch to lock the exit, Mysterion muttering once it was closed, "This is a trap!"

"I'm sorry kids, but you've left me no choice." Yates told us, and pulled a second switch to open the cell door, releasing none other than Jared Fogle holding two Subway sandwiches. I stared in shock as he asked us menacingly, "Hey, kids… you want some candy?" I immediately remembered my experiences at Photo Dojo and the church, and Coon muttered, "Oh fuck, it's Jared." "You'll excuse me if I don't want to watch this." Yates told us as he picked up Scrambles and got into an elevator.

I hadn't stopped recording however, and sent a video to my home computer as I called after him, "And now I have video of you siccing a convicted sex offender on a group of ten-year olds! You really aren't too bright, are you?" Yates growled and told Jared, "Destroy her phone once you're done!" The elevator doors then closed and Jared giggled menacingly before advancing on us. He obviously wasn't willing to comply with the rules of the game as he muttered, "I just love conjugal visits."

Jared then ran at us as we all scattered, running as he tried to catch us. He eventually succeeded and managed to catch Balance, whose hair he grabbed as he took out a Subway sandwich from behind his back and started masturbating into his face with it. "Butters!" I exclaimed as I ran over to him. "Stay back!" Balance exclaimed as I neared them, and I stopped in place as I asked him, "What? Butters, I-" "I can handle him, just leave him to me!" He exclaimed with a determined look in his eye, and I nodded with misty eyes as Jared came into his sandwich, covering Butters' face with a mixture of ejaculate and mayonnaise.

Jared sighed before he took the sandwich off his dick, showing that it was still hard as he grabbed Balance with both hands and lifted him into the air as the boy gathered gold Mana in his hands, the former spokesman not noticing as he muttered, "Time for the main course." Suddenly, Balance shot him in the face with the Mana he was building up in a powerful Order Blast, causing him to cry out in pain and drop him as he stumbled backwards.

"Butters!" I exclaimed as I went up to the boy and took out a Bolt of Cloth from my necklace, using it to wipe off his face as I asked him, "Are you okay?" Butters nodded with a smile as Jared hit the wall and hit a third switch with his head, and all our eyes turned to it as we anticipated what would happen next.

We didn't have long to wait as another cell opened up to reveal Jared's two Aides, who rushed over to him and one of whom exclaimed, "Mr. Fogle! We've talked about this! We can't have you doing this!" "Your reputation is already in the toilet, sir!" The other cried out, and Jared growled before leaping upwards, his Aides holding him back as he growled out, "I don't care! I'm going to kill these kids fucking!" "Don't you mean 'fucking kill these kids'?" One asked, still restraining him. "No!" He responded, and the other Aide took out a syringe and jabbed it into his neck, pushing the plunger down and injecting him with its contents before pulling it out of him.

Jared's struggles slowed and eventually stopped, his Aides dropping him to the ground as limp as a noodle as he exclaimed, "What WAS that?!" "A highly potent muscle relaxer." One of the aides told him, and they both came up to us as one asked, "Are you kids okay?"

We all nodded in affirmation as we muttered that we were fine, and the other Aide told us, "Thank goodness. That muscle relaxer should keep him out of commission for a while, but you should still get out of here." The first Aide told us, "Yates had him specially transferred here. I'm so sorry about this." "It's alright, but can you tell us where Yates went?" I asked.

One of the Aides shrugged and told me, "I'm afraid we only just got here yesterday. Mr. Fogle would know more." The other then told us all, "We've got to get out of here and get someone to come pick him up, but if you want to know more… Well, we won't hold it against you for whatever you do to get him to talk."

The two of them then left, flipping the switch Yates used to lock the exit and opening the door. With that, we all converged around the paralyzed Jared, and Tupperware asked him, "What are the police doing with the people they arrested?" Jared gasped in fear and replied, "How should I know? I'm just a sandwich guy." Tupperware then turned to me and told me, "New Kid. Fart in his face."

I looked to the group in surprise, and they all nodded to me in affirmation. I then shrugged and moved to stand next to his head with my butt pointed towards his face, wondering why the hell everything in this game involved my ass. "NO! NO PLEASE, PLEASE, I'M SORRY! I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING!" He pleaded, and I paused with my butt at the ready as Mysterion asked, "What is the police chief hiding?"

Jared told him in a panic as I took a step away from him, "There's… There's more cells down below. Cops take that elevator he went through! Prisoners go down there, but… they don't come back." "What's the code?" Tupperware asked, seeing the keypad on the door. Jared unwisely decided to play dumb and asked him, "Aw, come on, how should I know?" I then stuck my butt back in his face, nonverbally threatening him and prompting him to yell, "AGH! AGHGH! Yeah, yeah, I seen 'em type it in! 1-4-7-7! Please, I'm sorry."

I moved my rear away from his face again as he pleaded, "It's just that I like being with children, you know, because I… Because I never had a childhood of my own. Yeah, that's it. I like kids 'cause I never had a childhood." Mysterion looked to me and told me somberly, "It's your decision, New Kid. Part of being a superhero is deciding what to do in moments like these."

I realized that she was talking about whether or not to fart in Jared's face, and I moved to stick my butt at him again. He cringed as I considered it, knowing full well that it wouldn't kill him but still wanting some revenge for what he did to Balance. Remembering the blonde boy, I looked to him with a question in my eyes. The superhero smiled at me and told me, "This is your call, Dova." I nodded and looked down at the terrified former spokesman staring down the barrel of my anus. I stared at him for a moment, a particularly noxious fart at the ready as I considered my options.

Eventually, I stepped away from him and told the group, "Nah. He's not worth it." They all smiled at me proudly as Jared breathed a sigh of relief. "It was right of you to not fart in his face after he told us what we needed to know. You're very forgiving." Human Kite told me, and we all dispersed to prepare for what lay below the bowels of the police station.

I got a new Artifact and some change from our pseudo-fight as the others gathered around the elevator and I typed in the code. The elevator doors opened once I pressed Enter, but the second they had, Balance and I both gasped as we felt a wave of cold energy radiate from deep below us. "What's wrong, you guys pull mud or something?" Coon asked, but I ignored his mockery as I told him, "There… There's something down there. Something… Evil."

"What is it?" Call Girl asked, and Balance said, "It feels like… Like something mankind was never meant to find." We were both as pale as death at this point, and Human Kite asked, "Are you guys gonna be okay?" I took a deep breath to steady myself, and I replied, "Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Balance?" My fellow Mana user nodded as he pulled himself together, and all of us piled into the elevator.

As we descended and I felt the malicious aura thicken around us accompanied by soft elevator music, Mysterion told Coon, "This is a one-time shot, Coon. After tonight, we are enemies again." "Our petty differences aren't what matter right now, Mysterion. Black lives matter." Coon replied, keeping up the act that he was still doing this for anything other than Scrambles the cat. "Yeah, dick." Mosquito backed him up. "YOU'RE a fucking dick, Mosquito." Tupperware retorted, and the elevator reached its lowest level before any of us could continue the conversation.

The doors opened up to reveal a hall with brick walls and cobblestone floors, red robes fringed with gold hanging from hooks on the walls. There were two doors on the left side of the hall labeled Forensic and Morgue, and a huge wrought-iron gate at the end. All of us exited the elevator with shocked looks on our faces, and we looked around in confusion. "What the fuck IS this place?" Toolshed asked. I didn't pay him any mind however, as I had just found a book sitting on a pedestal next to the Morgue.

"You guys are gonna want to take a look at this." I told them as I read the book, and they all crowded around me as I read aloud instructions for caring, feeding, and other things dealing with an "Elder God." I looked around at all of them as I told them, "Yates and his men are dealing with powers beyond their control. We need to put a stop to this."

"But how? Our powers can't stop a fucking GOD! This goes WAY beyond the game!" Toolshed pointed out, and I told him, "Not yours maybe, but mine can. I'll fight this thing." "Then you're gonna need some backup." Balance told me. "I'm a Mana user, too. You're gonna need all the help you can get." I nodded to him, thankful for the help as I told the others, "Balance and I will handle whatever the hell they've got down here. You guys deal with the cops."

The other heroes looked to each other nervously before they agreed, and I took pictures of the hall along with the book and the Morgue room to send to my computer. When I got into the Forensics room, it was completely dark, and a cop nearby asked, "Huh? What was that? Hello? Hello, is someone there?"

I kept quiet, not wanting to be discovered as he said, "No, I guess no one's there. Or else they would have said something… All right then… It's just me and you, kitty." I heard a meow come from the same area as the cop, and he told the cat, "No one's gonna find us in here. Come on, give me that good stuff." The cat then let out agitated yowls as he told it, "Hey! Stop it. Hold. Still."

There was a big crash from the darkness to my left, and I jumped as I heard a clattering sound and the cop mutter, "Oh, bananas! The cat got away!" More crashes and yowling came from the darkness, and he exclaimed, "I can't see a thing in here!" The cat kept running around, yowling and apparently knocking things over as the cop pondered to himself, "Sounds like the cat's getting into the toxic chemicals. Darnit, that's not good." After a moment, the room went still and the cop fearfully said, "I hope those weren't the toxic chemicals I was just talking about that broke on the floor just now." He then started sniffing the air and fearfully stated, "Oh no, I think they were… Drat! If those chemicals mix together on the floor, it'll turn into a gas that'll kill me in seconds."

I sniffed the air myself, but didn't detect any kind of odor as the cop muttered, "Blast it, there's the gas." He started coughing as he said, "Yes… It's definitely killing me, now." I felt fine as an alarm started ringing and a computerized voice stated, "Biohazard detected." The cop stopped coughing as he said with relief in his voice, "Oh, thank god. The exhaust fan's sucking out the toxic gas! I'm not gonna die!" "Now, where's that blasted cat?" He asked, apparently not having learned his lesson.

Suddenly, a yowl and a loud crash sounded out through the room followed by a grinding sound, and the cop muttered, "Oh no, I think the cat just jumped into the exhaust fan and jammed it." His voice was restricted as he said, "The gas is filling the room and it's killing me again. I'm dying, again!" Suddenly, I heard a door slam shut, and the cop's voice was muffled as he said, "Sounds like the emergency door closed. Yup, the emergency door closed. I'm trapped in here. I need to get out of here."

"I just have to feel around for the door knob." He said. "Here! Here it is! Yes, I'm saved!" A lock then jiggled and he muttered, "Oh, blast it! The door's locked! I'm stuck in here!" He then started pleading, "Somebody help me! The gas is killing me! I'm really dying this time! Seriously, I can feel myself dying! It's so painful! Help! For the love of everything, if you're there and you can hear me right now, do something! It's killing me! It's killing me! It's…" He then paused and said, "Wait, I think I feel the light switch. With my last breath, I'll. Just. Turn. It. On…"

With that, the lights snapped on to reveal the cop I had been hearing with cheese on his face inside a lab filled with toxic gas. His face was pressed against the glass, and after recovering from the strange monologue I had just been subjected to I used Haywire to short out the emergency door, TimeFart Pause to retrieve the key from the room, and Sandblaster to get the cat's corpse out of the exhaust fan.

Once the fan was running again, the gas was safely vacuumed out of the room, and I used TimeFart Glitch to bring the cat and the cop back to life, making sure they were both stabile before I had Captain Diabetes come in and use Diabetic Rage to rip open a hatch in the floor, where a mound of cocaine and money sat along with an evil-looking key. I took pictures of it and the rest of the lab before taking the key and going back out into the hall to open the gate.

We all stood in front of the iron barrier nervously, none of wanting to open it but all of us knowing we had to. "Remember, Balance and I will handle the Elder God. You guys take out the cops and rescue any prisoners inside." I told them, and Coon remarked, "Yeah, none of us are in a real big hurry to change the plan, ButtLord." I nodded and muttered, "Okay, just making sure." I then took the lock in my hand and opened it, the turning of the key echoing throughout the hall.

Instantly, the lock fell to the ground, and Balance and I shuddered as we felt a renewed wave of cold energy wash over us. We all slowly walked down a set of stone stairs into a cave to see that Yates was at the bottom wearing a red robe, and he chanted as we approached, "Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath! Black goat of the woods." As we watched, cops in robes held black guys in place on a giant set of stone stairs as Yates chanted, "Blessed be us, your faithful servants, the destroyers of light. Iä! Iä! Shub-Niggurath. Black Goat of One Thousand Morbid Young. Draw down the moon and extinguish the sun."

Suddenly, he exclaimed, "All right, let him go!" The cop at the top step then threw the black guy he was holding into a giant pit next to the stairs, spiked tentacles emerging from it and waving around. A voice sounding as if darkness had learned to speak echoed through my mind, "Aaaaaaaaargh! Foolish mortals, I tell you time and time again to stop feeding me your own kind, and yet you never hear me!" I exchanged a look with Balance and knew that he had heard it too, but didn't have the chance to say anything as a cop on the stairs noticed us and asked Yates, "Uhhh, sir?" "Huh?" Yates asked, and turned around to face us.

In a defensive tone, Yates said to us, "Oh, I see. I guess because cops feed African Americans to an Elder God they're… racist." I paused for a moment before telling him, "No, it means you're fucking fucked up as all fucking fuck." Disregarding me, Yates explained, "Shub-Niggurath is an Outer God, kids, who must be appeased and whose coming was foretold by the great H.P. Lovecraft. But I suppose H.P. Lovecraft was a racist, too!" "Pitiful mortal has the gall to speak of he who twisted our words." The shadow voice muttered, but my attention was on Yates.

A cop came up to him and whispered something in his ear, and he quietly asked in surprise, "Oh, fuck, was he really? Like – like how racist?" As the cop whispered to him, Yates asked, "Really, really?" Suddenly, we heard a familiar voice come from the stairs and exclaim, "Yo, it's my homeboys! Get me the fuck up outta here, these pigs completely cray!" We looked up to see that Classi was on the stairs being held by a cop. 'Cultist.' I corrected in my mind. 'These guys are pretty fucking far from cops.' Suddenly the dark voice chuckled, and I realized that it could hear my thoughts.

"Let's end it!" Mysterion cried out, and Yates replied, "All right, you kids wanna battle? Let's do this." He then picked up Scrambles and squeezed him, making the agitated cat squirt cheese right into his face. The Coon and Friends and Freedom Pals then ran up to the steps and started beating up the cultists and freeing the black people, making sure to stay far away from the edge of the pit as they fought.

Balance and I took our places by the pit, ready to combat the Elder God, but it wasn't moving in its chamber, and we both exchanged a look and relaxed after a few moments went by without it doing anything. "What's goin' on? I thought this thing was like an ancient evil deity or somethin'?" Balance asked, and in response the shadow voice called out, "Foolish man-thing. I am no god! Why do none of these apes hear me?!"

"We can hear you." I responded to it, and there was a pause before it said in an awed tone, "Weavers. To think that I would find not one, but two in this wretched hole." Balance and I shared a surprised look before I asked, "You… You know about us?" "I know not your history, but I know of your existence, and of your strength." It responded, and I asked it, "How did you get here? Why are you in a hole, being fed black people by crazy cultists?"

Shub-Niggurath paused for a moment before a solitary tentacle extended to sit on the ground and curled up to form a platform as it told me, "You are the stronger one. I will speak with you, but not your fellow. Come into this prison, and I will tell you." "You're not just going to eat me, are you?" I asked it warily, and it chuckled dejectedly and told me, "Even if I desired to, it would do me no good." I could tell from the energy it let out as it spoke that it was being honest, and glanced at Balance before stepping onto the tentacle.

The spiked appendage gently lifted me up and lowered me into the pit where the rest of its body resided. I don't know what I expected it to look like, but whatever it was, I was wrong. Shub-Niggurath's body was… indescribable. It didn't look like anything I had ever seen, and was a collection of mouths and tentacles and spikes and unidentifiable orifices all clustered on a central body the size of a minivan. I stared at the monstrosity for a few moments until its mental voice told me, "Well Weaver, you had questions. Ask them."

I snapped out of my astonishment and asked it, "Well, I guess I wanted to know… what are you? And how did you get here?" "I am a being which comes from another plane of existence, one whose name is unpronounceable to you." It told me. "I came here by random chance when a sacred agreement was recently broken in your world." "The Gentleman's Oath." I muttered, then told it, "Uh, that was probably me. Sorry about that."

Shub-Niggurath paused for a moment before it asked, "Apologies are not necessary. You had no knowledge of my existence or my world, and yours was in grave danger. Have you any more questions?" "Well, why do you only eat black people?" I asked it, eager to change the subject. "Because that is all these whelps will feed me." It told me with annoyance. "Truth told, it matters not to me what beings they feed to me. All that matters is their strength, or I suppose I should say lack thereof."

"Their strength?" I asked it in confusion. "Yes." It replied, and explained, "My kind survive by devouring those with strength greater than our own. But since no such beings exist on this plane, I was doomed to starvation the moment I arrived." I looked down for a moment as I muttered, "So… I killed you." A negatory rumble came from Shub-Niggurath, and it told me, "Through no fault of your own. You need not feel any guilt. I am an old being, even from my kind's view, and I was dying long before I came here."

That made me feel a bit better as it asked, "Have you any more questions?" I thought for a moment before I asked, "Are you really a god? And what did you mean when you said H.P. Lovecraft 'twisted our words'?" An agitated rumble came from the eldritch being, and it replied, "I am no god. Your kind simply call me as such because they have no other words with which to describe me."

It said with contempt in its mental voice, "As for the one who calls himself Lovecraft, he came to my plane long ago and did as you are, asking questions. But he did not care for our answers. He revered us as gods no matter our protests, and believed we would one day come to his world and devour their sun, destroy the people of certain colors, and other such nonsense. He returned to his home with a book full of his lies, and we have decried him since." I nodded as it asked me, "Have you more questions?"

This time, I could think of only one, and asked it, "Why are you telling me this?" A mournful rumble came from Shub-Niggurath this time before it told me, "Because it is in my kind's nature to answer. And because I wish to depart what knowledge I can with my final breaths." "You're… You're dying? Like, actively dying right now?" I asked it in surprise, and it told me, "Indeed. I have been dying for centuries, but try as I might, I cannot end my existence alone."

"What do you mean? Why can't you die, and why do you want you?" I asked. "My kind is not like yours. We do not cling to the threads of life until the last fiber breaks. We make ourselves strong, and when we cannot become any stronger, we pass on our strength." Shub-Niggurath replied, and explained to me, "Until I can give my strength to another being weaker than myself, my body will not let me die."

Despite my situation, I started to feel bad for the otherworldly being, and looked to it with misty eyes as it told me, "If all your questions have been answered, I would ask a favor of you." I nodded and asked it, "Y-Yeah, what is it?" "Take my strength." It replied, and pleaded with me, "I am unable to return to my home, and even if I could, I am a pitiful wretch in the eyes of my people. I have lived with the pain of my existence for decades. My presence in this world is that of a parasite, leeching off the lifeblood of your people. Please, kill me."

Tears shined in my eyes as I choked out, "O-Okay. If it's what you really want… I'll end your life." A great wave of relief came from the being in front of me, and Shub-Niggurath told me as about a half dozen smaller and paler tentacles emerged from the lower portion of its body, "Thank you, Weaver. The process with which we pass on our strength is impossible with your physiology, however. I will have to improvise."

Not even a second after it had finished speaking, a wave of vertigo turned the world into an anime and I took on my older form before the smaller tentacles all shot forth and grabbed me, four taking a hold of each of my ankles and wrists as I shouted out, "What the-MPH!" I was cut off by a fifth tentacle thrusting into my mouth and starting to pump in and out of my throat, making my face go red as I thought to myself, 'Oh fuck me four times, this is a goddamn tentacle fuck.'

The four pale tentacles lifted me up into the air with my back facing the ground, the two tentacles holding my wrists moving my arms behind my back and one twisting to bind them at my forearms. The other tentacle, now free, moved to join the sixth in sliding under my clothes, the eldritch horror it was attached to seemingly exploring my body.

After a few moments, it found what it was looking for in the lower part of my Azure Suit, as it probed and prodded at my panties. I blushed as Shub-Niggurath's tentacles carefully removed my costume, leaving me naked as the day I was born before its two free appendages rubbed themselves over my pussy and ass. I cringed as I felt them sliding over my entrances, but neither penetrated me, and I squirmed as I felt my body start to heat up from the stimulation.

I moaned through the tentacle in my mouth as the two below my waist continued to rub over me, and could feel my pussy start to loosen and leak as I closed my eyes. Suddenly, the appendages withdrew, and I opened my eyes again and craned my neck to see five more tentacles emerging from Shub-Niggurath, these ones thicker and with bulbous heads that had slits on the ends. I groaned as I thought to myself, 'As if I didn't already feel like I was in a bad hentai.'

As if prompted by my thoughts, the new tentacles surged towards me and the smaller one withdrew from my mouth to be replaced by one of the thicker ones, making me gag at the larger intrusion. Two more then took the place of the smaller tentacles that had vacated my pussy and ass, rubbing over and stimulating me as I moaned at the sensation. The remaining two seemed content to slide themselves over random parts of my body, slithering over me and making my skin tingle at the liquid they excreted.

Once the tentacle at my pussy was slick with my juices, they switched places, and I squirmed in my bonds as the two tentacles that had previously stimulated me moved to my breasts, the smaller appendages rubbing and squeezing them. Suddenly, the thicker ones at my pussy and ass returned to their original positions and plunged inside me, making me cry out at the sudden penetration. The pain quickly passed however, and I moaned as the appendages pumped in and out of me.

My eyes fluttered shut as I finally started to relax in my bonds, and sensing this, Shub-Niggurath's tentacles adjusted themselves, focusing less on keeping me still and more on making me feel good, the two holding my ankles sliding up to caress and massage my feet. I moaned at the stimulation the eldritch being was giving me, and my hips bucked involuntarily as I squirmed in my bonds.

Suddenly the tentacles increased their pace drastically, Shub-Niggurath slamming them in and out of me as I cried out in surprise. I groaned at the increased pleasure, my body heating up as I could feel myself nearing orgasm. I moaned out through the tentacle in my mouth, and as the appendages roughly thrust in and out of me, my body seized up and I cried out as I felt myself tip over the edge.

This seemed to trigger something in Shub-Niggurath, as the phallic tentacles inside me thrust as deep as they could and halted there. They bottomed out inside me before spasming, shooting the eldritch horror's cum deep inside me. The two outside my body hovered in the air and shot cum all over me, painting my skin white and rubbing the viscous seed into my hair.

At the same time, Shub-Niggurath glowed with gray Mana that traveled down its tentacles and turned pink as it reached me, the energy absorbing itself into my body and sending me spiraling into multiple orgasms as it flowed into my holes. As the Mana was transferred from it to me, Shub-Niggurath seemed to deflate, its body shrinking and weakening. It lowered me to the ground on my back and maneuvered my arms so that I wasn't laying on them as it did so, and withdrew its tentacles from my body and laid them on the ground weakly, leaving me panting and gasping with aftershocks.

Once I was on the ground safely, Shub-Niggurath's color faded and it turned gray, cracks forming in its body. As it started to crumble and desiccate, Shub-Niggurath hastily told me in my mind, "A thousand thanks, Weaver. Now I can truly leave this life behind, and it would not be possible without your aid. Now I go to what awaits my kind when we meet our end. And worry not, your womb could not carry my young if I could still produce them. Farewell."

With that, it cracked open and turned to dust in front of me, the horror collapsing in seconds. Once it was gone and I was alone in the pit, I took a few seconds to compose myself before shakily rolling onto my stomach, panting as my body twitched with aftershocks of the pleasure. "You could have fucking warned me that it was gonna be a tentacle-fuck BEFORE you did it, asshole!" I weakly exclaimed, and sighed as I recovered from my ordeal, covered in otherworldly cum. Thankfully that wasn't a problem for long, as the seed evaporated from my body after a few moments, leaving me dry and clean.

I put my costume back on shakily and waited for the vertigo to turn me back to normal before I climbed up a ladder bolted into the side of the pit to see that the others had finished fighting the cultists and were staring down Yates. "You won't take me that easily!" He exclaimed before putting Scrambles' butt to his face and pulling his tail, making him squirt cheese right into his nose.

He then dropped Scrambles and ripped his robe off as he ran at my allies, but before I could do anything to help them, Balance exclaimed, "That's enough! This ends here!" He then apparently used his Ultimate, shining with golden Mana before a giant golden set of scales sprouted out of the ground and let out a wave of vibration, reverberating throughout the cave and catching Yates in his tracks as he stumbled for a moment and fell over.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as he fell, and I got a new costume set, some change, and a couple Artifacts from the fight before they all started looking around, Balance seeing me first as he yelled, "Dova!" The Freedom Pals and the two unaffiliated heroes rushed over to me with relief, and Balance hugged me tight before telling me, "I'm glad you're okay! When you went into that hole, I thought you'd never come out!"

I smiled back at him, but before I could say anything I heard a second set of cheers from the Coon Friends, and saw that Captain Diabetes was holding Scrambles as he exclaimed, "COON FRIENDS! WE DID IT! WE GOT SCRAMBLES!" They all cheered again before Classi congratulated us and left before Coon exclaimed, "Oh my god, you guys! We've got a HUNDRED BUCKS to get our franchise off the ground! Fuckin' Coon and Friends! FUCK YEAH, GUYS!" They all cheered again before exiting the cave quickly, not one of them stopping to ask if I was okay. The others stood awkwardly for a moment before I sighed and told them, "Come on, let's just get outta here."

With that, we all exited the police station, making our way to the surface in a sour mood. Once we were all outside, we saw Coon and Friends walking away with Scrambles, and Mysterion told them, "Whoa, whoa! WAIT!" The five heroes all turned around at that, and Mysterion exclaimed, "You guys aren't even going to ask the New Kid if she's okay? You're just taking that cat to who knows where?!"

"Oh, uh, yeah, sorry, Freedom Pals. There's, um, certain intel we have that we can't share with you. You know it's… classified." Coon told her, and Timothy rolled up behind the group and mentally said, "You're taking that cat to its owner for the reward money, and you sent the New Kid to spy on us to get it." Coon whirled around in shock, and upon seeing the wheelchair-bound boy, he exclaimed, "What the fuck, Timmy?! Stop raping my mind!"

"The New Kid told us everything, Coon. We knew about your plan the whole time." Mysterion told the fat hero, and Coon and Friends gasped as they all turned to me. With betrayal in his voice, Human Kite said, "No… No it can't be true. Go on, New Kid, tell us it isn't true." "You betrayed us?" Captain Diabetes asked, and Coon had his superhero voice on as he asked me, "ButtLord… why? Why would you do this? You've been a Coon Friend since the start. I let you quadruple-class. Why would you switch sides for real?"

"Because there was a REAL crime conspiracy and REAL bad guys in South Park and all you cared about was ONE GODDAMN CAT!" I told him. "All you cared about was the hundred dollars! Hell, I've made almost three times that beating up random enemies, but you just fixated on it this the whole time! And because none of you even stopped to ask if I was okay after fighting a LITERAL LOVECRAFTIAN HORROR FROM ANOTHER FUCKING DIMENSION!"

All of the Coon Friends looked down in shame at my outburst, and Timothy rolled closer to us as he told the group, "Come, Coon and Friends. I think there's something you should see." With that, he led us to the Freedom Pals base as Mysterion told them, "Doctor Timothy was never your enemy. He was trying to help you, to help all of us!" "Wh-What do you mean?" Fastpass asked as we neared Token's house. "You'll see in a moment." Wonder Tweek told him.

Once we got to the base, Fastpass looked around as he remarked, "Wow, this is your guys' base? This is fantastic!" "This looks sooooo much fun!" Super Craig said with genuine enthusiasm. "Yeah, I mean, the Coon Lair has a lot of cool stuff too… But yeah, this is cool." Coon conceded, and Mysterion told him, "Doctor Timothy has been working on something to help us ALL!" "But how?" Human Kite asked, and Tupperware pressed the button on a garage door opener as he told him, "Like this."

With that, the curtains hiding Doctor Timothy's project opened up, revealing a blue banner that showed a graph featuring plans for movies and Netflix series. All of the Coon Friends and Toolshed looked to it in shock, and Human Kite muttered, "Oh my god…" "He's figured it out." Super Craig said. Mysterion then explained, "It was Doctor Timothy's passion. He worked tirelessly on it." "A franchise plan that involved everyone. Each hero got their own movie and TV series. Every hero mathematically equal to the other." Tupperware told them.

'Wow. All that secrecy, and it's still just their fucking franchise.' I thought to myself, and Toolshed exclaimed, "Jesus!" "This is… incredible!" Human Kite exclaimed, and Wonder Tweek told them, "Timothy almost worked himself to death trying to come up with it!" "You give me too much credit, Wonder Tweek." Timothy said modestly, and Human Kite muttered, "So, while we were out trying to stick it to you guys… Timmy was actually trying to include us."

"Bet you all feel like real assholes now." I told them, and they all nodded in affirmation. "Yeah. And you probably would've tried to kill him if the New Kid hadn't wanted to actually switch sides." Mysterion pointed out. They all turned around, and Toolshed told his allies, "I'm sorry. I… If I'd known about this…"

He trailed off and Human Kite said, "Look, we were just sort of using you guys…" He then picked up Scrambles and told them, "There's a hundred-dollar reward for this cat…" "And you wanted him to yourselves." Tupperware finished for him. "Yeah. But not anymore." Kite conceded, then stepped forward. "If we proved anything tonight, it's that we're the best when we are all TOGETHER." "It's too late for that!" Wonder Tweek told him, and Toolshed pointed out as he moved to stand between the two groups, "We all started as one team. We all wanted to be superheroes for the same reason! To sell our franchise and make millions of dollars! Let's be one team again."

"I agree." Super Craig stated, and Human Kite offered us, "Come on guys, no more civil war. Let's get the reward money for this cat and use it together for one franchise." I smiled at him as he spoke, and Fastpass exclaimed, "Yeah!" As the others cheered and put their hands up in the air. "Let's do it!" Mosquito said, and Wonder Tweek exclaimed with excitement, "All right!"

It would seem that there was just one sour grape in the group however, as Coon asked, "But we're calling it… Freedom Pals?" Everyone turned to him and Tupperware replied with no room for argument, "Freedom Pals." Coon asked the group, "And so, like… Timmy is sort of the leader of Freedom Pals? He's like – he's like the one in charge?" "YES." Mysterion told him sternly. Coon then seemingly started to come around to it as he said, "Well… I think it's awesome. Honestly, Freedom Pals is a way better name than Coon and Friends. Freedom Pals. Freedom Pals! I am super cool with this."

"Then it's settled." Tupperware told us all, and Toolshed said, "Tomorrow, we get the reward money for Scrambles and we use it to kick-start Timmy's franchise plan." We all then moved into a circle and put our hands in the center as he exclaimed, "Together! Freedom Pals: RETRIBUTION-" "But with inclusion!" We all finished together, me making my voice as strong as I could. "Fuck yeah, you guys. Let's do this." Coon told us, and we all separated to go home for bed.

Balance and I walked home together as we talked. "It's sure gonna be exciting." Balance told me, and I simply shrugged with a smile on my face as I was finally starting to feel the effects of talking too much tonight. I then used my phone to ask, "So Balance, how are you holding up? We've been through a lot tonight." Balance smiled at me as he asked, "I should be askin' you that. You're the one who fought that thing. What happened in there, anyway?" I pulled a face as I told him with my phone, "I don't wanna talk about it."

Just then, we reached our houses, and hugged before entering our respective homes. Mom and Dad still weren't home, and I figured they were probably passed out somewhere and took a shower before getting into my pajamas and sending everything I had captured to the Mayor, telling her, "Can you say incriminating? Going to sleep, don't respond. Will call you." With that, I got into bed and put my glasses on the nightstand before passing out, determined to sleep for as long as I could.

And that's the chapter. Thank you for reading, everyone, and I will see you in the next one. Feel free to let me know what you thought as long as it doesn't become a flame. Coon out!


	7. The Unofficial Fourth Day

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the next chapter of The Next Adventure. This chapter will of course NOT be based off of the fourth day of the game. This chapter will have some fun non-canonical content, but it won't have too much impact on the main story, so feel free to skip it if you want. It IS a bit gory just to warn you, but if that doesn't bother you, go right on ahead. Also, the point of view will switch a lot between Dova's and 3rd person. With that said, I do not own South Park or Bleach, let's read!

I was jolted awake by Toolshed's voice coming from my nightstand, telling me, "New Kid! New Kid, you've gotta get to the base, now!" I groaned and pulled my blanket further over myself without opening my eyes as I told him, "Noooooo…" Toolshed paused for a moment before exclaiming, "I'm serious, dude! We need you, NOW!" I groaned again and told him, "Toolshed, I'm so tired I can't even turn around to face my phone. Whatever it is, it can wait."

"Dude, this seriously can't wait! We need…" Toolshed started, but he was quickly drowned out by a loud rush of static accompanied by a stabbing pain in my eyes, and I winced and rubbed them before it faded, allowing me to hear Toolshed ask in a deep metallic voice, "Awww, what's the matter, Dovahkiin? Don't want to play?" My eyes opened in shock and I turned around and sat up in my bed before picking up my phone and glasses, putting the latter on my face. I caught a glimpse of Toolshed's normal face before it quickly morphed into a monstrous visage, his face scarred and with one normal eye and one robotic eye. The lower half of his jaw was entirely mechanical and jutted forward grotesquely, sharp nails replacing his teeth.

I stared at the twisted face of my friend in shock for a moment before awkwardly asking him, "Uh, Toolshed? Are you okay?"

*3rd person POV*

Toolshed sat in the Freedom Pals' base as he told Dova over FaceTime, "Dude, this seriously can't wait! We need you now!" There was no response for a moment as he stared at her ceiling until the view shifted and he saw her shocked face with dark circles under the eyes. "Can you please come play now, New Kid?" He asked her, but Dova simply stared for a moment before asking him awkwardly, "Uh, Toolshed? Are you okay?" Toolshed raised his eyebrow in confusion and asked her, "Well, it's kind of a shit show down at the base, but I guess I'm okay. Why, are you?"

*Dova's POV*

The twisted version of Toolshed laughed mockingly before tilting his head to the side and asking me, "I'm fine, but can you say the same for yourself?" "I… I think I need some water. I'll see you later, Stan!" I told him, then hung up on the boy and asked myself, "What the fuck was that?" I sat in shock for a moment and shrugged, getting up to actually get water. "Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed, seeing red splatters all over the walls as I left my bedroom. I paused for a moment and sniffed the air as I smelled something strange, and sighed in relief as I asked, "Fucking hell, who threw ketchup all over the hall?"

*3rd person POV*

"I… I think I need some water. I'll see you later, Stan!" Dova told Toolshed before she hung up. He let his arm hang at his side as he got a concerned look on his face, and seeing this, Human Kite came over and asked him, "Well dude, what'd she say?" Toolshed looked to his friend and told him, "She said she was gonna get water, and then she hung up. But… She called me Stan." Nearby, Mysterion did a double take and asked him, "Wait, what? She broke character?"

The rest of the group came over to the boys, and Captain Diabetes remarked, "ButtLord NEVER breaks character unless thing get bad!" "Maybe we should go check up on her. Make sure she's okay." Tupperware said, and the boys all voiced their agreement before setting off as a group for Dova's house.

*Dova's POV*

I was in the bathroom as I splashed water on my face, desperately washing myself off. Once I had been doing this for a few minutes, I stopped and dried myself off, then tilted my head to either side. I opened my mouth wide to see if I could find anything wrong, then pulled down my eyelid before taking off my glasses and inspecting them.

Finding nothing out of the ordinary, I sighed and asked myself, 'What the fuck happened back there? Why did Stan look like that?' I wracked my brain for a few seconds and shook my head, telling myself, "You're just under a lot of stress, Dova. Hell, anyone would be if they'd been through the shit you have. Just walk it off and go see Stan in person." With that settled, I brushed my teeth and cleaned my braces before I went back to my room to change into my casual clothes, muttering to myself, "Thank God it's Saturday."

I had barely gotten dressed when I heard a loud chattering coming from in front of the house, and looked out my window to see the Freedom Pals walking down the street towards my house. All of them, including Stan, looked normal, and I breathed a sigh of relief before leaving my room.

As I did so however, I heard a loud burst of static and got a sharp pain in my eyes again. I clenched them shut in pain and put my hands over my ears, and both sensations thankfully passed quickly. When I opened my eyes again however, they widened in horror and fear. Where before the walls had been splattered with what I instantly recognized as ketchup, I now saw fresh blood with chunks of flesh and viscera scattered around.

I fell to my knees in shock as I beheld the horrible sight and took a deep breath through my nose to try and dispel the illusion, but instead of the tomatoes I had smelled found before, I now inhaled the thick, coppery scent of blood. I clutched my head and shook it hard to try and stop seeing the sight, but it was in vain. 'What the hell? It's… It's just ketchup. It's gotta be.' I thought, and paused as I noticed something on the ground.

I walked over to a severed finger with shaking legs, and gingerly picked it up as I beheld it. Just as I had thought, Mom's wedding ring was on the detached digit. I gasped as I realized what this meant, and dropped Mon's finger as I ran down the stairs into the living room, where I saw yet another horrible vision. I followed a fresh trail of blood that led into to the kitchen, and gasped as I saw what had created the macabre funhouse my home had turned into.

My parents lay dead on either side of the kitchen, their torsos slashed open and their insides all over the walls with deep wounds scoring their corpses. I trembled as I beheld my disemboweled parents, and put my hands over my mouth as tears threatened to fall from my eyes. As I took in the sight in front of me, I started to notice something.

Mom was leaned against a cabinet on the right side of the room with a keg of some unknown alcoholic beverage next to her, the pump buried in her throat and her nearby stomach and liver bloated beyond recognition as they leaked booze. Her eyes were crossed in their sockets, and I realized she must have died drunk. Her belly looked to have been torn open by sharp claws and ice filled the empty cavity with a bottle of champagne sticking out of it, but her upper torso was untouched.

Moving on from her, I turned to Dad, who was on his back on the other side of the room with three joints hanging from his slack lips and a bong loosely clutched in either hand. His eyes were bright red and dripping with blood, and his lungs were gray a few feet away from him and leaking smoke. His upper chest was torn open with his lower unharmed, and marijuana plants were sprouting from his empty ribcage.

None of this was as horrifying as what lay between them in the middle of the room, however. Both of my parent's lower bodies had been separated from their upper at the waists, and lay together in the middle of the room with Dad's flaccid penis buried in Mom's wombless vagina. They were arranged to look like they were in the missionary position with blood splatters forming a broken heart around them, and I felt like I would throw up at the sight.

I turned away as sobs heaved in my chest, and started trembling as I ran out the front door, unable to bear the sight for even one more second. Once I was outside, I stood with my hands on my knees, raggedly panting in horror as I felt sweat drip from my brow. Suddenly, I heard a deep, growling voice ask from a few feet away, "What's the matter, Dovahkiin? Not feeling well?"

I turned to face the speaker to see yet another horrifying sight. All of the Freedom Pals, all of my friends, had been twisted into horrifying nightmare versions of themselves. Stan bore the same face I had seen on our FaceTime call, and he was one of the less monstrous ones. Each of them towered over me at over three times their usual heights, and all of them were nearly unrecognizable, only their semblance to their superhero personas letting me see them as roughly the same people.

"It's okay, Dovahkiin. Soon you'll be all better." Toolshed told me menacingly, and he stepped forward as Human Kite remarked with a voice like a windstorm had gained speech, "What's the matter, Dovahkiin? You don't look very happy to see us." At that, all of them advanced forward, bearing down on me threateningly.

With a growing sense of terror, I backed up and told them, "No! NO! STAY AWAAAAY!" I then sprouted glowing pink wings from my back and shot into the air, flying off in a panic.

*3rd person POV*

All the Freedom Pals, their bodies and faces completely normal, walked to Dova's house with a concerned sense of urgency. Once they reached her street, they saw her run out of her house with a horrified look on her face. The group ran up to her as she panted in front of her house, and Toolshed asked her, "New Kid! New Kid, are you okay?"

Dova turned to the group to show them that her eyes had dark circles underneath them, and that her hair was a tangled rat's nest. Her eyes widened with terror as she looked at them, and Toolshed stepped forward as he told her in a soothing tone, "It's okay, New Kid. We're here. You're gonna be fine." "Are you okay, New Kid? You look like you've seen a ghost." Human Kite remarked, and they all stepped towards her.

As the moved forward however, she moved back, and shouted with fear in her voice, "No! NO! STAY AWAAAAY!" With that, glowing pink wings appeared on her back, and she flew off and away from the superheroes.

As she flew away, the Freedom Pals stared up at her in confusion, and Fastpass asked, "Dude. W-W-W-What the f-fuck did the New Kid see in there?" They all then shared a look before cautiously entering the house.

Inside Dova's home, they saw ketchup smeared all over the walls, and when they got to the kitchen, they saw her parents passed out but unharmed on the floor. The two were surrounded by booze and weed and were laying mid-coitus but were otherwise unremarkable. Coon's eyes widened as he took in the sight, and he muttered, "So this is what ButtLord saw. My god, the sight of her dad fucking her mom again must have… broken her."

Human Kite glared at him as he told the fat boy, "Shut the fuck up, Cartman, this is serious! We need to find her." "But why did she run away from us in the first place? What happened?" Super Craig asked, but nobody had an answer, and they all stood there awkwardly for a moment until Toolshed told the group, "We've gotta find her before we can help her. Balance, you go get Call Girl and tell her what happened. Maybe she'll have an answer. The rest of us will split up and try to find the New Kid."

With no other ideas, the superhero group muttered assent and did as he said, Balance running off to Wendy's house and the others splitting into groups of two to search the town.

*Dova's POV*

The wind whipped in my face as I flew through the air, tears falling far behind me. Eventually my fear dissipated enough for me to decide to land, and I looked down at the town to find a good place. I swooped down to the school and let my feet touch the ground, dissolving my wings once I had landed. I quickly realized that they had probably seen me land however, and ran down the sidewalk and past Stark's Pond, stopping once I had reached Ned and Jimbo's old fishing boat. I sat down against the rotted wood and panted, my mind racing as my chest heaved.

"Okay, okay, calm down, Dova. Just take stock of your situation." I muttered. "Okay, my parents are dead. I can't go home because whatever killed them might kill me, and the Freedom Pals are… monsters."

'What could have done it, though? Why are they like this?' I thought, and wracked my brains to try and figure out what had changed. It only took a few minutes to reach a conclusion, and I gasped as I realized, "Shub-Niggurath." 'His Mana was all over that cave. When the Freedom Pals were exposed to it, it must have turned them into… that.' I thought.

I put my head in my hands as I realized that this was all my fault. Tears threatened to spring from my eyes as I thought, 'What am I gonna do? How will I change them back?' I could feel panic start to creep in again, but took a deep breath and told myself, "Okay, Dova. Just think through your options for a second."

I started thinking of who I could call on to help me, and there was only one person that came to mind. "Wendy. She's the only one that wasn't with them this morning. She might not have been changed." I muttered, then nodded with determination as I got up, a goal finally in mind.

*3rd person POV*

"So what exactly happened?" Call Girl asked Balance, who was standing in the front door of Wendy's house. The Mana user told her, "We don' know! All we know is, she freaked out and flew off when she saw us." Call Girl had a thoughtful look on her face as she told him, "Well, I can't say for sure until I see her, but I think I might be able to help. Come on, let's go find her."

*Dova's POV*

I crept through the alleyways of Main Street, doing my best to avoid being seen by the horrific versions of my friends. I could see Token and Scott walking down the sidewalk, but did my best not to look at what I had inadvertently turned them into. I moved along quickly, wanting to get to Wendy's house as quickly as possible.

I eventually managed to reach Wendy's house without being spotted, but once I got there, I saw Butters standing in the doorway, and crouched behind a bush to stay out of sight. His body blocked me from seeing what was going on, but I cursed nonetheless as I realized that Wendy wouldn't be able to help me. I looked down as I thought about what to do next, and thought to myself, 'I need a base of operations. A place I can go and… and plan my next move. But where?'

I quickly ruled out most of the town before muttering, "SoDoSoPa. They won't think to check there." With that decided, I left without being spotted by Butters and set off for Kenny's house.

*3rd person*

Mysterion and Toolshed were standing by Sharon's scratched-up car as they looked around for signs of Dova, and Toolshed sighed before remarking, "This is hopeless. She's not gonna come here." "Stay optimistic, Toolshed. We have to hope that she'll turn up somewhere." The hooded girl told him, and Toolshed exclaimed, "Dude, she's not dumb enough to…"

Toolshed trailed off his sentence and asked her, "Wait, what's that?" Mysterion looked to where he was pointing and saw a patch of bright blue hair in the bushes of Human Kite's house. Mysterion's eyes widened as she shouted out, "New Kid!" The both of them started running towards her, but Toolshed tripped over a garden hose after a few steps and got his foot tangled.

Dova shot out of the bushes and started backing away from Mysterion as she neared her, and Mysterion stopped as she told her, "New Kid! It's alright! I'm here to help you!" The girl didn't seem to hear her however, and stared at a point a few feet above her as she started backing away again before breaking out into a run towards Kenny's house, Mysterion calling after her, "New Kid!" She followed her comrade with a sense of determination.

*Dova*

I was hiding in the bushes of Kyle's house when I suddenly heard a cold voice breath out, "Dovahkiiiiiiiiinnnn…" I turned to see that the monstrous Stan and Kenny had spotted me, and I shot out of the bushes and backed away as Kenny got close to me. She stopped in place once she was a few feet away and I stopped with her, looking to her fearfully as I took in her awful features.

Kenny looked… dead. There was no other way to describe it, her form was emaciated with every bone visible through her mummified brown skin. She was dressed in a ragged version of her old costume. A green M was painted on her chest, and a glowing green question mark hung above her head.

Her feet floated a few inches off the ground, and her body was crisscrossed with the scars and injuries of a thousand deaths. Her lips were there but stitched shut, her mouth closed permanently with thick black twine. What disturbed me most were her empty eye sockets, the pits sunken and hollow with filthy blond hair hanging limply in front of them. As I watched, she raised a skeletal finger to point at me and told me in the same cold, echoing voice, her lips never twitching, "I come for you, Dovahkiiiiiiiinnnn…"

At her words, shadows coalesced and took shape behind her, the darkness taking form and presence as I watched with horrified eyes. The shadowy figure grew arms and a head before solidifying into the hooded form of Death. I took a horrified step backwards as bones extended forwards from its sleeves, forming skeletal hands that grasped a scythe out of midair. Black smoke roiled off of the figure as it pointed at me to mirror Kenny.

I was trembling in fear at this point, and it only got worse when Kenny and Death slowly started to advance on me, floating forward menacingly as I backed away. In full-blown panic mode now, I broke into a run away from the two beings, running towards Kenny's house as they followed.

*3rd person*

Mysterion chased Dova down the street, the blue-haired girl running frantically away from her teammate. "New Kid! It's me! You don't have to be afraid!" Mysterion called after her, but it only made her run faster away from the hooded girl. It didn't take long for the two to reach Kenny's house, the home/construction site offering her safe haven as she dove out of sight of the mystery-themed hero.

Mysterion looked around as she reached her home, and called out, "New Kid! I know you're scared, but it's okay! I'm here for you!" Suddenly, she spotted Dova facing away from her and standing still near the bank of snow that separated the yard from the nearby train station, and sighed with relief as she approached her, the girl thankfully not running from her.

"It's okay, New Kid, you're gonna be okay. We're gonna get you help." Mysterion told her soothingly, and when she didn't respond, she walked up to her and turned her around. When she saw her face however, it was blank, and she realized that it was just a mannequin.

Suddenly, pink light shined a ways to her left, and turned her head to see Dova with tears in her eyes holding a bow and arrow made of pink Mana. "Rest in peace, bitch." She heard before Dova fired the arrow.

*Dova*

I ran desperately away from Kenny and Death, the two chasing me relentlessly down the street. We reached Kenny's house quickly, and I dove out of sight of the girl and her phantasmal companion. The two started looking around as they reached the house, and Kenny called out, "I come for you, Dovahkiiiiiinnnn…"

'This is it. She's gonna kill me. I have to do something.' I thought to myself, and tears threatened to fall from my eyes as I realized I only had one option. Moving quickly, I used my Mana to create a mannequin with my clothes and hair near the snow bank separating her house from the train station. I stayed out of sight a few feet away and started charging up Mana as Kenny spotted it and levitated over. "Dovahkiiiiiiiiiiinnnnn…" She breathed out and grasped the mannequin's shoulder, turning it around to see its blank face.

I readied the bow and arrow in my hands and as the skeletal Kenny turned, it started to glow brightly, and I told her with misty eyes, "Rest in peace, bitch." I then let go of the string, firing the arrow directly into her chest. The Mana blew a hole in her desiccated body and sent it crashing to the ground, causing Death to disappear as black coagulated blood leaked onto the ground.

Tears fell from my eyes as the monstrous Stan walked in to the sight and stared in shock at his fallen comrade. "I'm sorry." I told him. "I had no other choice. I promise, I'll find a way to fix this. To turn you back. To turn all of you back." With that, I sprouted glowing pink wings from my back again and flew off, flying away from the two.

*3rd person*

Toolshed panted as he caught up to Mysterion and Dova just in time to see the blue-haired girl fire a glowing arrow of pink Mana through Mysterion's chest, sending her flying backwards with a ragged hole in her body. His eyes widened in horror as he took in the sight, and the bedraggled Dova let the bow disappear as she turned to the Gadgeteer and told him, "I'm sorry. I had no choice. I promise, I'll find a way to fix this. To turn you back. To turn all of you back."

She then formed glowing wings on her back and flew off, but Toolshed didn't notice as he walked over to Mysterion and kneeled down to look down to her in shock, muttering, "You… you killed her. You killed Kenny! You bastard!" Suddenly, Human Kite appeared on FaceTime and asked, "Toolshed, New Kid's flying again! Mosquito and I are in pursuit, but what happened down there? We saw something near Kenny's house."

Toolshed paused for a moment before telling him with shock in his voice and closed eyes, "The New Kid… killed Kenny. She killed her. The bastard." Human Kite had a confused look on his face as he told the boy, "So? She's just gonna revive again in the morning." Toolshed opened his eyes as he said simply, "Oh yeah, right."

He then stood up and told him, "Okay, stay on the New Kid. I'll get the others and assemble them at the base. You join us once you've got her." "Got it!" Kite replied before hanging up.

*Dova*

Tears fell from my eyes as I once again flew through the air with no destination in mind. 'It had to be done. If I die, there'll be no one left to save the Freedom Pals.' I thought to myself, but was distracted by my thoughts by a loud buzzing sound coming from behind me. I looked to the source to see that Clyde and Kyle were following me through the air, and my eyes widened as I took in their twisted forms.

Clyde was a grotesque mixture of man and insect, with a human torso, a hunched back and human legs with clawed feet. His four arms were thin and long with flesh-colored insectoid exoskeleton and three clawed fingers, and his back bore buzzing mosquito wings. His head was somewhat human-shaped, but had red compound eyes the size of basketballs on either side. He had a human mouth, but in place of a nose he had a red needle-sharp proboscis half as long as he was tall. He was wearing brown pants and a blue jacket with a bandolier that had vials of dark red blood strapped to it, and had a red beanie hat covering brown hair.

Clyde at least looked human however, which was more than could be said for Kyle. The Blaster hero looked similar to the aliens that had probed me in our last game, but had an even bigger head and was a couple feet shorter, with luminous eyes that shined with an inner light and no mouth. His head was skin-colored, but his body was light blue below the neck and he had a pulsing red and yellow organ shaped like a kite on his chest covered by a membrane of skin. His signature kite was on his back, and it carried him on a gust of wind as the tail flew behind him.

They were gaining behind me quickly, and my eyes widened before I quickly blasted them backwards with a pulse of Mana.

*3rd person*

Mosquito and Human Kite flew behind Dova as they tried to catch up to her, but she saw them and pushed them back with a pulse of pink Mana, making them stagger in the air before steadying themselves. "New Kid!" Kite exclaimed. "Whatever's going on right now, we want to help you! Just stop fighting us!" "We can help you, New Kid! All you have to do is let us!" Mosquito added.

*Dova*

Once the two former heroes had recovered from my attack, I hung in the air as Kyle told me with gusts of wind, "Dovahkiin. It's pointless to resist. Stop fighting and surrender." "We promise to make it painless." Clyde buzzed threateningly. I wasn't fooled however, and took on a combat stance in midair.

Clyde roared and flew at me, trying to use his proboscis like a lance as he attacked. I waited until the last second before dodging upwards, then shooting downwards and kicking him in the back, grabbing a hold of his wings and tearing them off as I did so. Clyde fell back down to the ground with a roar and without his wings, but my attention was elsewhere as I dodged a laser beam from Kyle's eyes.

Kyle shot bursts of energy from his eyes as I weaved and dodged around them, waiting for a chance to counterattack. As he paused in his attacks, I shot forward and formed a gigantic sword out of Mana. As I passed next to my former friend, I slashed it upwards and cut his kite off his back, the canvas and wood floating away as I separated it from his body. Before he could retaliate, I coated my hand in pink Mana and struck him in the chest, smashing my fist into the kite-shaped organ on his chest and knocking him back as he flew to the ground.

My eyes shined with tears as I told them, not even knowing if they were still alive, "I'm sorry." With that, I flew off to hide again and plan my next move.

*3rd person*

Mosquito and Human Kite watched as Dova took on a combat stance, her tired eyes set in a determined glare. Mosquito growled in annoyance and rushed to her, telling her, "This is for your own good, New Kid!" Dova wasn't intimated by his words however, and waited until the last minute to dodge his attack and kick him in the back, tearing the fake wings off his back and sending him screaming down to earth.

"Mosquito!" Kite cried out, then grumbled, "God damn it!" He then started firing lasers from his eyes at Dova. The blue-haired girl dodged and weaved through the beams as Kite did his best to incapacitate her. She was too fast however, and eventually his eyes overheated and he was forced to stop. Taking her chance, Dova shot forward and formed a sword out of Mana before slashing his kite off his back, following up the attack by punching him in the chest with a fist glowing with more Mana.

Human Kite screamed in pain and terror as he flew backwards and downwards, landing in a snowbank as he hit the ground. He slowly emerged from the hole he made and spat a chunk of ice out of his mouth as he groaned, taking out of his phone and seeing that it thankfully wasn't broken before calling Mosquito on FaceTime.

Seeing his fellow hero's face appear on the screen, he asked the other boy, "Mosquito! Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm okay. I think I landed in a dumpster." Mosquito told him woozily, and Human Kite sighed with relief before he told the insectoid hero, "Good. Listen, the New Kid's not playing any more. We need to regroup. Head back to the Freedom Pals base and I'll meet you there." "Got it. Over and out." Mosquito replied before hanging up.

Human Kite then climbed out of his snowbank and started making his way back to the base as he muttered, "What the hell is going on with the New Kid?"

*Dova*

I landed down at Skeeter's Bar and ran down to the church, where I hid inside a bush and took deep breaths, trying to recover from my fight. I sighed as I relaxed, thinking to myself, 'What the hell am I going to do? How am I going to help them if all they do is try and kill me? What am I gonna do?' I looked down at the ground as I considered my options. 'I need to get help. Maybe if I can get some of the adults to help me, we can figure out how to turn them back to normal.' I thought to myself.

I nodded with determination and thought, 'I'll start with Father Maxie. I know Shub-Niggurath said he wasn't a god, but he's more likely than most to know something about what's been happening.' My mind made up, I stood up and made sure there weren't any of my monstrous friends around before quickly running into the church.

When I got inside, I saw that Father Maxie was standing near the confessional with two prisoners, who I recognized as the priests that had attacked me on the first day of the game. When Maxie saw me, he told me, "Oh, hello there New Child. I'm sorry about this, I…" As he spoke, Father Maxie was drowned out by loud static accompanied by a sharp pain behind my eyes.

I clenched them shut and pressed my hands over my ears in pain, and once both sensations passed, I opened my eyes to see a horrible sight. Father Maxie had blank white eyes and a devil tail and horns, and had a sinister grin on his face. But it was what he was holding that horrified me. The two priests were wearing nothing but orange collars and shackles around their wrists, and had giant muscles and blank white eyes to match Maxie's.

Speaking of Maxie, he was the only thing keeping them from attacking me again, as he was holding leashes attached to their collars. As I stared at them in horror, he laughed maniacally and told me in a demonic growl, "These two want another round, Dovahkiin! Better watch out!"

With that, he released their leashes, causing the two former priests to lunge at me with matching roars. Acting quickly, I formed a sphere of pink energy in each hand and fired them as hard as I could at the monstrous prisoners' crotches, the projectiles impacting with their dicks and knocking them backwards as the wind was knocked out of them. I ran from the church in a panic, seeing Token and Scott outside. I quickly shot up in the air with glowing pink wings, flying away from the two twisted heroes.

*3rd person*

Dova ran into the church to see Father Maxie standing by the confessional with the former priests that had attacked her on the first day. "Oh, hello there, New Child. Sorry about this, I was just listening to their confessions." Maxie told her. As he spoke, Dova screwed up her eyes and covered her ears, and when she opened them, she stared on at the three in horror.

"Ooh, it's the girl we met before!" One of the prisoners said, and the other commented, "Looks like she's ready for round two!" The two then advanced toward her as Maxie warned, "Look out, New Child!" It would seem as if his warning wasn't necessary, as Dova quickly formed two spheres of pink Mana and shot them at the former priests' crotches, the two flying backwards and gasping in pain as they were hit.

Dova quickly ran outside and flew upwards with glowing wings of Mana. Immediately afterward, Tupperware and Captain Diabetes ran in, and Father Maxie greeted them with, "Ah, hello there. Are you two friends with the New Child?" The two boys nodded as Tupperware asked, "Yes, but… what happened in here?"

Maxie looked down at the two prisoners sternly and told the room, "THESE TWO were on temporary parole so that they could confess before their sentencing, but they tried to attack the New Child again." "I think one of my nuts is shattered." One of them said in a voice an octave higher than normal, and Maxie replied, "Well, you deserve it."

"Okay, okay, what happened with the New Kid?" Captain Diabetes asked, and Father Maxie shrugged and told them, "She came in looking like she'd just been to hell and back and hit these two in the privates when they tried to attack her." "There's something wrong with her. Did she do or say anything else?" Tupperware asked the priest.

Maxie put a hand on his chin and thought for a moment before telling them, "Well, while I was talking to her, she clenched her eyes shut and pressed her hands over her ears. I thought it was because of these two." He glared at the prisoners on the ground again. "But if there truly is something wrong with her, it might be that."

Tupperware nodded and told him, "Okay, thanks Father Maxie! We'll go deal with her!" The two then left the church and made their way to the Freedom Pals base.

*Dova*

I took deep breaths as I flew over the town, thinking to myself, 'What the hell? What happened in there? Is whatever happened to the guys spreading to the rest of the town?' I glanced down at the ground and halted in the air, wincing as static filled my ears and my eyes ached again, making me clench them shut. When I opened them, I saw monstrous half-rodent homeless people hissing at demonic kids and kindergarteners outside the public bathrooms at the playground.

'It's spreading.' I thought to myself, and cursed under my breath. I then continued flying to regroup and plan my next move.

*3rd Person*

Tupperware and Captain Diabetes walked into the Freedom Pals base, where they saw that the rest of the superheroes were already gathered. Seeing the two enter, Toolshed asked the group, "Okay, everybody's here. Now what the fuck do we do about the New Kid?!" "Calm down, dude." Human Kite told him, and Toolshed retorted, "Dude, she FUCKING KILLED KENNY! I think I have a right to freak out a little here!"

"Enough! This isn't doing us any good!" Timothy told them, and the two quieted down as Tupperware said, "Timothy's right. We need to figure out what's going on with the New Kid." "What's to figure out? She's bat-shit crazy!" Coon told the group. "We know that already, what we need to figure out is WHY." Human Kite pointed. "Okay, everybody calm down and let's go over what's happened today." Captain Diabetes said in an attempt to placate his allies.

"Okay, so first, I called the New Kid and she said she wasn't gonna play, then she looked scared, said she needed water, and broke character." Toolshed pointed out. "Then she got freaked out by her parents fucking and then saw us and got freaked out even more." Human Kite added. Toolshed told the group, "Then she started hiding and when she saw Kenny, she got REALLY freaked out and ran away. Then she… she killed her." "The bastard." Human Kite muttered, and Mosquito quickly changed the subject, telling the room, "Then she flew away and Human Kite and I found her, but she attacked us."

"After that, she ran away again and went to the church, and then hit two guys that attacked her on the first day of the game in the crotch." Tupperware added. "Then she flew away again, and that brings us to right now." Captain Diabetes finished. With nothing gained from the story, everybody looked down in despair. After a moment, Human Kite asked Toolshed, "Didn't she say something after you saw her kill Kenny?"

Toolshed replied, "Yeah, it was something like… 'I had no other choice. I'll fix this. I'll turn you all back.'" "What did she mean by that?" Super Craig asked, and Call Girl pointed out, "It must have something to do with what's going on with her. Toolshed, what exactly did she say when she said she wouldn't play?"

Toolshed replied to her, "I don't know, she said… 'I'm too tired, I can't even look at my phone.'" "Hey wait a minute, hasn't she done two night missions in a row?" Tupperware asked. "No, she's done th-th-th-three." Fastpass stuttered out. "That's it!" Call Girl exclaimed."The New Kid is delirious from exhaustion! She must not be thinking straight!"

"She's thinking just fine." Wonder Tweek told the room, and everyone's eyes turned to him. After a moment, Wonder Tweek explained to them all, "The New Kid's not just delirious, she's hallucinating! When people don't sleep for a few days, they start seeing things. If the New Kid has been up for three nights straight, she probably thinks everything is different than it really is!" "And she must be seeing everything like it's really scary! She DID fight a Lovecraftian horror from another dimension last night." Balance added.

"Tweek, how do you know about that?" Super Craig asked with a raised eyebrow, and the coffee addict replied, "It happens to me sometimes." "So if we can get the New Kid to go to sleep, she'll go back to normal." Human Kite suggested. "Yeah, great idea. Let's just go up to the New Kid and tell her, 'Hey dude, nothing's real. Go to sleep.'" Coon said sarcastically.

"Well it's the best we've got. Call Girl, she hasn't seen you yet, maybe you can g-g-get through to her." Fastpass pointed out. The heroine nodded and replied, "All right. I'll go out and find the New Kid. You guys stay here." All of the others agreed wholeheartedly as Call Girl got up from her chair and left the base.

*Dova*

I flew over the town, watching as everything turned monstrous and horrifying, my ears filled with static and my eyes aching the whole time. Suddenly, I heard something from the ground, and saw Wendy in her Call Girl costume standing on the roof of the D-Mobile store, waving and calling up to me. My eyes widened as I saw that she was still normal, and I swooped down to land in front of her. "Wendy! You're okay!" I exclaimed with relief as I touched down on the roof and my wings faded, my eyes and ears feeling normal for the first time in an hour.

"I'm fine, New Kid. Everyone is." She told me, and I had a confused expression as I told her, "What are you talking about? Everything's turning into… I don't know! But something's happened to South Park!" "No, nothing's happening, New Kid, it's…" She was drowned out by static in the middle of her sentence however, and the familiar pain in my eyes made me clench them shut as I clutched my head and groaned in pain.

When I opened my eyes, my shoulders fell as I saw that Wendy had changed too. She only stood about a head and a half taller, but her eyes were blank white and she had a manic grin on her face, her teeth showing in a crazed smile. Her body looked to be entirely composed of electricity, her skin white and glowing lightly as it buzzed and twitched. The various devices on her body had been replaced by screens scrolling and typing by themselves on her skin. Her clothes, mask and hair were the same color they had been, but were composed of electricity as well, and I muttered with despair, "No. Not you too."

Wendy cackled maniacally and mockingly told me with a squealing, static-filled voice, "Poor, poor Dovahkiin. You don't have a CLUE as to what's REALLY going on!" In confusion, I asked her, "What's REALLY going on? What are you talking about?" Wendy cackled again and told me, "South Park is dying, Dovahkiin. And you can't stop it alone."

"How do I make it stop?" I demanded of her. Wendy cackled again and changed the subject as she threateningly asked me, "Aww, poor little Dovahkiin, you look tired. Don't you wish you could lie down and go to sleep?" Getting angry now, I told her, "Sleep isn't the issue here! How do I fix South Park?!"

Wendy didn't seem to feel like staying on one topic for long however, and mockingly asked me, "Or maybe you'd like to go see your little girlfriend Bebe, hmm?" She cackled again, louder than she had been, and held her stomach as she threw her head back with laughter. "Bebe?" I asked in shock. Wendy giggled crazily before she told me, "That's right, poor defenseless, weak, pathetic Beb-AH!"

I cut off the electrical being as I ran forward and tackled her, grabbing her by her shoulders as I slammed her head into the building and asked her furiously, "What have you done to Bebe?!" Wendy didn't seem bothered by this however, and cackled before telling me, "It's not what I'VE done!" She cackled loudly again, and I slammed her head down and asked her, "Who has her?!" "Nobody has her, at least, not yet." She said menacingly, and I let her go and ran to the edge of the roof, materializing my wings again as I did so.

Before I leaped off, I turned back to the former heroine and told her, "By the way, 'Call Girl' means hooker! Change your fucking name!" With that, I shot off the roof, blowing the snow off of it as I sped off towards Bebe's house.

*3rd person*

Call Girl stood on the roof of the D-Mobile store as she scanned the skies for Dova. Spotting her flying overhead, she waved her arms in the air and called out, "New Kid! New Kid, down here!" At her words, Dova looked down and flew to land on the roof, exclaiming as she landed and her wings faded, "Wendy! You're okay!" 'Good, she still sees me as me.' Call Girl thought to herself as she soothingly told the Mana user, "I'm fine, New Kid. Everyone is."

This only seemed to confuse Dova, as she told the Gadgeteer, "What are you talking about? Everything's turning into… I don't know! But something's happened to South Park!" Trying to reassure her, Call Girl told the blue-haired girl, "No, nothing's happening, New Kid, it's all in your head!" In the middle of her sentence however, Dova screwed up her eyes and clutched her head, groaning in pain as she finished.

When she opened her eyes again, Dova's shoulders fell and she muttered with despair, "No. Not you too." 'So much for seeing me as me.' Call Girl thought as she put her hands up disarmingly and told her with a careful tone, "New Kid, listen to me carefully. Nothing you see is what you think it is. I'm not what you see me as." In confusion, Dova asked, "What's REALLY going on? What are you talking about?"

Starting to gain hope that she was getting through to the other girl, Call Girl told her, "It's okay, we can fix it together. All you have to do is let us." "How do I stop it?!" Dova demanded of her, and Call Girl made calming motions with her hands as she told her, "You need to rest. You're hallucinating, and it won't stop until you go to sleep." Irritated, Dova asked, "Sleep isn't the issue here! How do I fix South Park?!"

Realizing that her current strategy wasn't working, Call Girl calmingly offered Dova, "Just calm down, New Kid. Hey! How about we go see Bebe?" This seemed to get through to her, as she muttered, "Bebe?" Smiling at her, Call Girl told Dova, "Yes, Bebe. Sweet, kind, pretty Beb-AH!" It would seem she was wrong however, as Dova tackled her and slammed her head into the roof of the mobile store as she demanded, "What have you done to Bebe?!"

Panicking, Call Girl told her, "Nothing! I-I haven't done anything to Bebe!" Not liking this answer, Dova slammed her head into the roof again and exclaimed, "Who has her?!" "Nobody! Nobody has Bebe!" Call Girl replied, and Dova released her before rushing to the roof and forming wings of pink Mana on her back, but before she flew away, she turned to the cellular superhero and told her, "By the way, 'Call Girl' means hooker! Change your fucking name!"

With that, the blue-haired girl flew off, speeding towards her girlfriend's house. Wendy lay on the roof in shock for a moment before she called Coon on FaceTime. Once he picked up, the fat boy asked her, "Did it work? Is she asleep?" "Not exactly. I uh, I actually might have made things worse." Call Girl told him awkwardly. "What did you do?" Coon asked her accusingly.

"Nothing!" Call Girl told him. "All I did was mention Bebe, and she thought I was threatening her or something. She must be hearing things differently, too!" Coon face-palmed with a sigh and asked, "So now she thinks we're trying to kill her AND her girlfriend?" Call Girl paused for a moment before replying, "Yeah, pretty much."

Toolshed then came on screen and told the girl, "It's alright, Call Girl, at least you tried. Captain Diabetes and I'll head over to Bebe's house and try to head her off." Call Girl nodded before she remembered something, and indignantly asked, "Yeah. By the way, why did none of you tell me that my superhero name means 'Hooker'?"

Toolshed's eyes widened and he exclaimed, "Uhhhhhhh… I gotta go! Toolshed out!" With that, he hung up, and Call Girl growled in annoyance before putting her phone away and making her way off the roof of the store.

*Dova*

I sped through the air towards Bebe's house, panic and rage rising in my chest. 'I don't care if they DID used to be my friends, if any of them hurt Bebe, I'll tear them apart!' I thought to myself. With the speed I was flying, it didn't take me long to reach my destination, and I swooped down onto her front yard before running inside. "Bebe!" I exclaimed, calling for her desperately. "Bebe?!" I asked throughout the house, frantically searching for my girlfriend.

Eventually I reached her room, and panted as I entered. Bebe wasn't inside, and I had already checked every other room of the house. 'Damn it, they must have already gotten her.' I thought to myself, my fist clenched in anger at my side. Suddenly, I spotted something on her bed, and walked over to see that it was a note addressed to me. I picked it up and started to read, but before I could even get past the first word, I heard static and my eyes ached again, making me clench them shut in pain.

Once both sensations had passed, I opened my eyes again and rubbed them before returning to Bebe's note. It was hastily written, and read, "Dova, if you're reading this, I need your help. Your friends, they're coming for me, but they're not like they used to be, they're monsters or something. I don't know what they want, or if you're one of them too, but if you aren't, PLEASE help me! I don't know how long I can hide from them. Bebe."

The second E on her name had a long line extending from it to the edge of the paper, like the pencil had been dragged across the page suddenly, and I knew that they had gotten her while she was writing it. I clenched the note in my fist as tears streamed down my face, but suddenly heard a crash coming from the first floor. I left her room and looked down the stairs to see that the horrific versions of Stan and Scott were waiting at the foot of the stairs.

I glared at them with rage as I took in their twisted forms. Scott was one of the less altered ones as he still looked human, but was now more than three times his size with huge, bulging muscles and two big tanks on his back, one filled with apple juice and the other insulin. His eyes were blank white like the rest, and he was wearing pants but his chest was bare.

Whereas Scott still looked vaguely like his old self, Stan would have been unrecognizable if not for his clothes. Like I had seen on our call, his face bore scars and his left eye was robotic, with the other blank white and his jaw jutting and metallic with nails for his bottom teeth. His torso was mostly human with a white shirt on it, but he had a gigantic car battery hooked up with jumper cables to metal rods embedded in his shoulders, and his left arm was mechanical past the elbow, a huge drill replacing the hand. His lower body was less human, with blue pants and robotic legs visible through them, various tools attached to his belt.

"So you got here before us, eh Dovahkiin? No matter, she's already gone." Stan taunted with a voice that sounded halfway between a power drill and human speech. "Where is she?" I demanded quietly, and Scott replied in a deep growl of a voice, "Not here. That's all we know." I growled and shot down the stairs in a comet of pink Mana, bowling them over and knocking them to the ground. I took a hold of Stan's shirt and growled out, "Where IS SHE?!"

"If you want her, you'll have to find her yourself." Stan taunted, and I growled and punched him in the face as hard as I could before flying out the open door of the house, zooming off as I thought to myself, 'No more hiding. From now on, I'm taking the fight to THEM!'

*3rd Person*

With Fastpass' help, Toolshed and Captain Diabetes got to Bebe's house quickly, but it would seem they were still too late, as they saw that the front door was flung open haphazardly. The two entered and began to search for their friend, but they weren't looking for long before Captain Diabetes knocked over a lamp.

Suddenly, they heard running from upstairs, and saw Dova standing at the top of the stairs with rage in her eyes. "New Kid! I know how it looks, but we're not here for Bebe!" Toolshed exclaimed, but she disregarded him as she demanded of them, "Where is she?" "We don't know, New Kid!" Captain Diabetes told her, but it would appear she didn't like that answer, as she shot down the stairs while surrounded by pink Mana, knocking the two down as she grabbed a hold of Toolshed's shirt and asked, "Where IS SHE?!"

"I don't know, dude! Look around town for her or something!" Toolshed told her in a panic, and Dova growled and punched him in the face before she sprouted glowing pink wings and flew out the door. Toolshed and Captain Diabetes both breathed sighs of relief before Toolshed took out his phone and called Call Girl.

The heroine's face appeared on his phone and Toolshed asked her, "The New Kid flew off again. Bebe wasn't at her house, though. Do you know where she is?" Call Girl typed on another phone for a few minutes before replying, "Her Facebook says that she's at the Memberberry Farm with her parents. Do you know where the New Kid went?"

"She attacked us and asked where Bebe is, so I told her to go look around town for her to get her to leave." Toolshed told her. Call Girl had a thoughtful look on her face for a moment before she nodded and told him, "Okay, I think I've got an idea." She then opened the call to all of the Freedom Pals and announced, "Attention Freedom Pals! I have an idea to help the New Kid, but I need everyone to go out and look around town for her. If you find her, call me and then stall her for as long as you can. If she gets away from you, let me know."

Just then, Coon appeared on another window and told her, "Fuck that! I'm not going out and getting beat up by that bitch! You guys do it!" "We all have to help the New Kid, Coon! Stop being a dick!" Toolshed told him, and Coon replied, "Oh yeah, well screw you guys, I'm going home!" He pointed off to the side as he did so, and hung up abruptly.

Toolshed pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, telling his allies, "Okay guys, looks like we lost Coon. Everyone else, go with Call Girl's plan. And remember: Retribution with Inclusion!" The others all parroted the Freedom Pals' slogan and hung up, and the search was on for the New Kid.

*Dova*

I flew through the air above South Park, searching for my former friends on the ground. 'Where are those fuckers?' I thought to myself as I soared over South Park. Suddenly, I spotted Craig and Tweek on the ground near the church, and thought to myself, 'Bingo.' As I flew down to them. I landed on the ground in front of them and beheld their altered forms as I let my wings fade.

As I did so however, my eyes ached and static filled my ears, making me clutch my head and clench my eyes shut in pain. When the sensations abated, I opened my eyes again to see a very, very strange sight, which was saying something given today's events. Whereas Craig and Tweek had previously looked like hulking, muscular versions of themselves, they now appeared to be straight out of one of their Yaoi pictures.

I looked at the two in confusion, and looked around to see that the rest of South Park was in anime style now too, but that wasn't the end of it. When I looked down at myself, I was taller and bustier, and I made a mirror out of Mana in order to check something. Just like I thought, I looked like I belonged in an anime too, and my hair went down to halfway down my back. I stared at my reflection in confusion until Craig said something in Japanese.

I dispelled the mirror as Tweek also said something in Japanese, but I didn't understand either of them, and asked them, "What are you guys saying?" Craig replied something in Japanese, and I told them, "I can't understand you." Tweek frantically spoke Japanese until I cut him off and told them, "Okay, just… shake your head no if you don't have Bebe."

Tweek stopped talking and they both shook their heads no, and I awkwardly told them, "Okay, well then, I guess I'm leaving now. I'm hoping everything will…" I gestured around me. "Stop… looking like this… Soon." I then started to walk off, but didn't get far before I saw Craig appear in front of me out of nowhere with a black blur, reminding me of the Flash Step from Bleach as he stood blocking my path with a raised palm. He said something in Japanese, and I could hear Tweek saying something in Japanese as well in a hushed tone behind me.

"Are you trying to stop me from leaving?" I asked Craig, ignoring his boyfriend for the moment. Craig nodded without a word, and I sighed as I asked, "You're not gonna let me go without a fight, are you?" He shook his head no this time, and Tweek appeared beside him with another black blur and did the same.

"Alright, let's get to it, then. But I really hope the world goes back to… well, not normal, but… not this… once we're done." I muttered. Before I could do anything else however, Craig vanished and reappeared in front of me before throwing a barrage of punches, his fists moving faster than my eyes could follow. I just barely managed to cross my arms in front of my face before his blows connected, and grunted as he pushed me back with a furious look on his face. Suddenly, I could hear the song "Let's Fighting Love" start to play from an unknown source as our fight began.

In response to his strikes, I fired a pink laser of Mana from my eyes, Craig vanishing to avoid it and reappearing some distance away with part of his sleeve burnt from my attack. I didn't have time to inspect him fully however, as Tweek started shooting lightning at me from his hands while shouting in Japanese. I ran around the churchyard to avoid it as the electricity nipped at my feet, and wanting to try something, I dashed towards him while cloaking my body with pink Mana.

Just as I had thought, I vanished with a pink blur and reappeared in front of Tweek, who just barely managed to dodge the punch I charged with Mana. I sent a pulse of more Mana at him as he retreated, and vanished again as he puffed out his cheeks and blew a wave of cold air at me. I reappeared on the church roof, but Craig appeared right behind me, and I dodged the punch he threw at me as I jumped off the rooftop and rolled as I landed on the ground.

I stood up straight as the two appeared in front of the church, and Craig's eyes shifted to look at Tweek as he said something in Japanese. Whatever it was, it surprised Tweek, as he got a shocked look on his face and asked him something that I couldn't understand. I looked on in confusion as Craig gave him a response, and Tweek nodded solemnly before the two closed their eyes.

Suddenly, both of their eyes flew open again as they shouted something in Japanese, and the pair's shirts both exploded off of them as their bodies swirled with some unknown power. Craig vanished and reappeared in front of me before I could respond, and punched me in the gut as hard as he could, making blood spew from my mouth. Time seemed to slow down for a moment as the plasma hung in the air in front of me before resuming, my blood falling to the ground. The force of his strike threw me across the street, and I rose slowly and wiped the blood from my chin as I thought, 'What the hell was that? That was WAY harder than he was punching before!'

Before I could ponder my situation further, Tweek held up his fist to point at me and fired lightning from his hand, the bolt striking me before I could avoid it and knocking me further back. As I tumbled across the ground, Craig appeared behind me and kicked me in the back, sending me flying back towards the church. I quickly regained my footing and dug the soles of my feet and my right hand into the ground, carving trenches into the ground as I skidded backwards, and slowly came to a stop as I panted from the force of their attacks and stood up straight.

The shirtless Craig stood menacingly in front of me as Tweek's fists charged with lightning behind me, and I gasped as I realized something, 'When they took their shirts off, they got more powerful.' I looked to them for a moment before smirking, telling them, "Sorry boys, but you're not the only ones who can power up."

With that, I closed my eyes and focused as the Dragon's Heart started to glow around my neck. Craig and Tweek rushed at me with fists raised to strike, but before they could reach me, an wave of pink Mana detonated from my body, sending them both crashing backwards.

The two picked themselves up slowly, and gasped as they saw me. My hair had turned from blue to pink, and although it still looked like cotton candy, Craig and Tweek cringed as they saw it, recognizing it as being a sign that I was now more powerful. I shifted my eyes to Craig, who was still standing on the other side of the street, and he gasped and vanished as I shot a sphere of concentrated Mana at him, barely missing as he reappeared next to Tweek.

A plume of smoke and snow rose up from where my projectile hit, and Craig and Tweek looked to me with wide eyes as I turned around to face them, smirking and flipping some of my hair with my hand before putting the other on my hip, asking them, "So, you guys still wanna stop me from leaving?"

Craig got a determined look on his face in response, and vanished before reappearing in front of me, throwing a haymaker punch as he returned to my vision. I was too fast for him in my new form however, and caught his fist as he tried to strike me. He had a shocked look as I held his fist, and I tugged him backwards before I turned and threw him down the street away from Stark's Pond. Tweek gasped as his boyfriend tumbled down the street, and vanished and reappeared to catch him as they both skidded backwards.

Craig had various scuffs on his body as the two came to a stop, and Tweek frantically asked him something in Japanese before the other boy opened his eyes and nodded, and his boyfriend sighed with relief before releasing him. The two looked to me warily as they conversed in Japanese, presumably coming up with a plan of attack, and both nodded before Craig vanished again, reappearing behind me as he threw a punch at my head.

I ducked to dodge the strike and vanished myself as the bolt of lightning Tweek fired struck Craig, and the blonde boy gasped before I reappeared behind him and kicked him in the back, sending him flying at his lover. The two crashed to the ground on top of each other, and as they picked themselves up, they gasped as they saw me aiming a sphere of pink Mana at them, my hand shining with the projectile's light.

"This is your last chance." I warned them."If you want to live, you'll surrender now." The two turned to each other before nodding, and they both vanished, my Mana sphere crashing into the ground where they had been. "Shit." I cursed as I missed them. Suddenly, they reappeared in front of the church, and exclaimed something I couldn't understand as their pants exploded off of their bodies, leaving them only in their hats and underwear.

My eyes widened as Craig vanished and reappeared in front of me, punching me in the face and sending me flying backwards with a bruise on my cheek before he appeared behind me and threw a barrage of punches, striking me relentlessly as the force of his punches held me in the air. Suddenly, he threw one more strong punch and vanished again as a rain of icicles crashed down on me, cutting through clothes and flesh and making me cry out in pain.

I panted in pain on the ground, and when no more attacks came, I looked up to the two to see that Tweek was healing Craig, a stream of water running over his body and closing his wounds. I growled as I stood up, and raised my hand to my cheek before I looked to see that my fingers had blood on them, confirming that it was bleeding. I disregarded it as I glared at the two and told them, "This isn't over by a long shot."

I then closed my eyes and focused once again as pink Mana swirled in a sphere around my body, making my torn clothes billow with the force as the energy cleared after a moment to reveal that my hair had turned purple, the shade a mixture of my previous two hair colors.

Though the Mana had disappeared, wind still spun around my body from its force, and I slowly raised my hand before snapping it to the side to dispel the swirling air, sending gusts of wind flying throughout the churchyard. Craig and Tweek had shocked looks on their faces as they beheld my new form. My own gaze was cold and indifferent, and I took half a step before vanishing, reappearing behind them and grabbing the backs of their heads to smash their faces into the ground.

I picked them up by their hats and threw them across the street, the two boys tumbling across snow and asphalt before I reappeared in their paths and struck the ground with a fist charged with Mana, the resulting shockwave sending them flying through the air.

I vanished and reappeared again, this time in the air, before striking the two relentlessly with a barrage of punches and kicks, my hands and feet impacting with their bodies and causing craters to momentarily form in their flesh. After a few minutes of this, I formed a sphere of pink Mana in each hand and shot them at the two lovers, sending them flying down towards Main Street.

I formed pink wings of energy and flew down to where they lay in twin craters, asking them as my feet touched the ground and my wings faded and vanished, "Had enough?" Their only response was the two cracking their eyes open and a middle finger from Craig before the two started shining with white light. I shielded my eyes as the two rose out of the ground in twin pillars of light before they both shouted in Japanese and their underwear and hats exploded, leaving them naked.

I watched in amazement as glowing angel wings sprouted from their backs, and Tweek shot lightning at me before I could react, the bolt of electricity impacting with my chest and sending me flying through the air towards Stark's Pond. Craig appeared behind me as I flew, his fist catching me in the back and making my spine arch around it before punching me downwards, a sonic boom forming behind me.

I crashed down into the pond as a plume of water and steam shot up, the pond drying up in an instant as I hit the bottom. Before I could react, Craig appeared and grabbed me by the shirt, throwing me upwards into the air where Tweek was waiting. The blonde boy blew cold air at me and froze me solid, immobilizing me as Craig appeared and started punching me, shattering the ice as he vanished and reappeared around me rapidly, punching me a hundred times a second.

My every nerve screamed with pain as he struck me, and I thought it would never end before he roundhouse kicked me towards the school, my body carving a trench in the earth as I hit the ground. I lay dazed in a crater as the two flew down to float above me, Craig telling me something in Japanese.

I groaned and shakily pulled myself to my feet, my legs trembling as I panted, blood dripping from my forehead. "Alright. That does it." I told them, my head hanging so that they couldn't see the upper half of my face. Pink Mana started swirling around me again as I looked up to them with rage in my eyes and Tweek shot lightning at me. It was deflected by the rapidly spinning energy around me however, and I became a silhouette inside my cocoon before it dispelled.

When the energy was gone, I stood in the crater with my injuries healed and my clothes ragged from the many strikes I had taken, and I glared up at the two as they saw that my hair was now rainbow-colored, each color in the spectrum a stripe in my billowing hair. As the two were distracted, I shot upwards, the earth cracking under my feet as I jumped into the air, forming a sphere of concentrated Mana the size of a wrecking ball above my head as I told them with my voice reverberating and my eyes shining with power, "I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU TWO!"

With that, I threw the sphere downwards, the huge projectile shooting down at them and impacting as the two screamed in pain. The boys crashed into the ground as the sphere drove them through the earth, remaining for a moment and grinding them into the ground before it dissipated, revealing the two lying in a huge crater, naked but with no wings.

The two groaned as I floated to the ground without the aid of wings, glaring down at them as my hair faded back to its normal blue tone. Once I was back to normal, I clutched my head as a wave of pain hit my eyes, and static filled my hearing for a few minutes until both sensations passed.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that South Park was back to normal, and I looked down to see that I was my normal height and cup size. Looking into the crater where Craig and Tweek lay, I saw that the two were still naked, but were back to their human forms, and I sighed with relief as I thought, 'Glad that's over.'

It would seem I was wrong however, as the monstrous forms of Token, Butters, and Jimmy walked in to reveal themselves to me. I cursed as I realized that our fight had only turned Craig and Tweek back to normal, and glared at the three as I looked over their horrific forms.

Token was easily the strangest of the three, as he resembled the Tuppermech Mk III from his Ultimate attack but with the headpiece filled with liquid, his severed and bald head floating inside attached to the suit with various wires and tubes.

Butters had the build of his Professor Chaos form but with his new costume, the white robe ending below his knees and his circlet on his head, the only difference being a white blindfold covering his eyes.

Fastpass however, was a hulking monstrosity of metal and flesh, his legs replaced by bionic parts that ended in wheels and his arms extended horrifically, replaced by more bionics at the elbows and extending to the ground as well, where larger wheels sat on the ground.

I glared at the three as Token told me in a robotic voice, "Time's up, Dovahkiin." "It's time for this charade to end." Butters agreed, and Fastpass stammered out, "Y-Y-Y-You've got nowhere to r-r-run." I took on a fighting stance as my eyes darted between the three, my limbs trembling from exhaustion.

Before anyone could do anything however, I heard a familiar voice cry out, "Stop!" I gasped and turned to face the source, and sobbed with relief as I saw that it was Bebe! "Bebe!" I exclaimed, and looked her over as she walked up to me and I waited for her to change like the others. When no such change came, I muttered with a smile on my face, "You're… you're still you."

Bebe smiled reassuringly at me as she approached, and told me, "Yes, I'm still me. And they're still themselves, too." She gestured to the three horrors around me, and in confusion, I asked her, "What do you mean? They're… They're not…" "The same." Bebe finished, and took my hands in hers as she told me, "Dova, the whole town is fine. Your friends, your parents, they're all fine."

Tears streamed down my face and my voice cracked as I told her, "Bebe… I don't understand." "Look around. They're still your friends. Look past the hallucinations, Dova." Bebe told me, and I looked around in confusion as the other Freedom Pals walked in to meet us and Craig and Tweek pulled themselves out of their crater.

My eyes widened as they all started glowing, and my jaw dropped as the monstrous versions of my friends turned transparent to reveal that the real versions were inside, all smiling at me alongside Craig and Tweek. Even Kenny appeared as a ghostly apparition, and I smiled with relief as I muttered, "They're… they're all back. They're all okay." Bebe pulled me into a hug as I started sobbing, and she soothingly told me, "They never left. Please Dova, just go to sleep. I promise, I'll explain everything in the morning."

I could feel fatigue creeping at the edges of my consciousness, and I smiled as I started to drift off and told the group, "Yeah… Sleep sounds nice. Sorry about beating you guys up…"

*3rd Person*

Bebe sighed with relief as Dova fell asleep in her arms, and glared at the heroes around her as she asked them, "Now that that's over, can you guys tell me why you decided to keep my girlfriend awake for THREE FUCKING DAYS STRAIGHT?!"

All of them cringed and started muttering awkwardly, all of them avoiding her gaze. After a moment, Bebe rolled her eyes and told them, "Forget it. I'm taking her home to sleep, and if any of you wake her up before tomorrow… well let's just say that you better pray she kills you before I get there." All of them nervously agreed to leave her alone, and Bebe shifted Dova onto her back before setting off for her house.

Once Bebe reached her girlfriend's home, she walked inside to see her Mom sitting on the couch, nursing her hangover with orange juice. When she saw the two walk in, she asked, "Hey Bebe, where have you two been?"

Bebe looked to the blue-haired girl on her back and told her mother, "It's a long story. Dova needs to rest though, so I'm gonna go and put her to bed." Dova's Mom shrugged and requested, "Okay. But afterwards can you tell me what those weird lights were outside?" Bebe nodded in affirmation and went upstairs to tuck Dova into bed, going downstairs afterwards to begin the long process of explaining the day's events to her mother.

And that is the chapter. I made this chapter because I figured it would be fun to break up the story with a little non-canon content, and I really like how the anime fight turned out, but feel free to let me know what you thought as long as it doesn't turn into a flame. I'll see you in the next chapter! Coon out!


	8. The Fifth Day Part 1

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the next chapter of The Next Adventure. This chapter will of course be based off of the last day in The Fractured But Whole but fair warning, this one will have a fair amount of gore, so without further ado, I do not own South Park, let's read!

I was jolted awake by my alarm, my phone buzzing and ringing to alert me that it was time to go to school. I sat up and yawned, stretching my arms above my head for a moment before I took a hold of the device and shut off the alarm. As I did so however, I saw that it was Sunday. 'That's weird. I could've sworn it was Sat…Ur…Day. Oh, wait. I remember now.' I thought to myself, memories of yesterday's ordeals rushing to the forefront of my mind.

I called Stan on FaceTime, and once he picked up, the Gadgeteer cautiously asked me, "H-Hey New Kid. Good to see you awake. You uh, you okay?" I smiled at the boy awkwardly and asked him, "I think so, but… What happened yesterday?" Toolshed explained, "You started hallucinating and went nuts. Kenny's back by the way, and she told me to tell you to go fuck yourself." I cringed and rubbed the back of my head, telling him, "Yeah, sorry about that. I saw all of you guys as monsters. Guess I need to sit out night missions more often." My teammate shrugged and told me, "Well, it looks like you're better now. We need you at the Freedom Pals base, so head over there once you're ready."

He then hung up on me, and I got up and out of bed before going to brush my teeth and clean my braces. 'No static yet. That's a good sign.' I thought once I was done. I then went downstairs to find my parents, but they were both mysteriously absent, and the door to their room was unlocked. I figured that they had both partied a little too hard last night and that they were sleeping it off somewhere before I left, resolving to yell at them over their respective addictions once I found them.

That thought made me pause however, and rub my throat thoughtfully. 'Weird.' I thought to myself. 'My throat feels fine. With how much I talked yesterday, and during our night mission at the police station, I shouldn't even be able to whisper, but… I feel perfectly fine.' "She sells seashells down by the seashore." I said at my usual soft level. When I felt nothing, I said a little stronger, "Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers."

Still I felt nothing, and said at a normal volume, "Sally Struthers' other brother's her mother." This time I felt just the slightest twinge, and shrugged as I figured that my voice must finally be getting stronger. I then put it out of my mind and decided to pick out a new costume for today. I decided to use the Mummy Wraps for my hands, the Majestic Suit for my torso, and the Majestic Horn for my head. With that done, I went downstairs to get some cereal and watch the news.

"And now the news program that starts your day off right: GOOD MORNING SOUTH PARK." The program exclaimed, and it then cut to Tom the anchor sitting at his desk, who stated, "Shocking reports of corruption and drug use in the police force have come forth after a raid on Friday. We now continue our coverage of that fateful night. The Farting Vigilante struck again, this time at the police station itself, and uncovered a den of drugs, false imprisonment, and Elder God worship." The screen cut to the police station where Yates was being wrestled into a police car as Tom stated, "Sargent Harrison Yates and his police force have been caught on tape cheesing, snorting cocaine, and admitting to brutally arresting black citizens of South Park without warrants, being read the Miranda Rights, or even basic human decency."

The camera cut back to Tom as he told the audience, "Why would he and others do such horrible things? Here with more is a midget wearing clown hair." It then cut to the little person reporter who was wearing a rainbow afro wig and standing in the cave underneath the station, and he stated, "Thanks Tom, as you can see behind me, Sargent Yates and his men have been feeding, yes feeding, African-Americans to an eldritch being from another dimension. The being in question is now gone from this world, but its touch will forever linger in the Farting Vigilante."

I snickered at his unintentional double-entendre, and the camera cut to Tom once more, who told the audience, "That's right, midget, the Farting Vigilante was responsible for the destruction of Shub-Niggurath the Outer God. He beat and beat that thing's tentacles until they were squishy and sensitive, and then beat them some more." I giggled in amusement as Tom said, "He was really anal about killing this thing, people. And by the time he was done, the beast was finally able to achieve release… Into the next life." I openly laughed at that part, and wiped away a tear as I thought to myself, 'Okay, okay, wow. That almost made the other night worth it.'

I swallowed a bite of cereal as Tom said, "Good thing the Farting Vigilante's not a girl, because we all know what happens to girls when tentacles are involved. Not that I watch any of that stuff. Midget?" The camera cut to City Hall, where the little person stood as he told Tom, "Thanks Tom, I'm standing here in front of City Hall, where the mayor has voided the warrant for the Vigilante's arrest and is currently working with medical officials to organize a blood drive-"

I turned the TV off at this point, figuring I had watched enough, and spun to change into my costume. I left my makeup off and decided to head to Token's House. Once I left my own house however, I got a FaceTime call from Father Maxie, who asked me, "Don't you sometimes feel like you have no idea what to do next? Like you haven't been given any direction and you're unsure what's even going on?"

I shrugged at the priest, but he ignored me as he told me, "My child, it's because you've been trying to find yourself in the wrong way. Knowing your sexual identity or race or ethnicity – that's nothing compared to knowing who you are SPIRITUALLY. Go to the pond, my child. Someone is waiting for you at the pond who will finally help you find your TRUE SELF."

He then hung up, and I saw that I now had a Mission to go to Stark's Pond. 'Well, at least I'll finally get the rest of my character sheet filled out.' I thought to myself, and left as I got a FaceTime call from Mysterion, who told me, "FREEDOM PALS! ALL FREEDOM PALS, REPORT TO BASE IMMEDIATELY! I REPEAT, ALL FREEDOM PALS, TO BASE!"

She then hung up, and I got a Mission to go to the base as I thought, 'Good to see her again.' I had been freaked out the first time Kenny had died in South Park, but I was used to it by now. I then set off for the pond, figuring that the Freedom Pals could wait. I stopped at Craig's house and the now almost empty police station to fulfill my other Missions on my way to the pond. Mr. Tucker gave me a new Yaoi picture, which I set as my phone background, and a body pillow Artifact. Mr. Adams gave me two Artifacts, one in the form of an autographed headshot, which I resolved to sell ASAP.

I took a selfie with him and replaced my Horns of the Deplorable with the Idol of Inappropriate Touching Adams gave me before leaving, heading to Stark's Pond. I defeated some Crab People with the help of Call Girl, Balance, and Toolshed along the way, trying out TimeFart Pause in battle for the first time and finding it surprisingly useful.

I beat up more Crab People at Stark's Pond, the pond about halfway refilled from my fight against Super Craig and Wonder Tweek. Once they had been defeated, I replaced my Idol of Inappropriate Touching with a Crustacean Modulator I got from the Crab People and went up to some blonde guy in a trench coat. As I approached, the guy told me, "I've been watching you… And I believe we can help each other."

"Have you heard of the Super Best Friends? Well, IT IS I! SEAMAN!" He exclaimed, throwing off his trench coat to show me his costume. Semen then argued with a disembodied narrator about his name before he told me as he turned his back on me, "It is my job to help all creatures of the sea. And right now, there is a gay fish who wants help getting his mother into heaven. I want to help the little gay fish, but all the other Super Best Friends keep saying they're too busy." He then turned to face me and asked, "Will you help?"

Without giving me a chance to respond, Semen scooped me up and told me, "Then swim down to the water's depths with me! Don't worry, my water defenses shall protect you!" He then turned around and dove forward, almost hitting the exposed wall of the pond before we landed in the water. True to his word, the water parted around my head to give me a bubble of air as he swam while holding me, and the narrator got his name wrong again as we swam down into an underground cave, where we found a huge green fish who was wearing a gold chain and sobbing.

"Do not cry, little fish! I have returned and with help!" Semen exclaimed, and the fish turned around to face us and asked him in Kanye West's voice for some reason, "Oh, thank you, Semen! You really think you can help my mom get to Heaven?!" "It's Seaman and yes I do. This child has incredible powers." Semen replied. Gay Fish then came up to me and told me, "Alright, if you get my mom into Heaven, I will give you three million dollars and some jewelry. Just touch my little gay flipper and we shall be magically transported to help her."

I then took his offered fin, and the whole world went white for a moment before we all flew upwards and into what was apparently Valhalla according to the narrator. There we found another giant fish, this one riding a unicorn. "I'M HERE, MOMMA!" Gay Fish told his mother as we floated in midair. "Is that you, baby?!" She exclaimed, turning to face us.

"It's me! We gonna get you to Heaven, momma. Just hold on, this kid's gonna help us." He told his mother while gesturing to me. "OK, baby, whatever you say, you little gay fish!" Gay Fish's mother replied, and the narrator told me I had to help Gay Fish's mom get to Heaven and got Semen's name wrong again. I was confused for a moment until I got an alert on my phone and pulled it out to see that it showed the Gay Fish's mom on her unicorn and three hearts, and that I had to tap the screen to get ready.

I started up the game and immediately found that it was basically Flappy Bird with what was happening on my screen happening to the actual Gay Fish's mother, making me curse Semen in my mind for dragging me into this. I lost a few times but thankfully I got more lives each time, and eventually managed to dodge all of Zazul's fireballs and the columns to get Gay Fish's mom to Heaven. "I made it! Thanks for your help, baby!" Gay Fish's mom told us as she rode her unicorn past the Flappy Bird obstacles and into Heaven.

"I LOVE YOU, MAMA!" Gay Fish called out to her, and she called back, "I'll see you soon, baby!" "Yup I'll see you soon, momma – wait, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?! Mama?!" Gay Fish asked, realizing halfway through his sentence that she meant he would be dead soon. "Hold on a sec – what is that?" Semen asked, pointing to the gates of Heaven. A bright light then shot forth from it and coalesced into Jesus, who told me, "You have done very well, my child."

"Thank you, Jesus." Semen told him, and he replied, "Not you, Semen. The kid." "SEAMAN!" Semen corrected him, exasperation in his voice. "Oh, yeah right. Anyway…" Jesus conceded before he somehow walked up to me in midair and told me, "You had no reason to help this little Gay Fish, my child, and yet you did."

"Kid had EVERY reason to help me! I'm a lyrical genius, voice of a generation." Gay Fish cut in, but Jesus ignored him as he told me, "I see that you are trying to determine your spirituality my child. Allow me to help thee…"

"Well what religion CAN I be? I'm a Mana user. Why would God give humanity that kind of power anyway?" I asked him, and Jesus hissed through his teeth and rubbed the back of his neck as he looked to the side and told me, "Uh, yeah… About that. God didn't really do that. And neither did I. Or Satan, to be honest. We don't really know what's going on with it."

I looked to him with bewilderment and asked, "So you're omnipotent but don't know why some people can do crazy shit with energy made out of emotions?" "Yeah, pretty much. Just-Just pick whatever religion you want, your Mana stuff won't affect it." He replied, and I shrugged before choosing Neutral for my Alignment since I didn't feel particularly Lawful or Chaotic and, just for kicks, choosing Wiccan for my Religion.

"Okay, so you're a Neutral Wiccan. Oh, wait, I bet you want a selfie with Jesus, right?" Jesus asked, and we took a selfie together before he told me, "Congratulations, my child… You know who you are now. You are one step closer to believing in yourself. Good luck my little neutral Wiccan." He then beamed me back down to Earth in a flash of light, and immediately afterward I was approached by the same fucking rednecks that had been trying to beat me up throughout the whole game.

"Well, well, well…" The lead redneck started, and the fat one in the green jacket said, "Lookie what we got here. We've got ourselves a…" He then took out a piece of paper from his pocket and read off it, stating robotically, "Cisgender. Homosexual. White. American. Neutral. Wiccan." He then put the paper away as the lead redneck asked him, "Dang Cleetus why you talkin' like that?" "Dialogue tree." Cleetus whispered to him.

"Ah, I gotcha." The lead redneck replied, and Cleetus told me, "We don't take kindly to your types around here." "Let's welcome this THING to our town." The third redneck stated, and another fucking battle with these pricks started up, my allies in the fight Call Girl, Mysterion, and Balance. I skipped the first redneck's turn before he could hit Call Girl with a bottle, and used my own turn to hit the lead redneck with Triple Burn, cutting his Health almost in half and giving him Burning.

Cleetus simply advanced forward one space before the lead redneck threw a beer at me, Mysterion, and Balance, Confusing all three of us. Call Girl hit the redneck whose turn I had skipped with Selfie-Stick Strike, almost defeating him before Mysterion used Dread Rush to finish him off. Balance then used Mind Clear to Confuse and Shock Cleetus, and I used Root Burst to damage everyone but Balance, my attack damaging my allies thanks to my Confused status.

Cleetus then moved forward one space and took Shock damage, the lead redneck following up by throwing a beer can at me. He was then defeated by Burning damage, and Call Girl used Selfie-Stick Strike to finish off Cleetus. I got some change and scrap from the fight before the Mission was finally completed, and I looked over the list to see that I only had the one to go to Freedom Pals HQ left.

I then Fast Traveled to Cartman's house to get what Gay Fish put in my toy chest, but contrary to his word it was just a costume set and a note saying, "IOU 3 mil and some jewelry." I rolled my eyes upon seeing it and put the note in my necklace before going back to Cartman's, where I Fast Traveled over to Token's house.

When I got up to the front gate, I got a FaceTime call from Classi, who told me, "Oh, hey little hommie it's me – Classi. I just wanted to thank yo ass for takin' down the corrupt police chief. I'm free now thanks to you. Anytime you need help – you just call on Classi – with an I and a little dick hanging off the L fuckin' the SHIT out of tha ASS." She then hung up and drove by me, tossing me a pink toy phone that I could apparently use to summon her.

With that done, I went inside Token's house and down to the Freedom Pals base, where I found everyone else waiting for me. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Toolshed turned to me and said, "I'm glad you're here, New Kid. Come take a look at this."

With that, he led me over to the curtain that was hiding Timothy's franchise plan and drew it back, revealing the reason he had been so eager to get me here. My eyes widened as I saw the blueprint had been ripped and torn apart, none of his work even legible. "Jesus." I breathed out, and all the other Freedom Pals gathered around us and stared at the plan in despair.

Wonder Tweek made his nervous noise and stated, "It's destroyed! It's all gone, man!" "Timmy's franchise plan… All that work! It's barely even readable!" Toolshed told me, and I thought, 'Holy fuck. I was never really on board with the whole franchise thing, but… Jeez. Who would do this?' "It was like this when we woke up yesterday. They must've come in the night. Got past the security grid." Tupperware told me.

"Timmy…" Timothy muttered, lamentation in his voice at his ruined work. "Who the hell would do this?" Human Kite asked angrily, and Super Craig pointed out, "I'll bet it was the Sixth Graders. Only they would stoop to this level." "No… this was someone who wanted to hurt us personally." Toolshed told him.

Just then, we all heard a chime come Timothy's iPad, and turned to face it as Mysterion stated, "Yes, Siri." "Incoming Video Message." The device stated, and Mysterion told it, "Play the message. Full screen." A video then started playing to reveal my parents tied up in an unknown location, and my eyes widened as Dad made fearful noises.

"What is this place?!" Mom asked on the screen. "Hey, isn't that the New Kid's parents?" Toolshed asked the room, and suddenly Mitch Conner came on screen and stated, "Hehehehe… This is a message to Coon and Friends!" 'Cartman!' I thought, rage starting to build in my heart. "Oh, god dammit." Kite muttered, looking to the fat boy. "Looks like I have something that the New Kid wants. That's good, because the New Kid has something that I want." Conner stated.

The Coon suddenly exclaimed while pointing at the screen, "Conner! That son of a bitch!" He then looked around the room shiftily, trying to see if any of us suspected him. Conner then moved next to Dad's head and told us, "Care to make a trade, New Kid? Let's make a deal." Dad cut in, telling him, "Hey listen, you're gonna be in big trouble if you don't-"

Conner cut him off however, and punched him in the face twice before rubbing his hand all over it while making weird noises and poking him. Tupperware gasped as the screen switched to show my parents from the back and Dad asked Mom, "He hit me! Did you see that?!" Conner then came on screen again and told me, "Get outside and then do exactly as I say, New Kid, or you'll never see your parents again! And hurry, or there'll be more of this!"

He then went up to Mom and rubbed his hand all over her face, making weird noises again and honking her nose while blowing raspberries. The screen then showed static and the video ended, and Human Kite pointed to Coon as he demanded, "Where are they, fatass?!" Playing dumb, Coon asked him in turn, "Where is who, Human Kite?"

Kite was in no mood for this however, and ran up to the boy and grabbed him by his shirt as he shouted, "THE NEW KID'S PARENTS?! WHERE ARE THEY?!" "How should I know?!" Coon asked, still playing dumb. "BECAUSE THAT'S FUCKING YOU! YOU TOOK THE NEW KID'S PARENTS BECAUSE YOU HATE THAT WE MERGED WITH FREEDOM PALS!" Human Kite shouted at him, and Coon replied, "That's not true! I want this mega-franchise more than anybody! Tell him guys!"

We were having none of his shit however, and we all glared at him for a moment before Mysterion pointed to him and menacingly told the fat hero-turned-villain, "You have five seconds, Cartman." Coon then protested, "I'm on your side." He turned to me as all the others closed in on him, and asked me, "New Kid… You believe me… don't you?"

I had a glare to match the rest of the room however, and told him with murder in my eyes, "You saw what I could do when I thought I was helping you guys. Tell me where my fucking parents are or you'll see what happens when I seriously want to hurt you." As Mysterion moved to grab him, Coon squirmed out of Human Kite's grip and used Timothy as a human shield, backing up towards the stairs as he told us, "I'll prove my innocence, you assholes!"

He then ran up the stairs and out of the room, fleeing from us as Kite exclaimed, "Come on, we gotta get that fat fuck!" He and Super Craig helped Timothy out of the way and we all chased Cartman up the stairs, me deciding to switch to using his normal name out of spite. Timothy stopped me at the stairs however, and Balance stood by me as the psychic boy put his finger to his temple and focused on me.

As Timothy delved into my mind, I felt a rush of vertigo as searing pain lanced through my body and mind, and internally screamed as I felt my biology shifting and changing, new parts forming inside me. I was locked in place as my brain was besieged by knowledge of different fighting styles and how to most effectively avoid detection along with information of the human anatomy, and I could see where to hit someone to do the most damage. I saw where people's pressure points were, and which ones to hit to paralyze, cause excruciating pain, and kill.

Suddenly, Timothy took his finger off his head, and I collapsed on to my front as I panted, trying to recover from his mental onslaught. Balance helped me up as Timothy wheeled away and started to concentrate, presumably searching for Cartman with his mind. "What'd he tell you?" Balance asked me once I was on my feet. I got an alert on my phone that told me what I already knew as I looked down at my hands and muttered, "I… I have EVERY class."

Balance's eyes widened at my words, and he said, "Wow. That… That's amazin'!" I smiled at him and nodded, then switched around my Powers so that my Ultimate was set as the Deadly Dive from the Assassin class, and that my three others were the Cerebral Blast from Psychic, Sweet Scent from Plantmancer, and Ice Prison from Elementalist. I then swapped out my Empathy Surge DNA Artifact for the Ungodly Strength, boosting all my Powers by twenty-five percent and getting rid of the Health cost.

With that done, I left Token's house to search for Cartman. Once I left, I got a FaceTime call from Conner, who told me, "All right, New Kid, I'm gonna tell you where to go and you're gonna go there ON FOOT – no Fast Travel, you got that? The first one is easy. Go to the place where people get their coffee fix. Better hurry… TICK TOCK TICK TOCK."

He then hung up, and I growled as I thought about how easy it would be to separate Conner from Cartman with the new blades that had appeared hidden under my shirt when Timothy gave me the Assassin class. Regardless, I left for Tweek's Coffee, taking my anger out on some Chaos Minions on the way. When I approached the coffee shop, I got another call from Conner, who told me, "When you get to the location you're gonna see a guy in a RED SHIRT. GO TALK TO HIM." He then hung up, and I sighed before going inside the shop and walking up to a guy in a red shirt.

"Oh boy, isn't that the Farting Vigilante? I don't know if you're a hero or a menace. Man, this coffee really has me buzzed…" He slurred out, and I was confused for a moment until I looked to the menu and saw that they had a new special for sale called Hair of the Dog. His phone then started ringing, and he answered it before offering it to me, telling me, "It's for you."

I took the phone and put it up to my ear, hearing Conner ask, "That's real good New Kid. But now I'm gonna make things a little harder for you. Instead of telling you where to go I'm giving you a riddle. You ready?" I got out a pen and paper and wrote down his words as he stated, "A place where death comes in all shapes and sizes - go into this store to find what your prize is."

He then hung up, and I handed the guy in the red shirt his phone before looking down at the paper, sighing before thinking, 'Well, off to Jimbo's Guns, I guess.' "Dude, I'm so wasted on this stuff…" The guy muttered as I left and was immediately ambushed by Mr. Kim. I sighed with annoyance as he made ninja noises and took a few poses. He then unsheathed his sword and asked, "So, you think you can outsmart the City Ninjas?"

I glared at him as he smugly said, "Oh hoh – Don't think you can run from City Ninja. You see, City Ninjas always have backup plan!" He turned away from me as he narrated, "You have made many enemies in this town, vigilante. And now, you have to face us all… AT THE SAME TIME!" He then whirled around to face me as he exclaimed, "GROUP LEADERS TINGIDAO MA!"

At that, the leader of the sixth graders ran up to join him, shouting, "SIXTH GRADERS!" Mercedes then jumped in and exclaimed, "RAISINS GIRLS, ASSEMBLE!" A beaten-up truck covered in signs endorsing Mitch Conner for mayor then rolled in with a redneck in it, who yelled, "THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!"

He then got out and joined the others as a Crab Person pushed aside a manhole and exclaimed, "CRAAAAAAAAB PEOPLE!" My focus was on Mercedes however, and I asked her indignantly, "What the fuck, Mercedes?! I thought we settled things!" "Clyde racked up another tab." She replied, and I growled out, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUT UP A FUCKING SIGN!"

She wasn't intimidated however, and told me, "Management's dragging their feet on it. And we have to serve him in the meantime or we'll get fired." Ignoring our discussion, Mr. Kim taunted me, "HA HA VIGILANTE! EVERYBODY MAD AT YOU! PREPARE TO DIE!"

I had had enough of all of their shit however, and growled as I pulled one of my hidden blades from my shirt and threw it into the Crab Person's head, impaling him and nailing his head to the road as I kicked the Sixth Grader leader in the nuts with my Brutalist strength, making him cry out in a voice three octaves higher than usual. I turned to the redneck leader and clenched my eyes shut before snapping them open, forcing my way into his mind and making him dance like a ballerina.

Mercedes came up behind me and tried to tackle me, but I whirled around and jabbed my pointer finger into a few specific places into her stomach, using her pressure points to make her orgasm. The world briefly turned into anime format and we took on our older forms for a moment before she collapsed and things returned to normal. Thankfully her cry of pleasure sounded to anyone else like pain and the juices that soaked her booty shorts looked like she had wet her pants. Finally, I turned to Mr. Kim and ran around him in a blur, slicing his clothes with my remaining blade until I stopped to reveal I had cut them into a bikini.

Mr. Kim covered up with a shrill cry, and held out his hand in a disarming stance as he pleaded, "Woah woah woah woah woah! Okay, okay, I get it! We no try to kill you anymore! We-We call this one a freebie, 'kay?" I nodded to him with a glare, and he threw down a smoke bomb and disappeared. Suddenly, I got an alert on my phone that said someone had posted on my Coonstagram, and opened it to see that Mr. Kim had told all his City Ninjas not to attack me anymore. I nodded and took a deep breath to calm myself down before retrieving my blade from the Crab Person's head, kicking the corpse into the sewer before I cleaned my knife and repaired the hole in the road with Mana.

I then set off for Jimbo's Guns, Cartman calling me on FaceTime along the way and pleading his innocence. I ignored him however, and Call Girl called immediately afterward to tell me she was pinpointing his location and to do what he said for now. As I neared the gun shop, Super Craig and Mosquito called to report that he wasn't at Raisins or the park.

I ignored them as I entered the store and immediately got a FaceTime call from Conner, who told me, "So! You solved my riddle, huh? You're not as dumb as I thought. You see the guy standing over there? Take a selfie with him. DO it NOW or your mom is gonna suffer." He then hung up abruptly, and I thought to myself, 'Oh fucking hell, I get what this is about now. Cartman's trying to get me to endorse him so he can become mayor! Well if he wants me to take selfies, then I'll fucking take selfies.'

I then went up to the guy wearing a Mitch Conner shirt and took a selfie with him, making sure that I had a sorrowful expression and tears streaking down my face as I did so. I also added a bunch of hashtags to it with things like #MitchConner'sgotmyparents, #Help, and #MitchConnerbad. I looked at the comments and smirked as I saw that people were reacting with outrage and shock, and were denouncing him as a monster.

Apparently Conner didn't actually look at it, as he called and told me, "You're getting close, New Kid. But to find me you're gonna have to solve ONE MORE RIDDLE. I am a place where seats hang from chains; part desert, part jungle, where happiness reigns." He then hung up, and I smirked as I thought, 'Oh, I am gonna fuck you SO HARD! Say goodbye to your chance at mayor, asshole.' I then left the store and made for the playground with a spring in my step.

Once I reached the park, I got a FaceTime call from Conner, who ordered, "How did you solve my riddle? God you're so smart, wow, I'm so jelly. All right, you see that woman there? Go talk to her." He hung up without another word, and I approached the frightened-looking woman wearing a Mitch Conner for Mayor shirt. She looked down at my approach and fearfully told me, "He – He told me if I didn't do what he said, he'd do horrible things to my patio." "Get a selfie with her. DO IT NOW!" Conner ordered over FaceTime, hanging up again immediately afterward.

I rolled my eyes and took out my phone as she apologized, "I'm sorry. He said he was gonna poop on my patio. What was I supposed to do?!" Ignoring her, I took out my phone and took a selfie with the scared woman, making my eyes look puffy and looking like I was barely holding back tears in the photo. I added more hashtags denouncing Conner as well, such as #Iwantmymommy, #Hesaidhe'dkillthem, and #Hesaidhe'dpooponherpatio.

Once the picture was posted and people were making death threats against Conner in the comments, Conner called me on FaceTime and told me, "Ha, ha. That should just about do it. Sorry, kid. I have what I need now. See you around." He then hung up, and I sighed as I thought to myself, 'Well, I saw that coming.'

I started to think of places Conner might be stashing my parents before I got a call from Call Girl, who told me, "NEW KID! I GOT HIM! All of his messaging has been coming from the Community Center!" She then hung up and Kite called immediately afterward, saying, "YOU HEARD HER FREEDOM PALS! EVERYONE GET TO THE COMMUNITY CENTER NOW!"

I nodded with determination and ran off to the Community Center, but paused as a thought occurred to me. I focused on my legs, thought about how Fastpass zoomed around town so easily, and shot forward in a blur! Only to immediately crash into a streetlight, making me curse as I rubbed my forehead. 'Guess I'm not doing that again.' I thought to myself before continuing on my route at a normal pace.

Once I had reached the building, I found Balance, Toolshed, Mysterion, Human Kite, and Captain Diabetes waiting for me. "Where's everyone else?" Toolshed asked as I approached, and Mysterion told him, "It doesn't matter – there's no time. Let's get this fat turd while we can." "All right one, two, THREE!" Kite exclaimed, and we all rushed inside the Community Center.

"OH MY GOD! LOOK!" Balance exclaimed as we entered, and we all saw Cartman standing on the stage with his left hand dressed up to look like Mitch Conner, his right holding a microphone up to where his mouth was supposed to be. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the Freedom Pals and their newest recruit." Conner said, a flashlight shining below him in an attempt to look menacing. It didn't work however, and Toolshed asked Cartman, "What have you done with the New Kid's parents, fatass?"

"Nothing yet. But when I'm finished with you I can't say they'll be exactly safe." Conner replied, and Mysterion told the fat boy attached to him, "This has gone on far enough! We end it now!" "The only thing about to end is you, Mysterion." Conner told him menacingly. Human Kite then exclaimed, "We aren't gonna fight you, Cartman. Now put your stupid hand down and stop playing games!"

Cartman looked to his Conner hand and then to us before moving the microphone to speak into it with his actual mouth and telling us, "We have to stop him, you guys! He's got all the New Kid's followers now!" 'Yeah, he's got them calling for his head on a platter.' I thought to myself smugly. "Even with their help you can't stop me, Coon." Conner told the boy controlling him, Cartman moving his microphone again.

"We'll see about that, motherfucker." Cartman told his hand, and Human Kite took a few steps forward and threateningly told Cartman, "All right, Cartman. You want us to kill Mitch Conner? We'll FUCKING kill him!" "Fuck yeah!" I exclaimed, and a battle began as Toolshed, Human Kite, Captain Diabetes and I took our places in a grid opposite Cartman. "We can stop Mitch Conner, guys! Just try not to hit me." Cartman told us.

I was unfortunately too far away from the fat boy for any of my moves to hit him, so I simply advanced two spaces and ended my turn. Toolshed then did the same before Captain Diabetes used Sugar Rush to advance forward and hit Cartman, dealing a small amount of damage and causing him to exclaim, "OW! Mitch Conner is over there!"

Human Kite then moved down into Cartman's row and used Laser Burn to damage him, telling him, "Damn it, Coon! Just tell us where you hid the New Kid's parents!" He played dumb however, and told us, "Guys, I'm just an innocent hostage here!" "Oh, please." Toolshed muttered, not believing him for a second. Cartman then turned to Captain Diabetes and hit him with his Mitch Conner hand, breaking through the Protection he had but leaving his Health intact as Conner told us, "Anyone can be mayor if they just work hard enough."

"I think I deserve another turn after that." Conner said, and with a crackle of electricity it was suddenly Cartman's turn again, and he used the opportunity to pounce on me and force me forward a space. I growled at his cheating as Cartman said with shock in his tone, "Wait a minute, what the fuck? I actually didn't do that." "Yeah, right." I muttered, rolling my eyes as my turn rolled around.

I moved forward a space and used Ice Prison to try and Freeze Cartman, but no ice appeared around him, and I cursed as I realized he must somehow be immune to Freeze effects. "Take it easy, ButtLord. I wanna find your parents as much as anybody." Cartman told me hesitantly, keeping up the act that he wasn't controlling Mitch Conner. Toolshed then used Spiral Power to damage our enemy, dealing a minor amount of damage and prompting Cartman to ask us, "Can't you see Mitch is just using me as a human shield?"

We ignored him however, and Captain Diabetes moved down one space before using Sugar Rush again, striking Cartman and gaining Protection as Conner pointed out, "Your fat body makes an excellent human shield, Coon!" "The fuck?! I DIDN'T say that, guys!" Cartman told us fearfully, and Kite ignored him as he used Laser Burn to shave off more of his Health, causing Cartman to ask him, "Dude, why are you attacking ME?"

Cartman would have used Coon Lunge to damage Captain Diabetes and Human Kite had I not skipped his turn with TimeFart Glitch, which I followed up with Cerebral Blast, moving up one space to do so. However, it would seem Conner didn't feel like playing fair, as he told me, "After further calculation, that damage didn't happen." Cartman's Health then restored itself, and angrily I told him, "Stop fucking cheating, Cartman!" "I'm not doing this anymore, you guys!" Cartman protested in response. A red shield then appeared around him with spikes covering it, presumably to damage us if we hit him.

"It's not me!" He protested again, but we ignored him as Toolshed moved into position and used Drillslinger to damage Cartman, knocking him back into Captain Diabetes. "Poor Coon, you seem to be taking all the damage." Conner taunted his controller, and Cartman told him, "Yeah, 'cause these guys can't aim!"

Suddenly, Cartman's Health was restored while Toolshed's was depleted, and Captain Diabetes used Coma Combo to damage him and knock him back into Toolshed. "You're only hurting yourself." Conner stated, and Cartman's Health was once again restored while Captain Diabetes took the same amount of damage. "We know you're not really hostage of your own hand, asshole!" Kite told the fat boy before using Laser Burn to damage him. "Oh, blame the victim, that's real cool, Kite." Cartman said sarcastically.

"Just look at the loyalty you inspire in your former comrades." Conner taunted him, and then told Kite, "Quit hitting yourself!" And his Health went up and Kite's went down. He then rushed forward and slashed Kite and Captain Diabetes, almost defeating the former. "How does it feel having your friend's blood on your hands, Coon?" Conner asked Cartman. He then told us, "That causes Gross Out, actually."

Kite and Captain Diabetes then immediately turned green and got queasy looks on their faces, and I growled in frustration. Cartman then took another turn, and used it to come up to me and punch me in the face with his Conner hand. "Okay, and you're Chilled." He told me, and frost formed on my skin as I obtained the status effect. "F-F-F-Fuck y-y-you, Cartman." I told him, shivering in place as my turn was skipped.

His red shield then disappeared, and Toolshed used Drillslinger to damage him and knock him back, thankfully not taking any more damage from Cartman's cheat shield. "Your Coon Friends don't seem very friendly towards you now, Coon." Conner taunted, and Cartman retorted, "Just shut up, Conner." Captain Diabetes then used Coma Combo to deal some more damage, and Cartman protested, "I'm just a bystander here!" "Cut the crap, dick!" Kite told him before he used his Ultimate, flying up to the ceiling and firing three lasers down at Cartman.

He fell down as his Health was depleted, and told us, "Wow, you did it, guys. You beat Mitch Conner." I then got some change, an Artifact, and a recipe for another one before we all converged on the fat boy, Toolshed asking him, "Where are they?! Where are the New Kid's parents?!" Conner chuckled as Cartman stood up, and he told the Gadgeteer, "Hehe, heh, he… You'll never know, know, know…"

Cartman waved his hand around as he spoke, and suddenly Mitch Conner wasn't on it, and he exclaimed, "Okay, what the fuck is going on?! I seriously didn't do that, you guys!" No one believed him however, and Kite told us, "Come on. We're taking this fat piece of shit back to base." "Human Kite, you have to believe me! I actually for real wasn't controlling Mitch Conner back there!" Cartman protested as Kite grabbed his right arm. "The only way we're going to get Cartman to talk is to torture him." Kite stated.

Toolshed then grabbed his left arm and said, "Yeah, sometimes torture is the only answer." "Guys, I wasn't controlling Mitch Conner!" Cartman told us. Toolshed ignored him as he and Kite dragged him away, and he told us, "Everyone get back to Freedom Pals base. We have to make this shithead talk." "Guys, I wasn't controlling him!" Cartman protested, but nobody listened to him as they all left the building.

I had a grin on my face as I followed them, and hummed as I made my way to Token's house, replacing my Hyper Glass Artifact with a Butterfly Effector I had gotten from some Chaos Minions. On the way, I got a FaceTime call from Mysterion, who told me, "New Kid, we're ready to start torturing the Coon. We need your help. Come to Freedom Pals base." She then hung up, and my grin got even wider as I thought to myself, 'I was hoping they'd say that.'

I practically skipped the rest of the way to Token's house, and when I got to the base, I found Cartman tied up in front of Timothy's ruined franchise plan and the others all glaring at him. "You're gonna talk, Cartman." Toolshed told him as I approached the group. "New Kid, you're gonna have to make him talk. He kept saying he won't talk to anyone but you." Human Kite told me.

Cartman cut in at this point, telling me, "ButtLord! Listen to me very, very carefully. I tore up Timmy's franchise plan. I kidnapped your parents. I used you to endorse Mitch Conner with selfies. It was all me, and I was controlling Mitch Conner the whole time." "I knew that already, Cartman." I told him with a glare. He then pleaded, "But something happened during the fight. I lost control of Conner! He disappeared on his own, and he did all the cheating."

"Cartman, just tell me where my parents are before I seriously hurt you." I told the boy simply. With an annoyed tone, Cartman told the room, "Like I told the guys, they're at the U-Stor-It, in unit 16-C." "And we told YOU that we searched the whole U-Stor-It and they weren't there!" Mysterion countered. "Then Conner must've had someone move them before he left. That's where I left them!" Cartman said.

"This is getting us nowhere. You're gonna have to break out the big guns." Toolshed told me, and I had a shit-eating grin on my face as I walked up to Cartman, telling the Gadgeteer, "I couldn't agree with you more." Toolshed pushed a stool up next to Cartman so that I would be at his eye level, and Human Kite started pushing a music stand with various fart-inducing foods on it towards us before I held out my hand and told him, "That won't be necessary. I've got something else in mind."

I glared at Cartman and Toolshed asked me, "How are you going to get Cartman to talk without your farts?" "I have my ways." I told him, then turned to the others and warned them, "You guys might wanna look away." They didn't heed my advice however, and watched with wide eyes as I menacingly told Cartman, "This is your last chance, fatass. Tell me where my parents are or else." "I don't know!" He told me, and I shrugged and told him, "Alright, looks like we're doing this the hard way."

With that, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and… gave him my best 'Really?' face, letting my eyes sit with the lids half-closed, cocking my left eyebrow upwards, and giving him a disbelieving frown. No one said anything as I held this expression, until Cartman started to chuckle as he asked, "You-You really think you can get me to talk just by staring at me?" "Come on New Kid, you've gotta have something better than THAT." Toolshed told me, and I held up my finger for him to wait as I cocked my eyebrow higher.

This seemed to have an effect on Cartman, as he stopped laughing and looked to me with an irritated expression and told me, "Okay New Kid, it's not working, just stop." My face didn't budge however, and I sighed in annoyance as I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "Just. Fucking. Stop. It's not fucking working." Cartman told me, his expression now inching towards anger.

In response, I raised my eyelids so that they were now a quarter lidded, and Cartman looked to be getting nervous now as he said, "O-Okay New Kid, just stop staring at me. I already told you where I put your parents." I held my gaze with the fat boy however, and moisture started to bead on his brow as he desperately exclaimed, "I'm not controlling Mitch Conner anymore, dude! I don't know what you want from me!" "Whoa wait a minute, is this actually working?" Mysterion asked the others.

I didn't respond to either of them, instead deepening my frown slightly to show a hint of disappointment. Cartman paled at this, and he visibly started sweating as his eyes darted around the room, landing on my face before he exclaimed, "WHAT DO YOU WANT? I TOLD YOU WHAT I KNOW! I DON'T KNOW WHERE CONNER TOOK YOUR PARENTS!" "Holy moly. It IS working!" Balance muttered, but I ignored them as I let Cartman suffer at the hands of my judgmental gaze.

Cartman squirmed in his seat, and I waited a few moments before turning up the heat again, letting my right eyelid open all the way. Cartman's eyes widened in fear as my expression shifted again, and started struggling against his bonds as he shouted, "LET ME GO! LET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS, YOU ASSHOLES! FUCK YOU GUYS!" "Just tell us where the New Kid's parents are and we'll call her off!" Human Kite exclaimed, but he didn't listen as he struggled, unable to tear his eyes away from my face.

Seeing that he was close to the breaking point, I decided to let him have it, and snapped my other eyelid fully open while widening my frown, the left side of my mouth higher than the right. Upon seeing this, Cartman gagged and threw up onto the ground in front of him and struggled desperately for a moment before yelling, "OKAY OKAY! MAKE HER STOP! I-I REMEMBER SOMETHING! THE GENETICS LAB!"

I scaled my expression back to the first stage to let him speak as Mysterion asked him, "What about the genetics lab?" Cartman panted as he recovered from my nonverbal onslaught, and told her, "Conner! I-I found some plans that mentioned the lab in his handwriting in my room last night. I thought it was part of my plan that I forgot about, but if he has his own plans, it might be where he took the New Kid's parents."

I let my face fall into a neutral expression as I hopped off the stool, and Cartman sighed with relief as Toolshed came up to me and asked me in awe, "Dude. How the fuck did you DO that?!" "I was mute for ten years." I reminded him. "I studied facial expressions and body language whenever I could to try and learn how to communicate. It didn't work, but I did learn how to have a pretty powerful effect on people. I can make someone panic, calm them down, and I can even make them pass out!"

"This is all very fascinating, but we need to get to the lab. Now!" Mysterion exclaimed, and I nodded as all the others filed in. "We'll follow your lead, New Kid. Just say the word whenever you're ready to go." Toolshed told me, and I nodded to him before taking selfies with Mosquito, Mysterion, Timothy, Wonder Tweek, Call Girl, Tupperware, Toolshed, and Captain Diabetes. I then sold all my leftover Artifacts to the shop save the headshot Mr. Adams had given me, which unfortunately I couldn't sell. The Big Bang Boy Buttress I kept in hopes of turning it back into a normal body pillow after the game. I also kept the Necronomicon, using it to replace my Infectious Encryptor which I also sold.

With that done, I left the base with all the others in tow save Cartman, who we left tied up and locked in the base. We all walked in silence through the town, stopping only to take selfies with Semen and Gay Fish, before we found ourselves at the Genetic Engineering Ranch. We all spread out across the yard before Human Kite hit the buzzer next to the gate. "Can I help you?" A voice asked from the speaker. "Yeah, hi, we signed up for the tour?" Human Kite responded, and after a moment the voice asked him, "Ah yes, the night tour, correct?"

"Uh, yeah, we're a little early." Kite told the voice, and the voice replied, "Well, I'm afraid for safety purposes the tours are only offered from 10 p.m. to midnight." "What, just to be extra spooky?" Super Craig asked sarcastically. "It'll be worth the wait, my friends! See you tonight!" The voice told us, and Toolshed asked us, "Shit! Well, now what to do we do?"

"We'll just have to wait. We can't afford to let anyone else go in or out of this gate." Timothy told us all in our minds. "I agree. We're just gonna have to wait here till nighttime." Mysterion agreed with her leader. "OK, how far away is that?" Toolshed asked, and Human Kite took out his phone and told the group, "Uhh, 'bout six hours."

"All right, just wait six hours and we're good to go!" Toolshed pointed enthusiastically. I nodded and yawned, telling them, "Alright, if we're gonna be here for six hours then I'm gonna get some rest." I then walked over to sit against a tree and closed my eyes, wondering if Tweek and Craig really thought that they were being discreet when they ducked into a bush.

*3rd person POV*

The Freedom Pals waited for six long hours, Dova sleeping, the other kids playing card games and eating snacks, and Tweek and Craig ducking behind the bushes a few times until Human Kite's alarm went off, signaling that it was finally 10 p.m. "All right, that's it. Somebody wake up the New Kid." Kite told them, and they packed their empty wrappers and cards away as Balance shook Dova awake.

*Dova's POV*

I was woken up by someone shaking me gently, and opened my eyes with a groan to see Balance smiling down at me. I smiled back and stood up to stretch as he told me, "It's ten o' clock, Dova, time to get in there!" I nodded and followed him over to the buzzer where the others were waiting. Human Kite then pressed the button again and said into the speaker, "Hi, we're here for the tour." The voice paused for a moment before it replied, "Ah, yes, come in!"

The gate then opened automatically, and as the others all walked up the road leading to the Ranch, I noticed that Tweek and Craig were both walking a little funny. Not wanting them to be hurt if we needed to fight, I lagged behind with them and charged my pointer fingers with Mana, then tapped both of their lower backs, making them sigh with relief as my power went to work in their anal passages. I also handed each of them a mint as I told them, "One word, guys: lube."

They both blushed as they popped the mints into their mouths without a word, and the three of us joined the rest at the front door, me stopping to get some loot from a backpack along the way. We all waited in front of the door for a moment until it opened to reveal an old guy wearing khakis, a yellow Hawaiian shirt, and a brown hat, and carrying a cane carved to look like it was penetrating the miniature lower body of a man.

"Oh, some young people interested in genetic engineering, huh? Wonderful! Please come in! My name is Doctor Alphonse Mephesto." The doctor told us. We all then walked past him and into the lab, him commenting as we filed into the building, "Oh, hello. Oh, there's more." "Hello sir!" Balance greeted him, and Mephesto remarked upon seeing the size of our group, "My my, there's a lot of you." "TIMMY!" Timothy exclaimed as he rolled past the doctor.

Inside the lab, we saw scientists walking around and interacting with experiments, along with a huge vat in the middle of the room that had a donkey in it with extra butts. As we all reached the middle of the room, Mephesto turned to us and addressed the group, "Well! I'm so pleased that you children are interested in genetic engineering. Genetic science began as a simple question. Can a monkey be made to have four asses instead of one?" 'What the fuck?' I asked myself, and Mephesto explained, "The answer was yes. And now we've been able to give more asses to pigs, horses, everything you can imagine." Super Craig had his hand up, and Mephesto asked him, "Yes, little boy?"

"How does that help?" Super Craig asked the doctor, who told him, "Oh, you're one of the cynics, huh? Well, meet me over here for the tour and I'll show you how!" He then led us over to a tram, telling us, "Come on, don't be shy. We don't want to miss the four-assed gorilla feeding." We all took seats on the tram as he told us, "Please have a seat!" The tram doors then closed shut automatically and Mephesto said, "You ever play that video game Half-Life? OK, here we go!"

The comparison did not put me at ease as the tram moved along its track, taking us into a greenhouse filled with a number of fruits and vegetables, most of them butt-shaped. "Here you can see our greenhouse. Genetic engineering is helpful to growing larger tomatoes, onions, cucumbers. Fruits and vegetables with more asses means more nutrition for people all around the planet." Mephesto narrated, and I thought to myself, 'Not sure why they need to be shaped like butts, but I guess making them bigger helps.'

It would seem that Super Craig didn't agree however, as he asked, "What good does that do?" Mephesto chuckled and said to us, "Ho, you Bible thumpers are all alike. Don't play god, you'll pay for it! Ha. Let's continue up to the second level, shall we?" As he spoke, the tram reached the end of its horizontal track and started moving upwards, climbing up to the second level.

As we reached the next level of the facility, we came into a room filled with animals in enclosures, most of them having extra butts in odd places and all spliced with something. "Another benefit of genetic science, of course, is combining animals. Like these DonkeyApes, BunnyFish, SquirrelDonkeys, and more… Once we put more asses on these we will truly be benefitting science." Mephesto told us. 'Okay, this is actually kinda fucked up.' I thought to myself as I observed the mutated animals.

"Will you please explain how that benefits science, AT ALL." Super Craig then requested of him with exasperation in his voice. "What's your name little boy?" Mephesto asked him, and Super Craig responded simply, "Super Craig." "You see, Super Craig – Once we know how to do things to animals we can hopefully apply them to mankind. You think having more asses is impossible? I tell you it's not." Mephesto explained, not actually explaining anything.

We then went up another level, and looked around as Mephesto told us, "You see, genetic engineering is not just for animals and veggies. We are working towards helping people as well. Here you can see genetic mutations of my dead son." He gestured to a few canisters filled with liquid, which held twisted and mutated human clones of some kid. "Most people don't remember that I once had a young child named Terrance." He pointed out.

"Oh yeah, I remember that kid." Toolshed said, and Human Kite remarked, "I was wondering whatever happened to him." Mephesto then revealed to us, "Terrance was killed tragically in town when some kids were playing around with a relic belonging to Barbara Streisand." "Ooh, jeez, I think that was us…" Mysterion said under her breath, and I told the girl, "Speak for yourself, Mysterion."

Call Girl then asked Mephesto with a sympathetic tone, "So… you're doing this all as a way to bring back your dead son?" "Bring him back? Of course not. I'm trying to give his dead body more asses so he can finally rest in peace." He told the girl with false enthusiasm. "I'm pretty sure you can't genetically engineer something that's already dead." I pointed out to him, and he sighed as his shoulders fell, asking me, "I know, but… A man can try, can't he?" I smiled at him comfortingly, and he smiled back and told us, "Now let's continue on to the fourth floor!"

The tram started moving upwards again as Super Craig muttered, "Ah, fuck." He was obviously expecting more ass experiments and another topic-avoiding explanation, and I honestly didn't blame him. As the tram reached the end of its track, we all got out and followed Mephesto, who told us, "Well, here we are. The top floor of the building and the end of the tour." We all looked around in shock as we saw hideously mutated sixth graders floating in vats, and Human Kite asked him, "What are these?"

"These? Horrible monstrous mistakes of science. Our new benefactor has asked that we genetically alter some of the local Sixth Graders and make them stronger and crazier." Mephesto explained. Now visibly annoyed, Super Craig asked him, "OK. OK! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" "How do you mean?" Mephesto asked him in turn, and Super Craig demanded of him, "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE GENETICALLY ENHANCED SIXTH GRADERS?!" "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't legally just take a bunch of sixth graders and splice them with animals." I pointed out, and Mephesto told me, "Oh they're just clones. We took some of their DNA with their permission and used it to make these."

"Calm down, Super Craig." Wonder Tweek told him as he walked up to the boy and I nodded in understanding. Mephesto then explained to Super Craig, "Anyway, how do you think we pay for all this? We have financial donors. Our latest benefactor has asked for this army of mutated sixth graders to protect his altered cats." "What altered cats?!" Call Girl asked him, and Mephesto led us to a set of pneumatic doors as he told us, "Oh, right over this way."

We walked through the doorway to see a room filled with many-assed cats in cages, all of them yowling in anger. There were vats of cheese all over the room as well, and Mephesto explained to us, "A wealthy benefactor named Mr. Conner has donated money to have stray cats enhanced with more asses." The door closed behind us as he spoke, and he told us, "Our company can add asses to things at very competitive rates. The problem is that cats seem to become really aggressive when given more asses. They've proven to be quite deadly."

"THEN WHY WOULD YOU BRING A BUNCH OF KIDS UP HERE?!" Super Craig exclaimed, and Mephesto assured him, "Look, there's nothing to worry about! This entire facility has a very complex security grid." Just then, the entire building shook and all the lights shut off, plunging the room into darkness. "Huh, that's never happened before." Mephesto remarked. I heard him walk past us and suddenly the emergency lights came on to reveal him typing on a console, and he told us, "Oh shit, someone shut down the security grid!"

"What do you mean?!" Toolshed asked him, and we all heard a familiar voice laugh over an intercom. "Hello, Freedom Pals." Mitch Conner's voice told us, and I sighed in annoyance as the others dispersed and Toolshed asked him, "What are you doing, fatass?!" "So you've figured out my little plan, huh Freedom Pals? Think you can stop me?" Conner asked us over the intercom. "Oh, I have someone here who'd like to say hello, New Kid… Go on, talk."

We all then heard Cartman's voice tell us, "Guys! Guys! I've lost control of Mitch Conner! He's got a mind of his own now, don't make any deals with him! He's crazy!" He was then cut off with a yelp, and Conner told him, "That's enough out of you, Coon." He then told me, "You've been a real pain in my ass, New Kid. You should have known not to mess with Mitch Conner." "Where the fuck are you?!" Human Kite demanded. Mephesto then cut in, pleading, "Mr. Conner, if you shut down the security grid then everyone in this building is going to die." "What?!" Super Craig exclaimed.

Conner then told us all, "Sorry, Doc. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good of the city. So long… Freedom Pals." At that, some of the lights shut off and the screen by Mephesto showed CAGE BREACH WARNING. The pneumatic door locked with two steel bars going across it, which didn't seem like they would do much if someone managed to open the actual door, but we had bigger problems at the moment. All of the cages started coming loose, and the cats all jumped out at once and tried to pounce on us.

Thinking fast, I put up a Mana barrier to block them, and told the others, "Get behind me!" All of the Freedom Pals ran to stand behind me, but Mephesto stayed at the terminal and typed desperately, trying to open the door. Thankfully the cats ignored him, and I manipulated my barrier to enclose each one in their own bubble of Mana. I then closed my eyes and took a deep breath, concentrating on one of the bubbles. When I opened them, I saw the extra butts on the cat inside shrinking and disappearing, leaving only flesh and fur behind until it was completely normal.

Encouraged by my success, I repeated the process one by one until all the cats had been returned to their original states. Once they were all normal, I lowered them to the ground and dispelled their bubbles, setting them free as I fell onto my hands and knees, panting from using so much Mana at once. "Whoa, dude." Toolshed breathed out, and Mephesto muttered, "So the rumors are true. I had heard that some people were able to manipulate energy created by emotions, but to see it myself… It's breathtaking."

I panted for a few more moments before shakily standing up and telling him, "Don't get any funny ideas, Doc. I've been a lab rat once, and I am NOT doing it again." "Of course not. I'm not a monster." Mephesto told me, and turned back to his terminal as he told us, "I'll try to get the door open. You kids get ready, if the security system really went down the whole lab is going to be crawling with multi-assed animals."

"OKAY, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GIVE THINGS MORE ASSES?! HOW THE FUCK DOES IT HELP ANYBODY?!" Super Craig asked him angrily. "Genetic engineering is important to mankind, little boy. It's in the name of science!" Mephesto replied, still typing. Before Super Craig could blow a gasket, I pointed out, "He means why give things asses specifically. Why not give things extra limbs, more resistance to disease, or literally anything else."

Mephesto paused at this and looked upwards, then started chuckling to himself as he explained, "Oh, you mean why JUST asses! It's simple little boy, the asses are a stepping stone." "What?" Super Craig asked in confusion, and the doctor monologued, "Imagine being able to regrow a limb after having it amputated, or a heart for someone who needs a transplant. Well arms, legs, hearts, those things are complicated body parts, little boy. Genetic engineering is still a relatively new form of science, and growing new body parts on a living animal is delicate, difficult work. So we've been learning how to grow asses in order to learn how to grow extra organs and such. You see, an ass is basically two mounds of fat and muscle, there's no bones or chambers to form. We grow asses on animals and use our findings to help other scientists to learn how to grow other body parts."

"Well fucking say that then! Jesus Christ." Super Craig muttered, and I nodded before I heard a purring come from my feet. I looked down to see one of the cats was rubbing against my leg affectionately, and smiled as I saw them all come up to me and start trying to cuddle with me.

I sat down as Mephesto continued typing, and started petting the cats for a few minutes until he exclaimed, "Okay, got it!" The door then opened and the bars retracted, and he moved to stand in the doorway as he sighed and muttered, "Well, I guess we're not getting paid for these cats now. And we've gotten all the data we can from them, so there's no use in keeping them here anymore."

I nodded at the doctor before slowly standing up and putting up an electronic barrier with parts from my necklace to keep the cats in their lab before joining the others in the doorway as Mephesto told us, "We must escape the lab! Maybe… maybe we can go through some of the larger exhibits. This way, children!" We all then left the room, following Mephesto into the ruined fourth level, seeing empty vats and broken glass lying everywhere. "Mutant sixth graders are on the loose! This was definitely not supposed to happen!" He exclaimed. We then heard cracking sounds and a sixth grader's voice saying, "Rarrrgh… School is so dumb…" "Parents are dumb!" Another mutant exclaimed. "Yeah, adults are stupid… rarrghghgh…" A third voice said, and Captain Diabetes exclaimed, "Oh, Jesus!"

Mephesto then walked over to a panel on the wall and told us, "It's OK. We'll be safe in the tour tram." He pressed a button on the panel, but nothing happened, and he fearfully told us, "Oh, the tour tram is offline! Somebody is gonna have to get to the CPU and hit the override switch!" "Where's the CPU?" Human Kite asked him as he rejoined our group. "Down on the third level… Ah, it was silly to put it there, wasn't it?" Mephesto responded.

"So somebody has to walk down to the third level and flip the switch? One, two, three, NOT IT!" Toolshed exclaimed, and everyone raised their hands and copied him before I could do anything. "Looks like it's up to you, New Kid." Human Kite told me, and I rolled my eyes and told them, "Alright, I'll go to the CPU and you guys stay here with the cats. And try to destroy the cheese too, if you can." With that, I walked over to the door and it thankfully opened, revealing a room with some busted equipment. I saw a mutant sixth grader clone chasing a scientist through a window, and cringed as it started beating him up.

I moved on and got some loot from a couple containers before calling Toolshed in to use Sandblaster and clear away some acid. Once it was gone, I got a FaceTime call from Mephesto, who told me, "I put the stairs behind that portal door. But to open the door you're gonna need power." Behind him, Super Craig shouted out, "THE WHOLE POINT OF STAIRS IS NOT TO NEED ELECTRICITY!" Ignoring him, Mephesto told me, "Get that generator powered up and the access to the stairs will open!"

He then hung up, and I put my phone away and used Haywire to short out the electronic lock for the door blocking a battery. It was still protected by lasers however, so I used TimeFart Pause to drag it out of the way. I then had Captain Diabetes come in and use Diabetic Rage to tip over an empty steel vat, which unfortunately blocked the spot where the battery needed to go. I used TimeFart Glitch to reset the vat and slid the battery into place, the door opening a moment later.

"That's it! Now you can access the stairs! Get down to the third level!" Mephesto told me over FaceTime, and hung up before I got some scrap and a vial of cheese, which I destroyed, from a couple containers and moved on down the stairs. Once I was down on the third level, I used some fallen rubble to cross to the other side of the tram track, where I got another call from Mephesto. "OK, you should be coming to my dead son now. Just keep heading west." He told me, and hung up again. I nodded and started walking towards the door, but before I reached it, a gigantic mutated sixth grader that looked to be spliced with a gorilla and had butts on its shoulders burst through the rubble blocking it.

"Oh look at the little fourthie!" It exclaimed, and walked on its hands like an ape towards me as it threateningly told me, "COME HERE, DORK!" As it picked me up and shook me, I felt something strange. The mutant holding me felt… empty somehow, like it was completely hollow. Before I could ponder the strange sensations, a voice came from where it had burst out of, telling the behemoth, "Hey, Jasper, get out here dude! There's a picture of some boobs, man!"

The mutant looked back the way it had come and dropped me to rest its knuckles on the ground as it exclaimed, "Boobs?! I wanna see some boobs! Where?!" It then lumbered back through the door, and I breathed a sigh of relief as it left. 'What was that? It was like… that thing was empty. I know it has to have some kind of organs, but it feels like it was missing something.' I thought to myself, then shrugged and decided that standing here wouldn't help me figure it out and followed the mutant, looting a bag along the way.

When I got through the door, I saw a group of ape and pig mutants inside a cavernous room. Most were sitting around aimlessly, but the one that had attacked me was transfixed by a screen showing an anatomical picture of a woman without skin, the fat that made up the breasts the only thing resembling boobs. It was completely transfixed by the image, and I shrugged and looked around at the other mutants. As I looked to the others, I felt the same emptiness from them as I had the first. I was puzzled by the sensation for a moment, until I tried to use a bit of Mana to reach into one's soul.

I gasped as I found nothing, no void, no spark, nothing. 'That's what it is! These things don't have souls! It must be because they're clones.' I thought to myself, and looked around as I noticed for the first time an empty look in their eyes. 'They're just constructs. No different than Balance's mannequin.' I thought to myself sadly.

Suddenly, one of them turned to me and shouted, "Fourthie! Get her!" Instantly, they all turned towards me and rushed forward. My eyes widened before I drew the hidden blades from my shirt on instinct, running towards the abominations and cutting through them, my knives flashing as I tore through flesh and bone reflexively. Once I discovered that the pig mutants exploded, I stuck them with my knives and kicked them into their allies as they blew up, stunning the ape mutants long enough to tear them open.

Once it was over, I was standing in the middle of the room covered in blood, with gore sitting in chunks all around me. My eyes widened as I realized what I had done, and dropped my knives as I muttered, "Holy shit." I looked down at my hands and thought to myself, 'Jesus Christ, what WAS that? I… I just did that automatically.'

I looked around the room and thought, 'It must be part of having the Assassin class. Good think I didn't pick it sooner.' I then gingerly picked up my knives and used Mana to clean them and myself of blood before turning to the mutant staring at the monitor. I sighed as I thought to myself, 'Whether or not these things have souls, they're going to hurt people if I don't get rid of them.' My mind made up, I threw one of my knives into the final mutant's head, killing it instantly.

I retrieved my knife and cleaned it with Mana again before moving on, getting some change and a couple Artifacts from the fight and a couple more Artifacts from containers around the room. "That's it! She's cleared the way! The CPU should be right through that door, kid! We'll come down and join you!" Mephesto told me in a FaceTime call before hanging up, and I replaced my Song of the Drunk Knight Artifact with the SphincterPlex I had gotten, leaving the rest alone. With that done, I opened the door to the CPU, seeing something that made me face-palm in exasperation.

Cartman was tied up in the chair we had left him in at the Freedom Pals base with a terrified expression, and he was holding out Conner in his left hand. "New Kid! I know how this looks, but I'm not doing this! Conner is controlling me! I can't move!" Cartman told me desperately. "Shut the fuck up, Cartman." I told him as the other Freedom Pals entered the room, and upon seeing Cartman, Human Kite demanded of him, "Cartman, you fucking asshole, what are you doing?"

"It's not me!" Cartman protested, but Conner punched him and told us, "He's right you know. I have complete control of the Coon's body. I'm in charge now. And soon I'll be rid of him, and ALL you Coon Friends!" "We're Freedom Pals, fatass." Toolshed told him, and Timothy mentally told Cartman, "We know what you're doing, Eric. Putting cat urine into people's drugs and alcohol to make them crazy." "Yes, I did that, but it was only to create crime that we could stop and make our franchise look good! Conner's doing something else, I seriously don't know what he's planning!" Cartman conceded.

I raised my eyebrow at that, a little weirded out by his protests. 'When Cartman's lying, he sticks to his story no matter what. But this… It's like he's not even acting.' I thought to myself. Remembering something, I felt out for the other Freedom Pals' souls and got a feel for them before turning my sixth sense towards Cartman. I gasped at what I found, but had no time to ponder it as Call Girl told him, "We wanna know WHY!"

"I told you, to make our franchise look good. Conner's doing something else." Cartman told us before Conner punched him again and monologued to the room, "Do I really have to spell it out, Coon? This city is sick. We both know it. There's only one time of year when this town is the way it should be: on Christmas. So I joined the Chamber of Commerce, and used them to unleash my master plan."

Conner then hit a button on the computer to bring up a PowerPoint slide on the screen above him, revealing his evil plan as he told us, "Escalate crime in the city. Blame crime on Mayor. Run for Mayor. Get tons of followers. Clone New Kid into genetic mutant. Win election. Make everyday Christmas." My eyes widened as he revealed his plan to us, and I asked, "Uhh, can we go back to the part about cloning me?"

I was ignored however, and Conner asked us, "What do you think? Pretty sweet plan, right?" Ignoring him as well, Human Kite turned to me and whispered, "New Kid. Take a selfie." I nodded and turned around, taking a selfie with the slide while wearing a fearful expression. It thankfully went unnoticed by Conner, who told us, "It's almost a shame that no one will ever know how perfectly my plan worked."

"Dude, you've gone too far this time." Toolshed told the boy, and Balance exclaimed, "No one's gonna let you be mayor!" "Oh no? I've got all the New Kid's followers. Every last one of them is now following ME." Conner retorted to my fellow Mana user. 'You may have my followers, but that doesn't mean they're going to vote for you.' I thought smugly. "Jeez, that was smart." Balance muttered, knowing that I had effectively ended Conner's chances at mayor and not wanting him to find out about it.

"Eric, I know that Christmas every day sounds like fun, but it really wouldn't be." Timothy told him mentally. Conner answered for Cartman, telling the boy, "Fuck you Doctor Timothy. If you guys don't mind, I've got an election to win." Conner then pressed another button on the computer, sending it down through the ground as Cartman screamed for help. A hatch then closed where it had been, and Human Kite exclaimed, "GOD DAMMIT!"

Mephesto walked in during his outburst, and asked himself, "Oh, there goes the Main CPU. Darn it, why did I put that thing on a mobilized trapdoor?" "WHY WOULDN'T YOU?!" Super Craig asked sarcastically, clearly fed up with the doctor's poorly-designed lab by now. Ignoring him, Mephesto told us, "I'm afraid now someone will have to go clear to the ground level and call for the tour tram from there."

Toolshed sighed and told me, "All right, fine. Hurry up New Kid. We gotta get out of here." I nodded to him and looted a couple containers before leaving the room, coming into one that was even more damaged than the rest of the building. I saw that Clyde had posted about how he would say hi to his mom for his dad on Coonstagram and that Call Girl had posted about boys being cute when they cry, which honestly seemed pretty heartless, before using Sandblaster to clear away some more acid. I then got a costume set from a container before using Haywire to open a door, which fell flat right in front of me.

I used Fartkour to get over the gap and seeing that the door to the next room was broken, I moved down into a lower area and looted a container before using Fartkour again to cross a second gap. I then looted another container and used Diabetic Rage to open the emergency exit, exposing a ladder that led down to the next level. Once I had descended, I found myself inside one of the habitats for the mutated animals, all of them strangely absent. Suddenly, I got a FaceTime call from Mephesto, who told me, "Oh, looks like all the mutated animals have broken loose. Welp…" He left it at that and hung up, making me curse his indifference before continuing on.

I saw a flaming tour tram fly by as I walked through the enclosure and into another room, this one with grates on the floor and two mutated sixth graders in one corner of the room eating pizza. As I watched, a third one nudged a grate open and took the last slice, the other two backing away from it cautiously. I then got another call from Mephesto, who told me, "Looks like you've run into the mutant sixth graders. Oh and they look hungry. Don't get eaten."

He hung up before I could flip him off, and I put my phone away with a sigh before they noticed me and hissed before rushing over to me. I quickly pulled out my blades and as one pounced, I dashed to the side and sliced its belly open, making it cry out in pain as it soared past me. I turned my attention to the next as its eyes widened, and jumped on its back before stabbing downwards with one blade to pierce its heart, using the other to decapitate the third as it tried to pounce me.

Once they were dead and I had cleaned myself and my blades, I got a call from Mephesto, who told me, "Be careful of the grates. I've designed them to be removable in case anything wanted to attack people from below." He hung up on me, and I looked down to see a huge group of the mutants below me in a pit underneath the room. I sighed with annoyance and created a Boom Buddy with the Gadgeteer move of the same name, then opened a grate and kicked it in. Instantly, the mutants swarmed over the construct, which beeped and detonated, killing them all in one big explosion. I then got a DNA and an Epic Artifact along with some scrap and change from the fight.

I cringed at the sight of all the mutant guts and moved on through the door, my eyes widening at what I saw in the next room. I may have been through a lot of shit in my time at South Park, but nothing could have prepared me to see Dad locked into a tube, ass naked and with a close-up of his junk on a monitor at my eye level on the wall. I avoided looking at it as I walked up to him, and noticing me walk up, he told me, "Sport? Is that you? It IS! Cupcake, it's me, Daddy!" I said nothing as I got to his tube, and he explained to me, "They're trying to get DNA from your mother and I! You have to get me out of here. That computer is waiting for a DNA sample from your mother. Quick! She's in the next room. Go get Mommy's DNA sample and bring it here! Hurry!"

My eyes widened and I ran into the next room to see Mom sitting on the floor with blood leaking from her mouth, her legs twisted and broken and her left arm hanging by a few strands of muscle at her side. I gasped as I saw her, and she told me, "Sixth Graders… came out of nowhere… My legs are broken sweetie." I raised my hands to my mouth in horror, and she told me, "Mommy can't walk. You have to go into town and get help."

Her tone then turned solemn as she told me, "Sweetheart listen to me. They were about to cut off your father's head to scan his DNA. I'm sorry sweetheart but you have to finish the job. The only way out of here is to kill Daddy." 'What the fuck?' I asked myself, and we heard Dad call from the other room, "I HEARD THAT! What the hell is wrong with you?" "Can I have a conversation with Dova without being criticized?!" Mom asked him indignantly.

"Oh YOU'RE the victim again, huh?! Like you don't deconstruct EVERYTHING I say." He responded, and I face-palmed as I thought to myself, 'They're seriously doing this NOW?' Sarcastically, Mom called out to Dad, "OK, Mr. never-wrong-in-his-life." She then told me, "Go do it, sweetie. Go cut off Daddy's head. Hurry." I gave her my second-best 'Really?' face before sighing and walking over to see what Dad had to say.

When I reached his tube, Dad sarcastically told me, "What'd she say? Did she say how nothing is her fault like usual? I knew something like this would happen and it's why I've told your MOTHER to keep her fucking MOUTH SHUT." "FUCK YOU!" Mom screeched from the next room, and he called out to her, "I told you if Dova's powers were discovered that Father would try to harvest our DNA and make a genetic clone!" 'Fucking hell, he really doesn't know that Grandfather's in prison.' I thought to myself, and Mom indignantly told him, "You did fucking not!"

Dad then looked down to me and explained, "Listen kiddo, the CPU is waiting for either of our DNA. Just trick your mom into walking over to it." Immediately afterward, Mom screamed, "DON'T MAKE DOVA CHOOSE SIDES! THAT'S SO UNFAIR!" Defensively, Dad told her, "I'M TRAPPED INSIDE OF A TUBE THINGY!" "MY LEGS ARE BROKEN AND MY ARM IS ALMOST RIPPED OFF. I COULD BLEED TO DEATH IF I MOVE!" Mom countered, and Dad told me, "You hear that? Go get Mommy's arm! That should do it!"

'You've gotta be fucking kidding me.' I thought to myself, and suddenly Mitch Conner's voice laughed over the intercom and told me, "Well, well, well. Looks like you have a choice to make, New Kid. Will you spare your father or your mother? You need at least one of their DNA to open the door, and I'm afraid a few drops of blood just won't cut it."

Before I could say anything, he exclaimed, "Of course, you could take the high road and open the door without either of their DNA. You're certainly capable of it. But something tells me you won't want to once you see… THIS!" There was a chiming noise behind me, and I turned around to see that the monitor that had previously shown Dad's dong now depicted an orange pill bottle and a description of some kind of medication. Dad gasped as he saw it, and Conner laughed again and asked me, "THIS is the medicine your parents put in your food, New Kid! Care to take a look at the side effects?"

The intercom then crackled and cut out as I read over the description, reading in my head, 'Manabane. One tablet in the evening with food neutralizes the abilities of Mana users and prevents Mana buildup. Short term side effects include… temporary paralysis of the larynx and vocal chords.' My eyes widened and I touched a hand to my throat as I realized, 'I haven't had trouble talking since I stopped eating the dinners Mom made.' I then looked back to the screen and my eyes widened as I read, 'Long term side effects include… shifting of the pigmentation in hair follicles, resulting in… unusual and unnatural hair coloration, which is often permanent.'

I felt my stomach drop into my feet as I ran my hands through my hair with a look of shock on my face, and my blood began to boil as tears collected in my eyes. Pink Mana formed a corona of power around me as I thought, 'I couldn't talk… My hair turned blue… Because of THEM! Everywhere I went, every school I attended… I was beaten up, taunted, made an outcast. And it's… It's all their fault.'

Sensing my anger, Dad cautiously told me, "Cupcake, I know this looks bad. But you have to believe me, we did this for your own good!" "What the fuck are you talking about?!" Mom yelled from the next room, and without any argument in his voice for once, Dad told her, "Dova… just found out about the side effects of the medicine we were giving her."

I heard her gasp, and she called to me, "DOVA! Please, I'm sorry, I know you can never forgive us, but it was Daddy's idea! HE wanted to put you on the medicine! I begged him not to! Kill HIM!" "You lying bitch!" Dad yelled at her, and then told me, "Dova honey, don't listen to her. Mommy made the medicine, okay? She created it when you were born, and it was HER idea!" This set off more screaming from Mom to kill Dad, who told me to kill Mom, and each of them screamed at me to kill the other as my vision turned red. Visions of viciously murdering the both of them and chucking what was left in the computer flashed in my mind.

I growled as their yelling reached a peak, and whirled around to face Dad as I shouted, "SHUT THE FUCK UUUUUPPP!" My parents both went silent, and Mana swirled around me, reacting to my emotions as I walked into the middle of the room so that Mom could see me before coldly telling them, "Explain. Both of you." Neither said anything for a moment before Dad told me, "Sweetheart… When you were born, you inherited powerful abilities from your Mom and I. Abilities that made you a target for your Grandfather. He devised a way to track you using the energy you collect from your social media friends, so… We had to suppress it."

Mom took over the explanation at this point, telling me, "Before… I met your father, I was a chemist. I managed to create a medicine that prevented your body from collecting Mana, and we've been secretly dosing you with it ever since. We knew about the side effects, but… We had no choice. Nothing else worked, and if you collected too much Mana, your grandpa would have found you and taken you away. When I told you that your throat had been damaged by chemical fumes… I lied. It was a side effect of the medicine, and so was your blue hair."

"I didn't know about the side effects until after we moved to South Park. She lied to both of us, Dova. And that's why you should kill HER!" Dad cut in, and Mom screamed, "You prick! You said you didn't WANT to know about the side effects! Kill HIM, sweetie!" This set off another wave of shouting from both of them telling me to kill each other, and I growled and told them, "SHUT IT!"

Both of them went silent at my outburst, and my corona of Mana disappeared as I berated them, "Fucking listen to yourselves! Do you really hate each other so much that you both want me to kill the other one?!" I pointed to Dad and told him, "Dad, GRANDFATHER IS IN FUCKING JAIL! HE GOT ARRESTED AFTER THE FIRST GAME AND WE DO NOT NEED TO HIDE ANYMORE! NO ONE IS CHASING US SO YOU CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT KEEPING SECRETS! AND FOR FUCKS SAKE, QUIT EATING POT BROWNIES ALREADY YOU IDIOT! THEY'VE GOT FUCKING CAT PISS IN THEM, FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

"Ha!" Mom said victoriously from her room, and I pointed her and shouted, "And Mom, DAD IS TRYING TO HELP US! YES HE'S A DUMBASS AND HE'S PARANOID BUT HE'S FUCKING TRYING TO PROTECT HIS FAMILY, AND YOU DON'T NEED TO TALK DOWN TO HIM ALL THE TIME! AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO YELL AT HIM FOR HIS POT BROWNIES WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS EVERY NIGHT! AND YOUR WINE HAS PISS IN IT, TOO! EVERY DROP OF BOOZE IN TOWN DOES!"

I then addressed the both of them, telling them, "BOTH OF YOU ARE FUCKING MORONS AND YOU NEED TO GET OVER YOURSELVES AND STOP BLAMING EACH OTHER FOR EVERYTHING! AND I'M NOT FUCKING KILLING EITHER OF YOU SO YOU CAN BOTH SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!" I ended my rant by crossing my arms defiantly and glaring at the both of them, letting my parents digest my words.

"So… So you're not mad at us?" Mom asked, and I replied, "I'm fucking furious, but I'm not gonna kill you guys. First because it would play right into Mitch Conner's hands, and second because you're my FUCKING PARENTS!" After a moment, Dad pointed out, "Well that's great and all but I'm still stuck and your Mom's still dying." "And you can't get through that door without one of our DNA." Mom told me, and Dad agreed, "Yeah, you kind of only have two options here, kiddo."

I looked down in thought as I considered my options. I could easily break the glass guarding the elevator, but doing so wouldn't bring the tram up. I didn't have the necessary parts to make my own, so I would have to use a lot of Mana to get down without it, Mana I needed to save because there was probably going to be a boss after this if the rest of the game was any indication.

'It needs at least one of their DNA. But… I have both of their DNA. Oh, fuck me five times.' I then sighed before telling them, "No. No, there's a third option." "There is?" Mom asked hopefully, and I nodded to her before walking up to the computer keeping the door locked as I told her, "Yeah, there is. I really don't fucking like it, though."

When I reached the computer, I took out one of my Assassin's blades and got out a Bolt of Cloth from my Inventory, biting down on the fabric to make sure I wouldn't grind my teeth when I did what I was about to do. I then laid my left hand flat on the table connected to the computer with my fingers spread and took a deep breath. I knew exactly where I needed to strike, and slammed the hilt of the blade into the joint connecting my pinky to the rest of my hand, screaming out as I felt it pop out of its socket.

Acting quickly, I laid the serrated edge of my blade against the space where the joint used to connect to my hand and took another deep breath before firmly running the teeth over my flesh and back again, sawing through skin and muscle as I let out muffled curses from the pain. 'Fuck me, fuck me, FUCK ME!' I thought while I worked to cut off my finger, tears shining in my eyes. It felt like I had been sawing forever before I finally felt the last threads of flesh come apart, and the digit was finally separated from my hand.

I quickly turned and chucked my severed finger into the box in the computer, slamming on the button to scan my DNA before sitting down against the machinery as it churned and ground up my flesh. Blood ran down my left hand as I clutched it in pain, and I desperately formed a new finger out of Mana. When I tried to connect it to my hand however, the artificial finger refused to bond with my flesh, and I cursed before tossing it aside. "Organic DNA Sample Accepted." The computer stated, and its red lights turned green as an elevator came up.

I didn't even notice however, and I desperately tried to use my Elementalist and Plantmancer powers to heal myself, coating the wound in water and then glowing flower petals. Neither worked, and I realized I was running out of time and blood as I started to feel woozy. "Motherfucker!" I shouted through my gag as I realized that I wouldn't be able to save it, and formed a miniature sphere of fire in my hand and used it to engulf the stump where my pinky finger used to be, screaming as I cauterized myself.

I groaned as my flesh was sealed with the heat, and dispelled the fire after a moment to see that the space where my finger used to be was red, scorched, and covered with scar tissue. Thankfully, it was also closed and no longer pouring blood, and I panted as I realized that it was over. I took a moment to collect myself before spitting out the Bolt of Cloth, and took deep breaths from the pain as I heard Mom mutter, "Holy fuck." "No kidding." Dad remarked, the both of them staring at me in shock.

I shakily got to my feet as my head spun with anemia, and I continued to take deep breaths as I told them, "There. Now I can move forward and neither of you are dead." "But… But we're still…" Dad said, trailing off as I held up a finger to shut him up. Once I felt able to, I walked over to him and inspected the machinery keeping him trapped. I opened up a panel and dug through the wiring, using my knowledge as a Gadgeteer to make it do my bidding. I took a couple wires in my hands once I had modified it sufficiently and touched them together, making the machine beep and release him. I then let the wires drop as I picked up his clothes sitting on a table and tossed them to him, curtly telling him, "Get dressed."

As Dad got out of his prison and put his clothes on, I walked over to Mom and crouched down in front of her, closing my eyes and focusing as water started to run over her arm and reconnect the severed muscle, and vines sprouted from the floor of the lab and encircled her legs, mending her bones and sealing her skin. Once she was completely healed I grabbed her clothes and gave them to her, telling her, "You too."

As Mom got dressed, I moved to the middle of the room and formed a sphere of fire the size of a softball in my hands, condensing it for a few moments before firing it at the wall facing the outside, blowing a huge hole in the building. I looked down and saw that we were still two stories up, so I cooled the edges with ice and kneeled at the improvised exit as I concentrated on the ground below us. As I focused, roots burst out of the ground and curled their way up the side of the building, forming a ladder until it reached us.

Once it was done, I stood up straight and told my parents, who were now both standing in the middle of the room with shocked looks on their faces, "There. Now get home, throw out all your weed and all your booze, clean up the house, and fuck each other until you make up!" Both of their eyes widened, and they exchanged a look before they both walked past me and climbed down the ladder, and I watched for a moment as they left for home before sighing and inspecting my left hand.

The stump where my pinky had been was angry red and throbbing, and I focused on it, trying to will a new finger into existence. Despite the flesh glowing with pink Mana however, I was unable to grow a new digit, and I thought to myself, 'I guess I can't make new body parts out of Mana. That would have been good to know before I cut off my fucking finger.'

I decided that dwelling on it wouldn't do me any good and retrieved the cats before I modified the ladder to let them walk down it and made sure they got out safely. I then got into the tram, the doors closing automatically once I was on board. I tried to ignore the throbbing in my hand as the lift moved downward, and thought to myself, 'I am gonna kick Conner's ass when I find him.' Soon the tram reached the end of its track and arrived on the first level.

I went through the door to find myself in a hallway that was mostly untouched, with a vending machine by the door and a mutant sixth grader clone in a lab where they were trying to attach more butts to it. I ignored it for the time being as I sold my leftover Artifacts to the vending machine and replaced my Pump of Ultimate Inflation with the Fanatic Visage I had gotten from Mr. Adams, deciding that the extra movement in battle was more helpful than the Ultimate boost my allies would get.

I then threw one of my blades into the clone's head to kill it before moving on, cleaning off the blade with Mana as I walked. Once I got through the door, I saw that I was in the greenhouse and that there were a multitude of footprints from various species covering the floor. As I watched, a tram came down on the main track carrying Mephesto and the Freedom Pals, and as it neared the ground, Mephesto asked me, "There we go! See, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"What took you so long, New Kid? You just screwing around having fun?" Toolshed asked me as the tram came to a stop. Glaring angrily at him, I walked up to the boy and kicked him in the nuts as they all filed out of the tram, making him groan in pain and fall over clutching his crotch as he asked me in pain, "Why?" "Because fuck you, that's why." I told the boy, and Human Kite's eyes widened next to him and he said, "Dude, ButtLord. Your hand…"

"Shut up, Kyle." I told him, not wanting to discuss my missing finger with the group just yet. We were both interrupted by Timothy, who mentally told the group, "All right, Freedom Pals. We've got to get out to town and tell everyone what Cartman is doing." We all then walked out to the center of the greenhouse, where we heard someone tell us, "I don't think so, guys…"

We all turned to the source to see Mitch Conner standing there with an unbound Cartman desperately trying to pull himself away from his left hand. "You came all this way just to die Coon and Friends." Conner pointed out. "Freedom Pals." Human Kite told him angrily, and Conner countered, "Coon and Friends." "FREEDOM PALS." Kite told him sternly, and Conner told him with agitation in his voice, "Coon and Friends! Coon and Friends! Coon and Friends!"

"Guys, help me! I can't move!" Cartman told us fearfully, and Kite shouted, "OH, SHUT THE FUCK UP, CARTMAN! WE KNOW YOU ARE CONTROLLING MITCH CONNER AND THAT YOU'RE DOING ALL OF THIS!" "No he's not." I stated, and everyone's eyes turned to me in shock. "You can't seriously believe this asshole." Toolshed told me, and I looked to him and told the group, "I didn't at first, but when he was revealing his plan to us… I felt something. There are two souls in Cartman's body. One is his, but the other… is Mitch Conner's."

"Oh, thank god! You finally believe me!" Cartman said with relief, but I was distracted by a high-pitched voice saying, "Tee hee hee, I guess the cat's out of the bag! Tee hee hee!" Suddenly, light shimmered above Cartman's head and a small transparent version of him appeared above him holding a bow, butt naked except for a quiver of arrows on his back and a set of white angel wings. I stared at it in shock as the tiny Cartman told me, "So you figured it out, New Kid. Mitch Conner's his own person now. But that's not going to do you any good, tee hee hee. You can't destroy him without my say so, and I don't think I'll be saying so anytime soon."

'What the fuck?' I asked myself, and the tiny Cartman explained, "Tee hee hee. I'm Cupid Cartman, and I've been pulling the strings since this whole game started. You see, Cartman's a sweet boy, a very, very sweet boy…" He trailed off as he looked to his larger counterpart with loving eyes. "But he was thinking far too small. He just wanted to make crime so he could stomp it out, and then become mayor so that he could make Coon and Friends the official law enforcement of South Park. But you see, Eric has a dream. A dream of a never-ending holiday. A never-ending Christmas. He thinks it's a fairytale, a pipe dream. But that dream will soon come true, and then Eric will finally leave that bitch Heidi and love me forever and ever! TEE HEE HEE! TEE HEE HEE!"

Cupid Cartman disappeared with a shimmer of light after he was done with his explanation, and I thought to myself, 'Okay, apparently there's a ghost Cartman that's controlling Mitch Conner.' "It's over, fatass! We're gonna tell everyone on you!" Toolshed told Cartman, everyone apparently ignoring my explanation once they had digested it. "I'm not doing this, Toolshed! You heard the New Kid!" Cartman told him, and Conner punched him in the face and told him, "You shut up, Coon. We need each other, don't you get it? I create crime and you stomp it out. I am good for your franchise."

"Oh fuck, I get it now." Human Kite stated, and Conner stated ominously, "But then the New Kid had to come along and try to stop me for good. Good thing I've got a secret weapon… Or three." "What secret weapon?" Wonder Tweek asked, and Conner laughed and told us, "I'm glad you asked, Wonder Tweek." He then cleared his throat and stated, "Super Craig, Simon Says… Kill the Freedom Pals." Suddenly, Super Craig jumped and his eyes glossed over before he punched his boyfriend in the side, knocking him backward and making him groan.

Super Craig advanced on him and started punching and kicking him relentlessly while he was on the ground, and Conner laughed as Wonder Tweek asked him, "What the fuck, Craig?!" "What did you do to him, fatass?!" Kite asked, and Cartman told us, "It wasn't me, you guys!" "Oh, but it was you." Conner told him, and Cartman looked to his hand with a shocked expression as Conner said, "It's amazing how easy it is to swap out an intracardiac injection for something a bit more… sinister."

Conner cackled with laughter, and as Mysterion tackled Super Craig, Toolshed exclaimed, "You injected Craig with mind control serum?!" "It was just supposed to be sugar water! He must have switched the needles!" Cartman exclaimed. We had no time for further banter as Super Craig knocked down Mysterion and moved on to Human Kite, and we all tried to defend ourselves against the boy in turn. Eventually he made his way to me, and I got an idea as I tried to block his punches.

"Super Craig, Simon Says rip Cartman's left hand off!" I told him, and he paused as Conner laughed and said, "Nice try, New Kid, but that serum made sure that Super Craig will follow my commands and mine alone, so – wait, what the fuck are you doing?" As Conner interrupted himself, Super Craig walked up to the two and took a hold of Mitch Conner, pulling as hard as he could as Cartman and Conner both screamed in pain. "Good thinking, New Kid." Human Kite told me as we all regrouped to watch.

Cartman and Mitch Conner both screamed in pain as Super Craig pulled on his hand, doing everything he could to separate it from Cartman's body. "Simon's Dead, Super Craig, Simon's Dead!" Conner exclaimed suddenly, and Super Craig jumped again before looking around, asking himself, "How did I get over here?" Conner pulled himself out of his grip as he and Cartman panted. "Well played, New Kid. But your fight's not over yet. I did say that I had THREE secret weapons." Conner told me, and called out to the next room, "Doctor Mephesto, we're ready for you."

As our Doctor Mephesto watched on in horror, two people walked into the greenhouse. One was short and our height but we couldn't make out any of their features due to being covered by a brown cloak. The other was an aging man who looked like a skinnier Doctor Mephesto with white hair and a black suit on, and he told Doctor Mephesto, "Hello… brother." All of our eyes widened at that, and Toolshed asked him, "Doctor Mephesto, this guy is your brother? The one who shoots you every month?"

"The one and only." Mephesto's brother told us. "My name is Doctor Alfred Mephesto, and I was hired by Mr. Conner here to exterminate a few… pests." He held an evil smile, and Cartman walked up to stand beside him seemingly against his will as Conner told him, "You know what to do."

"Of course, but first… a little exposition." Alfred told him, and took a few steps forward as the person in the cloak did the same, telling us, "You see children, whereas my brother toils away growing asses on goats, I perform serious scientific experiments. The most successful of these by far is… human enhancement."

He paused at that, and Toolshed asked him, "Human enhancement?" Alfred's grin grew wider, and he explained, "Yes. You see, my brother and I aren't so different. We both want to help mankind, we both want to see if people can be made better, faster, stronger. But while he chooses to waste his time with butts, I choose to put my genius to good use and improve humans with advanced prosthetics." He took a hold of the cloak the person next to him was wearing and told us, "I make humans better with cybernetic parts, and turn them into… this!"

With that, he pulled the cloak off to reveal the person underneath it, and my eyes went wide at the sight. The person underneath the cloak was a kid, with machinery replacing most of their body. The kid in question had a red robotic lens for a right eye and a blank gaze, looking at us with no emotion or expression. They had a mostly robotic torso, dark grey metallic plates replacing their body below the shoulders. Their left arm was completely mechanical, while the right had a metal hand up to their elbow and a human upper arm. Their upper body was almost completely machine, only a small expanse of stomach and an unbroken ring of flesh separating the plates of her torso from the ones making up their hips. Their lower body however had been completely replaced with cybernetics, their legs and waist entirely metallic.

None of this concerned me as much as their identity however. The cyborg kid accompanying Doctor Alfred Mephesto had curly blonde hair and a familiar face that I recognized all too well. "Bebe." I breathed out, tears shining in my eyes as I beheld my girlfriend's altered state. With a smug grin, Alfred told me, "Not anymore. She is now Cy-Bebe! Mr. Conner volunteered her to…"

Alfred Mephesto trailed off as he saw my face, which was contorted into a murderous gaze as I told him, my voice reverberating with power and Mana forming a corona around my body, "You have five seconds to get out of my sight before I tear you limb from limb." Alfred Mephesto paused for a moment before hurriedly telling us, " !" He then turned tail and ran out of the greenhouse as fast as he could. Conner wasn't perturbed however, and told me, "Guess you've got a tough choice to make, New Kid. You can either fight your girlfriend and save the town. Or you can let her kill the Freedom Pals AND become my cyborg slave."

The Mana surrounding me dissipated as I sighed, and turned to the other Freedom Pals before telling them, "Stay out of this." I then took a few steps toward Cartman and Cy-Bebe as Human Kite told me, "Dude, you can't fight her! She's a super-strong cyborg!" I looked back to him as I focused on my body and told them, "She's not the only one."

Suddenly, electricity ran over my body as I threw my arms out to either side. Conner and the Freedom Pals watched in amazement as chrome metallic plates formed over my skin, the electronic components inside me connecting with new machinery. Metal guards formed on each of my shoulders and connected with red wires to my upper arms. My hands and feet then started glowing electric blue before transforming into metal, cybernetics replacing my arms past the elbows and my legs past the knees, my left pinky unfortunately still absent.

The metamorphosis wasn't finished however, and electricity engulfed my costume before transforming it, the fabric of my shirt transforming into a solid steel band that ran across my chest, making me look like I had a metal tube top on before the energy moved on to my bottoms. My shorts transformed into steel plates that exposed my hipbones and cupped my ass, leaving them covering very little. Liquid chrome covered my skin up to my neck, leaving me armored but unfortunately still looking like I was wearing a metal swimsuit. Finally, my glasses dissolved to be replaced by a metallic frame that extended out of slots in my temples and clicked together in front of my eyes, a blue holographic screen filling the space and outlining potential hazards and enemies.

One last burst of electricity ran over my skin as my transformation finished, and I looked down at myself as I saw just how skimpy my armor really was. "Really?" I asked no one in particular, but shrugged it off as I took on a combat stance. "Yes, really. Now, Cy-Bebe, kill her!" Conner ordered the cyborg girl.

Instantly, rockets on her back activated and sent Cy-Bebe flying at me, her fist cocked back to punch me with a blank expression. I dodged to the left however, and set my robotic brain to work calculating how to incapacitate her while doing the least amount of damage. In the meantime, Cy-Bebe ran at me and started throwing punches, putting every ounce of her strength behind her strikes as I blocked them with my metallic forearms. A reticle ran over her body on my screen, and finally highlighted a shoulder joint in her completely robotic arm. Acting quickly, I extended metal spikes from my knuckles and sucker-punched the joint, electricity crackling at my strike.

Cy-Bebe's arm locked up at this, making her pause and allowing me to push her backwards with a kick to the sternum. Quickly recovering from this, her lens eye glowed red before a laser fired out of it, melting the glass behind me as I ran to avoid it. Cy-Bebe held an emotionless gaze as she chased me with the ray of heat until it finally stopped, steam rising from a port in the side of her eye. Taking my chance, I copied her earlier move and shot forward with rockets in my back, zooming forward before landing a kick to her right kneecap, making her leg buckle and letting me punch her in the chest.

Before I could strike her again however, Cy-Bebe took advantage of my skimpier armor and slugged me in the gut, making me cringe as my weaker armor was attacked. She followed up with an uppercut to the jaw, splitting my lip and then tackling me to the ground, pinning me before rearing her half-human arm back. The metallic hand collapsed and transformed into a buzzsaw, the circular blade spinning rapidly as she slowly extended it towards my head.

Acting quickly, I spat blood into Cy-Bebe's human eye, making her recoil and loosen her grip on me. I kicked my feet upwards, sending her flying upwards into the air and letting me roll out of her way. As she landed back on the ground, I stomped on her buzzsaw and snapped the stem, severing the blade from her arm. She quickly reverted it back to a hand and shot flames at me from a flamethrower in her wrist, and I jumped backwards to avoid getting scorched.

Suddenly, she zoomed forward using her rockets again, and two prongs extended from her palm as she jammed it into my neck. Instantly, my body went numb as electricity flowed through me, and static ran over my screen as she electrocuted me. 'She's trying to fry my circuits!' I realized, and shakily took a hold of Cy-Bebe's hand and pushed her off of me, panting as I recovered from her electrical assault.

She didn't give me the chance however, and drove her metallic elbow into my back and knocked me to the ground, where she stomped on the back of my right knee, trying to sever it from my body. It held but buckled, and I rolled away as Cy-Bebe tried again. Desperately, I fired a bolo from my hand, entrapping her and sending her rolling across the floor. I panted as she struggled to escape from the ropes holding her, but had no time to recover as she used her laser eye to burn through it. Instantly, I threw myself at her, covering her body with mine and pinning her wrists above her head.

Cy-Bebe struggled to escape from my grasp, but I held strong as she squirmed. To my right, Conner chuckled victoriously and remarked, "You can't think you can win this." I looked to him as the hand told me, "She's not going to stop until you're dead. Either she dies, or you do." I had an incredulous look on my face as Conner said, "Poor Bebe. She's a slave of her own body, a puppet with no will of her own. It's a living hell. And to save her from that hell, there's only one thing you can do. That's right New Kid, in order to save your girlfriend… You must kill her."

Tension was thick in the air at his words, and all eyes were on me as I digested his speech. Eventually however, I processed what he had said and replied to him, "Fuck THAT!" I then turned down to face Bebe and leaned in to kiss her, pressing my lips against hers as I let Mana flow into her body, making her pause in her struggles. The energy glowed under her skin, following the path of her circuits as metal became flesh, steel became bone, and coolant become blood. Skin slowly crept over Cy-Bebe's growing muscle and her metallic plates were replaced by human flesh, her eye shrinking until it too had reverted to its previous state. Cloth flowed over her skin as it was revealed, forming a pink dress. Eventually I felt her start to kiss back, and our tongues intertwined as she returned to normal.

We separated as Bebe finished transforming, and I let go of her wrists as she looked around in confusion. "Dova?" She asked me in confusion, and a smile broke out over my face as I helped her to her feet. "Where are we? How did I get here?" Bebe asked me as she stood up, and I told her as I underwent my own transformation, my cybernetics reverting to flesh and my costume returning, "It's a long story. I'll explain it to you later. For now though, you need to get outta here." I then turned back to the Freedom Pals and asked, "Call Girl, can you help her get home?" Call Girl nodded at my request, and she came up to us ready to help Bebe home.

Bebe looked around one more time before giving me a smile and nodding, encircling me in a hug before she left with Call Girl, the two running off and out of the building. I watched the two go before sighing in relief and turning to face Cartman, telling Conner, "Well Conner, you said you had three secret weapons. Bring on the third." Conner chuckled in response and told me, "You're perceptive, New Kid. I like that."

"Let me ask you a question, New Kid. How do you stop a Coon Friend? By creating a massive genetically altered Coon Friend from that hero's DNA!" Conner exclaimed. "What? Oh dude that's so fucking base." Cartman told him with an irritated look on his face. Conner then asked him, "What- What do you mean, Coon?" "Really? You're just gonna fight a superhero by creating a big genetic mutant from the hero's DNA? That's like every douchebag superhero movie ever." Cartman explained to him, and Conner retorted, "Yeah, cuz it's cool." "It's not cool." Cartman told him, and we all exchanged exasperated looks as the two continued to bicker, Conner rationalizing, "No, it's cool because it's like the ultimate enemy." "Oh, gimme a break." Cartman said with a roll of his eyes.

"Well anyway, the New Kid was kind enough to donate her DNA to help me make my genetic clone. I honestly didn't expect her to cut off her own finger, but whatever, I got what I wanted." Conner then told us, and the others all gasped with wide eyes. I rolled my own eyes and held up my left hand to show the group my missing pinky. "Holy fuck, dude." Toolshed muttered, and Human Kite replied to him, "Tell me about it."

Just then, a deep rumble from behind us shook the room, and we all turned to face it as something started to rise off of the ground. We watched with wide eyes as a gigantic hulking figure rose out of the ground, almost reaching the roof before finally coming to a stop. Its body was hidden by shadows, but it was quickly revealed to us as it stepped into the light.

All of us stared on in shock as we beheld the horrible form of the creature Conner had created. The beast standing above us was a grotesque monstrosity, half human and half reptile, with two dragon's wings on its back and a meter-long tail swishing behind it. The creature's hide was an amalgam of skin and scale, near-black purple scales covering its legs, waist, and tail along with one of its arms and a good bit of its back. Its torso was barrel-shaped and mostly covered with Caucasian skin save a few patches of scale here and there, and its left arm was huge and covered in scales with thick claws tipping its fingers. Its right arm was human and only half the size of the left, but its head was what disturbed me.

The monster's head was a fusion of dragon and human, the lower jaw fanged and scaled with a hideous underbite and drool hanging in ropes. The upper jaw was fanged as well, but I scarcely noticed as I beheld its face. "It's… It's me." I breathed out in horror. The monstrosity's face was undeniably my own, with a shock of blue hair sitting on its head and two rough crystals shaped like halves of a broken heart embedded in its forehead. Suddenly, it opened its maw and roared, the sound echoing through the lab and making all of us press our hands over our ears in pain.

Conner chuckled as he beheld the monstrosity however, and asked us, "Do you like it?" He then turned to face the group before telling us, "I call it… Alduin." All of the fear left my mind at that point, to be replaced by exasperation as I asked him, "Alduin? Like the main dragon in Skyrim?" Conner chuckled before telling me, "Yeah, I named it that because-" "Because I'm named after the main character in Skyrim and Alduin is the main enemy. I get it." I told him quickly. Conner chuckled again before Cartman started walking off, telling his creation, "Kill her."

At that, Alduin roared again and took flight, its wings beating as it rose into the air slowly. It started to inhale, taking in a deep breath as I realized what it was about to do and put up a Mana barrier. It would seem I wasn't a moment too late as fire shot forth from its mouth, colliding with my shield and pushing me back. I turned to the Freedom Pals as I strained to maintain the barrier, telling them, "You guys get outta here! I'll handle this!" "We can't just leave you here." Human Kite told me before my barrier cracked, and I staggered before exclaiming, "I'm the one it wants! Just get out!"

"The New Kid's right, Human Kite. Alduin is too powerful. We'd only get in the way." Timothy mentally told the others, and as everyone left the building, he told me, "Kick Cartman's ass, New Kid." I didn't respond as I held the barrier until they were all out of danger, at which point I let it drop. Flames permeated the room as my wall fell, but were repelled by the Mana coiling around my body. As the energy surrounded me and started to glow brightly, I told the room, "You know Conner, you made a big mistake when you made this thing. And I don't just mean the fact that it looks like something out of a bad anime. See, everything you've done today, even before you took control of Cartman, has put my friends…"

An image of the Freedom Pals posing for a group picture flashed in front of my eyes as I spoke, and from Cartman and Conner's gasps I could tell they saw it too as I stated, "My family…" Another picture flashed in my vision, this one of me and my parents playing Monopoly, and I told the boy, "And worst of all my girlfriend…" One last image flashed in front of me, one of me and Bebe lying on her roof looking up at the stars, and I finished as the Mana surrounding me began to expand, "In grave danger. And I don't particularly like that. In fact, I REALLY don't like it. I guess you could say that…"

I paused as my transformation finished, and the Mana around me dispelled to reveal my altered form as I shouted out, "IT PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF!" My voice echoed through the room as Alduin stopped spewing flames, and Cartman and Conner beheld my new body in awe.

My new body was similar to my dragoness form from the first game, and yet different at the same time. I was the same height and build, but whereas I had been completely covered with scales then, now my hide was similar to Alduin's in that it was partly skin and partly scale. That was where our similarities ended however. Soft pink flesh covered my head, chest and stomach, my back, sides, and limbs armored with bright purple scales. My blue hair reached down to my lower back, and sharp claws tipped my scaled hands and feet, my left pinky stubbornly not reappearing.

A powerful draconic tail swished along the floor by my feet, and wings adorned my back and spread wide as I rolled my shoulders. My costume had grown to fit me and was now a set of shorts and a tight shirt that outlined my older form without being too skimpy. Atop my head, the Dragon's Heart had reclaimed its place on my forehead, the pink crystal embedded in my head and joined on by a pearly white horn sprouting from my forehead, the spiraled point just above the heart-shaped crystal. My ears were pointed but human, the equine ears from my headband not carrying over into my new form. My glasses were now thin and rectangular, and sat securely on my face. Finally, the bandages I had wrapped my hands with in my old costume now took the form of white gauze that was designed to shield my hands from injury during a fistfight.

I opened my mouth to reveal sharp draconic fangs reinforced with serrated metal, and a reptilian growl rose from my throat as I told Conner, "This… thing isn't going to save you. If anything, all you've done is give me a target." I punched my right hand into left palm at that, the sound of the strike echoing throughout the room. Nobody spoke for a moment until Conner exclaimed, "Aaaaaaaaand, that's my cue. Later, dicks!" Cartman then ran off, though whether under his own power or Mitch Conner's I couldn't tell. I scoffed as they left, and turned my attention to my clone as I told it, "Get ready to eat shit, Alduin."

The monster didn't seem perturbed as it roared at me and breathed fire again, its flames licking my skin as they reached me. I didn't even feel them however, and as its fire washed over my body, I asked it, "You think your fire's pretty strong, huh? Well how's mine?" I took a deep breath at that as the back of my throat glowed with an inner heat, and I aimed my head at the mutant before expelling my own fire, the white flames shooting forth and impacting with Alduin's stomach. The beast roared in pain as it was pushed backwards with the force of my attack, crashing through the wall of the greenhouse and pinwheeling through the air beyond.

I ceased my assault as it exited the lab and flew after it, my wings beating as I caught up to my doppelganger. As I reached it, I curled my right hand into a fist and slugged it in the face, sending it flying faster through the air. I repeated myself with the other hand and once more with my right, the left strangely feeling weaker as I punched Alduin. After my strikes, I flew past it as I prepared for another attack. Once I was a good distance past it, I stopped to let it catch up and once it neared me, I clasped both of my hands together above my head and smashed them down onto its head, sending it crashing down into the ground.

My wings beat slowly as I floated down to hover by the indentation Alduin was lying in, and told it with a cold tone, "Stay down. It won't end well if you get up." A thunderous roar sounded out from the hole in the earth where Alduin lay in response, and the creature shot up from its hole and flew at me, grasping me in its gigantic scaled hand and dragging me across the ground, scraping my face against earth and stone. I growled and struggled to escape its grip as it dragged me over the ground in the woods surrounding South Park, but despite my strength, the beast's titanic size kept me from breaking free.

I growled in anger and bit down on its hand with all the force I could muster, punching through its scales with my reinforced fangs. Alduin roared and threw me across the forest, causing me to flip over and over in the air before I was able to reorient myself and land on my feet. I growled as I pulled a twig out of my hair and shook my head. I had no time to plan my next move however, as the beast roared and soared towards me with a speed I hadn't been expecting.

My eyes widened as Alduin neared me, and I shot upwards just in time for it to glide beneath me. Suddenly, it dug its heels into the ground and jumped up as it flew at me a second time, opening its maw wide to take a bite out of me. I growled and breathed fire at the behemoth again, the flames scorching its throat as I shot them into its mouth. The beast roared with pain and backhanded me across the forest again, making me grunt as I crashed into a tree. I growled and shot up, flying upwards to face Alduin as it flew towards me again. I growled and flew at it as the Dragon's Heart began to glow on my forehead.

As the two of us neared each other, the Dragon's Heart started to glow brightly, and I ducked underneath Alduin as the beast shielded its eyes. Focusing my power, I fired a beam of pure Mana from the horn on my head, the spike conducting the Mana from the Dragon's Heart and strengthening it. The beam struck Alduin in the stomach and made it roar in agony as the beam reached it. The force of my attack shot the beast upwards, and I flew up to follow it as I punched the monster as hard as I could in the stomach. In retaliation, the clone twisted in the air and slammed its tail into me, sending me flying through the air and into a mountain. I crashed through the rock and into a cavern lit with magma, the molten rock sitting in a pool beneath me. I quickly spread my wings and flapped them gently, the hot air from the magma beneath me letting me hover with little effort.

Suddenly, Alduin burst through the hole I had made and roared, the sound echoing throughout the mountain and sending pebbles raining down from the ceiling. I was unperturbed however, and snarled at the beast as it blew a dark purple fireball at me. In response, I took a deep breath and shot a pink fireball back at it, enhancing my flames with Mana. It would seem that the beast's projectile was similarly strengthened however, as when the two fireballs collided, the colors bled together for a moment before exploding. A shockwave of force shook the mountain before Alduin flew forwards through the smoke, flying at me with a roar.

My eyes widened as it reached me, and I took a hold of two of Alduin's fangs and held its maw open as it tried to bite into me. Alduin roared as I did so and started to thrash in the air, crashing into the walls of the mountain as I desperately tried to avoid getting swallowed. Eventually, what few brain cells it had apparently shot into overdrive as it got the idea to breathe fire while I was in its mouth. "Oh, fuck…" I muttered as I saw its throat start to glow purple. Suddenly, flames shot forth out of its esophagus and ripped me from its mouth. The flames burned my skin for the first time since our fight started as I screamed in pain.

I crashed into the wall of the cave as the stream of purple fire pushed me into the rock, dazing me as my head struck the wall. My eyes closed as I started to fall prey to gravity, my body falling from the wall and into the molten magma below. I slowly floated through the molten rock, my body weak from the attacks I had taken. I moved slowly, the magma's consistency preventing me from simply sinking directly to the bottom like I would in water. 'Is this it? Is this the end? Taken down by a… By a cheap knock-off of myself?' I thought to myself, my thoughts muddy.

Suddenly, my eyes shot open as my mind cleared and I thought, 'Fuck that!' The Dragon's Heart shined on my forehead as I got my feet under me and shot upwards, cutting through the magma and tackling Alduin, which was waiting for me above the surface. I roared as we burst through the side of the mountain and fired pink flames from my mouth, scorching Alduin's stomach.

The monstrosity roared in pain as I halted us in midair and threw it downwards, sending it crashing down into the forest before flying towards it to tackle the monster again, slugging Alduin in the gut before breathing pink flames onto the monstrosity. The beast roared as my fire scorched its flesh, and before it could recover, I landed on its head and took hold of the two gems embedded in its forehead. I tugged on the two crystals as Alduin roared in anger and desperately tried to shove me off of it. I had a determined look on my face as I pulled on the gems with all my might until with a crack of snapping bone, the crystals came free in my hands.

Alduin roared with pain, the cry echoing throughout town as its forehead gushed blood. Ignoring it, I tossed the gems upwards before obliterating them with a blast of Mana from my horn. Alduin's roar ended as its crystals were destroyed, and it lay still for a moment before exhaling deeply, its blood leaking onto the ground as it seemingly died.

I sighed with relief and jumped off of the beast before taking a few steps forward. Before I could get far however, I felt something coil around my waist and tug me back. I saw fangs chomp down in front of me and was tugged backwards by walls of pink flesh, and with a groan of disgust, I realized that Alduin had faked its own death and had just swallowed me! "Time to give this thing a little indigestion." I muttered to myself before the Dragon's Heart glowed on my forehead. I let the power inside me build for a moment before releasing it in one massive burst, the resulting explosion ripping apart the walls of Alduin's stomach.

I took a deep breath as I stood in the middle of a gigantic red splatter, and bits of flesh and blood rained down all around me. "Persistent, I'll give it that." I commented before taking flight, searching for the Freedom Pals as I transformed back to normal in midair, keeping myself suspended with wings of pink Mana.

As I flew however, I got a call from Mitch Conner, who told me, "Not bad, New Kid. You managed to kill my last secret weapon, but it doesn't matter. I've got what I want. Why don't you take a little trip to City Hall." His tone made it clear he wasn't asking, and I thought to myself, 'I've got a bad feeling about this.' I then started to make my way through the air to City Hall.

Once I head reached the mayor's office, I swooped down onto the ground and gasped at what I saw as my wings dissipated. All of the Freedom Pals stood waiting for me in front of the building, but that wasn't what shocked me. City Hall was defended like a fortress, cement dividers blocking the way in and SWAT officers standing guard. "The whole mayor's office is blocked like a fortress!" Toolshed exclaimed, and Human Kite exclaimed, "How can Cartman do that?!" "He can do whatever he wants. He's mayor." Fastpass pointed out, and we all looked up to the window in Mayor McDaniel's apparently former office. "Look! Up in the window!" Mysterion exclaimed. Standing in the window was Mitch Conner, who taunted us from the window, "FUCK YOU GUYS! I'm gonna pass so many laws and fuck you guys so hard right now!" "Oh no." Balance muttered, voicing all of our sentiments.

"Dude, what happened?" I asked the group, and Human Kite told me, "Conner overthrew the Mayor. He forced an emergency election, and apparently he won by a landslide!" "That's impossible! He must have rigged the election." I pointed out. "It's over. We lost." Call Girl muttered. "But… We can't lose." Human Kite said, and Toolshed told him, "Face it, Kyle. Cartman is mayor and there's no one left to help us!" Toolshed told him. All of us looked down in sadness at that, knowing that he was right, but before any of us could do anything else, I suddenly got a FaceTime call from Morgan Freeman, who told me, "New Kid! New Kid come in!" "Who is that?" Human Kite asked as his voice sounded out from my phone, and Super Craig told him, "Pretty sure that's Morgan Freeman."

"New Kid, I heard about what happened. Come to the taco shop. We have to fix this." Morgan Freeman said, and hung up on me abruptly before I could say anything. The group all exchanged glances for a moment before Human Kite told us all, "You heard the man! All Freedom Pals report to Freeman's Tacos now!" With that, the others all ran off in the direction of the taco shop, and I followed them after giving Conner the finger.

Once I entered the shop, I found the Freedom Pals waiting for me inside along with Morgan Freeman behind the counter. "All right, the New Kid's here." Human Kite said when he saw me enter, and we all went up to the front counter as Toolshed told me, "Morgan Freeman says he can help us stop Cartman." "How do we stop him now? He's already been elected mayor." Mosquito pointed out. Ignoring them both, Morgan Freeman told me, "New Kid. Your farts are wild and untrained. I wouldn't offer this unless I had any other choice. But desperate times call for desperate measures. You have to somehow… go back, and stop Mitch Conner from ever rising to power."

He then picked up a plate with a big burrito wrapped in tinfoil on it as he told me, "This… is the Seven Layer Quesarito Chipotle Beefy Nacho Supreme. The last time someone tried it… they farted so bad it created a wormhole that made time travel possible." Morgan put the ultimate burrito down as he asked me, "Now, I have to warn you, friend. Once you eat the Seven Layer Quesarito Chipotle Beefy Nacho Supreme… there is no going back. Make sure you have EVERYTHING you need before you eat this. Do you understand?"

I sighed with exasperation that yet another key mechanic in this game would involve my farts and told him, "I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Let's do this thing." Morgan Freeman then nodded and handed his foil-covered creation to me without a word. I then unwrapped the burrito and ate it in a few bites, washing it down with water before pausing for a moment. Suddenly, a deep rumbling came from my gut, making me groan and clutch my stomach as the building shook. "Now you must fart back in time, to before Mitch Conner was sworn into office. You can do it. You just have to believe in yourself." Morgan Freeman told me, and I nodded awkwardly as my stomach continued to ache.

I took a deep breath and clenched down on my bowels, letting my intestinal tract guide my newfound power as the building shook and Human Kite cried out, "HOLY SHIT!" White light spread from my ass as Morgan Freeman asked me, "New Kid. I don't think it's working. Are you sure you're believing in yourself?" I didn't respond, too focused on my anus to answer him, and he cried out in a panic, "Oh no, it's not working. You're not believing in yourself! You're not believing in yourself!"

Morgan Freeman's voice was the last thing I heard before whiteness encompassed my vision, and a powerful fart ripped itself from my anus as I felt myself leap through time.

And that's the chapter. I'm cutting it short here because it would be too long otherwise, and I will finish the story in the next chapter or two. Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a review. Coon out!


	9. The Fifth Day Part 2

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the next chapter of The Next Adventure. This chapter is based off of the second half of the final day of The Fractured But Whole, but it will NOT be the last chapter! To find out what's going to be in the actual last chapter, read on down to the end of this one. I do not own South Park, let's read!

I floated weightlessly in a dark void, my body immobile as I drifted. I wasn't paralyzed per se, it simply felt like there was nothing there for me to move through. I looked around as best I could, but could see nothing but blackness. 'This is weird. Last thing I remember is eating that crazy time burrito at the taco shop. How did I get here?' I asked myself. Like I had thrown a switch with my thoughts, light shone to my left, and I turned my head to see me lying unconscious inside a darkened Freeman's Tacos. I stared in awe before looking down at myself to see that most of me was still there, but that my feet were partially transparent, and that it was slowly inching its way up my legs.

"Holy shit." I muttered, and heard a voice behind me say, "Couldn't have said it better myself." I then turned around to face the source and saw… Me. My eyes widened as I looked over what looked like a copy of myself, and yet not at the same time. The person floating across from me was definitely me, yet she my glasses and hair from the Stick of Truth game, and dirt streaked her face. She was wearing the purple shirt with the chibi skull and black pants I had worn before I started playing along with a denim jacket with the sleeves cut off. There was a scar marring her cheek to match mine, but she also had one on the right side of her lower lip extending about an inch towards her chin. She didn't have any braces, but when I looked down to her hand, her left pinky was missing just like mine.

"Are you… Me?" I asked her, and she shrugged and replied, "I think so. You're Dovahkiin, right?" "Yeah, I-I am. Are you?" I asked in response, and she nodded and told me, "Yup." "What the hell is going on?" I asked myself, looking back at the unconscious me in Freeman's Tacos. The other me shrugged and asked, "Not sure. Hey, did you eat a crazy burrito and try to fart your way back in time, too?"

I turned back to her and replied, "Yeah. Why, you did that too?" She nodded and replied, "Yeah. I don't think I did it right, though." "Me neither." I told her. Suddenly, light shined in the void behind her, and I watched with wide eyes as a scene appeared behind the other me. It was her inside Freeman's Tacos, but it was half-finished and dusty, with graffiti marking the walls. "Whoa." I muttered as she turned around to face it. Suddenly her feet turned transparent, and it started inching its way upwards just like mine.

"What the fuck?" She asked herself, confusion in her voice. Just then, something occurred to me, and I looked down at my now transparent shins as I told her, "I… I don't think we're really here." The other me turned around and asked, "What? What are you talking about?" I shrugged and explained to her, "I'm not sure, but I think we both sort of… farted our brains out. I think that because we both fucked up the time jump, we're here to sort of… Recover, or something. I think we're from alternate timelines."

The other me looked around in the void and muttered, "Maybe. I guess it makes as much sense as anything else that's been going on since I moved to South Park." "Tell me about it." I said. "So what's going on in your South Park? Are you playing another game, too?" "We didn't finish the first one." She told me. "Things kinda went to hell right in the middle of it. Why, what's going on with you?"

"We finished the first game and threw the Stick in Stark's Pond." I told her. "After that we started playing superheroes. It was going well at first, but-" "Let me guess. Cartman fucked things up?" Alternate-Me asked, and I nodded as I told her, "You've got no idea. He created a hand puppet called Mitch Conner and now it's taken over his body and become mayor. I was trying to go back in time to try and stop him, but…"

I glanced back at the vision of my body in Freeman's Tacos and said, "Well, you can guess what happened." Alternate-Me nodded and explained to me what had been happening in her version of South Park. Once she was done, I muttered to her, "Wow, that's… That's heavy." She nodded and told me, "Yup. I've got an idea to try and fix things, but… Let's just say it's a work in progress."

I nodded to her but before I could say anything, bright light shined behind me. I turned around to see that the scene of me lying in Freeman's Tacos was glowing brightly, and I suddenly started to lose feeling in my feet. I looked down to see that my now fully-transparent body was breaking apart into particles of light starting at my feet, and that it was rapidly being absorbed by the sphere. I turned to the copy of me and told her, "Looks like my time in here's up. Good look fixing things in your South Park…" My voice faded away as I was completely absorbed into the scene behind me, and the world went black once again.

I groaned, my entire body aching as I came to, and slowly opened my eyes to see the ceiling of Freeman's Tacos. I blinked in confusion and stood up carefully, looking around to see that the shop was dark and completely abandoned. 'What the hell?' I asked myself, and wracked my brain to try and remember how I had gotten here. I remembered eating the burrito, and then blacking out and waking up here. Fuzzy memories of drifting in a dark void came to the surface, but they were gone as quickly as they arrived.

I looked through the glass door to see that the town was in chaos outside, and my eyes widened before I rushed out of the shop. When I got outside, I found Mysterion, Human Kite, and Toolshed waiting for me, and we all looked around in shock upon seeing what South Park had become. Christmas decorations and Mitch Conner propaganda adorned every building, and every window in sight was completely boarded up. We looked to the streets and stared at the people around us in shock. Everywhere we looked, South Park citizens wearing ugly Christmas sweaters and carrying TVs and presumably cheese-laced booze stumbled through the street, breaking out into fights occasionally.

A few people in the street shouted holiday greetings to each other as we watched before a police helicopter flew above us, shining a searchlight on the town. "What the fuck?" Toolshed asked us, and Mysterion surmised, "We're too late. The New Kid farted us forward in time – to when Cartman is already Mayor!" I took out my phone to see that the girl was right. It was exactly one year from the day I had eaten Morgan Freeman's ultimate burrito, and Toolshed sarcastically told me, "Good job New Kid, this is exactly what we wanted."

In response, I indignantly told the boy, "Oh, well excuse me for not knowing how to TEAR OPEN THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME WITH MY ASSHOLE! This is fucking new to me!" Ignoring our exchange, Human Kite told me, "You have to take us back, New Kid, back to BEFORE this all happened!" I nodded to him and took a deep breath before bearing down on my rectum, but any air I tried to build up immediately escaped my ass with a hollow hissing sound. After a few tries, a deep pain shot through my anus, and I groaned and clutched my ass as I exclaimed, "Fuck!"

"What, what's the problem?" Toolshed asked, and my ass continued to throb as I told him with my eyes clenched shut from the pain, "My ass! It's fucking killing me!" I groaned as a new wave of pain radiated from my sphincter, and Toolshed pointed to my rear as he exclaimed, "I think the New Kid's got a fractured butthole!" "Fractured butthole? That's ridiculous." Human Kite said, dismissing my pain. "Ridiculous or not, it happened! I can't fart! It hurts too fucking much!" I told him, strain in my voice. "Toolshed is right, we have to get the New Kid to a doctor FAST!" Mysterion told him, recognizing that my pain was genuine.

Toolshed then turned to me as he told me, "Be careful, New Kid. South Park is a really scary place on Christmas." The three of them walked off and I followed as best I could, my injured ass forcing me to limp. As we walked down the street, we were confronted by Mr. Mackey. He was holding a martini with a candy cane in it, and he slurred out as he caught sight of us, "Oh, hey boys! Merry Christmas, mkay. I'm so fucked up – I feel like it's been Christmas for a year. What'd they put in these drinks?"

"Mr. Mackey, there's cheese in your alcohol! You have to stop drinking!" Human Kite told him, but he apparently didn't listen as he told us, "Oh, but it's the holidays, boys, mkay. There's nothing wrong with a little drink on the ho-" Mr. Mackey was cut off by a red laser firing from somewhere behind us and shooting his head off, and his lifeless body crumpled to the ground before we turned to face the source. "OH GOD, IT'S THEM AGAIN!" Someone shouted as we watched the Christmas Critters walk down the street, people scattering as they approached our group.

Squirrely told the crowd, "Now don't be scared, y'all. We're simply here to celebrate the coming of our Lord and Savior." "Duhhhhhh, MERRY CHRISTMAS, everybody!" Beary exclaimed before blowing some guy's head off with another red laser. The Critters then seemed to notice me for the first time, as one of them said, "Hey look, it's the vigilante the mayor told us about!" "If we murder her we get a prize!" Beavery exclaimed, and they all cheered before a battle started.

The four of us and the larger critters took our places in a combat grid, and Deery would've cut Mysterion's Health in half had I not skipped his turn with TimeFart Glitch. Foxy then shot flames out of a pentagram at Human Kite, dealing a moderate chunk of damage and giving him Burning before Beary called meteors down from the sky, damaging all four of us. As soon as his attack was finished, Wonder Tweek called me on FaceTime and told me, "Dude, these critters are impossible to beat! They're gonna kill us! IT'S OVER MAN!"

He hung up after his outburst, but Toolshed apparently had an idea. He exclaimed, "Wait a minute – it's Christmas! I know who can help! New Kid! You have to pray to Christ!" I looked to him in surprise, but didn't get a chance to respond before Timothy called on FaceTime and agreed, "Yes! Yes of course! New Kid, you have to put your faith in Christ, do you understand? Pray to Jesus, New Kid, it's our only hope!"

He then hung up without another word, and I walked over to the sidewalk as I thought to myself, 'What the fuck is praying gonna do? For all we know, Jesus is drunk off his ass along with everyone else in town!' Regardless, I kneeled down and clasped my hands together in front of my face before closing my eyes and starting to pray to Jesus, mentally begging him for his help. As I prayed, I felt something strange. The air around me felt charged with power, like my praying was having a physical effect around us.

As I prayed, Timothy called on FaceTime and told me, "THAT'S NOT ENOUGH NEW KID! YOU HAVE TO PRAY TO CHRIST MORE! BEG FOR HIS SALVATION!" I increased the urgency of my prayers, explaining our situation to Jesus along with what we were trying to do. "Come on, New Kid. Put your faith in Jesus." Super Craig told me over FaceTime as the air around me seemed to hum with power. "Pray to Christ or we're all dead!" Wonder Tweek called to tell me, and after a few more moments of praying I felt a shockwave emanate throughout the town. "The New Kid did it! Someone's coming!" Kite exclaimed on FaceTime despite being literally three feet away from me. Suddenly, golden light shined down on me from the sky, and I looked up in shock that my praying had actually worked before a fireball streaked down from the clouds and landed a few feet away from us.

I looked on with wide eyes as the smoke cleared to reveal a red sleigh with dead reindeer laying all around it, and a battered and bloody Santa Claus pulled himself out of the wreckage holding a baseball bat. "All right! Who the fuck called Santa down from the sky?! You killed my reindeer!" Santa demanded of us, and the critters all gathered in the street as Beary exclaimed, "Hey look, it's Santy Claus!" "Santy Claus? Well now, maybe we can eat his flesh! Hail Satan!" Squirrely said, and they all cheered together.

Upon seeing the critters, Santa told them, "Oh, you little fuck critters again, huh?! Santa's gonna kick the shit outta you!" All of us then retook our places in a much larger combat grid before Beary said, "Well shucks, we weren't expecting Santa to show up. Whatever will we do? We're in a bit of a bind, Rabbity." Rabbity then told him from atop a nearby stone altar, "Don't be sad, Beary. Shucks, I can just sacrifice myself."

He then took out a ritualistic-looking knife and plunged it into his gut, making me cringe as he spilled his intestines all over the altar. A burst of red light then swallowed him up before being absorbed into the stone below him. The critters battling us waited with bated breath for a moment before Beary said, "Well that's mighty strange. Rabbity sacrificed himself to Satan, so we ain't we got stronger?"

Just then, scrolls of parchment appeared in front of each of the critters in gouts of flame, and Beary read off of his, "Leave me alone. –Satan." The critters all gasped as Rabbity reappeared on the altar, and Deery exclaimed, "Satan rejected our sacrifice?!" "But… But why?" Mousey asked himself before I told them, "Because Satan hates you guys. And to be honest, it's not hard to see why. I mean seriously, you're Satanic woodland critters who celebrate the birth of Christ year-round. Make up your fucking minds!"

All of the critter's ears drooped at that, but Squirrely quickly perked up and told the others, "Hey now, I just thought of somethin' fellas. The New Kid pledged her soul to Lucifer in the last game, remember? That means she's a fellow servant of the fallen angel. She must have been sent here to test us! Satan probably rejected our sacrifice because he wants us to prove ourselves. Heck, I bet if we can kill Santa AND the New Kid without his help, he'll be so impressed with us, he'll make us all demons!" The critters all gasped with delight at that, and Deery exclaimed, "Make us demons! Why, that'd make me happier than Beelzebub in a manure factory!"

They all cheered and the battle officially started with Santa getting the first turn. He swung his bat at Deery and Foxy, dealing some damage to the both of them and knocking them back to stand by Beavery. Raccoony then moved forward a few spaces before Toolshed used Drillslinger to damage Beary and Beavery, Beary being knocked back by the attack. My turn rolled around at that point, and I used Sweet Scent to damage and Charm Porcupiney. Beary would have attacked both of us had I not skipped his turn with TimeFart Glitch, and Deery and Foxy both moved forward one space before Beavery healed Deery.

Human Kite then used Laser Burn to damage Beary, dealing a moderate amount of damage before Mysterion hit Raccoony with Demonic Fury, the four-strike combo shaving off about a fourth of the raccoon's Health. The hypnotized Porcupiney then went up to Beary and spat quills at him, Santa following up by hitting Deery and Foxy with his bat again, knocking Foxy back and Deery into Beavery. Raccoony shot fire at Mysterion, making her stagger and pant as her Health was depleted to less than half.

Toolshed moved up into the row above him before using Drillslinger to damage Deery and Beavery, knocking the former into the latter and dealing a good bit of damage to both. My turn finally came around again, and I used Ice Prison to Damage and Chill Beary, the Satanic critter losing his turn to the status effect immediately afterward. Deery then used his turn to shoot a stream of fire at Toolshed, almost defeating the boy and giving him Burning before Foxy did the same to Santa. Beavery then restored some of Deery's Health again, and Human Kite used Laser Burn to damage Beary, almost defeating the bear.

Mysterion used Demonic Fury to damage Raccoony, cutting his remaining Health in half before Porcupiney killed Beary with a jet of fire. Santa threw down a Gingerbread Man to distract the three critters he was fighting before Raccoony killed Mysterion by spitting fire at her. Ghost Mysterion rose from her corpse, creeping me out a bit as Toolshed ate a Quesadilla Especial to restore his Health. He took damage from Burning immediately afterward however, and I made a note to tell him to drink an Antidote next turn before I used Cerebral Blast to damage Raccoony.

Deery shot fire from another pentagram, defeating Toolshed and making him fall to the ground. Foxy then did the same to Santa and his Gingerbread Man, damaging them both and giving Santa Burning. Beavery used his turn to give Deery some more Health. I cursed to myself as I realized that we weren't going to win this way. Human Kite used Laser burn to defeat Raccoony, and Porcupiney spat flaming quills at me before Santa circled around to hit Beavery with his bat.

Ghost Mysterion then used her Ultimate, flying up into the sky momentarily before diving back into her body and healing me as I smiled to her gratefully. I moved to the left a space and used Ice Prison to damage and Chill Porcupiney, Deery moving forward immediately afterward and Foxy destroying the Gingerbread Man with a jet of fire. Beavery would have healed him, but I used TimeFart Pause to skip his turn, dealing a good amount of damage to Porcupiney in the process. Human Kite then moved behind me and used Laser Burn to defeat the female critter, leaving us with only the three Santa was facing.

Speaking of Santa, he used his bat to damage Foxy and Beavery, almost defeating Beavery and dealing a good bit of damage to Foxy. Santa took some damage from Burning but managed to hang on, and Mysterion used Dark Whisper to pull Deery toward her and deal some damage. I followed up by using Cerebral Blast to damage Deery further, and he retaliated by defeating Santa with a jet of fire. Foxy shot fire at Human Kite and almost defeated him, and Beavery healed him before Kite used a Maximum Antidote to get rid of his Burning and recover a good amount of Health.

Mysterion used Dread Rush to put Foxy out of Beavery's reach and deal some damage, and I followed up with Ice Prison to damage and Chill him. Deery shot more fire at Kite, defeating him and making me curse under my breath as it came down to just me and Mysterion. Foxy's turn was skipped thanks to his status effect, and Beavery moved forward to heal him. Mysterion moved back and used Dread Rush to kill Beavery, ridding the critters of their healer as I moved up and used Sweet Scent to damage and Charm Deery. Deery shot fire at Foxy, almost defeating his fellow critter before I skipped his turn. Foxy was defeated by Burning immediately afterward, and Mysterion used a Revive Serum to bring back Toolshed since Deery was still Charmed. Toolshed rose with barely any Health left and moved out of Deery's range before skipping his turn. I did the same since Deery still couldn't be damaged by us, and Deery skipped his turn as well before Mysterion used Demonic Fury to damage him. Toolshed used Drillslinger to whittle Deery's Health down to next to nothing, and I finished the battle by using Deadly Dive, disappearing onto the nearest roof and taking out a red rapier before diving down onto Deery, impaling him and ending the battle.

I sighed with relief as the fight ended and I got ten bucks along with a new Artifact, but immediately groaned with pain as the pain in my ass redoubled, and I cursed myself for forgetting my injured butthole before wondering why I hadn't felt any discomfort when using my other TimeFarts. Chalking it up to the game's strange magic, I joined the others standing in front of Santa. "Thanks for your help, Santa." Toolshed told him, and the jolly old man asked us, "You're welcome, kids. Now what the FUCK is this all about?"

Human Kite then explained to him while he gestured to me, "We're sorry, but… We're trying to go back in time, but the New Kid has a fractured butthole, so we're trying to get her to the abortion clinic." This made me pause for a moment before I asked him, "Wait a minute, what the fuck? I thought we were going to a normal doctor! Why the fuck would we go to an abortion clinic to fix an injured asshole?!" Ignoring me, Santa told us, "Oh, I see. All right, you kids get her ass fixed. Santa will hold off these drunken fuckwads."

Santa then ran off to clear our path of drunken fuckwads and Mysterion told us, "Get moving to the abortion clinic." The three of them then ran off with me reluctantly following, grumbling as I looted some containers and replaced my Butterfly Effector Artifact with the Festive Verse I had gotten from the Christmas Critters. I followed the others with a slight limp as we passed several drunk people fighting in the street and some guy calling for a woman named Tina. We then finally reached Unplanned Parenthood, where we found a line of women in various stages of pregnancy going around the block.

We ignored the line and entered the building to see more pregnant women along with a wasted nurse sitting at the receptionist's desk. As we approached, she told us, "Staannnd back, kids, we got a lot of abortions today. It's CHRISTMAS!" "We need a doctor to look at our friend's asshole." Human Kite told her, and I thought to myself, 'Was there seriously no other way you could have phrased that?' Oblivious to my inner monologue, the nurse sarcastically told him, "Let me guess, it's got a big crack down the middle. Ha ha."

Exasperated, Human Kite told her, "NO! PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO LISTEN! NONE OF THIS IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!" "The mayor has to be stopped! We know how to do it!" Mysterion cut in, and the nurse perked up at that, telling us, "The MAYOR? That scumbag made the town the SHITHOLE it is today!" "We can put a stop to it, please! Just look at our friend's ass!" Toolshed begged her, and she led us to the back where a doctor was waiting and sipping wine.

Although I was reluctant to let a drunk doctor anywhere near any part of my body, the others assured me that this was the only doctor's office open on Christmas, so I stood on the chair and let him do his work. He did a surprisingly good job for being absolutely smashed, and once he was done, he turned in his swivel chair to let me get down and told us, "Yeah, it's fractured, all right." "Can you fix it?" Mysterion asked him, and he replied, "I've put a splint on it and a little sling to take pressure off the sphincter."

"Try it, kid. Take us back." Mysterion urged me, and I nodded and took a deep breath before bearing down on my colon again, condensing the air inside me and focusing on the first moment of the first day of the game. As the others shouted encouragement, I willed my ass to shoot us through space and time, and released the gas as the world went black.

The next thing I knew, I was flying through a dark void, scenes from my life flying past me in glowing spheres. I saw the moment I created my first social media account, being kidnapped by my Grandfather, and so many more. None of these were what I was looking for however, and so I focused on the moment I needed to find, trying to pilot myself through the timestream with sheer force of will. Suddenly, I saw a light brighter than most shine a few feet in front of me, and plunged myself into the sphere as I recognized the scene.

And immediately found myself standing in my bathroom, watching myself take a crap. Past-Me's eyes widened as I appeared out of thin air, and neither of us said anything for a moment until I awkwardly told her, "Uhhhhh… Hi." "Hi." She said back softly, and asked me hesitantly, "Are you… Me?" I nodded and told her, "Yeah. It's a long story, but I came back in time to prevent Cartman from ruining South Park."

Past Me nodded in understanding before asking, "Okay, okay. So, uh… Can I get a little privacy over here?" "Oh, yeah, right. Sorry." I told her before turning around to let her finish. Once she was done and had cleaned up, I turned back around as I heard Past-Mom call from the hallway, "Honey? Your friends are at the door and they want you to come out and play." 'That's weird. I don't remember her saying that. I don't remember meeting myself either.' I thought to myself, finding my memories unchanged by my own meddling. Past-Me then opened the door to reveal Past-Mom and Dad arguing, Past-Mom pointing out, "We should be happy that she's made new friends in this town so quickly!"

Past-Dad countered, "We came here to hide. More friends just means more trouble!" "You're being paranoid! You need to lay off that stuff! It's changing you!" Past-Mom told him, and he rolled his eyes and sternly told her, "OH, LAY OFF! It's the one thing that helps me relax from your stupid shit! Oh, hey whippersnapper!" Past-Dad noticed Past-Me in the middle of his statement, and I ducked behind the door as he told her, "Didn't see you there!" "Your friends are downstairs, kiddo! Get out there and play!" Past-Mom told Past-Me, and both of my past parents gave fake chuckles as they left, Past-Dad going into their room and Past-Mom going down to the kitchen to cry.

Once they were both gone, I emerged from my hiding place to see Past-Me peering through the keyhole of Mom and Dad's room, and she stepped back after a moment with a sigh of disappointment. I gave her a sympathetic face before she asked me, "Okay, so how do we stop Cartman?" "Leave that to me. Let's just get outside for now." I told her, and she nodded before we both went down the stairs to the front door. Kyle and Butters were waiting for Past-Me once she opened the door, and Kyle told her, "The heathens are attempting to overtake Kupa Keep!"

"You gotta come fight, my liege! You're our only hope!" Butters told her before Kyle noticed me and asked, "Who's that?" Neither of us had a chance to say anything before Kyle told us, "We're not playing superheroes, dumbass. Come on, New Kid!" He then dragged Past-Me out onto the lawn as I followed, and we found the Freedom Pals facing their past selves in the middle of the street. "Get out of the way, you guys! We've got to stop Cartman before he starts all this!" Human Kite told the group. "What are you kids doing? We stopped playing superheroes like five days ago?" Kyle asked him.

"Yeah! Get lost, douchebags!" Butters told us, and Super Craig told them, "This isn't a trick, it's ME! Craig!" "Fuck you, dude. I'm Craig." Craig told him. "We don't have time for this! Stand aside. We have to get to Cartman!" Mysterion cut in, and Kyle told her, "Well, you'll just have to get past us, and OUR QUEEN!" Kyle told the hooded girl. With that, all the others started fighting themselves. Human Kite battled High Jew Elf Kyle, Toolshed and Call Girl teamed up to take on Ranger Stan and Sparky, and Balance fought Paladin Butters.

Past-Me and I were left standing on the sidewalk facing each other, and as the battle raged on around us, I asked her, "I guess we're supposed to fight each other now, huh?" "Looks that way." Past-Me commented as she got into a combat stance. I knew that she didn't mean it, however, and stood there for a moment until she sighed and told me, "I really don't want to, though." "Yeah, me neither." I commented, and glanced around before taking a bag of Cheesy Poofs out of my pocket and asking her with a grin, "You wanna eat some snacks and watch the guys beat the crap out of each other?"

"You read my mind." Past-Me told me softly, and we both sat down and watched everyone fight. We remained silent as we watched Mosquito dart around Warrior Clyde, and as Super Craig battled copies of Thief Craig, I commented, "You know, I'm surprised you're not asking a bunch of questions about the future." Past-Me shrugged as Balance and his mannequin fought Paladin Butters, and told me, "Eh. I figure it's best that I don't know. Might mess up the fabric of space and time and all that shit."

I nodded in understanding as Tupperware fought Healer Token with his turrets, and told her, "To be honest, I'm not sure it works like that. I don't remember any of this before now." Past-Me shrugged, and as we watched Fastpass crap his pants from Bard Jimmy's brown noise, she remarked, "Maybe you don't remember until after you go back." "Hmm. Maybe." I muttered. We sat in silence and went through a few bags of Cheesy Poofs until everyone finally got too tired and/or bloody to fight, and stood up before I got some change and a new Artifact from the fight.

The others all started to pick themselves up as Past-Me asked, "So what happens now?" "Now I go to fight Cartman. You've got a game to play." I told her, and tapped her forehead, using my powers as a Psychic to plunge into her mind. Instantly, her eyes glazed over and she went back inside her house, her memories shifting to match mine. I then reached out to everyone else's minds and made Paladin Butters heal everyone before making them move back into their places, making sure that they would remember nothing of the fight once they woke up. I paused after I did so however, and thought to myself, 'Wait a minute, THAT'S why I don't remember any of this! I wiped my own mind. But if that's why, then…'

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Human Kite calling me over, and we all walked over to Cartman's house before one of the Moorish told Kite, "Hold! You cannot cross here! This is all lava!" "WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT!" Kite exclaimed before walking right over the Legos, taking no damage since they hadn't turned into real lava yet. As we walked by, the two Moorish complained about how he had no respect for the rules before I made them straighten up the Legos and wiped their memories. Human Kite, Mysterion, Toolshed and I all ran past Mrs. Cartman, me wiping her mind as I passed her, and made our way up to Cartman's room.

Inside, we found Past-Cartman typing on a calculator in front of his closet. As we walked in, he turned to face us and told us, "Guys! I was just about to go back in time to find you! A cat's missing! There's a big reward – Wait a minute, why are you guys already playing superheroes?" He had a confused expression halfway through his explanation, not expecting us to already be in our superhero costumes. "WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO, FATASS!" Mysterion told him, and Past-Cartman exclaimed in response, "Mysterion?! But you're with the Freedom Pals!" "We're ALL Freedom Pals! We're from the future, you fat turd." Human Kite told the boy.

"No, I'm from the future, I was just coming back to Stick of Truth times to get you guys." Past-Cartman protested, but Mysterion was having none of his shit as she grabbed his shirt and told him, "WE AREN'T PLAYING ANYMORE! WE KNOW EVERYTHING! SHOW US YOUR LEFT HAND!" "My left hand? For what you-" Past-Cartman started, but Mysterion cut him off and shouted, "SHOW US YOUF FUCKING LEFT HAND!"

Nobody said anything for a moment until Past-Cartman's left hand raised to show Past-Mitch Conner on it. "Huh… Hello, Freedom Pals. Time travel. Ain't it a bitch." Past-Conner remarked. "What the fuck?" Past-Cartman asked, and backed away from us as he tried to tug himself away from his hand to no avail, exclaiming, "Why the fuck can't I move?!" Past-Conner laughed and told him, "Sorry Coon, but I'm calling the shots now. See, I had a plan to use the New Kid as a means to get what I always wanted. But it looks like some do-gooders traveled back in time to stop me."

"Cartman, I swear to god, if you don't knock it off I'm-" Human Kite started, but Past-Conner cut him off and said, "But that's OK! Because I still know something you all don't." "What's that?" Toolshed asked, and Past-Cartman turned away from us before responding, "How to make someone fart super bad by hitting them in the solar plexus." Past-Cartman then ran up to me and hit me with his Conner hand directly in the chest.

Instantly, my intestines rumbled and a fart ripped itself from my anus, catapulting the three of us back in time. I was sent back into the dark void, this time flying uncontrollably through it as I watched numerous but separate chains of scenes I didn't recognize go by, the spheres connected to each other with wispy streams of white light. I saw a South Park overrun by Nazi Zombies, a gigantic smoking crater, and too many more to count.

As I flew past them, I realized that the chains' spheres shared common themes, and thought to myself after a few moments of observation, 'Holy shit. I… I'm seeing alternate timelines.' Something then caught my eye, and I realized that none of the timelines were connected to each other. At the spheres that presumably contained the present, they all branched out into dozens of similar scenes that faded away after a while, leaving only one left that went on to branch out again. 'Are those… possible futures?' I thought.

Suddenly, we all slowed down as we passed right by a chain of spheres, the scenes inside close enough that I could make out what was happening in them. After watching a few, I realized that the timeline was in fact my own. We passed by two scenes near the edge of the chain and I saw that they were almost exactly the same. They were both of the battle I had just witnessed, of the Freedom Pals with their past selves. The only difference between the two was that one was centered on me, and that the other was on Past-Me. I wracked my brains to try and think of what that meant, and gasped as I came to a realization.

Before I had time to ponder it, Past-Cartman, Past-Conner and I all shot into a sphere close to the middle of the timeline. We coalesced from light and found ourselves in a strange bedroom. Toys littered the floor, and everything looked strangely familiar. "What the fuck? Where are we?" Past-Cartman asked, and Past-Conner chuckled and asked me, "We're in a time that a superhero was born. Recognize this place, New Kid?" I looked around the room for a moment before gasping, realizing exactly where we were. "This is… My room. From when I was six." I muttered.

The three of us turned around to see Six-Year-Old-Me stirring in her bed, and I quickly reached into her mind and made us undetectable to her senses before she got up and put on her glasses, rubbing her eyes blearily. "A child laying awake at night, unable to sleep." Past-Conner remarked as the Six-Year-Old-Me got out of bed and looked down at herself. "What the fuck is going on here?" Past-Cartman asked us, but Past-Conner ignored him before taking a few steps towards the door and telling me, "Don't you see? This is the night, New Kid. The fateful night when your dad fucked your mom."

I gave him my third-best 'Really?' face before Past-Conner said, "You walked to the mirror." Six-Year-Old-Me followed his narrative, inspecting herself in the mirror with a thoughtful expression. "Okay, I'm seriously fucking lost right now." Past-Cartman said, and Past-Conner told him, "But don't you see, Coon? This is what she wanted all along. To fix it!" Suddenly we all heard Mom moan out from somewhere in the house, and Six-Year-Old-Me looked upwards curiously as Past-Conner narrated, "You heard your mother calling for help. So you left your room." Six-Year-Old-Me then opened the door and left the room with us invisibly in tow. "The fuck is going ON?!" Past-Cartman exclaimed as he was dragged towards the door against his will.

I left the room to find Six-Year-Old-Me staring down three home invaders in the hall, and my eyes widened as memories rushed to the surface of my mind. "I… I remember this. I remember this night now." I muttered, and we all watched as Six-Year-Old-Me trembled at the sight of the strange men. I quickly erased their memories of us and made ourselves undetectable to the three intruders. Past-Conner laughed victoriously before he tauntingly asked me, "Yes! Don't you see, New Kid?! I've given you an opportunity! Which will you do, New Kid? Fight the bad guys again? Or fight your younger self – so that you never have to witness what's behind your parents' door?"

I smirked at the hand puppet and moved back to lean against the wall as I told him, "Neither." This seemed to shock him, as he asked, "What? What-What do you mean neither?" "I mean I'm not doing anything. I'm going to let this night play out exactly as it did four years ago." I told him. "But-But you have a chance to change the past! To make things better!" Past-Conner protested, and I shook my head as I watched Six-Year-Old-Me pee her pants and break out into silent tears of fear.

The home invaders' demeanor instantly turned kind and gentle, and started trying to soothe her as I explained to Past-Conner, "No. You see, even if I wanted to change the past, I couldn't. It's impossible." "What do you mean it's impossible? We're RIGHT HERE!" Past-Conner told me, and I nodded and explained to him, "Yes. Yes we are here. And we were here on this night long before I could ever time travel. You see Conner, I learned something today. I learned that you can't change the past. No matter how many times you go back, no matter what you do, whatever happened already happened. To us it might seem like we can just come back and make things happen that didn't before, but to her…"

I trailed off as I saw Six-Year-Old-Me pick herself up, and narrated as the invaders reassured her that they were just followers of hers on Instagram, "We're just appearing out of thin air and doing shit. The changes we make are going to be a part of this night no matter what, so no matter what we do… It's already been done." We watched as Six-Year-Old-Me fearfully took a selfie with the delighted home invaders, who all cheered and left before we heard a sound come from Mom and Dad's room. Six-Year-Old-Me then opened the door to reveal… Mom and Dad sitting on the bed, drinking wine and smoking a joint respectively.

I quickly made us undetectable to them before I moved into the doorway to watch and groaned as I remembered this conversation, and thought to myself, 'I guess they were always idiots and they just went off the deep end once we moved to South Park.' As they noticed my younger self enter, the two of them hid their respective vices behind their backs and Dad asked her, "Ohh! Heyyy kiddo… Everything alright?" Six-Year-Old-Me's chest heaved with silent sobs as she stared at them, and Mom's face suddenly softened and she told Dad, "Oh dear, more followers."

Dad got an aggravated look on his face as he exclaimed, "Dammit! How do they keep finding us?!" Mom then nudged Dad and told him, "Not helping, honey." She looked to the younger me and apparently got a non-verbal message, as she put her wine on the bedside table before embracing her in a tight hug. As young me silently sobbed in her arms, Mom turned to Dad and told him, "Honey, we need to tell her. She's scared out of her mind."

Dad sighed and tucked his joint into the nightstand as he muttered, "Alright. What the hell, it's not like any of us are gonna remember this in the morning." Past-Cartman, Past-Conner and I watched as Mom set Six-Year-Old-Me down on the floor and kneeled in front of her as she explained, "Sweetie, the reason people keep coming to our house and asking for selfies with you is because… You have a special gift. Two, to be precise. One you inherited from me, and one from your father."

Dad then picked up the explanation, telling her, "You see kiddo, I have the ability to make friends on any social network almost instantaneously. When I made my first Facebook profile, I had over three million friends in just a few hours, and when I got on Instagram, I had four million followers right after I posted my first picture." Mom then cut in, telling Six-Year-Old-Me, "My gift is different. You see, I have the ability to manipulate a powerful energy source called Mana. I can do just about anything with it, but… I have a limited supply, and it's not easy to get more. How much I have is dependent on how many friends I have, but since we're always moving, I don't get a chance to make any friends, and so I can't gather any Mana."

Dad resumed the explanation as he told her, "Sweetie, you have the perfect combination of your mother and mine's gifts. You can make friends with almost anyone, on any social network. And from those friends, you gather Mana, Mana that you could do wondrous things with if you get enough." "But these gifts make you a target, sweetie." Mom told Six-Year-Old-Me. "Your grandfather… He studies people like you and me, people who can use Mana. A long time ago, I was kidnapped by a government splinter cell led by him. That's where I met your father."

She looked to Dad lovingly as she explained, "He was one of the scientists who studied us, but… He was different. He cared about the people there, treated them like human beings instead of just experiments." Dad smiled at her, but that smile quickly slid off his face as he explained, "I'll never forget those long weeks while we fell in love. Performing experiments on your mother and so many others by day, and… making love with her by night. My powers combined with your mother's, you gained a unique gift. That's why we had to escape. Because we knew Father would use you to do horrible things. So I smuggled you and your mother out of the lab, and we've been on the run ever since, moving from city to city, always trying to stay one step ahead of him." Dad explained. "But everywhere we go, you just can't seem to stop gaining followers. Sometimes they even break into our house and use our toilet just to be close to you."

"That's why we've been putting-" Mom started, but Dad cut her off and told Six-Year-Old-Me, "And that's why we've been putting extra locks on all the doors and windows! Alright, let's get you to bed." He then scooped her up and quickly left the room as Mom watched on incredulously. As he returned without her, Mom berated him, "What the hell was that?! I was about to tell Dova about the medicine!"

"I know that! That's why I stopped you! Think about it for a second, do you really think Dova will trust us if we tell her we put medicine in her food when we don't even know the side effects?!" Dad asked her, and she countered, "I DO know about the side effects, you're the one that won't let me tell you about them, you stupid asshole!" "Whore!" Dad shouted at her, and they both shouted insults at each other and their faces progressively got closer for a few moments until they paused and started to make out, removing their clothes as they fell onto the bed.

I rolled my eyes as they got ready to fuck and told Past-Cartman and Past-Conner, "All right, I've seen enough. Let's get you two back to your own time." With that, I bore down on my stomach and quickly built up the gas inside me before releasing it, letting out a fart that shot us through space and time. In an instant, we were all back in Cartman's room a few minutes after he sent us back in time. Toolshed, Human Kite, and Mysterion were all absent however, and I shrugged before forcing my way into Past-Cartman and Past-Conner's minds, erasing their memories and planting the ideas for my backstory comics before I took a deep breath.

'I can do this. I know I can.' I thought to myself, and bore down on my stomach one last time, letting the gas inside build up as I believed in myself. I then let out a fart that sent rainbows spiraling across my vision, and I felt the other Freedom Pals join me as we were sent flying through the dark void. "Dude, what's going on? We need to stop Cartman!" Human Kite said. "We can't stop him in the past. We have to go back to our own time and figure something out from there." I replied, and we all shot into the sphere that contained our present time.

I landed on the sidewalk by Tom's Rhinoplasty to find Cartman standing next to me wearing a gray suit and a red tie, Conner inhabiting his left hand. "Well, well, well. I was wondering when you'd be back. And just in time for my inauguration." Conner remarked. I checked my phone to see that I had landed in time exactly one hour after I made my first leap through time. "All right let's get this thing started!" We heard from a point to the left of us, and turned to see a huge crowd gathered at the stage where the concert had been on my first night mission.

"Today is a great day for South Park!" Randy Marsh told a cheering crowd. "This town has SUCKED for a long time and finally Mitch Conner's gonna be sworn in as mayor!" I sighed with relief and thought to myself, 'Good, there's still time to stop this.' The crowd held up bottles of alcohol and signs endorsing Mitch Conner as they cheered, and I rolled my eyes as I thought, 'Well, I guess now I know how he won.' "It is my honor to introduce Mitch Conner today… A man with some fucking BALLS to finally turn shit around!" Randy slurred out.

"Looks like that's my cue." Conner told me, and started walking toward the crowd as Cartman desperately tried to hold him back. I replaced my Necronomicon Artifact with the Elven Relic I had gotten from the fight in the past as I ran after him, desperate to stop him from being sworn in. Thankfully I wasn't alone, as once we had passed Unplanned Parenthood, we found the other Freedom Pals running towards us.

"COME ON! WE CAN STILL STOP THIS FUCKER!" Mysterion exclaimed as they ran. "THERE HE IS!" Toolshed shouted out as they met me and Conner in the middle of the street. "Thank god! Guys, you have to stop Conner! He's about to be sworn in as mayor and I can't stop him!" Cartman told them. "YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Toolshed told the boy, and Call Girl added, "You're gonna finally admit this was all you." "It was me until Conner took over! Why the fuck don't you believe me?! The New Kid does!" Cartman protested.

Human Kite then walked up to him and exclaimed, "STOP THIS! YOU ARE MITCH CONNER. Admit it Cartman!" "No I'm not, Kyle!" Cartman told him. "ADMIT IT!" Kite told him, ignoring his protests. "NO, KYLE! I'm not controlling Mitch Conner anymore!" Cartman retorted. "You ARE Mitch Conner, you've always BEEN Mitch Conner, and you better stop RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" Kite roared at him, fed up with the fat boy's protests. Just then, Kite raised his left hand to reveal that Mitch Conner was drawn onto it, and it asked, "Then how do you explain this, Kyle?"

I raised my eyebrow and looked down to Cartman's hand to see that the original Mitch Conner was gone, then used Mana to search Human Kite's soul as the Freedom Pals looked on in confusion. "Well, well, well, the plot thickens." Conner 2 said. "That's not funny, Kyle." Cartman told him. Kite looked to his hand and then back to Cartman before telling him, "I'm not doing it." "Dude, fuck YOU." Cartman told him, and Conner 2 asked him tauntingly, "What's the matter COON? Shoe's on the other hand?" "KYLE, FUCKING KNOCK IT OFF!" Cartman told him, and Toolshed asked, "Why are you pissed at him?"

"Because I'm ACTUALLY being controlled by Mitch Conner and he's just doing this to try and make me say I'm not!" Cartman replied "I'm not making it up, dude." Human Kite told us. "That's your fucking hand, asshole! Stop trolling me!" Cartman told him as he pointed to him accusingly with his right hand. "How is he trolling you, Coon?" Conner 2 asked the boy mockingly.

"Because he's trying to teach me a lesson about being deceitful!" Cartman replied, and Kite pointed to him and asked, "Wait! So you admit YOU were making it up before?!" "Yeah, when I was using the New Kid to get followers, but after that I actually couldn't control him!" Cartman protested. "Ha ha! This is just what I wanted. All the Coon Friends at each other's throats!" Conner 2 mocked. "Dude, come on. Are you doing that?" Toolshed asked him, starting to get fed up by the ridiculousness of the situation.

Kite then moved to stand by Cartman as Conner 2 told us, "Maybe he is. Which means maybe Cartman was just doing it before. Well, will you admit it Cartman?" "You see?! That proves it! See what he's doing? Right?!" Cartman asked us, but everyone just seemed confused at this point, and Mysterion told him, "I have no fucking idea." "Oh how one little issue of mistrust can rip a team apart." Conner 2 remarked as he moved to stand between Cartman and the Freedom Pals.

He then asked them, "Well, Freedom Pals? Who do you attack? ME or the Coon? Ha haha aha!" And just like that, I was fighting Conner 2 and Cartman. Super Craig, Fastpass, and Tupperware ran in to join me as we all took our places in a combat grid. As the fight started, Cartman told Kite, "Knock it off, Kyle. Seriously, it's not fucking funny." "Dude I'm NOT doing it." Human Kite protested, and Cartman replied, "BULL. SHIT." "What's the matter Coon, you're not happy to see me?" Conner 2 asked the boy, and he exclaimed, "Fuck you, Kyle!"

He then used Coon Claws to damage the boy and give him Bleeding, Timothy remarking, "This whole turn of events has boggled even my giant brain." Conner 2 then exclaimed, "New rule: Any damage I take goes to the Coon." "WHAT?" Cartman shouted as a red glowing shell with spikes extending from it appeared around Kite, and his health was reduced as Kite's was restored. "Oh, status effects too." Conner 2 said, and Kite's wounds closed as new ones opened up on Cartman.

I glared at the thinner boy angrily as Cartman asked, "What the… What the hell?" "Mitch, stop, this is cruel!" Kite told his hand, and Conner 2 replied, "No can do, Human Kite, it's the rules." "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Cartman told Kyle, and I decided to switch to his real name as he turned around and used Laser Burn to damage Tupperware, deciding that if he was going to cheat, I wasn't going to respect him by calling him by his superhero name. Fastpass' turn then came around, and without knowing who to hit, he simply shrugged and used Blind Side to damage them both.

"You attack me, you attack the Coon." Conner 2 stated, and Kyle's Health was restored as Cartman's dropped, Wonder Tweek remarking, "Gah, Kyle, this is SUPER WEIRD." It was now my turn, and I moved forward a space before using Cerebral Blast to damage Kyle. It didn't work however, as Conner 2 simply said, "Bounces off me and sticks to COON!" The damage and Defense Down effect left Kyle and hit the Coon, making him cry out, "Quit cheating, Kyle!"

"It's not me, dude. It's Mitch!" Kyle protested as Super Craig moved up a few spaces and ended his turn, unable to reach either combatant. Tupperware then moved forward and used Tupper Tornado to damage Cartman, making him protest, "I'm not the bad guy here!" He then hit Kyle with Coon Claws. "Quit hitting yourself!" Conner 2 exclaimed before the damage was reversed, finishing off Cartman and knocking him to the ground.

"God… goddamn you guys." Cartman muttered on the ground. "This isn't fair!" "I'll say." We heard before the original Mitch Conner reappeared back on Cartman's hand once he had picked himself up. "Well, well, well. Good to see you again, Mitch From an Alternate Universe." Conner told Conner 2. "Oh, god fucking dammit." Kyle muttered before throwing his kite upwards and hitting Cartman, somehow using his Kite Shield as an offensive move. As soon as the attack was finished however, Conner mocked him, "Ha! You didn't even come close!"

The two then switched places, breaking Kyle's shield as Cartman's Health was restored. "Which fist do we fight?" Fastpass wondered before using Hit and Run to damage Cartman. Unfortunately, Conner simply told us, "You missed! I was right over here the whole time." He then switched places with Kyle again, negating the damage as it went to the Blaster hero instead. He then hit Tupperware with his Conner hand to damage him as Kyle said with exasperation, "I can't believe this."

My turn then rolled around, and I used it to hit Cartman with Ice Prison, Chilling the boy and dealing some damage. Conner then told me, "You missed! I was right over here the whole time." Cartman and Kyle switched places again, the damage and status effect I had given to Cartman now going to Kyle. Unable to reach either of our foes, Super Craig used Shining Hate Finger to Enrage Kyle, gaining a blue shield as a side effect. Thankfully Conner 2 didn't negate the effect, and Tupperware moved up and forward a space before using Tupper Tornado to hit both Kyle and Cartman at the same time.

Both were knocked back at the attack and Kyle was defeated as Conner 2 asked Conner, "You think you can just come in here and make your own rules, imposter?" "Will you stop messing around, Kyle?!" Cartman asked him, and in response, Kyle told him, "Ugh, just PUT YOUR HAND DOWN." "I would if I could, KYLE!" Cartman retorted, and Conner told him, "You can't defeat the real Mitch Conner!" "Funny, I was gonna say the same thing." Conner 2 remarked. "Let's dance, faker." Conner told his doppelganger, and I sighed with annoyance at their banter. Kyle was seemingly back in the fight as he rushed towards me with his Conner hand glowing red and hit me with an uppercut, making me growl and tell him, "We all know you're faking, Kyle, cut it the fuck out!"

"End this charade, Human Kite!" Timothy urged him, and Cartman punched Kyle with his Conner hand as Kyle told the wheelchair-bound boy, "It's not a charade, this is Mitch's doing." "I actually didn't take any damage there." Conner 2 told us, and Kyle's Health went back up. "Oh, yes, that's gonna add Gross Out." Before he had even finished his sentence, my stomach lurched and I gagged as everyone got the Gross Out effect. Fastpass then used Blind Side to damage both of our enemies as I tried not to barf, defeating Cartman and dealing some damage to Kyle.

Fastpass turned invisible before he vomited and took some damage from his status effect, and Conner told us, "HA HA! It'll take more than that, Freedom Pals!" Cartman then got up again and Kyle remarked, "Oh, this is getting fucking retarded." "I AGREE." Timothy mentally shouted before placing a finger on his temple. "The only way to end this is to defeat both of them." He told us, and concentrated hard as a pulse of rainbow colors swept over the grid.

The four of us without lipstick on our hands sighed with relief as our stomachs settled, our status effects being erased at Timothy's intervention. "Wait, what?" Kyle asked in confusion, and Cartman held up his hand as he started, "Wait-wait-wait-" "No more cheating for you two!" He told them, and turned to me before mentally exclaiming, "They'll follow the rules now, New Kid! Go get 'em!"

I nodded to Timothy with an appreciative smile on my face before skipping Cartman's turn with TimeFart Glitch. My turn then rolled around, and I used Deadly Dive to one-shot Cartman, depleting his Health to zero in one move before turning invisible. Conner 2 then chuckled and said, "Haahaahaa. There's only one real Mitch." "Aaaa… F… Fuck you guys." Cartman told us from the ground. I smirked at him as he got up and left the grid. Super Craig ignored the fat boy as he Omega Crash Extra to run forward and hit Kyle, dealing a good amount of damage and Slowing him.

Tupperware skipped his turn since he was out of range, and Kyle used his weaponized Kite Shield to damage Super Craig before Fastpass hit him with Blind Side, defeating him and finally ending the battle. I sighed with relief as I got some scrap and change, and watched as Kyle and Cartman stood side by side facing away from us, panting from their injuries. "Dude! Dude, enough already! You gotta drop it, Kyle!" Cartman begged the boy.

"You fucking drop it… fatass…" Kyle told him wearily, and Cartman told him, "Tell these guys you were just fucking with me – they're gonna just keep beating the shit out of both of us until you do." "No rush, we can keep beating the shit outta you guys for a little longer." I told them, drawing chuckles from the rest of the Freedom Pals. Toolshed then told Kyle, "Yeah, dude, Kyle, if you're just fucking with us we have to know. You're just making things more confusing."

"If I was just fucking with you… then so was HE." Kyle pointed out, and Cartman told him, "I AM NOT CONTROLLING MITCH CONNER, KYLE! I LOST CONTROL OF HIM! I TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES!" The two then started yelling at each other, the both of them denying they were fucking with us until I ran out of patience and shouted out, "ALRIGHT YOU TWO, CAN IT! I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT! KYLE IS FUCKING WITH US AND CARTMAN ISN'T! HE REALLY CAN'T CONTROL MITCH CONNER!"

Just then, light twinkled above Cartman's head and Cupid Cartman appeared, telling me, "Tee hee hee. True, but good luck convincing the guys. Tee hee hee!" I face-palmed in annoyance as Toolshed told me, "Dude, no offense, but we can't just take your word for it. You could be fucking with us, too." Cupid Cartman continued to tee hee as I rolled my eyes and told them, "Fine, you want evidence? I'll give you some fucking evidence."

With that, I closed my eyes and gathered Mana in my hands before kneeling and slamming them into the ground, surrounding Kyle and Cartman with a magic circle containing a heart symbol. I focused my power as I chanted, "Oh wicked soul drifting in the void between heaven and earth, I order you now to reveal yourself, to shine light on those minds which you have cast a shadow!"

As I finished my incantation, the area around Kyle and Cartman glowed pink and my Mana centered on Cupid Cartman, who screamed in pain as his body solidified, revealing him to the rest of the group. Everyone's eyes went wide at the sight of the mini Cartman, and after an awkward pause Kyle asked himself, "What the hell?" "CUPID ME?!" Cartman asked incredulously, and Cupid Cartman looked down to his new corporeal body before muttering, "Oh, fuck."

I pointed to the floating figure and explained, "Cupid Cartman brought Mitch Conner to life so that he could fulfill Cartman's dream of a never-ending Christmas because he's got a boner for him." Nobody said anything for a moment until Toolshed asked, "But wait… What if YOU made that thing, and you're still fucking with us?" I rounded on the boy in anger, but he was saved by Super Craig, who told us, "Hey wait a minute! I've seen that thing before! It hit my dad with an arrow and pissed in his mouth!"

The Freedom Pals cringed in disgust at that, and Mysterion asked, "So wait, that thing was doing this the whole time?" Cupid Cartman told us, "Well, I guess there's no harm in telling you. Yes, I made Mitch Conner his own person, and he's been controlling Cartman ever since he used the New Kid to get followers." "Holy shit, Cartman was telling the TRUTH?!" Kyle exclaimed with shock, and Cupid Cartman nodded before telling us, "Uh-huh!" "But wait, what about Kyle's Mitch Conner?" Mosquito asked us.

"Oh that wasn't me, he was just fucking with you guys." Cupid Cartman's responsed, and we all glared at the Blaster for wasting our time. He cringed at that, and Conner told us all, "Well, as fascinating as this is, I've got an inauguration to get to. Later, dicks!" Conner then dragged Cartman away by his hand, and Cupid Cartman followed them overhead as Kyle screamed, "Agh! You asshole!" He was fooling no one, and we all knew he was just trying to distract us from his folly.

"And for too long, our town has been led by a dumbass BITCH mayor who never did anything to stop crime! And now Mitch Conner is gonna-" Randy slurred out before being interrupted by Conner, who shoved himself onto the podium and told him as we all ran to intercept the hand, "ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH TALKING! JUST MAKE ME MAYOR ALREADY!"

"IT'S MITCH CONNER!" Someone in the crowd stated, and they all cheered before Conner told Randy, "GO ON, HURRY! SWEAR ME IN!" A town official holding a glass of scotch then came on stage and asked him, "All right, to begin the inauguration. Mr. Conner, would you raise your right hand, please?" Conner then raised Cartman's right hand before the official stated, "I do solemnly swear…" "I do solemnly swear…" Conner said as the official trailed off, and Toolshed shouted out, "WAIT! WAIT, STOPPPPP!" "NO!" Conner said as we all forced our way through the crowd.

"What's going on here?" The official asked before Conner told him, "Just finish the ceremony!" Toolshed then stood on the podium as he told the crowd, "Everyone LISTEN! This is all just a plan to get more crime in our town so that the Coon and Friends franchise would be bigger than the Freedom Pals franchise!" The crowd murmured in confusion. "Cat urine has been put into your drugs and alcohol to raise crime in the city so that the Coon would have more crime to fight. Everything was thought up by THIS ASSHOLE!"

Toolshed then grabbed Cartman and dragged him up onto the podium, and the crowd went silent for a moment until Mr. Mackey asked, "Mitch Conner rides a fat choir boy?" "No! Don't you get it?! HE DID IT ALL!" Toolshed told them all, and Call Girl told me, "Go ahead, New Kid! Show them the selfie you took!" I nodded to the girl and opened Coonstagram on my phone, then scrolled until I found the selfie I had taken with Conner's plan. I tapped it to send it to Call Girl and immediately afterward, the crowd all started getting alerts on their phones.

Everyone opened Coonstagram to see Conner's plan, and they muttered about his plan for a moment before Randy asked, "You mean he was putting poison in our wine and cocaine? WHY?!" "Yeah, WHY?!" Kyle asked Conner, and I suddenly got an idea. Acting fast, I seized control of Cartman's right hand with my Psychic powers and went to work as Conner monologued, "I'll tell you why. Because the New Kid… isn't the only person who had a parent get fucked. My dad… got fucked when I was nine years old."

The crowd gasped with surprise as I worked on Cartman's right hand, and Conner told the crowd, "Only two people on this stage know how that feels!" "STOP WITH THAT ALREADY!" Toolshed told him, and the crowd shushed him before Conner told everyone, "My father will be avenged, even if it means EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO DIE!" Just then, Cartman's right hand raised up to reveal that it was colored to look like it had red lipstick, earrings, almond-shaped eyes, and blonde hair, and it told him, "Mitch… Mitch it's over."

"What the fuck? I didn't do that!" Cupid Cartman said in surprise, and turned to me and demanded, "What the fuck did you do?!" "You're not the only one who can play puppet master." I told him with a grin, and Conner asked the other hand in surprise, "Mom? What the hell are you doing here?" "I've been here all along, son. It's not your fault, Mitch. It's my fault." Conner's Mom told him, and I watched with a smirk as Conner demanded of her, "What are you talking about?"

Solemnly, Conner's Mom told him, "It was me, Mitch. I'm the one who fucked your dad." The crowd gasped at the realization, and Cupid Cartman asked me, "What the hell are you trying to accomplish here?!" "Just watch." I told him, and Conner asked her with pain in his voice, "What?! You fucked my dad, Mom?! Why?!" "I did it for us, son! I wanted a future for you!" Conner's Mom responded. "ALL THESE YEARS! HUNTING FOR THE PERSON WHO FUCKED MY DAD, AND IT WAS MY OWN MOTHER?!" Conner shouted out, and Cartman told him, "Mitch, try and stay calm."

Conner then rounded on his host and told him, "FUCK YOU, COON! You may be really cool, but even you can't fix this!" He then addressed his mother once more, asking her in a pained voice, "Did he look at you, Mom?! Huh?! Did he look at you in the eye when you snuck up and fucked him?!" "MITCH, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO!" Conner's Mom pleaded with him.

"NOT TO ME! IT'S EVERY DAY TO ME!" Conner retorted. "Forgive her, Mitch!" Stephan Stotch pleaded with him from the crowd. He was ignored however, and Toolshed told them, "PLEASE, tell me you're not buying this!" "I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID!" Conner shouted to his mother, ignoring everyone else. "THEN JUST KILL ME, MITCH, PLEASE!" Conner's Mom pleaded with him, and Conner shouted, "YOU KILL ME – I DON'T WANNA LIVE!" Mother and son then started to wrestle, hitting each other and their fingers grasping each other's wrists/necks until the two artificial souls faded and died, Cartman waving his hands around to signify their deaths.

Cupid Cartman stared on with a horrified look, and everyone paused for a moment until Randy muttered, "Well… Thank God THAT guy isn't gonna be Mayor." Stephen then told everyone, "Come on, everyone, let's go get clean drugs and alcohol from the next town over!" Everyone cheered and the crowd threw down their booze and signs before marching away. "No. No! NOOOOOOOO!" Cupid Cartman exclaimed, and he rounded on me and told me, "This isn't over, New Kid! Not by a long shot!" He rose through the air, his wings working to lift himself through the air. "I WILL win Cartman's heart! He'll be mine, and I don't care what I have to do to-AGH!"

I cut the fairy off as I grabbed him with a lasso made from Mana and trapped him in a birdcage also forged from Mana, specially enchanting it with a magic circle to contain him and. I then handed off the cage to Cartman, telling him, "Here. Now go suck his dick or something so that he doesn't try to kill us all again."

I didn't wait for a response as I left, walking home as I felt the electronic parts inside me disappear, and my knowledge of fighting styles and stealth faded as the apps on my phone related to the game uninstalled themselves. By the time I reached my house, all of the powers I had gained were gone, and the game had finally ended.

I opened the door to find my parents both sober for a change, and Mom was sitting in Dad's lap, giggling as he tickled her. "You're the tickle bunny!" Mom told him as I approached, and Dad responded, "No YOU'RE the tickle bunny. Oh! Hey kiddo!" The mood in the room changed from playful to awkward as he noticed me, and Mom gave me an exaggerated smile as she told me, "We, uh… We cleaned the house." "And threw out all of our drugs and alcohol." Dad added. "And we, uh… We've been pretty busy otherwise, too." Mom offered as she gave me a forced smile.

They held their smiles for a moment until Dad sighed and dropped the act, telling me, "Look, sport, we know you can never forgive us. And we know that we haven't been the best parents lately." "Or at all, if we're being honest." Mom said dejectedly. "But we're gonna start trying as hard as we can!" Dad told me, and I gave them a slight smile as I thought, 'That's all I'm asking for.' The two gave me genuine smiles, and I knew that even though I hadn't spoken, they knew exactly what I was saying. Mom then turned to Dad and told him, "I love you." "And I love you." Dad told her.

Their smiles turned loving, and their hands slid over each other's arms and legs for a moment until Dad told me, "In fact… Kiddo, would you excuse us for a moment. Mommy and Daddy have a little BUSINESS to take care of upstairs." Mom giggled and told him, "Oh, you little sneak!" The two then got up and walked upstairs to their room. I followed them and stood outside their front door as moans and cries of pleasure sounded out throughout the house.

I sighed with relief at hearing them start to fuck, but was interrupted by a familiar voice asking from somewhere behind me, "Ha ha ha… Did you really think you could stop bad things from happening?" I turned around in shock to see none other than Professor Chaos standing in the hall, his form phantasmal and transparent. "What are you doing here? I killed you!" I told the specter as I pointed an accusing finger at him.

Chaos chuckled and told me, "I had just enough power left over to stick around for a while. But that's beside the point." He then monologued as Mom and Dad moaned in ecstasy in their room, "Don't you see that Chaos always catches up with you? You've tried being a hero… Why not let your darker side free?" Chaos walked up to stand beside me and ominously stated, "There's only one truth in this life, New Kid. No matter how hard you try to change the past… Your dad will always have fucked your mom." "And I wouldn't have it any other way." I told the spirit before thrusting my hand inside his intangible body and burning away his power.

Chaos laughed maniacally as I destroyed the last remnants of him, and I sighed with relief again as he disappeared. Once he was gone however, I paused as a thought occurred to me. 'As much as I hate him, he's got a point.' I thought to myself. 'I'm ALWAYS the hero in our games. The martyr, the savior, the one who gets pulled around doing stupid shit for everyone who has a Mission for me. Maybe I SHOULD give being the bad guy a try.'

I looked down in thought for a moment before shrugging and walking to my room to get changed, thinking to myself, 'Maybe. Maybe in The Next Adventure.'

And that is the end of the chapter. Thank you for reading everyone. I liked how this chapter ended up, I think it did a good job of wrapping up the story while staying true to the main elements of the game, and for those of you wondering, the next/maybe final chapter will be based off of a little thing called THE DLC! I got the season pass so I'll get it when it comes out, but the only part that's out so far is the Danger Deck. Since that doesn't have any story content to it, the next chapter and/or chapters will be based off of the ones coming up. Unfortunately, they won't be out until 2018 and it doesn't say exactly when so I don't know when I'll be able to get started on working on it. But for now, feel free to leave a review and I will see you in the next chapter/story. IndigoWerewolf out!


	10. The First DLC

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the newest chapter of The Next Adventure. This chapter is based off of the Dusk Till Casa Bonita DLC from South Park The Fractured But Whole. It will of course contain spoilers, so if you haven't played it yet then it's best to wait until you have. Without further ado, I do not own South Park or TFBW, let's read!

I was sleeping in my bed when my phone rang, jerking me awake and making me curse at the surprise. I picked up my phone and Mysterion's blurry face greeted me on FaceTime. "Kenny? Hang on, let me get my glasses." I told her blearily. I retrieved my glasses from the nightstand and put them on, asking the hooded girl once the world came into focus, "Okay, what is it?" "Karen's been kidnapped. I need your help to get her back!" She told me.

This drove away my lingering sleepiness, and I sat up in my bed and asked her, "Your sister? Who took her?!" "Come to Casa Bonita. I'll explain there. Hurry!" Mysterion told me. She then hung up, and I got out of bed, got dressed, brushed my teeth and cleaned my braces as fast as I could before sprinting out the front door. I caught the next bus to Denver and rushed to Casa Bonita as fast as I could.

I didn't see Mysterion at the entrance, but suddenly heard her voice come from up above me saying, "Hey! Over here!" I looked to the source to see the hooded girl crouched on a ledge next to the Casa Bonita sign, and she jumped down and asked me, "I knew I could count on you. Those fucking vampires kidnapped my sister and brought her here. Who knows what horrible things they're doing to her. You ready to do this?" I raised my eyebrow and asked, "Vampires? Karen's been kidnapped by vampires?" "Yes." She told me. "Now will you help me save my sister or not?"

"Yes, I will. Just calm down a little." I told her. She took a deep breath and said as she moved to stand beside me, "Good. We have to stop them. Some do not believe in vampires but they are very real. I know you've just finished all the crazy shit going on in South Park, but I can't let those monsters hurt my sister." Just then, a car pulled up in front of us and two pale kids with dyed hair, weird clothes and fake fangs got out, the bigger one telling us, "Stand aside mortals, Casa Bonita awaits!"

Mysterion glared at the two and told me, "Before we go in, I need to know that you can handle yourself. Take out these guys and I'll know you're ready." With that, I saw the faint lines of a combat grid appear on the asphalt, and groaned as I realized that I had just jumped right back into the game. The two kids along with a third who walked in from somewhere took their places as Mysterion and I moved into the street.

The two smaller kids were Vampire Swarmers, and the third was a Vampire Medic apparently. Before either of us could enter the grid, Mysterion told me, "The only way to fight darkness is with cooler, not-lame darkness. Your Mana abilities alone will not be enough. You'll need to harness the powers of the nether realm in order to defeat these creatures."

She then took a deep breath and held her hands out towards me. Purple mist poured from her hands and enveloped my body. I felt it sizzle upon contact with my skin, and gasped and groaned as it entered my pores, dark energy filling my body.

I could feel my clothes shifting and changing as I was enveloped in shadows, which eventually cleared to reveal that I was now wearing a blue cloak with cardboard horns and wings taped onto it, multicolored bracelets on each wrist, and that my face was painted to look like I was wearing some kind of skull mask.

I looked down at my new clothes and muttered, "What the fuck?" Just then, I got an alert on my phone that told me that I now had the Netherborn class. All of my powers switched to the new abilities, and my Artifact belt appeared around my waist with all of my old Artifacts. I then got the Regeneration status effect before Mysterion pushed me into the combat grid. I took my place as the hooded girl told me, "As a Netherborn, you've got some seriously sinister moves at your disposal."

My turn was first, and Mysterion exclaimed, "Hit one of them with your Ghastly Grasp power – then watch closely." I nodded to her and focused on the fell energies inside me, using the move as Mysterion had instructed. Giant skeletal arms glowing with blue fire erupted from the ground around me and crossed at the forearms before similar arms burst out of the pavement by the vampire kids. To my surprise, not just the kid I had been aiming for but the other two were also slashed by the skeletal fingers.

"It'll chain to all adjacent enemies – pretty cool, right?" Mysterion asked, and I nodded in agreement. A Swarmer then moved into the space in front of me and surrounded herself with spectral bats before hitting me with a flying headbutt. The other one then moved into my column before the Medic shook a bottle of red liquid to give the Swarmer that had hit me Protection. "You can knock back a group of these assholes with your Soul Slash attack!" Mysterion told me.

I moved back a space and let the dark energy guide me, manifesting a blue spectral scythe that I used to slash the two Vampire Swarmers, knocking them both backwards. One was defeated, but the one that had hit me was just barely hanging on and spread wings of red liquid before headbutting me again. Mysterion complained about the move before the Vampire Medic raised his hands and faint green lines spread across the spaces in front of him in a three-by-three pattern. "Your third power does different stuff depending on if you target an ally or an enemy." Mysterion said.

I could tell what move she was talking about, and exhaled deeply, feeling as if I was sloughing off a second skin before a ghostly cloak ringed with fangs wrapped itself around the Vampire Swarmer in front of me and defeated them. "You got it, Butthole. Embrace the darkness within you!" Mysterion told me. The cloak then disappeared and the second skin returned before the Vampire Medic revived his allies. "Time to try out your Ultimate, Butthole." Mysterion said

I nodded and closed my eyes, feeling ice water creep into my veins. I felt shadows surround me, forming a shell that lifted me off the ground, and when I opened my eyes I could see that I had the form of a formless shadow with a skull levitating in the center, skeletal arms that were grasping a ghostly scythe, and a purple cloak. I willed my shell to slash at the two Vampire Swarmers, freezing them solid, and it dispersed before a veil of blue fire surrounded me.

"An ultimate Netherborn becomes Death, literally. You're powered up for the next three turns." Mysterion explained. I then used Grim Slash to knock the two Swarmers back and damage the Medic, who started preparing to raise one of them again. I didn't give him the chance, as I used Grim Grasp to defeat him. I got some scrap and a Vampiric Elixir from the fight before the blue fire faded. Mysterion then turned to me and said, "All right, Butthole. You're ready. Let's go inside and find Karen."

My phone let me know that Mysterion was now a team member before I decided to switch up my costume a bit. I equipped the Witch Circlet and dyed it hot pink along with the Revenger Suit dyed black with hot pink leggings. I decided to keep the bracelets and applied the Claw Scars Accent Makeup before following Mysterion into Casa Bonita, bypassing the line of people outside.

Mysterion said that she would scout for Karen and climbed up onto a bench in the waiting area. I climbed up next to her and she remarked, "Look at them. Those poor bastards don't even know that vampires are among them. We have to stop this evil once and for all." I looked over the restaurant and didn't see much evil. There was a mariachi band playing, a guy in a gorilla suit walking around, and a lot of kids laughing and having fun.

"Look! Vampires!" Mysterion exclaimed. I looked to where she was pointing and saw a long table filled with Vamp Kids from our school. I could faintly hear the leader Mike tell all the kids assembled, "Fellow vampires! We are gathered in evil, here in this hour of darkness, in order to… Celebrate my birthday!" Everyone cheered and I saw a banner above him that read Happy Birthday Mike Makowski! I raised an eyebrow at the sight as Mike blew out his candle and sounded a party horn. "Let us feast on the blood of the virgin… Strawberry daiquiris!" He told his guests.

"I want one." A voice I recognized said from the end of the table, and I looked to see Karen sitting there with her hair dyed purple and wearing strange clothes. I face-palmed as I realized what was really going on, and Mysterion exclaimed, "There's Karen. Oh no. Look at her hair. And her clothes. They've already started the transformation. Let's go before it's too late!"

She jumped down off the bench and I followed her and grabbed her arm. "Hang on, Kenny." The girl looked to me with questioning eyes, and I told her, "It doesn't look like Karen's been kidnapped. It looks like she's just at a nice birthday party with her friends." "They're not her friends!" She protested. "Damn it, Kenny! Just because you don't like them doesn't mean Karen doesn't! She's allowed to have her own friends!" I told her. "She doesn't like them, she's just under their spell. We need to save her before she turns completely!" The girl said.

She then yanked her arm out of my grip and ran to the entrance into the dining area. I sighed and contemplated my options. The Mission wouldn't go away until I finished this bullshit, but if I did this, Karen might lose her friends. Then again, Kenny was just going to fuck up the party and possibly Karen's social life anyway, so I should probably just go along with it to try and minimize the damage. With my mind made up, I changed my hair to the Dirty Candy style, half to piss off Kenny and half to try and blend in with the vampires.

It was then that I noticed something strange. I looked to the people waiting in line behind an old lady looking for a coupon, and I could sense their souls. Not in the way that I could read their emotions with my Mana powers, but in the sense that I could feel a fire burning in everyone's souls. Some were strong, some were weak, but every soul had a sort of force and strength to it. I chalked it up to my new Netherborn powers and moved on.

I then walked up to where Mysterion was still waiting. "We need a meal ticket to get in." She explained. I rolled my eyes and saw that the host had a ticket sticking out of his pocket, so I threw a Snap N Pop at it and used TimeFart Pause to pick it up before he noticed. He then let us inside after verifying it and I took a selfie with him.

We entered the dining room and Mysterion took cover near the vampire table. I noticed something near the edge of the room, and walked up to where the Coon standing behind the fake jail photo op. Mysterion followed me and asked him, "Coon. What are you doing in there?" "I was investigating an infestation of vampires here at Casa Bonita. But then one of them threw me in jail. I need your help. I need you to… Take a picture of me for my Coonstagram page while I'm in jail." Coon told us.

"Fuck you, dude!" Mysterion told him before walking off, and Coon called after her, "Fuck you, asshole!" He then looked to me and said, "Come on, I'm not leaving without my commemorative photograph." I rolled my eyes but moved the camera into place and took a picture with the two of us, making sure I had an exasperated expression and used the Ludwig filter.

"Nice. That's gonna look awesome on my Coonstagram." Coon said as he crawled through the plastic bars. "Thanks, New Kid. I know you're here to stop the Vamp Kids too, and I want you to know, I'm gonna do whatever I can to help."

Coon then left and sat down at a table to start eating sopaipillas. He posted onto my Coonstagram page that if I wanted to selfie with him, I would have to give him ten of the fried pastries, so I bought ten plain ones and gave them to him before taking a selfie, gaining his second account as a follower. I then took selfies with Cousin Kyle who was here with the Broflovskis and another with Gerald, who used his normal account to follow me instead of the one focused on cheesing. Henrietta and her parents were here, so I took selfies with the two adults as well.

I got a Mariachi hat from a hook on the wall and took my own picture in the jail before looting the various containers in the room. Black Bart's cave was closed and the arcade was blocked by some kid crying his eyes out, so with nothing else to do I walked up to the vampire's table. I saw Mr. Adams there, and he remarked as I walked up, "Looks like the last Vamp Kids are finally here. Let's get started, kids." The aspiring comedian then walked up behind the table. "All right, kids! Who's ready for the best birthday party ever? We've got a lot of surprises for you – it's gonna be so cool, you're gonna love it. Did someone say speech? OK…"

"Oh, man." Mike muttered as he rolled his eyes. Mr. Adams started to give a speech, telling everyone, "You know, I may be a cop and Mike's stepdad, but my real passion is stand-up comedy. Who wants to hear a joke? James Woods dates a woman his own age. The end." I glared at him, irritated at him for making Mike's birthday about his own shitty comedy, and he asked everyone, "We're having fun, aren't we? That was the punch line. Okay, who wants a strawberry daiquiri?"

Suddenly, Mysterion jumped out of her hiding spot and exclaimed, "BACK AWAY FROM THE GIRL!" The Vamp Kids all hissed at her and Karen exclaimed, "Guardian Angel!" I snickered with barely-suppressed laughter but was ignored, and she told Karen, "I'm here to save you, Karen. I won't let them turn you into one of them."

Mike told the hooded girl, "Hey kid, we're just trying to be friends with her." "Fine. I'm just gonna have to beat the crap out of you." Mysterion replied to him. I face-palmed as a battle started, and thought to myself, 'I really hope Kenny doesn't ruin this for Karen.'

The Coon ran in to join us as two Vampire Swarmers and two Vampire Griefers stepped up, and we all took our places in a combat grid. "Vamp Kids! Extinguish them!" Mike shouted as he stood in front of Karen protectively. I could feel my second skin rustling in agitation, and gave it an experimental twitch. I felt the air around me shift, and grinned as I realized I could manipulate the world around me with my soul.

I discreetly got a pen and paper out of my Inventory with my new powers, and started to write two notes as my turn began, one to Mike to apologize for crashing his party and explain what Mysterion was trying to do, and one to Karen to explain that her 'Guardian Angel' was misguided but still wanted to protect her.

"They're getting away!" Mysterion shouted as Karen and Mike ran through an evil-looking door next to the waterfall. The two Vampire Swarmers both then moved forward two spaces before Coon used Coon Lunge to defeat one of them. "Whoa hey, we're having fun here, let's maybe lighten up those hits, okay?" Mr. Adams asked us.

I ignored him and moved in front of the other Vampire Swarmer before using Soul Slash to defeat him, and the two Vampire Griefers attacked Coon with swarms of bats. Mysterion then used Dread Rush to damage the Griefer near the top of the grid, and Coon used Coon Claws to damage the other and give her Bleeding. I used Dire Shroud to defeat the one that Mysterion had attacked before directing the cloak to slip under the evil door with my two notes. I made sure to bring it back once they had been delivered, and thankfully no one noticed.

I nodded to myself once the notes had been delivered, and focused on the battle as a Vamp Kid came up behind me and exclaimed, "Time out!" "What? What's wrong?" Another asked him, and he pointed to Henrietta and said, "That Vamp Kid over there. Why isn't she fighting?" Henrietta looked up in surprise and told him, "For the last time, I'm not a fucking Vamp Kid." "Yeah, she's goth, not vamp." I said.

Henrietta nodded to me and Mysterion asked her, "What? What's the difference?" Henrietta stood beside one of the Vamp Kids and told her, "What's the difference? Look at us!" Mysterion looked between them in confusion for a moment before Henrietta told her, "…I'm smoking a cigarette." "And she's not wearing fake fangs, hair dye, or arm socks. She's dressed to divert attention, not attract it." I pointed out.

Henrietta gestured to me as if to solidify the point. Mysterion ignored her and pleaded, "We have a common enemy. Join us. Help us fight the Vamp Kids." Henrietta rolled her eyes and told her, "Whatever. But I'm not wearing one of those costumes." She then walked over to us and the battle resumed with Henrietta as an ally. "Wow, a plant in the audience, you kids know how to put on a show!" Mr. Adams said.

We ignored him and Henrietta used a power called Cigarette Burn to damage two of the Vamp Kids. She took a deep drag of her cigarette and blew smoke and sparks across three spaces, then ignited it by snapping her fingers. It was pretty fucking cool, and did a moderate amount of damage as well as giving the Burning effect. "Whoa, are you pyromancer class?" Mysterion asked, and Henrietta replied, "Try Satanist."

A Vamp Griefer then damaged me with a swarm of bats, healing herself in the process, and Mysterion used Dark Whisper to pull a Vamp Blocker towards her, Henrietta punching him as he was knocked into her. Coon used Coon Lunge to damage a Vamp Griefer, who raised his hand and drew out his blood through his skin, the plasma coalescing into a ball and sinking into his palm. The attack healed him, and another Griefer damaged Coon with a swarm of bats.

A Vamp Blocker then bit Henrietta in the neck and knocked her into Mysterion before I used Soul Slash to defeat him. Henrietta used her Ultimate, putting her cigarette out on the ground and forming a pentagram. Souls erupted from the circle and damaged the Vamp Kids as they healed us, and Henrietta remarked, "It's good to have friends in dark places." "I'll say." Mysterion muttered before she used Dread Rush to defeat the last Vamp Kid.

I got a Sopaipilla and a Tome of Teleportation in addition to some scrap from the fight before noticing a strange coin on the ground. I picked it up and Mysterion asked me, "What did you find, Butthole?" I held it to her and she muttered, "It's some kind of medallion." I inspected it closely as Mysterion exclaimed, "Come on, Karen's in that room!"

She pointed to the door Mike and Karen had run through and she, Henrietta and I ran over to try and open it. It was locked tight, and Mr. Adams came up to us and said, "Oh, wow, you kids found one of the secret scavenger hunt vampire relics! Find three more to get into the special party room, it's VIP only. Cool, huh? I came up with it myself. We like to have fun here."

I rolled my eyes and Mysterion asked him, "They have my little sister in there. Can't you just open it with a regular key?" "Sorry, this door has a vampire protection spell. You'll have to finish the scavenger hunt if you want to get it open." Mr. Adams told her. He then gave me a strange look before recognition dawned on his face.

"Hey, I know you! You're that kid who put up my headshots! Name, your name, what's your name… Oh, that's right! It's Dovahkiin W-" Mr. Adams started to say, but I cut him off and loudly told him, "Okay, we get it! We need three more relics to open the door, we like to have fun here, THANK YOU!"

Mr. Adams got a confused look but walked away, and Mysterion disregarded the exchange and said, "Come on. Let's go find the rest of these stupid relics." She walked off, and I got Henrietta's character sheet and an alert on my phone that told me she was now a Combat Buddy. I moved to walk away as well, but Henrietta took a hold of my hand. "Hang on, kid."

I looked to her curiously and saw a strange look in her eyes. "You're the only one I've ever met who can tell the difference between goths and vamps. Even those douchey posers can't tell. It… It's fucking hot." She told me. She pulled me close and grabbed my butt with both hands, and I whispered to her, "Henrietta! We're in a public place." "Then let's go somewhere we can be alone." She told me.

The gothic girl took me by the hand and dragged me into the women's bathroom. The second we were inside, vertigo took over and everything was suddenly anime-style and we were eighteen. Henrietta's dress now barely covered her plump rear and exposed the top half of her huge breasts, and instead of being fat she was now pleasantly pudgy, with a potbelly visible through her dress and a roundness to her cheeks.

Henrietta pushed me against the wall and pinned my wrists above my head before pressing her lips against mine, her tongue shooting into my mouth before I could give any protest. I squirmed in anticipation as she shifted her hands to keep both of mine pinned above my head with one of hers. She used her free hand to grope my sizable tits, groping and squeezing my breasts.

Suddenly, the chubby goth pulled away and asked me, "Fucking Satan, how big ARE these?" She gave my left breast a squeeze for emphasis, and I shuddered before replying, "I-I don't know. I'm usually a little too occupied to measure when this happens." Henrietta smirked and told me, "Well if these are any indication of the future, you are gonna have guys throwing themselves at you." She didn't give me a chance to reply before pulling me back into our kiss, shoving her tongue into my mouth and making me groan.

I closed my eyes and let the sensations wash over me. Henrietta took a hold of my suit and pulled the front down to gain direct access to my tits, and I tensed up as she pinched my nipple harshly. I cried out as she twisted, sending sparks of pain through my body, and pulled away to ask her, "Can you be a little gentler?" Henrietta chuckled and twisted my nipple harder, making me wince, and told me, "Nope." She then let go to take a drag on her cigarette, and I cringed as she blew the smoke into my face.

"Well then can you at least not smoke while we're doing this? Seriously." I requested of her. Henrietta laughed and remarked, "It's so cute how you think you have a say in what happens right now." I arched my eyebrow and told her, "You know that I can use Mana, right? I can level this whole restaurant if I want to." Henrietta scoffed and asked me, "Oh yeah, and you think you're the only one?"

Without giving me a chance to respond, Henrietta took another drag on her cigarette before blowing the smoke upwards. To my surprise, the smoke started to take shape, forming two hands that immediately started to grope my tits. "Y-You're a Mana user, too?" I asked her. "I prefer witch." She replied. I made the mistake of inhaling through my nose, and coughed before telling her, "Well whatever you call yourself, can you at the very least make it so that your smoke isn't so noxious? It's a turn-off."

Henrietta sighed and rolled her eyes, telling me, "Fine. Jeez, and I thought you were Goth." Suddenly, her smoke started to lighten, becoming less and less toxic until it was a light gray and smelled like toasted marshmallows. "Now where were we?" She asked herself before she smirked salaciously. "Oh yeah. Right here."

She then grabbed my crotch through my suit, making me gasp at the surprise before she started to rub me. I shuddered as she stimulated my pussy, and squirmed against her hand as her smoke hands continued to rub my breasts. Henrietta hummed and licked her lips, remarking, "Fuck you're hot. I need two hands for this." She then took a drag on her cigarette, exhaling a light gray smoke ring that took the place of her hand in holding my arms above my head.

The gothic beauty used her now-free hand to pull the rest of my costume off, leaving me naked save for my glasses and necklace. Henrietta ran her left hand up my sides as her right rubbed at my pussy, making me take deep breaths as she stimulated me. I experimentally tried to break through the ring of smoke holding my wrists. Despite being made completely of gas, I couldn't pull my hands out of its grip, and futilely struggled for a moment until Henrietta harshly smacked me on the ass.

I yelped and the girl told me, "Don't think you're getting out of this. You're going to be my toy until I decide to let you go." I glared at her in irritation, but couldn't deny the way my body reacted to her rough treatment. I could feel my pussy growing wetter with every second, and her groping was only exacerbating my arousal. This apparently wasn't lost on the chubby girl, and she raised her eyebrow and asked me, "Oh? Does someone _like_ being my plaything?"

"N-No! Of course not!" I protested. Henrietta scoffed and told me, "Oh, please. Don't pretend you're not in handcuffs half the time when you and your little girlfriend fuck." I blushed and she chuckled as her hand stopped running up my side and gripped my butt. "I'm gonna enjoy this." She told me huskily. Just then I felt a sting at my breasts, and winced at the pain before looking down.

Sparks floated in Henrietta's smoke hands, occasionally striking my tits, and I asked her, "Is that really necessary?" "Yes." She replied, and I winced as another spark hit me. I then let out a shuddering moan as Henrietta plunged two fingers into my cunt, fingering me roughly. I closed my eyes as the pleasure started to build inside me, and Henrietta told me, "That's right bitch, you belong to _me_." I then cried out as she pinched my clit, sending pleasure and pain racing through my body.

I bit my lower lip and moaned as the chubby goth started to finger me harder, and felt myself get close to the edge. "I… I-I'm about to…" I warned her. Suddenly she ceased her motions, and I opened my eyes and groaned in disappointment. Henrietta smirked and told me, "You're not going to cum until I tell you to, whore." I glared at her but was ignored as she kept her fingers still and let my orgasm die.

I growled in displeasure and glared to her as I said, "Quit teasing me already." Henrietta smirked and started to slowly finger me again, picking her pace back up as she replied, "I'll tease you as much as I want to, bitch." I huffed and told her, "OK, I'm officially over this." I then manifested two hands made out of pink Mana behind her, which tore her dress off and exposed her curvy body to my eyes.

Henrietta yelped as the hands immediately started to grope her tits, making her cringe as she exclaimed, "The fuck do you think you're doing, whore?!" I giggled and told her, "Hate to break it to you, but you're not running the show." She took her fingers out of my cunt, but this served no purpose besides allowing me to catch her wrists in shackles of Mana. I dragged her to the opposite wall of the bathroom by her chains and pinned her in the same position I was in, hanging by her wrists from the ceiling.

Henrietta growled and told me, "Let me the fuck down, conformist whore!" "I'll let you down when you let me down." I told her. "Never." She told me angrily. I shrugged and said, "Fine by me. I'll just wait you out. You won't be able to keep these bonds up for long without your smokes." Henrietta snarled and asked me, "Well then I guess you're not gonna cum, are you?"

I chuckled and manifested a pink dildo out of Mana, telling her, "I'm not too worried." I moved to insert the energy phallus into my pussy, but it was blocked by a puff of Henrietta's smoke. I glared at her as she smirked, but an idea then struck me. As quickly as I could, I sent the dildo flying over to her and plunged it into her cunt, making her cringe. "What the fuck are you doing?" She asked me angrily.

I smirked and started vibrating the dildo lightly, and saw Henrietta shudder from the sensation. "Make me cum and I'll return the favor." I told her. "I-If you think that… That this is gonna make me let you go, then… Then you're wrong!" Henrietta told me venomously. I smugly asked her, "Not so fun from the other side, is it?"

Henrietta growled and blew smoke at me, which joined the smoke at my cunt and formed a light gray dildo. My eyes widened as I realized what she was doing, and cried out as the dildo penetrated my pussy. I shuddered as it started to vibrate, and we looked each other in the eyes and knew what was about to happen. I stretched and arched my back as I let out a breathy moan, and I saw Henrietta start to squirm in her bonds with a lustful expression on her face.

The two of us tried our best to look sexy and discreetly increase the vibrations on each other's dildos, each of us trying to get the other to cave first. Eventually we were both panting with bright red cheeks, and our juices were openly flowing as the energy-forged phalluses buzzed violently in our respective cunts. Suddenly I felt something snap inside me, and cried out as pleasure raced through my body.

Henrietta screeched as her secretions squirted around the Mana dildo inside her, both of our minds going blank from bliss. We shuddered and shook as we came, our muscles locking up from pleasure. Eventually we both started to come down, and slumped over in our bonds as the dildos disappeared. The two of us looked up and locked eyes, and an unspoken agreement passed between us. The binds holding our wrists faded and the two of us scrambled to our feet, tackling each other and locking lips as we lowered to the ground.

I took a moment to feel up Henrietta's cushiony body before we maneuvered ourselves so that she was lying on top of me with her cunt in my face. The chubby goth dove into my pussy and started eating me out, and I shuddered before starting to do the same. We moaned and bucked our hips as we ate each other out, and with our eagerness it wasn't long before we were both once again shuddering in orgasm, squirting our juices into each other's mouths.

Once the both of us had finished cumming and afterglow set in, we righted ourselves and settled in to cuddle, my head lying on Henrietta's soft tits. "W-What do you say we… We call this one a draw?" I asked her. I felt more than saw her nod, and we took a few moments to enjoy each other's warmth before we got to our feet and started to clean ourselves up, Henrietta fixing her dress with Mana.

Once the two of us were clean, we both left the bathroom. Henrietta grabbed my butt and pulled me in close to tell me, "Let me know if you ever wanna fuck again, New Kid. I could get used to this." I blushed as she let me go and the world returned to normal before she walked off. I made a note to invite her to Bebe and mine's next sleepover before I looted a couple of containers next to the vampire's table.

I saw Coon eating sopaipillas again and knew that I wouldn't be able to count on his help, so I simply descended the stairs next to his table. I saw Chiquita the gorilla juggling sopaipillas for a crowd of Vamp Kids, and Coon called on FaceTime to tell me that he might know something about the relics. They all looked like they were having a good time and I was loathe to interrupt them, so I broke the VIP barrier and asked the ape, "Mr. Chiquita, do you know anything about a vampire relic for a scavenger hunt?"

He looked down to me while still juggling and said, "Oh yeah, some guy gave me a relic and his headshot. I can't give it to anyone without an invite though, sorry." I had no time to come up with a plan, as the Vamp Kids noticed me and started hissing. One ran up to me and I hit him to gain Combat Advantage before a battle started. There were two Vampire Swarmers along with a Griefer and a Blocker. Coon, Mysterion, Henrietta, and Chiquita ran in to join the fight, and the gorilla moved to stand by a column as red lines appeared in the spaces in front of him.

I moved out of the range of his attack and used Ghastly Grasp to damage all of our enemies save Chiquita, the two Swarmers falling in defeat to the attack. The Blocker then bit me in the neck, and I winced as she drank a mouthful of my blood before headbutting me back into the range of Chiquita's attack. Coon used Coon Pounce to damage her and switch places, and Henrietta used a move called Baleful Blessing to heal me and give me a status effect of the same name. She drew a pentagram in the air, which hung diagonally before disappearing. An upside-down burning cross then appeared above my head.

The Vamp Griefer used a swarm of bats to damage the Coon before Mysterion moved out of range of Chiquita's attack and ended her turn. I used TimeFart Glitch to skip Chiquita's turn before he could hit me and Dire Shroud to damage the Vamp Griefer. The effects of Baleful Blessing then made themselves known, as a pentagram spiraled out from the upside-down cross burning above my head and damaged the Blocker before healing me.

The Blocker gave herself a shield before Coon used Coon Claws to damage the Griefer. Henrietta then used Satanic Seal, blowing a smoke ring upwards and saying, "Hail Satan." It formed a pentagram in the air above her. A matching one then appeared above me, healing me and giving me some Protection. Mysterion used Demonic Fury to defeat the last Vamp Kid, and Chiquita climbed the column before smashing down.

He didn't hit any of us, but moved over to a matching column on the other side of the grid before my turn came around. I used Dire Shroud to damage him and inflict Defense Down before Coon used Coon Pounce. Henrietta told us, "Thoughts and Satanic prayers." She then used Satanic Seal to give Mysterion Protection. Chiquita got ready to use his attack again before three more Vamp Swarmers ran in. I quickly dispatched the Swarmers with Ghastly Grasp.

Coon used Coon Pounce again before Henrietta moved out of range and used her Ultimate, damaging Chiquita and healing the damage we had sustained. Mysterion then used Demonic Fury to damage the ape and I used Dire Shroud one last time to defeat him. I got one regular Sopaipilla and one with honey along with some scrap from the fight, and I found a pair of black and blue striped fingerless arm socks tucked into Chiquita's swim trunks.

I took them and Mr. Adams FaceTimed me, saying, "Hey, you found another vampire relic! Seriously, how much fun is this scavenger hunt? More fun than a sweet sixteen party at James Woods' house, huh? I betcha. OK, just keep collecting those relics Dovahkiin Wy-" I hung up on him and my three allies then left the room. The mariachi band got back up on stage and I took selfies with one that made me put on a fake mustache, and another that needed my hair to be black.

I used my new soul powers to make it look black for a moment before dropping it and taking a selfie with the one playing a trumpet. I then got Chiquita some ice so that he would take one before looting some containers and leaving the room.

I saw that the arcade was open once I got back to the dining area, so I walked in and looked around. Mysterion then called me on FaceTime, telling me, "Looks like they're distracted. Find out if one of them has the vampire relic."

She hung up and I saw that some of the Vamp Kids were playing Dance Dance Revolution. I politely waited for them to be done before walking up and hitting one that rushed at me for Combat Advantage. Henrietta, Coon, and Mysterion ran in to aid me, and the battle started with me having the first turn. There were three Vamp Griefers and two Blockers, and I used Soul Slash to damage a Blocker and knock him back.

"I like the way you lash out." Henrietta told me lustily, and I blushed as the two Blockers both gave themselves shields. Coon used Coon Lunge to break the shield of the one I hadn't attacked, and Henrietta moved next to the Tornado Treasure game before buffing me with Satanic Seal. A Griefer then moved down in the grid before the other two attacked Coon with swarms of bats. Mysterion hit the Blocker that still had its shield with Demonic Fury before I used Ghastly Grasp to damage the other along with one of the Griefers.

The other Blocker would have cut Mysterion's health in half had I not used TimeFart Pause to stop time and defeat the one I had previously struck with punches. Coon used Coon Claws to finish off the remaining Blocker before Henrietta moved to stand in between him and Mysterion. A Griefer then attacked me with bats and healed herself, and the others did the same to Coon. Mysterion used Dread Rush to damage a Griefer, and I used my Ultimate to Chill the one that had attacked me and power myself up, regaining my original Netherborn costume as a side effect.

I used Grim Slash to defeat the undamaged Griefer and knock her back into the Tornado Treasure Game, and Coon used Coon Claws to defeat the one blocking his path. Henrietta then used Baleful Blessing to heal him and give him the status effect of the same name, and the last Griefer's turn was skipped by Chill. Mysterion was out of range, so she simply skipped her turn and let me use Grim Shroud to end the battle.

I got a Vampiric Elixir and some scrap before Mysterion walked up to one of the fallen Vamps and took a hold of his shirt, asking him, "Where's the relic?!" The Vamp Kid laughed and told her, "It's beyond your reach, mortal! It's behind the counter and you'll never win enough tickets to get it!" "We'll see about that." Mysterion told him before dropping him to the ground. Just then, he and the other Vamp Kids started getting alerts on their phones.

They all took out their devices and started murmuring and looking to me with curious eyes. The Vamp that Mysterion had interrogated looked to me and nodded, and he and the others left the room. Mysterion turned to me and instructed, "You're good at video games, ButtLord. Go win enough tickets to get the relic."

I nodded and walked up to the counter to find out how many I would need. The relic was only five, but there were a couple of other good prizes among the usual junk that littered arcade prize counters, so I made a note of them to get later. I then got a FaceTime call from Mr. Adams, who said, "Everything's fine kids, we're still having fun. Just keep winning those tickets to get that vampire relic, OK Dovahkiin Wyv-"

I hung up and felt nervousness touch my heart. 'How the hell does he know my last name? NO ONE knows my last name. Not even the guys! The only ones who know are my parents and Bebe.' I then groaned and realized, 'He must have seen the warrant with my name on it back in the main game.' I cursed under my breath and played the chupacabra shooting game until I had enough tickets to win the relic and the Neko Ears costume piece.

The games were free, which seemed like a terrible business model, and my allies left once I had the relic. A Vamp Kid stuck his head in after they were gone and asked, "Are they gone?" "Yeah, it's safe." I told him. The kids that had been in here before I fought them all came back in, and the one Mysterion had asked about the relic walked up to me. "Mike texted you, right?" I asked him.

He nodded and told me, "Yeah, he told us what you said. Listen, Karen's not really under a spell. We're just trying to be friends." "I know that, but Mysterion doesn't. I'm sorry about all this, and I'll try to make sure she doesn't do too much damage." I told him. He smiled to me and they all went back to playing video games. I then helped a kid get his tickets out of the machine and took a selfie with him. I was about to walk out of the arcade when I saw the kid who was blocking it before still crying.

Apparently he wanted the Sombrero Bear, but wasn't good enough at the games to earn any tickets, so I got him calmed down and showed him how to play the games. I gave him pointers and he was all smiles after he got the hang of the games. Eventually he won enough tickets to win the bear, and he and his mom took selfies with me before I left. I equipped the Neko Ears and dyed them black and hot pink before I noticed Mysterion and Henrietta standing next to Black Bart's Cave, which had since reopened.

I walked into the cave and immediately saw a line of kids waiting for selfies with Black Bart that was blocking the way. "The last relic's in here. Hurry up and find it, ButtLord." Mysterion told me over FaceTime before hanging up. The line was clearly going nowhere and they wouldn't let me pass, so I broke a barrier and went to an underground portion of the cave. I used a cart full of dynamite to destroy the barrier blocking the way and Glitch to get it back.

I pushed it as far as I could and used it as a platform to get some fake treasure, a little change, and some Chin Spikes. I then went aboveground and blew up a box of dynamite that was blocking a path that led to the other side of the line. I got fifteen tickets from a chest hidden in an alcove and used Pause to move a barrel of dynamite past a broken lantern to a cracked rock. I detonated it and then used Glitch to bring it back and destroy another rock that was blocking a treasure chest.

I found two Recipes inside, one for Tomes of Teleportation and another for an Artifact called the Minstrel of Ruin. I then took a selfie with Black Bart before looting a bag and moving a mine cart, using Glitch to put it back and clear the way for me to enter the cave beyond. There was a gigantic pile of plastic treasure inside, and as I approached it, some Vamp Kids showed up, one of them telling me, "Stay away from our gold, mortal!"

He winked at me and I knew that he had gotten Mike's text before Mysterion ran in, telling him, "Give us the relic!" Suddenly, a black guy walked in holding a bottle of what looked like blood but was more likely Clamato juice, asking, "Oh, you want this shit right here? Well you goin' have to pry it from our cold, dead hands. 'Cause us Vamp Kids stick together. Right Vamp Kids?"

He looked to the Vamps and they looked back awkwardly. "Is this guy with you?" I asked the lead kid, and he shook his head and told me, "No, he's just some guy that shows up at our meetings. I have no idea who he is." "Okay, after this battle I'm definitely calling the police." I muttered, and a battle started. There were five Vampire Swarmers and two Medics in addition to the black guy, and a Medic had the first turn.

He gave the Black Vampire Protection before the other Medic did the same to a Swarmer, and four of them moved around the grid before the fifth tackled Coon while surrounded by bats. It was Coon's turn next, and he used it to defeat the Swarmer that had attacked him with Coon Claws.

I then hit the Black Vampire and a Medic with Ghastly Grasp, and Henrietta gave me bedroom eyes as she said, "You're a kid after my own black heart." I blushed before using Glitch to skip the Black Vampire's turn, and Henrietta used Cigarette Burn to damage two Swarmers and give them Burning, breaking one's Protection as a bonus.

Mysterion used Demonic Fury to defeat a Medic before the other gave a Swarmer Protection, and one tackled Henrietta with bats before taking Burning damage. Three more moved without attacking, one falling to Burning, before Coon used Coon Claws to damage the Black Vampire and give him Bleeding. I moved up a space and used Dire Shroud to defeat a Swarmer, and the Black Vampire almost defeated Coon with punches and kicks.

Henrietta moved into position before using Cigarette Burn to lessen a Swarmer's Protection and give them Burning, and Mysterion used Demonic Fury to defeat another. A Medic started preparing to revive some of the Swarmers before the last one defeated Henrietta. Coon then defeated her with Coon Claws, and I used my Ultimate to power up and Chill the Medic. I used Grim Slash to damage and Slow the Black Vampire, and he hit me and knocked me back into Mysterion.

My fellow Netherborn used Demonic Fury to damage the Medic before his turn was skipped, and Coon used Coon Pounce to finish him off. I then used Grim Shroud to defeat the Black Vampire and got a Sopaipilla and some scrap from the battle.

I took the blood/Clamato juice and alerted the management as to what he had been doing. The cops were called and eventually it was discovered that he was a vampire movie fan instead of someone pretending to be a vampire. Since he had no priors and was not an active member of NAMBLA, he was given a warning and a referral to some vampire fan clubs before he apologized for the confusion and left.

I got some fake treasure from the room and Mysterion told me, "OK, we've got the last relic, let's go!" She ran out of the cave, and Mr. Adams called on FaceTime. He looked a tad irritated as he told me, "You found the last relic! Congratulations, you win the scavenger hunt! Now meet me at the VIP room for more vampire fun! Dovahkiin Wy-"

I hung up before he could say my last name, and sighed to myself as I thought, 'He's determined to reveal my last name to everyone, isn't he?' I got a Skull of Sick Burning Epic Artifact from a chest and used it to replace my Pump of Ultimate Inflation before walking out of the cave and into the dining area.

I went back and got a Skeleton costume set from the cave before going to the arcade to win five more tickets, then used them all to get the Gatekeeper of R'lyeh Artifact, which was shaped like a Cthulhu plush. I had no intention of equipping it, but it was well-made, and I wanted to turn it back to normal like I had my body pillow.

I rejoined Henrietta and Mysterion at the door and Mr. Adams walked up to us. His jaw was set in irritation as he told us, "Hey, looks like someone collected all the vampire relics! Congratulations, you're the first Vamp Kids to solve the door puzzle. I wonder what mystical powers will be unleashed!" He then started stumbling around and pretending something was happening to him. "Ooh, something's happening, I can feel… ooh, I can feel something happening, it's… it's happening in my pocket!"

Mr. Adams withdrew a normal key from his pocket and told us, "Wow! You broke the spell and made this key appear in my pocket!" He then opened the door. "Now go in and enjoy the party, kids! Make sure you stop by the clamato fountain and take pictures. I set it up myself. It's really cool. Have fun, Dovahkiin Wy-"

I shut the door in his face before he could finish his sentence, and we walked into the center of the room to find Karen, Mike, and a couple of his friends standing there. "Karen!" Mysterion exclaimed. Her sister took a few steps towards us as she begged, "Guardian Angel, please don't hurt my friends."

"They're not your friends. You're just under their spell." Mysterion told her. I rolled my eyes in irritation. "Otherwise you'd see how completely fucking lame they are!" 'Like you're one to talk.' I thought to myself. Mike then stepped in front of Karen and told Mysterion, "You've gone too far, mortal. You've laid eyes upon the Blood Fountain of Eternal Life. Now… you must die!"

A battle then started, and Henrietta and Coon ran in as we all took our places in the grid. Karen stood on the sidelines, and besides the Fountain and Mike, there were two Vampire Blockers and two Griefers. The Fountain got ready for its attack, which would presumably heal the Vamps judging by the green lines that appeared in the spaces on their side of the field, and the Blockers gave themselves shields before Coon's turn came around.

He used Coon Lunge to rush forward and damage one of the Blockers, breaking her shield, and I used Dire Shroud to damage her and inflict Defense Down. "Quit it! They're my friends!" Karen exclaimed, and I gave her an apologetic look before Henrietta used Cigarette Burn on the Blocker that Coon and I had attacked.

The two Griefers both used bats to damage the Coon, and Mysterion used Dread Rush to defeat a Blocker. Mike would have reduced Coon's health to next to nothing if I hadn't skipped his turn with Glitch, and the Fountain sprayed Clamato juice everywhere, giving all the Vamps Attack Up. The remaining Blocker then almost defeated Coon before he used Coon Claws to damage her and inflict Bleeding.

I used Dire Shroud to almost defeat the Blocker and inflict Defense Down, and Henrietta healed Coon with Baleful Blessing. The Griefers then defeated him with swarms of bats, and Mysterion used Dread Rush to finish off the Blocker before Mike depleted her health to almost nothing. The Fountain sprayed Clamato juice again, and I used a Revive Serum to revive Coon. He used Coon Lunge to damage Mike, and Henrietta unleashed her Ultimate to damage the Vamps and heal us.

The Griefers used swarms of bats to steal Mysterion's Health and defeat her, and Mike defeated Coon with a cloud of dark mist before the Fountain healed them all. I growled in annoyance and moved forward before using Ghastly Grasp to damage Mike and destroy the Fountain. Henrietta then buffed me with Satanic Seal and a Griefer would have attacked me had I not skipped his turn with Pause.

I hit Mike and managed to do some damage before time resumed, and Ghost Mysterion Chilled him with Phantom Chill before the other Griefer attacked me and took Burning Damage. Mike's turn was skipped due to Chill, and I used Dire Shroud to damage the Griefer that still had his health intact. Henrietta finished him off with Cigarette Burn, and Ghost Mysterion used Spooked to Confuse Mike.

The remaining Griefer attacked me and took Burning damage, and Mike skipped his turn out of Confusion. I used Dire Shroud to finish the last Griefer, and Henrietta healed me with Baleful Blessing. Ghost Mysterion then revived herself with her Ultimate, bringing her back into the battle and healing me. Mike almost defeated her again, and I used Dire Shroud to damage him and inflict Defense Down.

Henrietta used Cigarette Burn to damage and Burn him, and Mysterion ended the battle with Demonic Fury. I got the Recipe for Vampiric Elixirs and some scrap from the fight, and Mike picked himself and exclaimed, "It's not fair! This is my birthday party and you're ruining it! You're not even supposed to be here!"

He was looking at Mysterion instead of me, and the Netherborn told Karen, "Come on Karen, let's get outta here!" Karen then ran to Mike's side and told her, "No, Guardian Angel! I won't let you ruin his party! Come on, Mike! Through here!" The two ran through a service door, and Mysterion exclaimed, "Damn it! Karen must be under their spell! We've got to break it!"

She went to run after them, but I grabbed her arm and told her, "Hang on a second, Kenny." She looked back to me in surprise. "Karen is not under any kind of evil vampire spell. She's just trying to have a good time at a fun birthday party at a good restaurant, a party that YOU are ruining! Just let her have her own friends." Kenny sighed and told me, "Oh, Butthole. So sweet but so naïve." She then pulled herself out of my grip and ran through the service door.

I sighed in exasperation and texted Mike that she was still coming. I then got some arcade tickets from a backpack before following her. I looted a container in a break room and used Fartkour to get up to the highest platform, with Cousin Kyle showing up instead of Human Kite for some reason. I saw Mike and Karen standing near some stairs, and Mike asked me, "There you are. Jeez, what's wrong with your friend, per se?" "They're Karen's Guardian Angel. They're just trying to protect her." I told him, not revealing any clues about Kenny's identity to Karen.

Mike sighed and walked up the stairs with Karen in tow, and I got some loot from around the area. There was a Mariachi Suit, so I put it on along with the sombrero and backtracked to take a selfie with the last member of the mariachi band. I then changed back into my costume and went back up the inside of the fake mountain. I had to dislodge a beam and move a giant cart on a rail to be able to get up to the stairs, and I went through the door marked Divers Only, Mysterion joining me.

Mysterion and I found ourselves at the top of the mountain, and the hooded girl told her sister, "Karen, they've tricked you into thinking Vampires are cool. You have to snap out of it." "They didn't trick me. They ARE cool." Karen protested. Mike then asked her, "See? She wants to be with us. So why don't you just leave us alone?" "I would take their advice, Guardian Angel." I told her.

Mysterion turned to me and asked, "How could you take their side?! They've kidnapped Karen and brainwashed her! Do you even care about that?!" I told the girl in response, "Damn it, Mys… Guardian Angel. You're not listening to Karen! She's allowed to have her own friends and do what she likes even if you don't like it! Have you ever considered that she might actually LIKE vampires? Look, I don't get it either, okay? I don't see the appeal of wearing fake fangs and drinking Clamato juice. But if Karen does, then she can do it if she wants to. She's not in any danger and she doesn't need to be rescued!"

"But-" Mysterion started to say, but I grabbed her shirt and whispered into her ear, "If you don't stop this right now, I'm going to tell Karen who you REALLY are." Mysterion gasped and told me, "You wouldn't dare." "Try me." I glared at the hooded girl for a few moments, and she sighed and said, "All right, all right."

I let her go and she turned to Karen, telling her, "Karen… Look, I think the Vamp Kids are really fucking lame. Everything they do makes me want to hurl. I hate them with every fiber of my being." "Uh, I'm still here, per se." Mike told her. Mysterion ignored him and conceded, "But if you want to be one… Then that's OK. I won't stop you. Just promise me that you'll stay safe and that you won't let them take over who you are." "Eh, good enough." I muttered.

Karen had a warm smile as she told Mysterion, "Don't worry, Guardian Angel. I don't want to be a Vamp Kid ALL the time." "You don't?" Mysterion asked hopefully. Karen giggled and said, "No." Mysterion sighed in relief and I said, "Well, looks like everything's wrapped up here." It would seem that I had spoken too soon, as we heard a booming laugh and Mr. Adams' voice tell us, "You fools! You thought my stepson was the master vampire…"

Mr. Adams emerged from behind a fake rock along with a bunch of Vamp Kids, and he told us, "But it was me all along! Just like in the classic vampire film The Lost Boys…" He was dressed in leather pants, black boots, a black shirt and jacket, and his hair was bleached blond. I face-palmed as he turned to Mike and exclaimed, "Pretty cool, huh, Mike? I dress up like Keither Sutherland and I'm all like, hey, I'm the master vampire!"

Mike was looking to the floor in embarrassment, and Mr. Adams asked everyone, "This is the coolest birthday party ever, isn't it Mike? Come on…" "Uh, we kind of already hashed everything out. We're not fighting anymore." Mysterion told him. His expression turned cold, and he told us, "Oh, but not EVERYTHING is hashed out."

"What?" Mysterion asked as the Coon and Henrietta ran in to join us. Mr. Adams had an irritated expression as he told me, "New Kid. You've been interrupting me all day. NO ONE interrupts the comedic genius of Mr. Adams. And now… I will tell the ultimate joke." "Don't you dare." I told him. "ButtLord, what's he talking about?" Mysterion asked me. Ignoring both of us, Mr. Adams told everyone, "Everyone, Dovahkiin's last name is-" "DON'T!" I shouted, but he shouted over me, "WYVERN! HER LAST NAME IS WYVERN! WYVERN IS HER LAST NAME!"

I groaned and hung my head as my last name was revealed to everyone, and they all looked to me with confused faces. "What? What's so funny about ButtLord's last name being Wyvern?" Coon asked. I sighed in defeat and told him, "Google it." My three allies and the Vamp Kids all then pulled out their phones. Coon was the first one to look it up, and burst out laughing as he exclaimed, "It's a dragon! Wyvern is a type of dragon!" "Here we go again." I muttered.

"But… ButtLord's first name is Dovahkiin." Mysterion muttered. "And her nickname is Dova." Henrietta pointed out. "And in three, two, one…" I said. Everyone then started laughing, and Mysterion shouted, "Dova means Dragon! Your name is literally Dragon Dragon!" "Oh my Satan, I feel like such a conformist right now, but that is funny as all hell!" Henrietta exclaimed.

"It's fucking hysterical, now can we get back to the task at hand, please?!" I shouted. Everyone started to calm down, and I asked Mr. Adams, "Why the fuck would you tell everyone my last name?" "Are you kidding me? This is comedy gold! A joke like this only comes around once in a lifetime!" He said. "It's not gold, it's dumb. It's not even your joke, it's my dumbass dad's. You're a hack! All these James Woods jokes aren't funny, asshole!" I told him angrily. "Okay, no need to call people names." Mr. Adams said.

I was fed up with him, and told him, "NO! This has been a long time coming! You're a one-note asshat who can't tell a joke to save his life! My fucking NAME is literally funnier than you! All you do is latch on to one topic and wear it out until people want to stab themselves in the ears with unsharpened pencils just so that they don't have to hear your shitty jokes anymore!" "Hey, I am a professional comedian! People pay a lot of money to come in and hear my jokes!" He protested. Crossing my arms, I asked him, "Oh yeah, and how much do they pay to get out?"

Everyone laughed at my joke, and I smirked and told him, "See, now THAT'S a joke. Go back to clown college already." "Alright that's it! I've had enough of this! I am funny, and you are dead!" He roared. A battle then started, with three Vampire Swarmers fighting alongside Mr. Adams. He disappeared in a swarm of bats only to reappear behind the Coon, the top and bottom rows of the grid glowing with red lines.

The three Swarmers each moved forward two spaces before Coon used Coon Claws to damage Vampire Adams and inflict Bleeding. I used Ghastly Grasp to defeat the three Swarmers, and Henrietta used Baleful Blessing to give Mysterion the move's status effect. She skipped her turn and the effect damaged Vampire Adams. He would have used his charged attack if I hadn't skipped his turn with Glitch, and Coon used Coon Pounce to damage him after getting out of his range. I then used Dire Shroud to damage Vampire Adams and inflict Defense Down.

Henrietta used Satanic Seal to give Mysterion Protection before the Netherborn skipped her turn, and Vampire Adams used hair product to form ice across the rows he had targeted. More Swarmers ran in, and Coon skipped his turn before I moved out of Vampire Adams' targeted area and used Ghastly Grasp to defeat the Swarmers. Henrietta used Cigarette Burn to damage Vampire Adams and give him Burning, and Mysterion moved out of his range before ending her turn.

Vampire Adams used his ice attack again and more Swarmers ran in to join the fight before he took damage due to Bleeding and Burning. Coon moved into the untargeted space next to him and used Coon Claws to deal some damage, and I defeated the three Swarmers with Ghastly Grasp. Henrietta couldn't move out of range, so she simply used Satanic Seal to give herself Protection. Mysterion then moved out of range and Vampire Adams would have attacked Henrietta if I hadn't skipped his turn with Glitch.

Coon used Coon Claws on Vampire Adams again before I skipped my turn, and Henrietta gave Coon Baleful Blessing. Mysterion skipped her turn, and Vampire Adams attacked Henrietta, Chilling her and removing most of her Protection. More Swarmers rushed in, and Coon used Coon Lunge to damage Vampire Adams. His Baleful Blessing didn't hit anyone, but I used Ghastly Grasp to defeat the Swarmers again.

Henrietta lost a turn to Chill, and Mysterion used Demonic Fury to damage Vampire Adams. He then surprised us by using a fire attack instead of ice, and moved to the other side of the grid as more Swarmers arrived. There were only two this time, but they had a Griefer with them, and Coon used Coon Lunge to damage Adams before I damaged the Griefer and defeated the Swarmers with Ghastly Grasp.

Henrietta defeated Vampire Adams with Cigarette Burn, and the battle ended with me getting a wig and some scrap. I sighed in relief as the fight ended, and the Vamp Kids regrouped as Mr. Adams joked, "You just put your hands on a child! Penal code 13. Or as we call it at the station: a James Woods. Ha ha, we still like to have fun, don't we?"

I face-palmed at his latest lame joke, and Mysterion told him, "Dude, nobody here is having fun!" "Yes they are, you son of a bitch!" He told her, then turned to Karen and asked her, "Aren't you having fun, little girl?" Karen had a sad look as she told us, "I was, but now everyone's being so mean." "See what happens when you don't let Karen have her own friends?" I asked Mysterion, and she replied to me, "You made your point, dude. Let it go already."

I flipped her off in response, and Mr. Adams told us, "Well that's gonna change real soon, because I have one more surprise for the birthday boy and it's really supercool… A CELEBRITY GUEST!" "Let me guess, James Woods?" I asked him sarcastically.

He ignored me and started waving his arms around, Mysterion asking, "What is he doing?" The people in the dining area were looking up at us as Mr. Adams chanted, "Dark forces of Hollywood, hear me! Open the portal to Hell! Release the spirit of our celebrity guest… Corey Haim, everybody!"

A portal started to open up between our two groups as the onlookers clapped and cheered. "Come to me, Corey Haim! Come through the portal! Follow the sound of my voice!" Adams said. A faint figure then appeared in the portal, which emerged and solidified to reveal Michael Jackson wearing a yellow jacket and red pants. "I'm here! Casa Bonita! Shamone!" He exclaimed. "What the fuck?" I asked. "THAT'S Corey Haim?" Henrietta asked with disbelief.

"No! You're not supposed to be here! You're not the star of the 80s classic, The Lost Boys!" Adams told Michael Jackson. The pop star got an excited look on his face and said, "Ooh, lost boy, where? I'll find them! Come on, let's go play! Let's go find the lost boys, like Peter Pan!" He grabbed Karen's arm and dragged her to the edge of the cliff, telling her, "Come on, let's go to Black Bart's Cave and find the lost boys! HeeHee! Shamone!"

Michael Jackson then jumped off the cliff with Karen as she screamed, and the two hit the water as Mysterion exclaimed, "Karen!" The four of us looked to the water, and nobody said anything for a moment until I told her, "Okay, NOW your sister's in danger and we need to save her." The crowd cheered and clapped as Mr. Adams awkwardly sneaked inside the fake mountain, the rest of the Vamp Kids following him. "Corey Haim totally just kidnapped your sister." Henrietta told Mysterion.

The three were looking to me with expectant eyes, and I asked them, "You want me to dive in after them, don't you?" They all nodded, and I sighed and looted some containers before walking to the edge of the diving board, asking myself, "Why am I always the one who has to do this shit?"

I then jumped off, hitting the water feet-first. I swam through a surprisingly spacious river and emerged from the well in the dining area. I shook off the water with my soul powers and saw Mysterion, Coon and Henrietta running up next to me. "Look! It's Corey Haim! Let's get him!" Mysterion exclaimed. Michael Jackson and a couple terrified Vamp Kids were walking towards the VIP room, and they turned to us as the dead king of pop told us, "No, you're being ignorant. I'm so tired of people being… IGNORANT."

"Somebody please get us away from this guy!" Mike requested. Michael Jackson ignored him and moved to the middle of the dining area before spinning in place, arcs of rainbow light swirling around him. Suddenly, the dining area was replaced by a stage with a purple satin floor, speakers, and spotlights. "What the fuck?" I asked. My soul rustled in irritation, and I let it feel around the area a bit.

My eyes widened as I realized that Michael Jackson was projecting his soul onto our surroundings, and he told us, "You all need to stop being ignorant!" A white ghostly light then erupted from his chest and zoomed towards Karen. I tried to intercept with my cloak, but it impacted with her as she screamed. A bubble of energy appeared around her, and she levitated over to Michael Jackson and started dancing just like he was. She was mirroring him perfectly, and asked us, "What's going on?"

"Damn it. He possessed Karen!" Mysterion exclaimed. I growled and pointed to Michael Jackson, telling him, "Leave Karen out of this!" As he danced, Michael Jackson told me, "Oh, come on! I just want someone to play with!" "She doesn't want to play! Let her go!" I exclaimed. Michael Jackson begged me, "Oh, but… But I never had a childhood. My daddy beat me up all the time, and-and I was always performing. I suffered every day! I just want to be a child!"

This enraged me, and I asked him in a demonically reverberating voice, "YOU SUFFERED?!" I levitated into the air and power started to swirl around me as I demanded of him, "YOU THINK _YOU_ HAD IT BAD?! I WAS ON THE RUN FOR MOST OF MY LIFE! I COULD NEVER SETTLE DOWN, OR MAKE FRIENDS! I WAS KIDNAPPED BY MY OWN GRANDFATHER AND TORTURED IN A LAB FOR HALF A YEAR! YOU WANT TO SEE SUFFERING?! I'LL SHOW YOU SUFFERING!"

I then let the darkness inside me build and release, shadows pouring from my soul and painting the walls as the screams of the damned reverberated throughout the room. The floor started to flicker and shift between his stage and the floor of my childhood bedroom as the walls followed suit. My entire life was then bared for all to see, phantasmal visions floating through the dining area.

We saw intruders breaking into the house and asking for selfies with a terrified me, experiments being performed in a dirty lab, and my parents leaving me to fend for myself, forbidden to turn the lights on, alone and afraid, again and again, so that they could go and party.

Tears streamed from my eyes as I beheld the scenes from my past. Eventually we were brought to the present, and everyone had horrified expressions as they beheld my body. Surgical scars and past wounds crisscrossed my skin, oozing blood. Burns from when I had tried to make myself food when my parents would leave me alone littered my arms, and the scar on my cheek was an open wound. "YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST _THING_ ABOUT SUFFERING!" I told him, my eyes glowing red.

"YOU WERE BELOVED BY MILLIONS! YOU HAD EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED!" I shouted. Fabric then started to weave through the air and formed a giant blue teddy bear with a Cheshire smile and razor-sharp claws punching through its paws. It was mirroring my movements as it loomed behind me, making the crowd gasp in horror. "IF YOU WILL NOT RELEASE KAREN, THEN I WILL MAKE YOU!" I told him.

A determined look set on his face and he told me, "Just try it!" He spun in place and his clothes transformed into the red jacket and pants from the Thriller video. He danced across the stage/bedroom as I swept my arms, the bear following my movements and raking its claws across the floor. He was rubbing his crotch and shouting, "Shamone!" And he sent arcs of rainbow light at me. I deflected them and sent them back to him, but he was unfazed as he continued to dance.

I let this go on for a few moments before growling and shouting to him, "ALRIGHT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT!" I then thrust my hand forward, impaling Michael Jackson with the bear's claws. He gurgled as blood leaked from his mouth, and his soul left Karen's body and reentered his own.

A portal opened up as I retracted the bear's claws, and he was sucked back inside. With that, the portal closed and the world returned to normal. The bear then disappeared and I levitated to the ground. I took a deep breath as my eyes stopped glowing and the scar on my cheek closed. The burns faded from my arms, but the surgical scars sealed and remained on my skin.

One separated my right hand from my arm at the wrist, one separated my upper body from my lower at the waist, one sat over my heart in the shape of… Well, a heart. Another scar separated my left arm from my torso at the shoulder, and the fifth and final one circled my left thigh diagonally at a steep angle. All but the one on my waist were visible due to my Revenger Suit, and Mysterion walked up and asked me, "Dude… What… What are those?"

I rubbed my wrist and told her without looking at her, "I told you… My Grandfather experimented on me. He… He cut me open, trying to figure out how I could use Mana. He never put me under, either. I was awake the whole time, paralyzed. He called it 'vivisecting.' He cut off my hand, my arm, my leg, cut out my heart, and cut me in half. He had a Facebook account ready with millions of friends for me to use, and my body used the Mana it absorbed from it to heal myself. I… I was hiding the scars with makeup."

I could feel tears form in my eyes, and Henrietta came up behind me and told me, "Well, if it makes you feel any better, those scars make you look fucking badass." I looked to her to see her, Mysterion and Coon smiling, and I smiled and wiped my eyes. Mysterion then walked up to Karen and asked her, "Are… Are you OK, Karen?"

Her sister smiled and told her, "Yes, Guardian Angel. I'm fine now." Mysterion smiled, but it quickly faded as she asked, "I'm glad, and I'm OK with you acting like a Vamp Kid, but… Why did you want to hang out with them in the first place?" Karen got a forlorn look on her face as she replied, "Well… Ever since my sister Kenny became a girl, she hasn't been hanging out with me as much. I was lonely, so I wanted to make some new friends."

Mysterion had a shocked look on her face as she told her, "Oh. Well, d-don't worry, I'll talk to your sister. Make sure she spends more time with you from now on." Karen's face lit up and she exclaimed, "Really?! Thank you, Guardian Angel!" She then gave her a hug and skipped out of the restaurant. The two of us watched her go, and once she had left I turned to Kenny and told her, "Remind me to kill you later."

I then took a selfie with a kid making a wish at the fountain before I left the restaurant myself, feeling my soul's second skin fade as I got onto the bus. I got home and ate all of the Sopaipillas I had gotten from the restaurant, starving from not eating all day. I then went to my room and looked at myself in the mirror. Kenny and Cartman knew about my scars now, and hell knows the fat boy can't keep his mouth shut. I decided to stop hiding them and went to the garage to take care of one last piece of business.

After a half an hour of rifling through boxes, I finally found what I was looking for. I pulled a blue teddy bear out of a box and smiled. Mom had given it to me when I was just four years old. I can still remember the wonder I felt, and her voice telling me, "See? She's blue, just like your hair." I chuckled as I remembered how I named it Blue and went back into the house to clean it off. As the sun started to set, I tucked myself into bed with the bear and my body pillow and closed my eyes.

I couldn't sleep however, and looked to Blue the bear for a moment before feeling inspiration strike. I got out of bed and used some spare fabric to sew a Cheshire smile and some gray fabric claws onto it, and smiled at the result. I got out the collection of Chinpokomon plushes I had collected in our first game and transformed the Gatekeeper of R'lyeh back into a stuffed Cthulhu before tucking myself into bed with all of them, drawing comfort from the stuffed animals as I drifted off to sleep.

And there is the chapter. I hope you liked it and feel free to leave a review. See you in the next chapter/story, IndigoWerewolf out!


	11. The Second DLC

Hello everyone this is IndigoWerewolf with the next chapter of The Next Adventure. The Bring the Crunch DLC has finally arrived and with it comes this chapter. Without further ado, I do not own South Park or TFBW, let's read!

I lay in bed at night listening to my parents talk. "It could be good for her. She hasn't said a word to us since the main game ended, they could help her talk again. And with the motor troubles she's been having." I heard Dad tell Mom. I sighed and looked to my left hand. My pinky was gone, sacrificed to save my parents. If I had known how much weaker my hand would be without it, I would have cut off the ring finger. "She can talk, she just doesn't want to. And after what she's been through, can we really blame her? Plus, she doesn't exactly meet the criteria." Mom told Dad.

"I spoke to the counselors. She doesn't need to be handicapped to attend. They see kids who have gone through trauma all the time. It could really help her to come out of her shell and maybe even talk to us." Dad pointed out. Mom sighed and said, "I don't know. It just… I don't want to sign her up for camp without telling her and have her resent us even more than she already does."

There was a pause for a moment until Dad said, "Oh. Well… I kind of already signed her up." "Goddamn it Chris." Mom said before I heard the bed creak. I rolled my eyes and felt myself drift off to sleep. The next morning, Mom and I were at the kitchen table. I was holding my spoon in my left hand, doing my best to try and strengthen it. "So honey… How would you feel about going to summer camp this year?" She asked.

I looked to her and thought, 'I heard you and Dad talking about Lake Tardicaca last night.' Mom winced and remarked, "I thought you might have." 'You know he just wants me out of the house so that he can try and bang you, right?' I asked in my head. She giggled behind her hand and said, "Most likely." Just then, my fingers slipped and I dropped my spoon into my bowl. I sighed and said, 'I'll go, Mom. Who knows, maybe I'll actually figure out how to use my hand while I'm there.'

Mom smiled and helped me pack everything I needed for the summer, putting it in a backpack instead of my Dragon's Heart necklace so as not to raise suspicion. We waited at the bus station along with Jimmy, Timmy, and some of the other handicapped kids. "It's gonna be great to have you at camp, Butthole. You're going to l-l-l-love it." Jimmy said. "Timmy!" Timmy exclaimed.

Mom didn't react to Jimmy calling me Butthole, and the bus arrived before long to take us all to camp. We got there before long and met the counselors. Jimmy showed me around the camp and we all settled in to sit around the campfire and make s'mores. I dropped a couple marshmallows in the fire, but the counselors were nice and helped me to prop up the sticks so I could roast them easier with one hand.

That night I lay in bed and went to sleep, never knowing what would happen next. I slept fitfully through the night and woke up to find that all of the counselors were missing. None of us could find them, and so we scoured the whole camp. They were nowhere to be found, and Jimmy sent out messages to the Freedom Pals once it started to get dark as Timmy and I corralled all the other campers in one of the biggest cabins. I got an alert on my phone and saw a video that Jimmy had sent me. I opened it and he appeared in front of the camp in his Fastpass costume, telling me, "Red alert! All available superheroes report to Lake Tardicaca. Seriously, get out here. Shit is going down."

Once we had gotten the campers to safety, I walked to the front of the camp. Fastpass was waiting for me there, and he said, "Hey Butthole. It's looking like no one's showing up. Boy am I glad you're here." "Do you have any idea where the counselors are?" I asked him. "No, none. It's like they v-v-va-vanished into thin air!" He replied. "Well we have to find them, we can't run the camp ourselves." I pointed out.

"I think I can help you with that!" We heard from a few feet away, and looked to see Balance standing on a trash can. My face lit up and I walked over to hug him as he jumped off. "Balance! You came!" Jimmy exclaimed. "Yup. All the other superheroes said they were too busy, but I'm here!" He said. Just then, we heard a deep boom come from the sky, and Jimmy said, "Look! Up there."

We looked to see a pink speck of light that was rapidly approaching us, and Balance exclaimed,  
"It's coming right for us!" Jimmy started to stutter as he told us to move before finally saying, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!" We all quickly moved out of the pink comet's path and it crashed into the earth not a second later. A white burst of light forced us to cover our eyes, and once it cleared, a kid with blond hair, a white shirt and gray pants with half his face covered by a pink mask and with leaves and berries on half his costume was there. He turned in place and shouted, "SHABLAGOO!"

"The fuck? Who is that?" I asked Balance. "Wow! That was the most amazing hero entrance I've ever seen!" Fastpass told the newcomer. "Who are you?" I asked him. "It could have been cooler." Balance said. The new hero then told us, "It is I – your old pal, Mintberry Crunch! I picked up your distress call from the berry mines of my home planet. I've come to offer my assistance."

"Mintberry Crunch?" I asked in confusion and remarked, "Sounds like a cereal." "Awesome. Well, now that we have a team, let's get to business." Fastpass said. The three of us walked over to Mintberry Crunch as Fastpass explained, "As of 0600 this morning, on the second day of camp, all the counselors mysteriously went missing." "We woke up and they weren't there. We can't find them anywhere." I added.

"The mystery of the missing camp counselors. Fear not. Mintberry Crunch is on the job!" Crunch said. "Great! Let's go inside the camp and look around for Scooby clues." Fastpass told us. He and Crunch then walked off, and I asked Balance, "So who is this guy? How come he wasn't in the main game?" "He's Mintberry Crunch, a hero with the combined powers of mint and berry. He was a superhero with Coon and Friends before they broke up, but then he found out he was half-alien and went to his home planet to hone his powers." Balance explained.

"So why does he look and sound like a cereal mascot?" I asked. "He sort of is." Balance replied before walking off to look for clues. I shrugged and started to look around the camp, noticing several bloodstained camp shirts that hadn't been there before. I looted containers as I looked around and eventually found a horrifying sight by the showers. "Uh, guys? I think you're going to want to take a look at this!" I told them.

Fastpass, Balance and Crunch all walked over to see the bloodstains and axe buried in the wall of the showers, and Fastpass said, "From the looks of it, the counselors were renovating the shower room when they all disappeared. It's not like them to walk away from a camp activity without finishing. Something must have happened." "A camp activity?! Fastpass, this looks like a goddamn murder scene! They weren't renovating!" I exclaimed.

Ignoring me, Mintberry Crunch said, "That is quite mysterious. Do you suspect something dastardly is afoot?" "Yes!" I shouted out. "No, my feet are fine. Butthole, come help us look for clues in the forest!" Fastpass said. I sighed as they walked off and reluctantly followed them towards the forest, seeing even more blood on the ground now and having to short out a cut phone line on our way. On the other side of the electrified puddle, we found a hole in the ground with bloodstains leading up to it.

I cringed as Fastpass and Crunch looked inside, and Fastpass said, "This must be where they bury all the empty paint cans when they finish with them." "Jimmy, grow up! This isn't paint, it's blood! And this hole definitely doesn't have paint cans in it!" I told him before looking in the hole. "Well fuck me, there's paint cans in it." I muttered upon seeing two cans of red paint inside.

"But what does this have to do with the missing counselors?" Balance asked. "Look guys, there's something spooky going on here. We need to call the police." I said, then took out my phone. I had zero bars however, and said, "Of course there's no signal." I put my phone away and Fastpass said, "Well, maybe we can ask those monsters where the counselors are."

I looked to where Jimmy was pointing to see that what appeared to be monsters were surrounding us, and Jimmy exclaimed, "Monsters?!" "Ah! Monsters!" Balance said. "It's an ambush!" Mintberry Crunch said. Just then, my Artifact belt appeared around my waist. I felt my powers return to me and used my phone to quickly set my powers as Blaster before a battle started and a grid appeared on the ground.

Fastpass and Balance stood to the side as Crunch and I took our places in the grid opposite the monsters. Mintberry Crunch floated in the air and told Fastpass and Balance, "Stand back, super friends. I'll handle this!" I got an alert on my phone that said that Mintberry Crunch was now a Combat Buddy and Fastpass and Balance said that they would wait on the sidelines. Crunch then moved forward one space and used a move called Flavor Burst, sending mint leaves to orbit around me as various berries from the bushes around us did the same to the Monster Bruiser next to me.

"You're protected by Mint, New Kid. And that dumb monster is covered in Berry." Crunch told me. The Monster Bruiser roared and tried to punch me, but the berries surrounding him held him back as the mint leaves blocked his strikes. "Ha! When a Berried enemy attacks a friend with Mint, they do no damage!" Crunch explained. Another Monster Bruiser and a Monster Rusher then each moved forward a space, and I blew them all back with Heat Wave.

Mintberry Crunch then moved in front of me and used a move called Berry Blast, which gave Berry to all the enemies and dealt some damage. A Bruiser then hit him before the second one moved forward and the Rusher did the same. I used Heat Wave to defeat the Rusher and deal more damage to the second Bruiser before Crunch used his Ultimate, flying upwards and spinning in a pink tornado. Berries and mint leaves flew across the grid and dealt damage to the monsters before their Berry effects were renewed.

Crunch and I both got Mint from the move, and he flew back down and the Rusher got up and said, "Shit. It's time to bring in the big guns. Release the bootay!" My eyes widened as Spontaneous Bootay emerged from behind some trees and said, "GUESS WHO'S BACK, HONEY!" "Oh, fuck me seven…" I said before sighing and muttering, "You know what, I've taken that joke as far as I can. It needs to stop." "I told you I was gonna get your ass! Bootay never forgets, baby!" Spontaneous Bootay shouted.

"Oh no! My powers of mint and berry aren't strong enough to freshen an ass of that size." Crunch said fearfully. "We have to get out of here." Balance said. As Bootay charged us, I sent forth a wave of Mana that entrapped her and the monsters, then told the others, "Come on, into that shack!" We all ran inside just before they broke out, and the others barricaded the door with everything they could. The monsters and Spontaneous Bootay pounded on the doors as Balance fearfully exclaimed, "Oh my god! We're trapped! They're gonna kill us all!"

"Butters, g-get ahold of yourself! We're gonna make it out of here!" Fastpass told him. He then asked me, "Butthole, can you beat these things with your powers?" "The game makes Spontaneous Bootay invincible. I can beat the monsters, but not her." I said. "My alien powers have little effect on the enemy. I must be weak from my intergalactic travels. Your planet calls it… Jet lag." Crunch told us. "Butthole. It's up to you. You must look within your butt and find the strength to save us all." Fastpass told me. "No pressure." He added.

I looked around the room and saw nothing that could be of use to us. "We're trapped in a cabin in the woods. Just like the chick at the end of every horror movie." Fastpass said. "What are you talking about?" I asked him. "Haven't you ever watched a horror movie? The last girl alive always gets stuck in a cabin in the woods and uses improvised weapons to kill the monster." Fastpass explained. "Yeah, except those girls always get away at the end." Balance pointed out.

"He's right. No matter how dire the situation, the final girl in a horror movie always wins." Crunch said. He gasped and exclaimed, "That's it! If we can find a way to harness the power of the final girl, then we can defeat the monsters." "Dova, you're the only girl here! Start making weapons!" Balance exclaimed. "To be a 'final girl' wouldn't everyone else need to die first?" I pointed out.

"As long as it's the last girl, I think it'll work. You're the only girl here, so you're last by default. It's our only chance!" Crunch said. I sighed and looked around the room. I felt panicked for a moment before it was replaced by determination, and moved a stepladder to get a sledgehammer, a pair of hedge clippers, and a fire axe. I then blew up a can of gasoline to get a circular saw. I could feel power rising up in me, determination and fear pervading my heart.

"All right, you've collected your weapons. Now, you must channel the survival power of the final girl in every horror movie ever!" Fastpass told me. I nodded and spun in place, wind rushing around me before it dispersed to reveal that I had changed clothes. I was now wearing a ragged olive green tank top and blue jeans with black sneakers, and I had fingerless gloves on over medical gauze on my hands.

My face was covered in dirt and grime, and a band-aid was stuck on a cut on my cheek. My blue hair was pushed out of my face with a red bandana, and I could feel my limbs burning in weariness from running. "Oh my god. Butthole found the survival power of the final girl in every horror movie ever, right here in this cabin. What are the chances?" Fastpass said.

"Now we can fight our way out. Lead the way, Final Girl!" Crunch said. My phone told me that I had a new class and abilities, and Balance told the others, "I don't think this is a good idea, fellas. Maybe we should just stay here." Fastpass and Mintberry Crunch cleared the barricade as the Speedster told him, "Jesus. Sack the fuck up, Butters." Balance moved one last bit of barricade away and I took a deep breath before running out of the cabin. The monsters and Spontaneous Bootay were all waiting for me, and Crunch, Fastpass, and Balance walked out after me.

"Stand back, foes. Prepare for the wrath of the Final Girl!" Crunch told the gathered monsters. A monster then said, "Get 'em, Bootay." Instead of charging in to attack me, she backed up and told him, "Hell nah, I ain't fighting no Final Girl, with they lucky surviving ass. That's my Kryptonite, baby! I'm outta here!" Spontaneous Bootay then ran off, and I thought to myself, 'I can't decide what's stranger, the fact that she filled out a character sheet, or the fact that she put down the last girl in a horror movie as her Kryptonite.'

A battle then started with me going up against three monsters alone. "Okay Butthole, why don't you see how your Final Girl powers work on these monsters?" Fastpass asked. I nodded and used a move called Saw Bleed to give a status effect called Hemorrhaging to a Monster Rusher and a Monster Bruiser. Apparently the three spaces the move hit would turn into a trap to give them Hemorrhaging. A second Bruiser then moved forward a space into a blade trap and gained one stack of Hemorrhaging. It was then my turn again, and I used a move called Hammer Bomb.

I could move after selecting my target, so I moved back a space and used the second part of the move, which allowed me to choose which way the enemy was knocked back. I chose to send him over the other two blade traps, and he gained Bleeding and two more stacks of Hemorrhaging. The Rusher then moved forward one space before the first Bruiser moved upwards. The second Bruiser moved up into another trap space before falling to his status effects.

I then used my Ultimate, taking a chainsaw with various blades attached to it from behind my back as the world turned grainy and slightly sepia. I used the chainsaw to defeat the last two monsters and three more entered the grid. 'You know, these monsters don't look very… Convincing.' I thought to myself. Fastpass then stated, "Hmmm, something's a little off with these monsters." He, Crunch and Balance all entered the grid and Mintberry Crunch's turn rolled around.

He used Berry Blast to push two Bruisers back and give them both Berry. One of them moved forward and slashed him with a knife, knocking him back and giving him Bleeding. The second Bruiser then moved forward a space before Fastpass used Blind Side to damage a Bruiser and Balance used Order Blast to damage the Rusher. It was then my turn, and I used my last new move, Fatal Trim, to damage a Bruiser and give him Bleeding.

Crunch used Berry Blast to damage the Bruiser I had attacked, and the other one would have attacked him had I not skipped his turn with TimeFart Glitch. The Rusher attacked Balance and gave him Bleeding before the Bruiser I had hit came up to me and punched and kicked me a couple times. He was then defeated by his status effect, and Fastpass used Hit and Run to defeat the Rusher. Balance then used his Ultimate to severely damage and shock the last monster, the giant set of golden scales rising out of the ground and sending sound waves across the grid.

I used Fatal Trim to defeat our last enemy, and the battle ended with me gaining some scrap and a costume set called the Jack O'. Fastpass walked over to one of the fallen monsters and demanded of him, "WHERE DID YOU HIDE THE MISSING COUNSELORS?!" His fake werewolf head popped off and Fastpass said, "What the… He's not a real monster. It's just a mask." "I had a feeling that that was the case." I said.

"First the counselors go missing. Now people wearing masks are trying to scare us away from camp. What the heck is going on?" Fastpass asked himself. "Someone must be trying to get the camp shut down. It's the only answer." I pointed out. "Yeah, but who would want to get the c-c-c-camp shut down? It makes no sense." Fastpass told me. I then replied, "Well whatever's going on, we need answers." "Hey, this is like that one episode of Scooby Doo." Balance stated.

I then received a FaceTime call from Timothy, who mentally told me, "Butthole. Your fighting style reminds me of the girl that doesn't die at the end of horror movies. Good work. But I'm afraid this is only the beginning." "Doctor Timothy. Did you find anything?" Fastpass asked him. "This is more serious than we thought, Jimmy. Meet me in the Mess Hall. There's something you all need to see." Timothy mentally replied.

He then hung up and Balance and Crunch walked off, Balance wondering aloud what episode of Scooby Doo our current situation reminded him of. Jimmy came up to me and told me, "Congratulations, Butthole. You earned the super sleuth summer camp Merit Badge." He handed me a round patch with a detective silhouette on it, and my phone opened the map to show slots for six Merit Badges and where I could earn more.

"You can earn Merit Badges for doing all sorts of helpful things around camp. It's fun and productive at the same time. Pretty cool, right? It's a great honor. Now go out there and collect 'em all!" He told me. He then walked off, and I looted the area's various containers. I found a Tardi Cap which I used to replace my Survivor Bandana.

I then walked back to the main camp grounds, cringing as I saw the fresh blood trailed over the dirt. I saw a Coonstagram post from the Old Mechanic that said something about a voice heard in the mess hall and Balance said, "God, there's a lot of blood around here." I looked to the sky and saw that the sun had set, and told him, "We had better stick together. I'm not familiar with the camp yet, so my Monophobia could flare up if I'm by myself."

Balance agreed and I found a ghost with Inspection Mode, who showed up as a doll on a selfie. The Old Mechanic said that there was a doll like it in the mess hall, so I destroyed a cracked sign and moved a wheelchair for progress on the Disability Assistance Merit Badge and entered the Mess Hall. Inside we found a counselor tied up with a meat cleaver in his head and knives sticking out of his chest and legs. "I found one of the counselors. I'm afraid he's dead." Timothy told us.

Fearfully, Balance said, "Are you sure he's dead? Maybe he's just sleeping." "Pretty sure he's dead, Balance." I told him. "No, he's super dead. I poked him with a stick." Timothy stated. Exasperated, Fastpass told us, "Come on, this is totally fake. Someone's just trying to scare us." He then walked up to the counselor and said, "First fake monsters and now a fake body. If this was a real body, then this would be a real eyeball." He squeezed his eyeball and thankfully didn't pop it before saying, "And this would be real blood…" He tasted his blood and said, "Hmm. This is definitely real blood."

"Real blood?! You mean this is really real? Oh god, we're all gonna die!" Balance exclaimed. "We need to find the other counselors before they all suffer the same fate." Timothy said mentally. He looked to the ceiling and told us, "I'm sensing vibrations of psychic trauma in some areas of the camp. I'll send the locations to your phones." Fastpass turned to face us and said, "All right. We'll cover more ground if we split up. Come on!"

The others were about to leave when the counselor gurgled and groaned in his bonds. "Aaaaah! He's a zombie!" Balance shouted. "He's not a zombie, Butters, he's alive! Quick, Butthole, heal him!" Fastpass told me. I nodded and used Mana to pull the blades out of him before healing his injuries. We got the ropes off of him before he stood up and rubbed his head. "Holy shit. Some kid in a mask tied me up and stabbed me over and over. I've had it with this camp. I quit!" The counselor exclaimed, then ran out of the Mess Hall.

We all looked through the windows as he got a bag from the counselor's cabin before running over to the bus stop and getting on a bus which drove off the second he was on. "Well, fuck. Alright, come on. Let's find the other c-c-c-cou-counselors." Fastpass said.

He and Timothy left the cabin but Balance waited for me as I got the Recipe for a S'more, some chocolate bars, and the Haunted Doll. I left the Mess Hall with Balance and took a selfie with the ghost of Len Hamlich. I then took a look at my Missions and saw that besides the one to search the camp for counselors, I had ones to get Merit Badges and to take selfies with ghosts. I got Graham Crackers from the vending machine at the bus stop and toasted a marshmallow to make a S'more, then got the Baking Badge from Fastpass. I also got an Artifact called the Sash of Ultimate Merit, which I used to replace my Skull of Sick Burning.

I took selfies with the ghosts in the woods and at the bus station along with getting some Old Shoelaces. I couldn't get the items needed to get real selfies with the ghosts so I decided to check the showers for counselors. I walked in and saw one taking a shower, and Fastpass and Crunch walked in a moment later. "Look. Butthole found a counselor." Fastpass stated.

"Unfortunately." I said. "Camp is saved!" Fastpass exclaimed, ignoring me. The four of us huddled and Fastpass told us, "OK, super friends – set up a perimeter, cover the entrance. We're not going to let anything happen to this-" He was cut off by three guys in monster costumes bursting through the door, the lead shouting, "Look, there's those kids! Get them!" Two more ran in and a battle started, a Monster Sniper preparing an attack in the top row.

Another prepared an attack in the second row and a third prepared one for the bottom row. It was then Mintberry Crunch's turn, and he moved into the third row and used Mint Launch, flying up into the air and giving us all Mint. The two Monster Bruisers each moved down a space and Fastpass used Hit and Run to damage the lower one. My turn was next, and I used Saw Bleed to lay traps in the rows occupied by two Snipers and one below them.

They gained Hemorrhaging and Balance used Order Blast to damage the Bruiser Fastpass had hit. The first Sniper then shot a fireball across the top row, and the next shot one across the second. Neither were effective, but the third Sniper hit Balance with his fireball and dealt some damage. The first Sniper moved two rows down and gained more stacks of Hemorrhaging before preparing an attack for the third row. The second Sniper moved down a row as well and prepared an attack for the third row, and the last Sniper stayed where he was and prepared another attack.

Crunch then flew down from the sky and used Berry Land to defeat one Sniper and give the other two Berry. A Bruiser would have hit Balance if I hadn't used Glitch to skip his turn, and the second hit Fastpass. He used Blind Side to defeat the second Sniper and I used Hammer Bomb to knock the last one into Crunch. Balance used Order Blast to damage the Bruiser in the third row and the last Sniper fell to his status effects.

Three more monsters then came in and Crunch said, "Fiends. They're trying to flank us." He then used Mint Launch to fly up into the sky. A Bruiser in the last row moved forward a space and one in the second row followed suit before Fastpass used Hit and Run to damage the Bruiser in the last row. My turn was next, and I used Fatal Trim to hit two Bruisers in the second row and give them Bleeding. Balance used Order Blast to defeat a Bruiser before a Sniper came into the second row and prepared an attack.

Another Bruiser skipped his turn and took damage from Bleeding before another Sniper prepared an attack in the bottom row. Crunch used Berry Land to defeat a Bruiser and give a Sniper Berry, and Fastpass used Blind Side to hit the Sniper in the last row. I used Fatal Trim on the two monsters in the second row again and Balance used his Ultimate to finish the battle. With the fight done, Fastpass walked up to the counselor and exclaimed, "Yes! We saved the counselor, now we can have camp!"

We all gathered around him and Balance told him, "Hey, mister!" The counselor turned around and asked, "What?! Who's in here?!" I made us invisible to his senses a moment before he saw us, and he wiped his forehead and sighed in relief. "Thank God, I thought I had just flashed my dick to a bunch of little kids. I can't count the amount of times that that's almost happened. I can't take the chance anymore, I quit!" He then dried off, put his clothes on, and ran out of the shower.

We watched him get a bag from the counselor's cabin and run to the bus stop before he got on a bus that sped away the second he was on board. "Oh no, this is so horrible!" Balance said. "Yeah! Now we're never going to have camp. Well, let's keep looking. We only need one living counselor for the camp to stay open." Fastpass said. He and Crunch then left and I face-palmed before using Mana to clean up some dirt and grime around the shower. It was apparently enough for Fastpass, as the Mission to get the Disability Assistance Badge said to go talk to him.

I went down into the caves beneath the showers and took a selfie with the ghost of a miner, some costumes and a Paper Plate. I used Mana to get back into the showers and left the building. I got the Disability Assistance Merit Badge from Fastpass and looked over my Missions again. I had none that I could complete at this time, so I decided to go to the Native American burial ground since I had no excuse to delay it any further. The Old Mechanic lectured me as I scared off the crows and collected their feathers with Balance following me to stave off my Monophobia.

I went back to take a selfie with the ghost of an eyeless birdwatcher before going back to the burial ground. I threw a fart at a flaming barrel to damage some monsters and hit one to start a battle. There were seven of them, and I used my turn to lay saw traps where three of them were standing. A Sniper prepared an attack before being defeated by Hemorrhaging and a second one prepared another attack.

Mintberry Crunch then used Mint Launch to give us all Mint. I used Pause to skip a Bruiser's turn and deal some damage to him, and Fastpass hit the Sniper preparing his attack with Hit and Run. Two Snatchers then used vines to pull Balance and I towards them before another one moved up and forward. Balance defeated the Snatcher that had damaged him with Order Blast and I used Fatal Trim to fell my Snatcher. The Sniper used his attack but hit no one before preparing another, and Crunch used Berry Land to damage him and give him Berry.

The Bruiser moved back a space and fell to status effects, but was resurrected a second later, the Old Mechanic telling us, "Them Indians don't appreciate folks dyin' on their sacred grounds. It's real disrespectful." Fastpass used Hit and Run to defeat the last Sniper, and I knew we were going to have to be careful not to defeat them on spaces where they would resurrect. A Snatcher damaged him and Balance summoned a mannequin to join the battle, which damaged the possessed Bruiser. I used Hammer Blast to damage and knock back a Snatcher, and Crunch finished him with his Ultimate.

The Bruiser hit Balance's mannequin and Fastpass used Hit and Run to defeat the Snatcher, which resurrected a second later. Balance defeated the Bruiser and he too came back before I used Fatal Trim to defeat the Snatcher. Crunch used Berry Blast to damage the Bruiser and Fastpass skipped his turn before I used Glitch to skip the Bruiser's. Balance skipped his turn as well and his mannequin expired before I skipped my turn as well.

Crunch used Berry Blast to defeat the Bruiser, who resurrected yet again, and Fastpass and Balance skipped their turns before I used Hammer Bomb to move the Bruiser to a space where he wouldn't resurrect. Balance was defeated and resurrected before Crunch used Berry Blast to damage the Bruiser, and Fastpass finished him off with his Ultimate. I got a Scarecrow Cowl and a Spirit Board along with some scrap, and we all walked over to the counselor. He was covered in blood, and Fastpass said, "Son of a bitch. A dead counselor. Well. Come on, let's go."

The counselor sputtered as we all walked away, and told us, "Wait! I'm not dead yet. Please. I saw you over there fighting. Maybe… Maybe some of that magic Indian burial ground dirt can resurrect me, too. Maybe if you sprinkle it over my body, it'll save me." "I've got a better idea." I told him, then healed his wounds with Mana. He stood up once he was healed and said, "Oh thank God, I'm alive!" "Camp is saved!" Fastpass exclaimed.

"And I quit!" The counselor said. "What?" Fastpass asked him. "This camp gets screwier and screwier every year. I'm out of here!" He told us, then ran off. We could see him getting a bag from the counselor's cabin through the trees, and he ran to the bust stop before hopping on a bus that sped away instantly. "Well, shit. Guess we've got to keep looking. We only need one counselor for camp to stay open." Fastpass told us. The three of them walked away and I got loot from around the burial ground, finding a Gore Sack artifact, a Little Red Riding and a Howling costume set, and the Recipe for a Dream Catcher.

It became an Artifact once I Crafted it, and I suddenly got a FaceTime call from Timothy. "New Kid! I'm getting a reading of heightened emotions coming from inside the camp. I'll send the location to your phone." He mentally told me. I made my way back to camp and found Fastpass waiting for me next to a cabin that had previously been locked down. "Hey, Butthole. This one's locked. Maybe there's a clue to who's behind all this. Climb up on these logs and see." He told me. I nodded and climbed up on the logs in front of the window.

Inside the cabin, I saw a guy telling someone, "Hey man. You hired us to dress up like monsters and scare a bunch of kids. You didn't say nothing about no dead counselors. I can't go back to jail, man. You know what, you're crazy. I didn't know we were gonna be working for someone so twisted and evil." He then started to walk towards the door, and I looked to see who he was talking to and my eyes widened. "You can't leave now. My plan is almost complete." Nathan told him.

I had met Nathan on the first day of camp. He seemed very unhappy to be there and told me to fuck off. "Go back out there and do what I fucking paid you to do. Or I'll call your parole officer and tell him you made me get naked and watch Kevin Spacey movies." Nathan threatened the apparent felon. "You fucking sicko." The felon muttered before leaving the cabin.

I watched as Nathan called for his sidekick Mimsy, who appeared and said, "Duuh, yeah, boss?" "Mimsy. I thought I told you to just tie up the camp counselors." Nathan told him. Mimsy replied, "I did, boss. Just like you said. I tied 'em up real good, so they couldn't escape. Just like in that movie, Saw." "Saw?! You fucking asshole! I didn't want you to kill them!" Nathan berated him. "Duuh, jeez, you didn't? Sorry, boss." Mimsy said.

"It doesn't matter. As long as we get Lake Tardicaca shut down so I never have to come to camp again. No more mistakes! And make sure that asshole Jimmy doesn't screw things up." Nathan ordered Mimsy. "OK, boss. I hid the boathouse key right here in the cabin. No one's ever gonna find that last counselor." Mimsy said. Nathan walked up to him and shook his fist in his face, telling him, "They better not, Mimsy!" He walked towards the door and ordered him, "Meet me by the docks by the canoes later. We have one more loose end to tie up and then camp will be over for good."

The two left the cabin and Fastpass and I hid out of sight as they walked to the boathouse. "Nathan and Mimsy? Oh thank goodness they're a-a-alright. I was beginning to worry about them." Fastpass said. "You shouldn't. Nathan is behind all of this! He hired felons to scare us away from camp and Mimsy tried to kill that counselor. He's trying to get camp shut down!" I told him. Fastpass' eyes widened and he asked, "What? No way, Nathan loves camp. You must have m-m-mi-misheard them. He wouldn't do this, would he?"

"He would and he is. Come on, the last counselor is at the boathouse. We have to save them!" I said. I entered the cabin and got a Haunted VHS Tape, a Recipe for Sacred Grounds items, the Boathouse Key, and a Franken Costume set. I left the cabin and Fastpass and I entered the boathouse, where I got two new costume sets and a selfie with a ghost. I took another with the ghost at the bus stop and Fastpass gave me my Paranormal Investigation and Native Heritage Merit Badges.

When I got back to the docks, I saw Mimsy dressed like Jason Voorhees threatening a terrified counselor, and he told her, "Duuh, come here! I'm not gonna hurt you. I just wanna tie you up and throw you in the water." "Noooo!" The counselor screamed, and Fastpass, Balance and Mintberry Crunch walked up to me as Fastpass said, "It's the last counselor – and she's alive! Good work, Butthole. Now we still have a chance to save the camp!"

The four of us ran up to the dock to stop Mimsy, but Nathan walked into our path and told him, "What are you waiting for, Mimsy? Take care of her!" "Out of our way, Nathan." I told him. "Nathan really is behind all this? Butthole, I thought you were pulling my c-c-cr-cru-crutches." Fastpass remarked. "You're too late, Jimmy. All I have to do is get rid of the last counselor and the authorities will shut down the camp." Nathan told us. "Nathan, all the other counselors are alive. They just quit. And do you really think that when the authorities come to shut the camp down, they won't arrest you and Mimsy for attempted murder?" I asked.

"I've already thought of that. Mimsy's done all the dirty work. There's no evidence that I was involved, so when they start asking questions it'll be my word against his." Nathan told me, then ranted, "Camp will finally end. No more canoe races, marshmallows and unisex showers… My nightmare will finally be over." "Oh no! Nathan's been possessed by evil spirits using him to shut down the camp. We have to stop him." Fastpass said. I rolled my eyes as Nathan told us, "You can't stop me. I spent all my allowance money on the best drug-addicted criminals money could buy. Meet my minions…"

Four guys dressed as fishmen emerged from the lake as Nathan told them, "A hundred bucks bonus for whoever kills that Jimmy kid." "I am absolutely sick of this shit." I muttered as a battle started. Nathan and Mimsy were fighting us in addition to a Monster Sniper and two Snatchers, and Mimsy walked forward to prepare an attack that would hit Crunch, Fastpass and I. Nathan moved into the last row and a Monster Sniper prepared an attack in my row.

Crunch used Mint Launch to give Fastpass and I Mint before Fastpass used Blind Side to damage the Sniper in my row and force him into range of Mimsy's attack. I used Saw Bleed to lay traps down and give Nathan and the Sniper that Fastpass had hit Hemorrhaging. A Snatcher would have pulled Balance towards him if I hadn't used Pause to skip his turn and damage Nathan. Balance used Order Blast to deal more damage to Nathan, and Mimsy used his attack and defeated the Sniper.

He prepared another one that would hit me and Balance, and Nathan called another Sniper and a Snatcher after getting another stack of Hemorrhaging. Crunch used Berry Land to damage Mimsy and give him Berry, and Fastpass used Hit and Run to damage the Snatcher in the bottom row. I used Hammer Bomb to damage Mimsy and knock him back so that his attack will hit the new Sniper and Snatcher instead of Balance, who was pulled towards Nathan by the other Snatcher's attack.

The undamaged Snatcher moved down one space and Balance summoned a mannequin to join the fight. The construct damaged Nathan and Mimsy's attack damaged our newest foes before he moved and prepared an attack that would hit Crunch and Balance. A Sniper moved down into the row Crunch and I were in to prepare an attack, and the Snatcher moved forward and down a space. Nathan hit Balance's mannequin before taking damage from Hemorrhaging and Crunch used his Ultimate to defeat two Snatchers and a Sniper along with giving everyone Mint and Berry respectively.

Fastpass used Hit and Run to defeat the last Snatcher before I used Hammer Bomb to damage Nathan, give him Bleeding, and send him over two trap spaces to get two stacks of Hemorrhaging. Balance used Order Blast to damage him further, and Nathan then told us, "Time out, time out. Bad news, Jimmy. We brought headgear." He and Mimsy then both put on helmets, which apparently made them immune to all damage and status effects. The mannequin skipped its turn before Mimsy moved to prepare an attack that would hit it, Crunch, and me. Nathan moved forward and sucker punched Balance before Crunch moved out of the area of Mimsy's attack and skipped his turn.

Fastpass skipped his turn as well and I used Hammer Bomb to knock Nathan into the range of Mimsy's attack. Balance healed himself with a Quesadilla Especial and his mannequin expired. Mimsy then used his attack and destroyed Nathan's helmet, letting us damage him again. He moved to prepare an attack that would hit Balance and Crunch, and I used Pause to deal some damage to Nathan and prevent him from summoning more enemies.

Crunch used Berry Blast to damage Nathan and knock him into the range of Mimsy's attack before Fastpass used Blind Side to damage him some more. I used Fatal Trim to knock Mimsy back and damage and give Bleeding to Nathan, and Balance used Order Blast to defeat him and end the battle. I got a new DNA Artifact and a Lagooned Costume set before the counselor came up to us and asked, "Oh, thank you. Thank you so much! Where are the other counselors? Are they OK?"

"They're fine but they quit." I told her, and she sighed in relief. "Yeah, they're gone. But as long as you're here, we can still save the camp this summer. Hooray!" Fastpass said. "Hooray!" Balance parroted. Fastpass stood before us as he said, "That's right. Because, NOTHING… On this PLANET… Can stop Lake Tardicaca from being open all summer long." Just then, a green comet streaked down from the sky and impacted with the earth beyond the dock.

"HOLY SHIT! What the fuck was that?!" Balance exclaimed once we could see again. The dust cleared to reveal a green monster that unfortunately didn't just look like a guy in a costume. He stomped over to us and said, "Hello, Mintberry Crunch." "You! What are you doing here?!" Crunch exclaimed. "I followed your mint trail across the galaxy, Crunch." The alien replied, then exclaimed, "I've been waiting for the perfect time to strike. The perfect time for… Payback!"

"Leave this place. We shall settle our differences another time. I'm busy right now helping my friends save this counselor so their summer camp won't be shut down." Crunch told him. "Oh, really? Well, if this counselor is what you want, come and get her!" The alien exclaimed. He started to run towards the counselor but I threw a saw blade into his head, killing him instantly.

"HOLY SHITFUCK!" Balance exclaimed. "Jeez, Butthole. W-Was that really necessary?" Fastpass asked. "It absolutely was! The Zargonans are a vicious warrior race! That's why my people enslaved them in the berry mines of our planet." Crunch told us. We all turned to him and I asked, "Your people… Enslaved his?" "Well of course we did. They were a warrior race that destroyed hundreds of civilized planets and tried to commit genocide upon my people." Crunch replied. I sighed and said, "You know what, I honestly don't care. Let's just clean up and get camp started again."

"I don't think so." Nathan told us. We turned around to see that he had stood up and was staring us down. "You really think I was working alone? That I didn't have any help? Ha! I've got a partner, and he really hates you, New Kid." Nathan told me. Just then, we heard a voice from behind us said, "That's right I do." We turned around to see some guy in black pants and a light blue shirt standing there, and Balance gasped and exclaimed, "HOLY FUCK, IT'S AL GORE!" "The ex-vice president?" I asked in confusion.

"That's right, New Kid. It's me, Al Gore!" Gore exclaimed, then maliciously told me, "You ignored me in the first game, didn't complete my Quest, and now that there's another one I don't even get a cameo? I've been waiting a long time to get my revenge on you, and now there's finally a setting appropriate enough." I was confused for a moment until a metaphorical light bulb went off over my head and I asked, "Ohh, wait a minute, are you the guy who was wearing gag glasses by the movie theater?" "Yes! And now you're going to pay for ignoring me!" Gore said before he took a red whistle with pig ears on it out of his pocket.

Al Gore took a deep breath and blew into the whistle, making a deep sound resonate through the air. "That can't be good." I muttered. "It's not. Not for you at least. For now you face the wrath of… ManBearPig!" Al Gore told me as we heard trees crash in the forest. A figure burst through the boathouse as we watched, and my eyes widened at the sight of it. It had human legs and a human right arm, but its torso, left arm and half of its head looked like a grizzly bear. The other half of its head looked like a pig and was soaked in blood, and its snout looked like a mixture of pig and bear.

It let out a squealing roar and charged over to the dock, where it stood behind Al Gore menacingly. "What the actual fuck?" I asked. Al Gore laughed and told me, "Yes. For years, I thought ManBearPig was a monster, to be feared and destroyed. But now I see that he is my greatest ally, and my bestest friend." "Can't we just settle this some other time? I'm trying to save camp over here." I told him.

"If you want to save camp, then you'd better be ready for a fight." Nathan told me as he moved to stand by Al Gore and ManBearPig. "That's right. But not here. Meet us at the campfire pit. Or else." Al Gore told me. ManBearPig squealed and grabbed the counselor, and she screamed as they all ran back towards the main camp. I sighed in exasperation and muttered, "Looks like we have one last boss to fight." "Damn it, I knew you were gonna say that." Balance muttered. Crunch and Fastpass went back to camp and Balance stayed with me as I fished on the dock to get my Marine Life Merit Badge.

I caught a couple fish, a Crab Person named Pinchy who took a selfie with me after I beat him up, and a shark. I then looted some containers before we both left the dock and made our way to the campfire pit. Fastpass, Mintberry Crunch, and Doctor Timothy were staring down Al Gore and ManBearPig with the Old Mechanic and the counselor standing off to the side.

"So you decided to show your face, eh New Kid?" Al Gore asked. I rolled my eyes and told him, "Let's just fight already, I'm sick of this bullshit." Al Gore laughed and told me, "Oh, we're not going to fight. I've waited too long to just be another boss fight that you blow right through because you're the main character and you always win. No, I've got something much bigger planned for you."

"What's that?" I asked him. Al Gore then got a maniacal grin on his face and looked to ManBearPig, exclaiming, "ManBearPig! Shoot her with your ManBearBeamPig!" ManBearPig squealed and charged up a red laser in its mouth, firing it at me as I muttered, "Fuck." The beam impacted with the ground in front of me and the resulting explosion sent me flying into the woods. I rolled over the ground and groaned as I got to my feet, hissing while I clutched my head.

Al Gore called me on FaceTime to say, "Ha ha ha! Now you don't have any of your friends to help you!" "So you're just dropping me in the middle of the woods? Seems a little anticlimactic." I replied. "Oh, you won't be alone for long. Wait, did you say alone? You didn't, did you? Well whatever, you won't be alone for long. I'm sending in a little friend to keep you company." He said. I then heard a squeal echo through the forest and I muttered, "Of course."

"That's right, New Kid, ManBearPig is going to hunt you and then kill you. I hope you're ready." Al Gore told me. He hung up and I heard a thumping coming through the woods. My eyes widened and I turned around and started to run. Squealing and thumping came behind me as ManBearPig chased me through the woods. I sprinted as fast as I could over roots and around bushes, Al Gore's beast often right on my heels. It took longer than I would like to admit for it to occur to me to try and use Mana to kill it, but when I fired a beam from my hand it had no effect and simply glanced off of its snout.

I could feel my heart beat heavily in my chest and my limbs burn with exhaustion, but I couldn't stop or rest. I often had to dive out of the way of ManBearPig's ManBearBeamPigs, and it clawed at the ground and sent earth and stones flying into my face. After a while of the behemoth chasing me, I spotted a small run-down cabin lying in a clearing. I sprinted for it and made it in just in time to slam the door in ManBearPig's snout. I quickly barricaded the door with some chairs and gas cans before ManBearPig started to pound on it.

I backed into the wall in fear as it repeatedly struck the door and made the cabin shake, squeals filling my ears. I looked around the cabin and started to notice something. The sole lamp hanging from the ceiling had no light bulb in it, and the cabin was pitch-black. My blood froze and ice started to creep through my veins. I started to curl into a ball as tears flowed from my eyes and I felt my Monophobia overtake me. 'Come on, Dova, you can't fall apart now! ManBearPig is going to kill you! Get the fuck up!' I thought to myself.

It was in vain however. I couldn't force myself to my feet, and I could see ManBearPig start to break down the door. The fear of being ripped apart by this bizarre hybrid mixed with the paralyzing terror and I started to get tunnel vision. My pulse pounded in my ears and I could feel my breath quicken. Panic and terror overtook my mind and all I could think about was how this thing was going to tear me to shreds.

The wood of the door splintered and ManBearPig's snout showed as it squealed and tried to get through the door. My chest ached and my pupils dilated as I started to hyperventilate. My heartbeat pounded in my ears and I felt my rational mind being drowned out by pure fear. Then, it all faded away. Calm washed over me and I felt my muscles loosen. I stood up slowly and watched ManBearPig struggle to open the door. I knew that it wanted to kill me, and I knew that it probably could. But I didn't care. My brain had experienced so much terror and fear in such a short time that it couldn't process any more.

I calmly took a saw blade from behind my back and as ManBearPig burst through the door, I threw it as hard as I could into its snout. It embedded into its cheekbone and it squealed in pain and reared back. I took two more blades from behind my back and threw one into its chest and another into its knee. It fell to the ground squealing and I took a hammer with a stick of dynamite tied to it from behind my back. I threw it into ManBearPig's snout and it blew the beast's teeth out. It let out garbled squeals as I took garden shears from behind my back and stabbed them into its crotch.

ManBearPig let out a high-pitched squeal and I finally took out a fire ax and chopped off its limbs. It thrashed its torso and squealed in anger until I took a chainsaw from behind my back and cut through its neck. The squeals were cut off abruptly and I sighed deeply. I knew that my Monophobia would return soon, so I took off the Dragon's Heart from around my neck and let it float into the air and start to glow, washing the clearing in pink light.

I laid down on the ground and took a deep breath, feeling my limbs turn to rubber from a combination of relief and exertion. I took a few moments to laugh hysterically, sob, hyperventilate, and pass out for a few minutes, in that order, and decided to get back to camp. I took a hold of one of ManBearPig's ears and dragged his head through the woods, and after a few minutes I got an alert on my phone that I had apparently won a battle. I got some scrap, money, and a new costume set from the fight, but I paid it no mind and dragged the head into the camp, finding everyone still gathered at the campfire pit. Al Gore's eyes widened as he saw me drag the head of ManBearPig into the camp, and I glared at him menacingly.

"Don't think that this is over, New Kid. I'm still here, and I'm gonna kill you now!" Al Gore said. A battle started and Mimsy and Nathan ran in to join him as Fastpass, Mintberry Crunch, and Balance all joined me. "I'm gonna turn you inside out!" Al Gore told me. "Duuh, I think that's my job." Mimsy told him. Nathan slapped him in the face and said, "Shut up, Mimsy!" "Are we really going to do this?" I asked the others.

"I guess so." Timothy told me from his place on the sidelines. Al Gore moved over to stand a space away from me and blew his ManBearPig whistle. A roar sounded out through the field and a ghostly ManBearPig appeared in front of me, slashing at me and reducing my Health to nothing. Nathan moved over to Jimmy and sucker punched him, defeating the Speedster with one hit as well. Mimsy moved over to target Crunch and Balance before he used a second turn to spin around with his machete, defeating both of them in an instant.

From the ground, Crunch asked us, "Uhg… How are they defeating us so easily?" "Ha Ha Ha! Look at your phone!" Al Gore told me. I opened my phone and saw that all of my Artifact slots were empty. I filled them again and the battle resumed with all of the others down. I had one Health left and Nathan asked Al Gore, "Why would you fucking tell her that you used the game's magic to give yourself an ability that let you take away all her Artifacts?"

"Because it doesn't matter! I can do it again!" Al Gore exclaimed. He focused and exclaimed, "Goregasm!" My phone dinged to alert me that my Artifact slots were all empty again and were now all locked. The turn order changed so that I had no turns and all three of my opponents were suddenly invincible. "Hey! That's cheating!" Balance cried out from the sidelines. "Who cares? As long as camp is shut down, I don't give a rat's ass." Nathan stated.

"Two can play at that game." Timothy mentally told us. He focused and pink light shone from the Dragon's Heart around my neck. I was suddenly wearing a witch's hat and robe with a pink heart on the chest. "What the fuck?" Nathan asked in shock. "If you're going to cheat, then so are we. Meet the Mana Witch class!" Timothy exclaimed. I grinned as my Artifact slots all unlocked and filled, then channeled Mana in my hands and altered the turn order so that I had every other turn. I moved into the middle of the grid and used a move called Glutton for Punishment, giving myself the Damage Sponge status effect.

Al Gore blew his ManBearPig whistle again and a ghostly ManBearPig slashed me, but I gained Health instead of losing it thanks to my status effect, filling my Health to full. My Ultimate Meter was filled a third of the way and I used another move called Cat Scratch Fever to Confuse Mimsy, a wave of black cats appearing and scratching him all over. He moved and swung his machete to hit Nathan and Al Gore, all of them taking severe damage. My Ultimate Meter filled two-thirds of the way and I used my last new move, Clean Sweep. I hopped on a broom and flew across my row to defeat Nathan and Mimsy.

Al Gore growled as my Ultimate Meter filled and told me, "This isn't over, New Kid!" He took the whistle into his hands and snapped it, red light suffusing his body. He shook and screamed as he transformed with a red flash, brown fur on his arm and half his torso and gaining a pig snout and ears. "Behold, I am no longer Al Gore, I am AlManGoreBearPig!" He told me. He charged me and I was knocked into the back of the grid as my Health was reduced to one.

I picked myself up and my body was surrounded by pink Mana. "Use your Ultimate, New Kid. Do it!" Timothy told me. I nodded and used my new Ultimate, Witch's Brew. I suddenly found myself in a cottage in the woods, stirring a cauldron full of bubbling green liquid. I grinned and used a sewing needle to prick my finger before adding a drop of my blood to the mixture. It frothed and boiled over, and Fastpass, Crunch, and Balance all collapsed as their souls flew out of their bodies. They entered the cauldron and I was suddenly back in the combat grid. The cauldron was behind me by a space, and I tipped it over and a beam of pink Mana flew out, Fastpass, Crunch and Balance's souls all shooting out and flying into AlManGoreBearPig to damage him.

He screamed dramatically as hit Health hit zero and the battle ended. I sighed in relief as he returned to normal and the counselor came up to us. "What… What just happened?" She asked. I looked around as Fastpass, Crunch and Balance all picked themselves up. "I honestly have no idea." I told her. "We did it. We saved the last counselor… A-a-again!" Fastpass said.

She looked to her hands and said, "Wait. I think I get it now. I survived because I'm like the final girl at the end of every horror movie. You know, the one who lives in the first movie, but then dies violently in the sequel." "Sure, let's go with that." I told her. "Well. I guess I better get ready for camp!" The counselor said. She walked over to Nathan and Mimsy and started to drag them away by their collars, telling them, "Come on boys, let's go roast some marshmallows!" Nathan exclaimed, "Fuck you, Jimmy!"

"Jeez, what's her problem? She didn't even thank us." Fastpass told us. "No idea. I'm gonna go sell all my shit before the game ends and then call the police to come get Al Gore." I told the others. I went to the vending machine at the old gas station and sold all of my scrap to it. It would seem that I was just in time, as my Artifact belt dissolved and my apps started to uninstall themselves as the game ended. I got my last Merit Badge from Jimmy and Butters' parents came to pick him up before the police came. Mintberry Crunch flew back to his home planet and I helped all the campers get settled back in camp.

A camp bus brought more counselors and Nathan cursed everything in existence once they arrived. I kicked him in the balls and settled in to roast some marshmallows after taking selfies with the campers. I sighed in relaxation as the counselor I had saved sat beside me and helped me to use both of my hands to hold a stick and roast marshmallows. "Man, camp sure is great, huh Butthole?" Jimmy asked me. I looked to Nathan holding an ice pack on his crotch and nodded in agreement, popping a marshmallow into my mouth as I looked up to the sky.

I frowned as a strange sensation came over me, and asked, "Why do I get the feeling that I've got one more round of bullshit to go through when I get back to South Park?"

And that's the chapter. It is the latest but it will not be the last! That's right, there will be one last chapter after this one before I start the next story. Make sure to vote on the poll on my profile so that you can get the story you want to see posted. Feel free to leave a review, IndigoWerewolf out!


	12. The Last Chapter

Hello everyone, this is IndigoWerewolf with the latest and last chapter of The Next Adventure. Now, you may be wondering what this chapter is based off of. There's no content left, right? Right! But I'm writing this anyway. This chapter will be almost pure lemon, so buckle up, people. Without further ado, I do not own South Park or TFBW, let's read!

I stepped off of the Lake Tardicaca bus and sighed with a smile on my face. Camp had been fun and a very welcome change of place from the utter insanity of South Park. "Man, camp was g-g-great this year, wouldn't you say, guys?" Jimmy asked. I nodded and Timmy exclaimed, "Timmy!" "Well, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow. See you!" Jimmy told us. I waved to the two of them before starting to walk towards my house. On the way, I bumped into Red and Nichole. I waved to them in greeting and they simultaneously said, "Hello, Dovahkiin." I raised my eyebrow in confusion.

No one in town called me Dovahkiin. It was always Dova, New Kid, Douchebag, or some variant of Butthole. "Are you guys okay?" I asked them in a whisper. The two were standing perfectly still with dazed grins on their faces. There was something off about their eyes. They seemed empty somehow, as if they weren't quite there, and their voices were slow and soft. "We're fine. How was camp?" They asked me, once again simultaneously.

"It was… Fun. But I'm tired, so I'm going to go home now." I told them. "Okay." Nichole and Red said, and I stepped around them to walk home. I could feel their eyes on me as I walked onto my street and into my house. Mom was waiting for me in the living room with a dazed grin on her face. 'Her too.' I thought. "Hello, Dovahkiin. How was camp?" She asked slowly. 'It was fun. I'm going to go to bed now though.' I thought, too creeped out to care whether she could understand me or not.

I got to my room and locked the door, thinking to myself, 'Okay… So Red, Nichole, Mom and who knows how many others are hypnotized or something.' I sighed to myself and muttered, "This has game bullshit all over it." I got into my pajamas and thought to myself, 'Well, might as well get as much sleep as I can before I get dragged right back into it.' I got into bed and took my glasses off before drifting off to sleep, knowing that I would have another ridiculous adventure waiting for me when I woke up.

I was jolted awake by a FaceTime call coming in on my phone, Wendy telling me, "New Kid! New Kid, we need your help!" I groaned and fumbled for my phone as she said, "New Kid, pick up!" I found my phone and said to her, "I'm awake. What is it?" Her face was blurry on the screen and I got my glasses on as she told me, "There's something really strange going on right now. Take the DLC Bus and meet me at the South Park Mall!" "I thought the mall was still under construction." I stated. "They finished it while you were at camp. Now get over here!" Call Girl told me.

She hung up and I groaned to myself, "Fucking called it." I got out of bed and changed into my Witch hat and robes before walking downstairs. Once I reached the living room, I stumbled as vertigo washed over me. When I opened my eyes, the world looked like an anime and I checked my wallet to confirm that I was eighteen. "Oh, Dova…" I heard. I looked to the couch to see Mom sitting there completely naked.

My eyes widened in surprise as she stood up with a dazed look on her face. "Why don't you come and play for a while?" Mom asked me as she stood up. Her irises were cherry red, and her movements were slow. I used Mana to bind her arms and legs and she moaned out, "Oh, you want to play rough? Okay." I dragged her to the basement and bound her entire body with Mana, telling her, "Sorry, Mom, but something weird is going on. I'll explain later." I set her down on the basement floor and left before locking the door.

The world didn't go back to normal once I was separated from Mom, and I muttered, "Okay, not a good sign. Hopefully things will go back to being whatever passes for normal in South Park soon." I left the house and got onto to the DLC Bus going to the mall. Call Girl was waiting for me at the entrance to the newly rebuilt structure, and she told me, "There you are. We need to move fast. There's not much time." "First thing's first. What's going on?" I asked her. Before she could answer, we heard a scream coming from our right.

We both looked to see Wonder Tweek running towards us with three naked girls chasing him. "Come on, Tweek! We can do butt stuff! You like that, right?" One yelled. "Yeah, with Craig! Not with girls!" He shouted. As he passed us, I grabbed his collar and used Mana to push the three girls backwards. I then bound their arms and legs together and stuck vibrators in their cunts. As they squirmed in pleasure on the ground, I asked the blond, "What the hell happened to you?"

Wonder Tweek stood up and nervously said, "I don't know! All I know is that those three girls broke into my house and started trying to have sex with me!" He grabbed his shirt and exclaimed, "WHY THE HELL IS THIS HAPPENING?! THINGS DON'T USUALLY LOOK LIKE THIS UNLESS CRAIG AND I ARE ABOUT TO HAVE SEX! WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING WEIRD?!" I smacked him in the face and made him stagger before he said, "Thanks. I needed that."

"Wait, this happens to boys too?" Call Girl asked. I ignored her and asked Wonder Tweek, "Where are the others?" "I don't know." He replied. Just then, I got a FaceTime call from Super Craig. "Butthole! The whole town's gone nuts!" He told me. "Talk to me, Super Craig." I said. A girl jumped on him and he threw her away, telling me, "The girls have all gone fuck-crazy, and the Freedom Pals are falling under some sort of spell. Look."

The camera shifted to show Toolshed on his back being ridden by Lisa Berger and Captain Diabetes screwing a Japanese girl. "Stan?!" Wendy exclaimed. I pinched her and asked, "Where are the others?" "Mosquito's at Raisins. We can't keep him away. Fastpass and Mysterion are at home and I can't reach them. Balance and Tupperware are both fucking girls. Human Kite and Henrietta are trying to keep things contained. And The Coon is trying to get one of the girls to fuck him. It's not working, though." Super Craig told me. I raised my eyebrow and said, "Why are some of them affected and not others? Wait."

I opened the Character Sheet app and told Call Girl, "Look. Henrietta's straight and Human Kite is Asexual. And Super Craig and Wonder Tweek are gay. This must only affect people who are attracted to girls." "How does that help us?!" Wonder Tweek asked. Super Craig told me, "Doctor Timothy's been scouting around psychically and found a massive amount of Mana coming from the mall."

"They only finished construction on the mall last week. The grand opening was supposed to be tomorrow morning." Call Girl told me. "We'll check out the mall." I told Super Craig, then called Human Kite on FaceTime. "Kite, you try to reach Fastpass and Mysterion. Tell Henrietta to keep the girls contained." I told him. "On it." He replied. "Wait, what do I do?" Super Craig asked. "Help Henrietta, Super Craig. But be ready, we might need you for Tweek's Ultimate." I told him.

Super Craig smiled and nodded to me before he and Human Kite hung up. I put my phone away and told Wonder Tweek and Call Girl, "All right, let's get inside." The three of us walked up the pathway to the front doors, but before we could reach them, a group of women dressed in schoolgirl fetish clothes surrounded us. I recognized them as girls from our school and one said, "Mmm, looks like we found some nice playmates." "Let's have some fun!" Another cried out, and a battle started.

The combat grid spread over the ground, and I said, "I never really thought that we would end up in battles with the world looking like this." "Yeah, funny how that works." Call Girl remarked. We were up against three Naughty Schoolgirls, with them on the left side of the field and us on the right. Two of them immediately Charmed me and Call Girl, and Wonder Tweek snapped us out of it with Supreme Thunder. The battle was over quickly after that, the girls having weak attacks that consisted solely of spanking us with paddles.

Wonder Tweek finished off the last enemy with Supreme Thunder and the battle ended with me gaining some scrap, about four bucks, and a Schoolgirl costume set that was a carbon copy of our enemy's outfits. Call Girl sighed in relief once we were finished fighting, and she said, "Come on, let's get inside." "Wait." I told her, grabbing her arm. She looked to me in confusion and I charged the tip of my pointer finger with Mana. I inscribed a crossed-out circle with a female symbol inside on the back of her hand as I told her, "If we're not careful, we'll fall under their spell. We need to take precautions."

I inscribed the same symbol on the back of my hand and Call Girl nodded before we all entered the mall. The main foyer was unoccupied except for boxes scattered here and there. A mall directory sat in the middle of the room, and three hallways led out of the room at the end of the room and at the left and right walls. When we walked up to the directory, we saw that three spots had been circled and surrounded by lipstick marks. I suddenly got a FaceTime call from Doctor Timothy, who told me, "New Kid! I'm detecting a massive Mana source coming from the roof. You need to get up there!"

I looked to the ceiling and saw a hatch leading outwards. I took a broom from behind my back and hopped on to fly up to it. "Uh, little problem, Doctor Timothy. The roof access is locked." I told him. The hatch had three heavy padlocks on it, and Timothy told me, "Shit! All right, give me a second." I flew back down to the ground and Timothy focused for a few moments. He opened his eyes and told me, "Okay, there are three smaller Mana sources in the mall. My guess is that they're minibosses that you have to beat to get to the final boss on the roof. Go get 'em!"

He ended the call and I put my phone away. "Okay, you heard him. We have to beat the minibosses." I told them, then looked to the map and said, "These spots that are circled are probably them. Which one should we go after first?" Wonder Tweek and Call Girl paused before Call Girl said, "To be honest, I feel like we're missing something." "Yeah, I feel like we should have done something or met someone by now." Wonder Tweek told me.

I thought for a moment and my eyes widened as I exclaimed, "Of course! I always find a new Combat Buddy in these DLC. But pretty much everyone is sex crazed. Who's even left?" Just then, we heard a resounding crash go through the room. We looked to see a huge hole in the wall and a blonde woman in metal armor staring down three others dressed in costumes ran into the room. "What the hell?" I asked. The blonde turned around and I gasped as I saw her face.

"Bebe?!" I asked. The woman was unmistakably Bebe, but she was covered in metal plating and her left eye was replaced by a red lens. She ran up to hug me, saying, "Dova! I'm so glad I found you! And it's Cy-Bebe right now." "How did this happen to you?" I asked her, looking over her bionic hands. "When I woke up, the world looked like it does when we have sex and a bunch of our classmates were in our house trying to fuck me. Then there was a big surge of electricity and I looked like this." She told me.

"Ooh, looks like we found some new playmates!" One of our opponents said. "Fight now, talk later." Call Girl said as a combat grid spread over the ground. Cy-Bebe and I were in the grid with the three women. One was a Naughty Schoolgirl, an opponent I had faced in my previous fight. Another was a Naughty Blocker, a woman dressed in bondage gear, a gimp mask and with her hands tied behind her back. The last was a Naughty Kitty, a woman with a cat ear headband on, fake paws on her feet, a cat tail butt plug, and a paw print bikini.

I shrugged and decided to get on with the battle. I used my Mana Witch abilities with Cy-Bebe's Cyborg powers to defeat our opponents, the battle ending quickly. I got some scrap, a few dollars, and Bebe's character sheet. "Well that was… That." I said. Call Girl and Wonder Tweek came up to me and he asked, "So wait, Bebe's in the game now?" "Cy-Bebe. And yes." Cy-Bebe told him. "That reminds me." I said, then took Cy-Bebe's hand. I inscribed the anti-lust rune on it and told her, "We can't take any chances with this." She nodded and hugged me, saying, "I'm so glad you're okay."

I hugged her back tightly and said, "Me too. And I'm glad you're in the game with us." "This is all very touching, but we really need to get to the minibosses." Call Girl said. Cy-Bebe and I separated and I said, "Right. Which one should we do first?" We looked to the directory and I said, "Doctor Timothy said that the minibosses were Mana sources, so…" I closed my eyes and focused, sending Mana rushing through the floor of the mall. I could feel Mana coming from each of the three paths leading out of the foyer.

"This one." I told them, and tapped the mini-boss in the path to the right, saying, "It's the weakest. We'll work our way up." "Sounds like a plan. We'll scout out the other two in the meantime." Call Girl said. She moved to stand over by the hall at the end of the room and Wonder Tweek stood by the left hallway.

I was about to walk down the right hallway when Bebe caught my arm and told me, "Hang on. We need to work on your costume first." I looked to my clothes and asked her, "What's wrong with it?" My Mana Witch costume was a classic black witch hat and a black robe with a pink heart on the chest. Cy-Bebe scoffed and asked me, "It's way too plain! Don't you have anything else?" I opened my phone and showed her the various costumes I had collected over the course of the game, but none of them were to her liking.

Her eyes lit up when she saw the Schoolgirl set I had just gained, and she said, "Ooh! That one looks nice." My cheeks turned red and I told Bebe, "You can't be serious." "Oh, but I am." She replied. She hugged me from behind and groped my breasts, making me bite my lip. "It'll look sexy on you." Cy-Bebe said. "Sexy isn't really a good thing right now." I pointed out. "Nonsense. The enemy will be so busy eyeing you that they won't even see your attacks coming." Cy-Bebe said.

Cy-Bebe pinched my nipples and I felt my knees go weak. "Th-This is really not the time!" I told her. "You're right. Let's just get that costume on you and debate it later." She told me. I sighed and conceded to her, "If it'll get you to stop teasing me." "It'll get a lot more than that to get me to stop teasing you." Cy-Bebe said. I rolled my eyes and set the Schoolgirl set as my costume, the clothes appearing on my body. Her hands shot up the shirt and I let out a heated moan. My breath caught as she started to suck on my neck, and her metal fingers inched into my panties. "You're so fucking cute. I could just eat you up." She told me.

"Okay you two, that's enough PDA for now!" Call Girl said. Cy-Bebe giggled and separated herself from me. I let out a groan of disappointment before putting my hair up into twin ponytails and applying some blush makeup at Cy-Bebe's insistence. I then red over her character sheet. 'Cy-Bebe, Alias: Bebe Stevens. Race/Ethnicity: Altered Human. Sex/Gender: Bisexual Cisgender Girl. Alignment: Neutral. Religion: Undecided. Power Source: Boobs. Kryptonite: Bad Hair Days.' I thought.

Cy-Bebe and I then started down the right hallway, finding several stores ready to open. A group of girls were making out with each other about halfway down, so I got some loot from a couple of containers, including a pink aphrodisiac pill called the Bliss Inducer that would apparently give Naughty enemies Attack and Defense Down.

I looked around and saw a fluorescent light above the women was loose and sparking, so I blew it up with a Snap N Pop and threw a fart at the resulting fire. The resulting explosion forced two of the women apart and set them on fire, and I ran over to punch one of them. A battle grid spread over the hall, and Call Girl and Wonder Tweek ran in before we all took our places.

We were up against four Naughty Schoolgirls, two of which had half Health and Burning. "Ooh, it hurts so good!" One of them moaned out. I rolled my eyes and got on with the battle, the four of us ending it quickly with me getting some scrap and a few dollars. I sighed as Call Girl and Wonder Tweek ran off, and Cy-Bebe hugged me from the side. I let her hold me for a few moments until pushing her away, saying, "Come on, we've got work to do." She nodded and we walked to the end of the hall.

There was a restaurant at the end of the hall where women could be seen inside having sex and making out. We tentatively walked inside and looked around. "Hello there!" A cheery voice said from behind us, and we turned around to see Nichole and Red standing there, both wearing schoolgirl outfits. Nichole had a wide smile over the left half of her face, the right half covered by a red comedy mask. Red was slouching and looked sad, a frown on the right half her face and a blue tragedy mask on the left. Both of their visible eyes were cherry red. "You aren't supposed to be here." Red said morosely.

Nichole hugged her from the side and cheerily said, "Don't be such a downer, Red! It's always nice to have new guests." "But Mistress said we're not supposed to let superheroes in." Red told her sadly. Nichole pouted and said, "Oh, I guess you're right. We should probably fight them. But that doesn't mean we can't show them around first!" She took Cy-Bebe and I by the hand and started leading us around the restaurant, giving us a running commentary.

"This is the Pleasure Pit, Mistress' private orgy zone." Nichole told us. I looked around and saw that every woman around us was engaged in some form of coitus. Most of them were simply fingering each other while they made out, but some were tribbing on the ground or fucking each other with strap-ons. I could see Cy-Bebe licking her lips as we watched everyone having sex around us, and I could feel my own arousal growing as well. "Mistress is never here, though." Red said sadly. Nichole hugged her and said, "Don't be so down, Red! I'm sure she'll stop by one of these days!"

"Who is Mistress, exactly?" Bebe asked them. "Mistress is Mistress, of course!" Nichole told us happily. "She owns us, body and mind." Red said sadly. Cy-Bebe and I exchanged a look and I asked, "So what is she planning to do?" "We're not allowed to tell you. But I'm sure she'll tell you herself when we beat you up and bring you to her!" Nichole exclaimed. "But we won't be there to see it." Red said.

A combat grid then spread over the ground and Wonder Tweek and Call Girl ran in to join the fight. Red and Nichole were joined by a pair of Naughty Schoolgirls wearing comedy and tragedy masks. "We're gonna kick your asses!" Nichole said excitedly. "Maybe." Red muttered. "Okay, we seriously need to beat them quickly. This is weirding me out." Call Girl said. "Agreed." I muttered.

Nichole and Red buffed their allies and debuffed us respectively, making the battle last longer than normal. The schoolgirls surprised us by giving Call Girl a wedgie, making her yelp in pain. "That… Was actually sexier than I thought it would be." Cy-Bebe said. "Shut up!" Call Girl told her, rubbing her reddened ass.

I got some scrap, a few dollars, and a mask costume piece called the Twinning Mask once the battle ended. It was a red and blue mask that fit over my eye sockets, and I equipped it after a moment's deliberation. "Don't… Think that you've… Beaten us yet." Nichole panted out. "Our power is endless so long as Mistress keeps us…" Red started to say before a point glowed red on the backs of their necks, and they both squirmed in place, their cheeks glowing as Red finished, "Horny!"

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me." I muttered. "We'll leave this to you two. Do what you need to do!" Call Girl told Cy-Bebe and I. She and Wonder Tweek then ran off, leaving us to deal with the two women now writhing on the floor. "Alright, let's do this." I told Cy-Bebe, and she nodded with a broad grin on her face. "Okay, but if we're going to fuck them, let's do it right!" She told me.

Before I could ask her what she meant, Cy-Bebe took a hold of my panties and pulled them upwards as hard as she could, making me squeal in pain as she gave me a wedgie. "What the fuck, Bebe?!" I asked her, but she simply tugged my underwear harder and asked Red and Nichole, "You two want to give me a hand over here?" The two looked from squirming in arousal on the floor and grinned, and the three of them together pulled my panties up as hard as they could.

I squealed loudly and tried to push them away, but they pinned my hands to my sides and kept pulling. Eventually my panties broke with a loud snap, and I fell into Cy-Bebe's arms with tears in my eyes. I felt her robotic hand caress my ass and she hummed, remarking, "A good start. But I think she can take some more punishment." I sobbed softly as Bebe sat on a nearby stool and bent me over her lap. Nichole and Red did the same and I ended up facing Red as Cy-Bebe and Nichole rubbed our asses.

Before I could react, Cy-Bebe reared her hand back and brought it hard down on my left cheek, making me yelp in pain. "Bebe!" I exclaimed, and yelped again as she struck me. Nichole started to spank Red as Cy-Bebe told me, "Take your punishment, slut." I sobbed and squealed as my girlfriend relentlessly spanked my left cheek, her metal hand making it borderline unbearable. I sobbed with relief once she was done and felt the heat coming off of my butt, and Red wiped away a tear as Nichole finished with her.

I moaned as Cy-Bebe probed my pussy, telling me, "Oh, so the slut likes her punishment, does she? I guess I'll need to ramp things up a bit then." Before I could protest, she started to finger me and spank my right butt cheek at the same time, making pleasure and pain race through me simultaneously. I squirmed and squealed as she struck me, her ministrations to my cunt making me tremble in masochistic pleasure.

I sobbed heavily once she was done spanking me again, and she hummed and gently rubbed my throbbing cheeks, telling me, "There there, sweetie. It's over now." Cy-Bebe kept fingering me as Nichole did the same to Red, and she brought me to the edge of an orgasm before pulling her hand away. My entire body was trembling with the pain of Cy-Bebe's metal-handed spanking, and my girlfriend asked Nichole, "You want to trade for a minute?"

Nichole's face lit up and the four of us got to our feet. I could barely stand from the pain in my ass, and Nichole hugged me close as she sat on the stool, her left hand keeping me pressed into her as her right fingered my pussy. Tears fell from my eyes as I quietly moaned from the pleasure rising in me, but Red bit her lip in uninhibited pleasure. I closed my eyes and focused on the pleasure, shifting my thigh to rub Nichole's cunt through her panties. She moaned and leaned into my leg, humping me as she fingered my pussy.

I trembled as Red and Nichole moaned in pleasure and Cy-Bebe had a look of dominance on her face. It didn't take long for another orgasm to come creeping up on me, and I soon shuddered in pain-tinged pleasure as Nichole and Red screamed in bliss. Red flashed on their necks and a chain reaction went around the room, women all around us spontaneously cumming. Cries of orgasm went through the room and Nichole and Red collapsed into boneless heaps. I caught Nichole with some difficulty as Cy-Bebe supported Red, and we lowered them to the ground gently.

I winced and laid down on my front as Nichole and Red hugged each other and snuggled in their sleep, and Cy-Bebe said, "One down, three to go." I simply groaned in response, the pain in my ass throbbing heavily. Cy-Bebe looked to me and rolled her eye, saying, "Oh, come on, Dova. Stop being so dramatic. It can't be that bad." "It wouldn't have been if you didn't have METAL HANDS!" I told her indignantly, then cringed as a renewed wave of pain went through me.

Cy-Bebe looked from me to her hands with a wide eye for a few moments before crouching down to me. "Oh shit, are you okay?" She asked. "Don't touch it!" I told her as she reached for my ass. She slowly lifted my skirt and I conjured a mirror to look at my cheeks. They had moved past being red and were slowly turning dark purple, bruises forming on my ass. She winced and I told her, "Hold on a sec."

I focused and sent Mana flowing down my back, sighing in relief as the magic healed the bruises on my cheeks. I healed myself until my butt was stinging and red but bearable, and I stood up slowly as I told Cy-Bebe, "You owe me." "You're… You're leaving some of it?" She asked. I glared at her and said, "Yes, I am. Since you ripped my panties, you can look at my red butt all night and remember how much pain you caused me. I get that you get off on treating me like a sex toy, and don't get me wrong, it turns me on too. But you need to be careful sometimes. Especially when games turn real."

Cy-Bebe nodded sheepishly and hugged me tight, telling me, "I know. I'm sorry, Dova. I'll make it up to you when this is over." I smiled and hugged her back, saying, "I'm gonna hold you to that. Now come on, let's get to the next miniboss." We separated and backtracked to the main lobby. Call Girl and Wonder Tweek were waiting for us, and Call Girl asked, "So who's next?" "The middle hallway. It's the next strongest." I told them.

Wonder Tweek waited by the left hallway as Call Girl, Cy-Bebe and I walked down the middle. "So what did you find out?" I asked Call Girl. "From the looks of it, the Naughty Blockers seem to be congregating here. I couldn't find out much aside from that, but I did find some loot." She told me. The three of us walked carefully through the hall and I picked up some loot that Call Girl pointed out. It was mostly scrap and healing items with a couple of aphrodisiac pills mixed in.

At the end of the hall was a group of Naughty Blockers bedecked in bondage gear. A few scented candles were burning nearby, so I threw a fart to cause an explosion. Half of them were lit on fire, and I ran up to them and struck one to start a battle. Wonder Tweek ran in as the four Blockers took their places, two of which had half Health and Burning.

The battle was finished quickly due to none of them actually attacking. I got some scrap and change along with a Restriction costume set that I equipped right away. It was essentially a black latex hood that covered my entire head with holes for my eyes, nose, ponytails, and a zipper for my mouth. The torso was a latex bikini and knee-high boots with elbow-length gloves. The bottom showed my ass and the top barely covered my nipples, so Cy-Bebe had plenty to ogle.

I shifted so that she had a better view of my bright red ass and she took a step away from me before we stepped into the store at the end of the hall. Various women wearing bondage gear were inside, and some appeared to be dominating others. "Who do we have here?" A voice asked. We looked to the source to see Annie wearing a latex corset and platform boots with purple lipstick, her eyes cherry red. She had a riding crop in her hand and was tapping it against her palm as she said, "Looks like you two have been bad. Well, at least one of you decided to dress the part."

A battle then started and the four of us were up against Annie and four Blockers. She took out a whip and cracked it, and the handcuffs fell off of all of the Blocker's hands. They held up their fists in fighting stances, and I invoked the powers of my class to give them all Slow. The battle was finished quickly despite the Blocker's new attacking capabilities. I got some scrap and change along with some healing items before Call Girl and Wonder Tweek left the store. Red light started to glow on the back of Annie's neck and she squirmed in arousal.

"Looks like we're going for round two." I remarked, and Cy-Bebe nodded with a lusty smile on her face. She hugged me from behind and I moaned as she groped my tits. "You want to join us?" She asked, and Annie grinned and stood up to walk over to us. I was pinned between the two of them as Cy-Bebe pressed herself into my back and Annie hugged me from the front. I moaned deeply as Annie gripped my ass, the remaining pain from Bebe's spanking making my pussy grow wet.

Annie tugged the zipper on my mouth shut and took my glasses off before tying a blindfold over my face, rendering me blind and mute. My muffled moans sounded out through the room as Cy-Bebe captured my hands behind my back with a set of handcuffs, restricting my hands. Annie moved my thong to the side to finger me roughly, making me shudder in pleasure. I felt her start to lick and suck on my neck, nibbling my skin gently. I squirmed in their embrace as Cy-Bebe and Annie groped my body and made warmth pool in my belly.

Annie seemed determined to give me a hickey, sucking on my neck and licking her tongue over my skin. I shuddered as her talented fingers fingered my cunt rapidly, my passage constricting around them. She suddenly pulled them away, making me moan through my mask. The zipper covering my mouth was undone and Annie shoved her fingers into my mouth, the digits coated in my secretions.

I started to lick and suck on her fingers, tasting my cunt. She moaned and remarked, "Fuck, I need to cum." She withdrew her fingers and pulled away as Cy-Bebe shoved me to my knees. I heard a chair squeak on the floor and my girlfriend pushed my head forward to find wetness pressed against my mouth. I moaned and immediately started to eat Annie out, listening to her inhale sharply at my ministrations.

Cy-Bebe came up behind me and loomed her body over mine, creating the illusion that she was much larger than I was. I moaned as she started to suck on my neck, trying to erase Annie's mark on my skin and leave her own in its place. Her left hand slipped under the cup of my bikini to grope my breast as her right started to finger my cunt. I moaned in appreciation and started to eat out Annie more vigorously as my girlfriend pleasured me.

I leaned back into her embrace as she dominated my body, thrashing my tongue inside Annie's cunt. The blonde moaned in pleasure and pressed her pussy into my face, forcing me even deeper. She rested her hand against the back of my head and rolled her hips to enhance her pleasure. I relaxed into both of their embrace as they dominated me completely, controlling my every action. I flattened out my tongue to lick over every inch of Annie's channel as she pressed me into her cunt.

Annie shuddered and gripped the back of my head as I felt a knot coil itself in my stomach. She started to gasp and moan and I could tell that we were both close to orgasm. Bebe fingered me quicker as Annie pressed my face into her as hard as she could and cried out. Her juices filled my mouth and I moaned at the taste as pleasure raced through my body. The two of us came explosively, my cunt pulsing around Cy-Bebe's fingers as Annie came into my mouth.

I heard cries of orgasm fill the room as we both came and Annie slumped over. She fell out of her chair and I felt myself come down from my climax. I breathed heavily as Cy-Bebe turned my head and kissed me deeply, the two of us sharing the taste of Annie's juices before we pulled away. She then took my blindfold and handcuffs off, exposing the room and the multitude of unconscious women to me. "Last one." She said, and I nodded to her submissively.

Cy-Bebe smiled and took my hood off, holding me close as she asked, "So what are your plans for the week?" I smiled and told her, "I was going to go camping with Stan and Jimbo on Thursday, but other than that I don't have anything." The two of us made small talk to bring ourselves out of the domination and submission mindset, and we got to our feet once we had cooled down. We then walked back down the hall to the main foyer, where Call Girl and Wonder Tweek were waiting for us at the last hallway.

"So did you find out anything?" I asked him. "There's some loot and everyone's dressed like cats." He offered. We then started down the hallway. I picked up some loot from a few containers and we found some Naughty Kitties at the end. One was laying on a heating pad, so I used a Snap N Pop to tear some wiring and a thrown fart to cause an explosion. I then ran up to punch one and start a battle.

The four of us were up against four Naughty Kitties, the battle was over quickly due to the enemies all having two-turn attacks. The battle ended and I gained a costume set called Inner Beast. It was a plain white bikini with a fake cat tail and a cat ear headband. I put it on at Cy-Bebe's insistence, but the moment I had equipped it, I felt a burning all across my body. I collapsed to the ground with a groan of pain, and my skin started crawling all over.

I was dimly aware of Cy-Bebe calling my name as I felt my body shifting and changing. My arms and legs itched relentlessly as my head pounded. An ache grew in my tailbone and everything came to a head after a few moments before dissipating. I panted as the pain left my body and Cy-Bebe helped me to my feet. "Dova… Are you okay?" She asked. "I think so. Why do you ask?" I asked her. "Look at yourself." She told me.

I created a mirror from Mana and was shocked at my appearance. I looked like I had when I had fought Alduin, but different. Purple scales covered my arms up to the elbow and my fingers were tipped with sharp claws. My teeth were fangs reinforced with metal and white horns sprouted from my temples. My lower body was entirely covered with scales and I had a powerful tail in addition to draconic wings. Scales coated my shoulder blades where the wings grew, and my bikini now had a flame design. My eyes were reptilian slits, and I breathed out, "Holy shit."

"Well, I guess now we know why it's called 'Inner Beast'." Cy-Bebe offered. I rolled my eyes and said, "Whatever. Come on, let's beat the last miniboss and finish this whole mess so that I can go back to bed." She nodded and we entered the store, which looked to be a pet store. Women with animal ears and tails wearing paw bikinis were playing with pet toys and rubbing against each other. A few of them were wearing strap-ons and humping each other animalistically. "Mrow. What are you two doing here?" A voice said from behind us.

Cy-Bebe and I turned around to see Marjorine standing there. She had blond cat ears and a tail, and was wearing a black paw print bikini. I could see that her animal additions were genuine, and asked her, "Let me guess. You're the last miniboss?" "Yup." She told us. "Alright, let's get to the battle." I said. A combat grid then spread over the floor and we took our places. The four of us were up against Marjorine and three Naughty Kitties, and Marjorine used her abilities to buff her allies.

The battle was over quickly, and Wonder Tweek and Call Girl left the pet store as Marjorine mewed on the floor. Red light glowed on the back of her neck and she started squirming and panting on the ground. I was about to join her when something occurred to me. "Why didn't you cum when we were fucking Nichole and Red and Annie?" I asked Cy-Bebe.

She smiled to me and said, "I don't have a vagina right now. Robot parts, remember?" I nodded and looked to Marjorine. I could feel my body heating up as I watched her clumsily paw at her cunt. "Why don't you head over to the lobby? I'll take care of Marjorine and meet you back there." I offered. Cy-Bebe rubbed the back of her head and told me, "Well, it hasn't been exactly satisfying watching you and the others. All right, I'll wait out there. Have fun!"

Cy-Bebe grabbed a hanful of my scaly ass before she left, and I looked to Marjorine with lust. I took a deep inhale and my pupils started to dilate. I could smell an alluring scent coming from the blonde catgirl, something that made my instincts rise in my mind. I could feel my pussy loosening and growing wet, responding to Marjorine's pheromones. I churred, my body running on primal lust, as I crouched down to tear her bikini off of her body.

Marjorine looked to me as her pupils started to dilate, redness growing on her cheeks. I licked my lips and undid the strings of my bikini, leaving the both of us naked. She licked her lips as I covered her body with mine, pinning her underneath me. I churred and licked her neck, tasting her skin. Marjorine mewled and leaned her head to the side, giving me access to drag my tongue over her heated skin. My scaled hands roamed over her curves and made her murr in pleasure, the catgirl spreading her legs to give me access to her cunt. I trailed my hand down her stomach to finger her, making sure to be careful of my claws.

Marjorine shuddered as I started to pleasure her, relaxing into my embrace. I started to see why Bebe and the others loved to dominate me so much, and I started to rub her clit in circles. Marjorine's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she suddenly started to squirm in my grip. I held her down as she tried to get away from me, mewling and telling me, "Dova, please! L-Let me eat you out!" I raised my eyebrow but knew that my claws could hurt her if she didn't keep still, so I let her go.

Instantly, Marjorine turned herself around and flipped me onto my back. I gasped as her tongue found my cunt, the muscle thrashing inside of me. I shuddered in pleasure and pressed her deeper into my slit. It felt like she was licking every part of me at once, and I realized that my anatomy must be different due to my draconic lower half. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the pleasure, crossing my legs behind her head to force her even deeper.

Marjorine thrashed her tongue inside me vigorously, and I vaguely saw her rub her tail against her lower lips as she pleasured me. I could only take so much of her frantic licking, and I soon roared in orgasm. I shuddered and my back arched as I came into her mouth, the catgirl mewling at the taste of my juices. I came down after a few moments and panted, letting Marjorine lick my fleshy stomach for a few moments before I growled and pulled her off.

I rotated Marjorine so that we were in the sixty-nine position before diving into her cunt, making her yowl in pleasure. I licked her like a woman possessed, spreading out my tongue to drag over as much of her as possible. She slowly started to eat me out as well, trembling from the pleasure I was giving her. I crossed my legs and pressed her as close into my scaly slit as I could, forcing her to pleasure me even more. The two of us ate each other out, desperate to make each other cum.

I trembled from the sensations running through my body but kept licking Marjorine, determined to make her cum before me. I soon shifted my tongue to circle her clit as I pumped two fingers into her channel. She shuddered at the new sensations as I stirred my fingers inside her, lubricating them gently. Once they were slick, I replaced my tongue and pressed my fingers against her anus. Marjorine screamed in pleasure as I started to finger her ass, squeezing her soft butt with my other hand.

The catgirl seized up and came explosively, her juices squirting into my mouth as I growled in satisfaction. A chain reaction went through the room as the women came, the red energy on the back of Marjorine's neck dissipating in a flash. She collapsed and her ears and tail turned into a headband and belt, and I panted as I disentangled myself from her. I took a few minutes to let my arousal cool down before using my phone to equip my Mana Witch costume set, the scales and claws vanishing from my body.

I stood up with shaky legs and made my way back to the lobby to join the others. Timothy called me on FaceTime and said, "Butthole, the minibosses' Mana is gone. You should be able to get up to the final boss now." He hung up and I used my broom to fly to the hatch in the roof. It was open, and I flew through to find myself on the roof of the mall. The hatch slammed shut once I was through it, and I gathered Mana in my hands as I looked around.

"Well hello there, Dovahkiin." I heard, and whirled to the source to see a figure hidden in the shadows. "So, you're the final boss." I said. The figure chuckled and told me, "You could say that. I'm the one who's engineered this entire night. I've been planning it for months, and it's finally come to pass. All thanks to you." "What are you talking about?" I demanded. The figure stepped into the light and my eyes widened in shock. "Mrs. Cartman?!" I exclaimed. The women grinned evilly and said, "Please, call me Liane." Liane stepped forward as she said, "This night wouldn't be possible without you, Dovahkiin. After all, you were very helpful in delivering my business cards."

I remembered how the women I had given them to seemed to go into a trance when they received them, and Liane told me, "You've been my pawn since the very beginning. I was pulling the strings and you never knew." "Can we please just skip to the part where we fight already?" I asked her. She chuckled and told me, "Yes, but this isn't going to just be game combat." Red Mana swirled around her and she glowed as her clothes dissolved. Her body was voluptuous and firm, untouched by time, and Mana sparked around her fingers.

Liane chuckled and asked, "I hope you're ready, Dovahkiin, because I'm about to fuck you silly." "I'm not letting you get away with this." She didn't respond and dashed forward to try and tackle me. I flew upwards and tied her up with chains of pink Mana, searching her soul to try and figure out why she was doing this. The Mana inside her was violent and unstable, and after a few moments I realized that it wasn't a natural part of her.

"You're not in your right mind." I said. She struggled to escape from her chains, cracks of red Mana appearing in them as I told her, "Don't worry, I can help you." I touched my hand to her forehead and started to burn away the Mana inside her soul. It regenerated as quickly as I was destroying it, and she soon burst out of her chains. Liane gave a maniacal chuckle as she held me down, telling me, "You don't get it, Dovahkiin. My powers come from lust, and with everyone in town fucking, I have almost an unlimited supply!"

She tore my robe off and I barely managed to throw her away, thinking to myself, 'I need to get rid of her Mana. But there's so much sex going on in town that it just comes right back.' I nodded to myself and bound Liane again, then called every Freedom Pal in town on FaceTime. "Attention all Freedom Pals! We need to stop the townspeople from having sex! It's fueling the final boss! If you're still in control of yourself, separate as many people as you can. Timothy, do what you can to block her spell!" I told them.

Everyone not fucking responded with an affirmative, and I took the brownies Liane had made me out of my Inventory. They were still fresh, and I opened her mouth and forced her to eat one. Instantly, her cheeks flushed red and she started to squirm in arousal, her pussy leaking like a faucet. I ate one of the brownies myself and instantly felt my body heat skyrocket, my pussy starting to drip. I remembered a story that Stan and the others had told me and used Mana to scan Liane's body. Just as I had hoped, she was free of STDs, presumably having cured herself when she got Mana powers.

I started to finger Liane's pussy, thinking to myself, 'Liane will get suspicious if her Mana gets cut off right away, so our lust she be enough to keep it steady until we wear ourselves out. Once that happens, I can destroy her Mana and this will all be over.' I took a deep breath and started to eat her out, licking over her labia before thrusting my tongue into her passage. I undid her binds and let her grab my head to press her cunt into my mouth, forcing my tongue deep inside her.

My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I moved my hand to rub Liane's clit in circles. She moaned out loud and started to roll her hips, grinding her cunt into my lips. I simply let her use my mouth as she pleased, hoping that she was too horny to notice the flow of her Mana changing. I rubbed my labia as she used me for her pleasure, needing something long and hard inside my passage. Liane started to rock her hips harder, bringing herself further stimulation.

Liane shuddered and she squirted into my mouth as she came, and I was suddenly overtaken with intense pleasure. I screamed around the shaft in my throat I climaxed, my juices pulsing onto the ground as bliss flowed through my body. The two of us came down momentarily and I took my mouth off of her cunt as we panted. I could tell that the flow of her Mana was still strong, so I pushed her onto the ground and laid down to intertwine our legs.

I thrust my hips against hers, grinding our cunts together and making us both moan out loud. I slowly tribbed with her and she rocked her hips in tandem with mine as she moaned in pleasure. Liane started to grope her tits heavily, pinching her nipples to bring herself even further pleasure. The two of us slowly increased our pace until we were thrusting up against one another desperately.

Soon, Liane and I were both moaning and groaning as we tried to reach orgasm, rocking our hips against each other desperately. I suddenly felt her clit touch mine and screamed in pleasure as I reached my peak, my cunt contracting around nothing. She stilled her hips and arched her back as she hit her own climax, the both of us leaking juices onto the ground. I shuddered as I came down, feeling the flow of Mana starting to end but knowing that I still needed more time.

I separated us and laid down on the ground, sticking my ass up in the air as I spread my cheeks. Liane moaned and started to lick my anus, lubricating my passage as I created a tentacle from Mana to rub up against her anus. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as she ate my ass, kneading my cheeks with her hands and making me shudder. She moaned as she started to press her tongue into my rectum, licking over my sensitive sphincter and making me moan in pleasure.

I pressed the tentacle into Liane's ass, penetrating her and making the both of us moan. She started to eat me more vigorously, needing to pleasure each other. I could feel the flow of Mana slow and thrust the tentacle into her ass harder so that she wouldn't notice.

I gasped and moaned, pleasure filling my body as she groped my butt. I could feel a knot tightening in my gut, my climax getting closer and closer, and could also tell that Liane's Mana was almost cut off. My eyes fluttered shut as the both of us pleasured each other anally, growing closer and closer to climax. I suddenly felt the knot break and screamed as my cunt rippled, orgasm filling my body. Liane cried out into my ass as the tentacle bottomed out inside of her, reaching her own climax alongside me.

I felt the flow of Mana to Liane grow smaller and smaller as we both came, and it soon was completely cut off. I reached a shaking hand to her head and started to burn the Mana away from her soul. She relaxed and eventually collapsed once the energy was gone, and I sighed in relief as her tongue slipped out of me and my tentacle disappeared. I looked to my phone and saw the game's apps uninstalling, signaling the end of the game.

I then called Bebe on FaceTime and asked her, "Bebe? Are you guys alright?" Bebe had a wide smile on her completely human face, and told me, "We're fine, and I turned back to normal!" I sighed in relief and remarked, "Thank goodness." "I'll meet you at your place to celebrate. See you in a few!" She told me. She hung up before I could protest and I rolled my eyes.

I picked up Liane and conjured pink wings of Mana to fly her back to her house. I could see everyone coming out of trances below me, and dropped off Liane at Cartman's house before flying over to my own. The anti-lust rune on my hand faded away as I walked inside and found Mom waiting on the couch. She grinned and hugged me, saying, "Dova! I was worried about you."

'It's alright, Mom. Mrs. Cartman went nuts and made everyone go sex crazy, but she's back to normal now.' I thought. She smiled and told me, "I know that Bebe's going to be here in a few minutes. I also know that she's going to want to fuck." My eyes widened in surprise as Mom said, "I grew up in South Park, you know. I know what happens between girls here. You're smart and can take care of yourself, so I'm not going to do anything. I just want to tell you to do it right and safe. And that I'd like to join in every now and again."

Her hands gripped my ass and I blushed as I thought, 'That's nice, Mom. But I honestly don't think I can handle any more sex tonight. Some other time.' Mom poked my nose and told me, "I'm going to hold you to that." She let me go and went upstairs, and I sighed to myself. 'Why can nothing be normal in this town? Seriously.' I thought. I then followed Mom upstairs to take a shower.

I heard the door open and saw Bebe enter the room, her human body restored and a lusty grin on her face. She entered the shower with me and hugged me from behind, kissing my neck pleasingly. I smiled and held her hands, whispering to her, "I know you're horny, babe, but I can't handle any more sex tonight. Can it wait until tomorrow?"

Bebe's shoulders fell but she told me, "Alright, I guess. But you better believe I'm going to fuck you raw tomorrow." I smiled and pecked her on the lips before we finished showering. The two of us then went to my bedroom and got dressed, the world finally returning and the two of us going back to our normal ages. We got under the covers and I set my glasses on the nightstand before we cuddled up to go to sleep. 'I really hope this is the last of the game.' I thought to myself.

And there it is. The last chapter of The Next Adventure. If you want to see me write more South Park stuff, just let me know. I'm going to do it anyway, but that's a story for another time. Feel free to let me know what you thought in the form of a review. IndigoWerewolf out!


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